Seperating fighting kids - HOW

[aschmied]

Ok, so generally my kids get along great. My DD (4) occasionally gets in this mode where she starts getting way too rough, though, for my comfort with a 14 month old. Requests for her to tone it down almost ALWAYS result in wilder behavior. If the 14 month old wants up, I pick him up, and that's fine, but if he DOESN'T, what then? She won't willingly go up at those times herself. She won't go into her own area, short of locking her in, and that feels way wrong in itself to me. So what do people do? Am I missing something really obvious here?

I should add that she trys to avoid anything that would decrease the wildness. She seems to like the feeling of being wild. ??

TIA!

[lumom]

Originally Posted by aschmied

Ok, so generally my kids get along great. My DD (4) occasionally gets in this mode where she starts getting way too rough, though, for my comfort with a 14 month old. Requests for her to tone it down almost ALWAYS result in wilder behavior.

Does she seem to get wilder and more rough at a certain times of the day? I wonder if perhaps she could be over-tired, or maybe hungry? I've noticed that when sometimes when my children are over-tired they get more wild, more likely to be rough, and less apt to listen to me. There are a lot of other things that it could be, too, though.

I think two responses to consider would be to redirect her to expend her energy in a positive way, maybe some type of exercise or riding a trike, dancing, or something. Or she may be showing you she needs to have some quiet time to rest and calm down. Maybe playdough, reading books, coloring, something of that nature. Maybe even blowing bubbles.

If the 14 month old wants up, I pick him up, and that's fine, but if he DOESN'T, what then? She won't willingly go up at those times herself. She won't go into her own area, short of locking her in, and that feels way wrong in itself to me. So what do people do? Am I missing something really obvious here?

Maybe see if you can get her interested in doing something else? Re-direction can be an especially good tool at that age, I think.

[aschmied]

You are quite right - she's tired, and stressed. I was tired and stressed near my last straw when writing the post. When I had some time to ponder the situation after getting her to bed, I realized that it was "just" that she's overtired and stressed. Due to circumstances out of our control, the last 6 months have been a whirlwind of travel, and we're 1 month into a 6 month temporary move. To add icing to the cake, DS is getting molars and having a hard time with it, so he's taking more of my attention than usual. All in all, it's enough to make a saint a bit stressed, much less a just turned 4 yo kid. She's a great kid, and she tries SO hard.

Now, I STILL have to keep her from whaling on her brother, but at least I can have an internal mantra to help me keep my cool!

[wild fire child]

Realizing the problem is so great

Maybe when she is being too rough on him and likes that wild feeling, encourage it a different way - if you turn on loud rhythmic music, can you all have a hyper dancing time together? Maybe something physical would be good, so she tires out her body to match her stressed mind, and can then go have a nice deep sleep. My little brother is 2, and every single night he has his screeching time. He's perfectly happy, running full speed back and forth and throwing himself at the couch, shrieking at the top of his lungs. He sounds like a parrot, he loves it, and he sleeps not too long after. Of course, my mom lives out in the country with no neighbors to disturb