Help me with tact

[kriket]

I had a coupon for $3 off a can of some formula and wanted to give it to a mama who needed it. I wanted to ask that only a mama who was forced to FF ie adoption, illness, true inability, get it.

How would you have phrased this without being rude to mothers who have chosen formula?

[Bekka]

I don't know if you're trying to Freecycle it or something similar, but I've seen people who offer something say "when you respond, please tell me your reason for needing the item." Then you judge the "best reason."

[kriket]

It was a FFS on another board. I also don't want people to think that they have to explain themselves to me. I just want to let people know that breast is best and I would prefer to not support mamas who choose formula

[elizaMM]

I think its tough differentiating between those who choose and don't choose because they could have had poor support, or they could have (as some have said here, but I don't have experience with) 'secretly" not really wanted to breastfeed. So, given that, I think it would be difficult not to offend moms who tried their best and didn't succeed except as PP suggested.

[elsie]

I'm not sure there is a way to say it without sounding judgemental

[julie128]

You could list it on an adoption forum.

[chandasz]

I don't think it's for me to judge people's reasons for using formula. It makes me sad if they didn't get the support but what would an "acceptable" reason be for you?

I would highly recommend an adoption agency or orphanage to donate it to. I am currently helping a former student with donations of formula and diapers for the adoption agency she works for. They are affiliated with an orphanage in Haiti as well that are in GREAT need for donations of this kind

[Chavelamomela]

I give the samples to my pediatrician.

[purplepaperclip]

I would try a women's shelter or children's crisis shelter or local food bank. Any "screening" by you could be pretty hard.

[kriket]

Originally Posted by chandasz

I don't think it's for me to judge people's reasons for using formula. It makes me sad if they didn't get the support but what would an "acceptable" reason be for you?

Any reason. This wasn't on mothering. This is a board where there are "proud formula feeders by choice" PFFBC

I would rather not see that person get it and instead a mom that at least attempted BFing for a day!

[Hatteras Gal]

Well, not any reason then. Because they didn't want to BF is apparently not a acceptable reason for you. I don't think there is a tactful way to do this, because it is tactless to judge why people decide to FF in considering giving away a $3 coupon. Of course, I think its tactless for someone to decide not to be someone's friend b/c they didn't want to BF, but that is often the sentiment displayed here, so maybe I'm way off base. I don't think so, though.

[Radhanuga]

If it's going to be such a headache for you to *give away* a $3 coupon, my advice is to rip it and throw it in the trash. Or recycle it to be a good :

No headache, no karma for helping evil FF moms.

[readytobedone]

Originally Posted by Radhanuga

If it's going to be such a headache for you to *give away* a $3 coupon, my advice is to rip it and throw it in the trash. Or recycle it to be a good :

No headache, no karma for helping evil FF moms.

i would toss it, unless i knew someone who needed it that i wanted to support in that way. but i don't think FF moms are evil, whatever their reasons--even if the reason is "because i didn't feel like it."

[Radhanuga]

Oh FYI I don't believe FF moms are evil. I FF fed my girl and still do. No choice though, she couldn't digest my milk.

BF boy for 4.5 years.

[kriket]

wow. I didn't intend to stur the pot.

I was contacted by a mama who had to have a reduction. I gave it to her.

I thought this could have been a good lactivist thing for me. I coupon a lot, and would like to help another mama. I would just like to see it help a mama that is really struggling, not bring struggle on herself by choosing not to breastfeed.

I really didn't expect to be chastized on Mothering for wanting to help out a mother that gave the breast a chance and not wanting to help mothers that didn't even try. Sad day.

[Hatteras Gal]

What's sad is your putting a judgement on a $3 coupon you're giving away. I'm all for lactivism. I recommend BF to friends and family expecting. Talk about how wonderful it is, the benefits of it, resources for it, etc. But in the end it's their choice and I try really hard not to judge people who make decisions that are different from my own. I don't always succeed, but I do try. Lactivism is a good thing, but sometimes it gets out of hand.

[purplepaperclip]

Yeah, I've got to say that your intentions probably were good, but the way it appeared you wanted to go around it is part of the reason some people are turned off when they hear the word "lactivist". Being supportive of and gently educating moms who are struggling is more important IMO than picking and choosing who to give a $3 coupon to based on your opinion of the reasons why they FF. Again, just MO though.

[KirstenMary]

Originally Posted by Hatteras Gal

What's sad is your putting a judgement on a $3 coupon you're giving away. I'm all for lactivism. I recommend BF to friends and family expecting. Talk about how wonderful it is, the benefits of it, resources for it, etc. But in the end it's their choice and I try really hard not to judge people who make decisions that are different from my own. I don't always succeed, but I do try. Lactivism is a good thing, but sometimes it gets out of hand.

Originally Posted by suebee79

Yeah, I've got to say that your intentions probably were good, but the way it appeared you wanted to go around it is part of the reason some people are turned off when they hear the word "lactivist". Being supportive of and gently educating moms who are struggling is more important IMO than picking and choosing who to give a $3 coupon to based on your opinion of the reasons why they FF. Again, just MO though.

I agree. Until we have walked in another mom's shoes, we really don't know have no way of knowing exactly why she "chose" to FF. In addition, I would certainly not tell my innermost reasons to a stranger offering me a $3 coupon. I think your intentions were good, but they would have been better without the strings.

[llamalluv]

Put it in your purse. The next time you are at the store, set the coupon on top of the brand of formula. At the very least, you are "costing" the formula company $3 in profit. At the best, you are potentially helping a woman that needs it.

[theboysmama]

sounds like you already gave it away but next time maybe just specify that you want it to go to someone that is already ff not a pg mom.