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Do you often cringe at other's parenting? - Page 3

post #41 of 111
Quote:
Originally Posted by lalaland42 View Post
When DD was brand new, I was in pain for the first month or so and I had to do my shopping with her in the cart. I don't remember her crying but she prolly did.
I've seen/heard people pushing around their crying babies, too, and been irritated/disgusted. But sometimes I wonder if they're just super colicky and crying all the time, and then I think, "Well, at least they're not shaking them!"
post #42 of 111
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
Not often. I'm usually too busy cringing at my own parenting to worry about the way others do things.
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post #43 of 111
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hazelnut View Post
ETA: However, I will also admit that the "pushing around a crying newborn in a store while shopping" thing really does make me cringe. I don't get that at all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lalaland42 View Post
When DD was brand new, I was in pain for the first month or so and I had to do my shopping with her in the cart. I don't remember her crying but she prolly did.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuamami View Post
I've seen/heard people pushing around their crying babies, too, and been irritated/disgusted. But sometimes I wonder if they're just super colicky and crying all the time, and then I think, "Well, at least they're not shaking them!"
When dd was first born, she cried all the time (especially from 11 pm to 3 am every night - non-stop, and there was nothing that helped). I did have to shop a couple times, and I pushed her in a cart. I was recovering from a c-section and couldn't wear her yet...and there were a few times when she cried, and cried, and cried. I'd have loved to pick her up, but it didn't help, and it wore me out. I needed to get finished and get home, so we could try to get her settled.

I hated it. I was so glad when I could wear her. She still cried, but not quite as much...
post #44 of 111
I do cringe, but this doesnt mean I dont cringe at my own parenting too. Actually when I feel uncomfortable with what another parent is saying/doing, i try to use it as an opportunity to reflect on my own parenting values and what I want to avoid/focus on. The main thing I find difficult at the moment is screaming babies being ignored completely, parents who CONSTANTLy say 'be careful' (so often as to be meaningless) as their child is doing something normal like climbing on a climbing frame, and parents threatening and shouting in public. BUT i have already done loads of things I would've judged parents for, on a bad day, so now I really try to be less judgmental in my head (I wouldnt say something aloud unless it was clear cut abusive) and give the parent the benefit of the doubt.Mostly th ough I just feel sorry for the child who is on the other end and quite helpless to know there are other ways of doing things.
post #45 of 111
True, I guess that just goes to show that you still can't judge. It's just sometimes though they seem so unbothered by it, shopping for something like shoes, ya know? But yeah, maybe they had just had it. One never knows.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
When dd was first born, she cried all the time (especially from 11 pm to 3 am every night - non-stop, and there was nothing that helped). I did have to shop a couple times, and I pushed her in a cart. I was recovering from a c-section and couldn't wear her yet...and there were a few times when she cried, and cried, and cried. I'd have loved to pick her up, but it didn't help, and it wore me out. I needed to get finished and get home, so we could try to get her settled.

I hated it. I was so glad when I could wear her. She still cried, but not quite as much...
post #46 of 111
Im also too busy cringing at my own parenting. Theres only been a few times that I have really cringed at someone elses. One was in my own family. One of my own inlaws has a little girl that she drags all over the place with her. We went to Disneyworld as a family reunion and she dragged that poor child all over the place morning, noon and night. She kept her up till 1-2am and then wanted her to wake up at 5-6am so she could eat breakfest and go to the park. Finally the little one was so exhausted she peed the bed (the child was 5 1/2 at the time) and her mother just yelled and yelled at her. Finally my MIL stepped in and pulled the child out of the room. It made me really upset and I started getting teary eyed for the child (pregnancy hormones aren't my best friend).

Other than situations like that where the parent had no consideration for the child I try not to judge. I wouldn't want people judging me because they don't see my children every day and night. My 3 month old cries about everything, happy, sad, mad, hungry etc, she cries. Im always getting dirty looks from people who dont' know her cries because it sounds like Im ignoring her and letting her cry when in actuality shes excited about something she sees or shes happy to be around her sister etc. Im sure my neighbors think I let her cry but the kid is ALWAYS "talking". When she starts using regular words I don't think Ill be able to keep her quiet for a minute.
post #47 of 111
I don't cringe.

if I truly feel like the parent is diong something "wrong" then I'll step in; a kind word, an understanding ear, an offer to take the child off their hands for a moment.

Most of the time I just assume I don't really know the situation at all.

And about the making an autistic child look? It's part of the therapy. Sorry if it seems mean to other people but that's what you have to do. Making them look at you is simply part of their behavioral therapy. It's supposed to be done a certain way and with certain timing but it needs to be done. And beleive me, autistic kids can be just as stubborn if not more stubborn than neurotypical kids about ignoring you when they want to. As a parent, I dont' think its unreasonable at all to make demands of kids. The world makes demands on all people, including children. Part of growing up is learning to deal with that. Who better to learn it with than your parents who will love you no matter what?
post #48 of 111
It depends on what they are saying or doing. I have saved showering after swimming for home several times at the Y because there was a mother who was always smacking her kid and screeching at him to get himself ready and it just was to much for me to stand listening to. But sometimes parents do need to tell a child how their choice is going to affect their lives, people do treat ungroomed children differently, nobody of any age or profession wants to sit next to the child who rarely bathes, other kids think bad thoughts about kids who throw themselves on the ground a scream when they are in the store, it is also considered rude not to use polite words and a polite tone when you talk to friends and I think that as children get older they can handle knowing this and they can make more informed decisions based on having this knowledge.
post #49 of 111
Quote:
Originally Posted by VroomieMama View Post
Deer Hunter, I ADMIRE you and I wish there are a million of more people like you. I know that if we ever cross path and you seeing me saying/doing things to my daughter that is harmful, I would be upset at first when you stepped in but then I'd eventually thank you for it. Keep on what you're doing!


Thanks so much for your kind words. I want people to tell me up front and honestly when I'm doing wrong, too. I have Asperger's Syndrome, so sometimes, I will do things I'm unaware of because it is my perception of the world. It really upsets me when people will allow me to continue my wrongdoing just because they want to be nice and don't want to hurt my feelings. To me, this is not being a good friend or being nice. It is not helping me at all. Helping me would be telling me what I am doing is wrong, explaining how and why, and then we'd talk about how to do things better next time. Just passing me up and looking away is not right.

I remember that one day, my zipper was down, I had a smudge of toothpaste on my face, and some dirt on the hem of my jeans. A friend of mine allowed me to walk around all day without telling me until I eventually found out for myself. And yes, I was upset. I asked her why she did not say anything, and she said she did not want to hurt my feelings. I told her she hurt me more by allowing me to walk around making a fool of myself. I also told her that from now on, I wanted her to be up front with me. She's really working on it and doing a nice job.

I wish the world would consist of more sympathetic people, too. The problem is that you are looked down on for caring. Too many people mind their business too much, and it leads to heartbreaking things that could have been prevented if someone had stepped in.
post #50 of 111
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthie's momma View Post
I cringe...and, I judge...despite trying to avoid being judgemental. But, when I see a parent do something that is so obviously wrong, how can I not judge?

Exactly! I cannot have sympathy for something that is blatenly horible.

I have been witness to only one event that was serious enough to be unabashadly judgemental. I was able to stop and stare at the mother/perpetrator long enough that she noticed me and immediately began laughing and playing with her child (in an attempt to mitigate what she had done?). I was in Target, doing a last minute Christmas wrapping paper run, when I saw a mother yell at her young babe (he was sitting in an infant car seat, in the shopping cart), "If you don't stop crying, I am going to hit you!" She yelled this so loudly, that several people heard her. Based on her response to my stares, and the stares of others, I can only hope that this woman happened to be caught during an extremely difficult moment of parenting. And, this was not her typical response to her child.

She was going to hit her infant?! Is she crazy? He wouldn't even understand why he was being hit! I don't believe in hitting a child at all, but it is so amazing at what some parents woudl do. What is she doing in private? I think she would be doing worse. I say this because after being caught, she was putting on a show in playing with her baby. It was all just an act. This is a situation where I'd call the county sheriff saying that I suspect abuse. And I would not be appologetic either. I have no sympathy for people like that.


Otherwise, I get very irked when I hear any child crying and being ignored. I don't believe any crying child, be they a week old or 7 years old, should be dismissed. I don't want my cries to go unnoticed. And, I am an adult with well developed coping skills.

Me either. I think it is horrible to just dismiss the cries of a baby. Try to make them feel better at least. It isn't that hard. I wonder why they just don't take a little precious time out of their hurriedness and comfort that hcild. What if the situation was on the other foot? They were disable or elderly, and their cries were ignored for the caregiver's convenience? That would be bad.


I fully understand that I am catching a mere glimpse of any parent-child relationship, when in public. But, I can't help but wonder; if some parents are willing to yell at or ignore the cries of their children in public (for all to see), than what might they be willing to do in privacy?!?!
This is exactly the same thing I think, too.
post #51 of 111
Thread Starter 
I don't think cringing at someone else's parenting and having "not so stellar" moments yourself have much to do with each other. I agree with the PP who said that she hopes others would point out to her if she got too out of line with her kids.

For the PP who said that kids need to know that people think of them differently if they are not groomed...

Bathing is one thing but not having your hair brushed is another. Besides, there are ways to get the job done without using outside influences and belittling your child. The child was only 2 or 3 years old...so what if her hair wasn't perfect?!

I am not a perfect parent by any means but I am constantly learning. When I see/hear people being harsh I feel bad for the child...period.
post #52 of 111
I don't like it when parents yell at their children or expect too much at too young of an age. Spanking I have never witnessed so I cannot tell you what I would think of that.
post #53 of 111
Yes, I cringe at other parenting, but most often I cringe at my own.
post #54 of 111
I'm not a parent, but I cringe/stare when I see spanking or yelling. I was spanked, as were my siblings, and while I'm okay and suffer no permanent damage, I do remember being very young and scared my mom was going to spank me, so I've committed to never raise a hand to any child. So obviously it breaks my heart a little when I see poor little kids getting hit
post #55 of 111
Some of the things said in this thread made me think of these really good articles by Jan Hunt. I think she has a really good approach to intervening on behalf of children. Intervening on Behalf of a Child in a Public Place, Part 1: Is It Our Business? Intervening on Behalf of a Child in a Public Place, Part 2: What Can We Do?
post #56 of 111
Quote:
Originally Posted by VroomieMama View Post
I was wondering if you're willing to take up ASL (american sign language) classes to communicate with your child to make it easier for you and your child so that your child don't have to feel uncomfortable making eye contact with you but can see what you're signing.

I'm saying this because I'm deaf and if a hearing person tried to make me to lipread the person's lip, I'd turn defensive and ignore the person.
I already know ASL. I am hearing impaired while my daughter is deaf. I lip read myself and have no issues with having to (but that's my comfort zone, we all have different comfort zones). My daughter is only 3 years old and still learning, albeit very slowly, how to sign and catch words by lip reading (not all that well and it's more of a she sees my lips moving so she knows I'm speaking rather than lip reading).

Can I ask something off topic of you Vroomie? Growing up, did your friends ever try to get you to eaves drop on conversations with lip reading? I found that to be one of the most annoying habits of my own friends when they found out about my impairment and ability to lip read.

As for my other comment, I did read the post entirely but misunderstood it. My apologies (can't remember user name). I didn't realize that you had meant the complete opposite of what I read into it.

Touche by the way, it is reality and it's a sad one that this day and age people judge before they want to help. People are so afraid of reaching out now that it's almost seems better to avoid in discomfort rather than to help in comfort. If that makes sense any.
post #57 of 111
Quote:
Originally Posted by Paeta16 View Post
I agree with the PP who said that she hopes others would point out to her if she got too out of line with her kids.
I guess I'm in the minority on this one. On those occasions when I got out of line with ds1, I didn't find public correction to be even a little beneficial...to me or to ds1. I was under tremendous stress during those days, and was well aware that I was losing it when I did. Having some random person in a store get on my case just added more pressure, and didn't help the situation at all.
post #58 of 111
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ks Mama View Post
Why? I mean... this example in particular... maybe it was a bit harshly phrased, but I think its appropriate to let your child know that other people may recognize that their hair isn't brushed.
Yes I cringe, and at this example because it's telling the child she should base her decision on hair care on what others think of her, not very Montessori I'm certain.

Why does it seem that because we ourselves have less than stellar moments, we should excuse them from others? If someone overheard me saying something like this to one of my children, I do think they should call me on it. Why lower the bar? There is an ideal and just because it's difficult to live up to does not make it less worthy. If we all worked to help one another, or in the worst of instances, let parents know that their actions were being noted and judged, I think it could only be beneficial to children.

I hope that we are not becoming desensitized because we have moments when we are less than ideal parents. Some children are counting on the fact that learned adults are judging their parents abusive practices.
post #59 of 111
Quote:
Originally Posted by wondertwins View Post
Why does it seem that because we ourselves have less than stellar moments, we should excuse them from others? If someone overheard me saying something like this to one of my children, I do think they should call me on it. Why lower the bar? There is an ideal and just because it's difficult to live up to does not make it less worthy. If we all worked to help one another, or in the worst of instances, let parents know that their actions were being noted and judged, I think it could only be beneficial to children.
Sorry, I missed whether you want to help parents or whether you want to let them know that their actions are being noted and judged? While feeling as though you have a jury following you around might help your parenting, it's not beneficial to me, and most people I know don't do anything as well with a judgmental audience, including parenting. Some of my absolute worst parenting moments have been when I was having a moderately bad parenting moment and some well-meaning person chose to butt in and put on even more pressure. It was not, in any of those instances, in any way beneficial to ds1...not even a little bit.
post #60 of 111
yes, i do cringe, sometimes uncontrollably outwardly. im often totally horrified by how people can behave toward their kids. yes, i do judge. we all have less than steller parenting moments-i was That Mom snapping at her kid for spilling water at the kids play area the other week. i cut alot of slack. you never know what someone's situation is, but there's a line. some of the "parenting" i've seen is just too awful NOT to be cringed at.
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