I keep losing my temper ...

[ilovemygirl]

I'd never hit or spank but I can't seem to stop yelling. My dd who is 21 months is seriously testing me lately. She has been doing everything she knows she is not allowed to do like climbing on furniture, hurting pets, throwing things, etc. She was mobile really early, it's been a year at least and she has never done these things before.
I've tried the obvious things like reinforcing good behavior and redirecting. There's only so much I can toddler proof, I am not getting rid of my pets or my furniture. I do bring her to play groups and the library just to get out but it's : and there's only so much we can do.
DH works a lot these days. I am alone with her 6 days a week from the time she wakes up from the time she goes to bed. I have no family or long time friends in the area. I wouldn't leave her with a sitter even if I had the money to do it. I love her so much but I'm exhausted. We were tv free for a long time but I've been using it again just to get a break to cook and clean. I guess what I'm saying is I just don't have enough patience and when she pulls the cats tail for the 15th time in an hour I just loose it and yell at her. Of course I feel guilty after. I know she's just a one year old.
Anyway, what do you ladies do when patience is running thin?

[phathui5]

Well, I do childcare, so with my own kids it helps to stop and ask myself what I would do with them if they were a child I was watching instead of my own.

When she's being frustrating, what would you do if it were someone else's kid? If it were your profession?

[Sasharna]

I don't remember which poster linked to this video in another thread, but I found it very inspiring. If you have the chance to read Aldort's book and haven't yet, I'd really recommend that as well.

One thing I've realized about myself is that it is far better for me to take a break when I need it (even if I feel I don't deserve it). It's when I try to be supermom that I end up breaking down and resorting to nagging/yelling. I think it's way better for our kids to watch 15 minutes of TV and then have the benefit of mama being at her best than to push ourselves too far and get frazzled.

If you're looking for ways to keep your DD occupied without TV in those moments where she's feeling testy, you might consider some activities that are a little outside-the-box. For example, you could give her a bunch of scrap paper she can tear up or set her up in the kitchen with a shallow pan of water on the floor and some measuring cups, telling her to make a mess if she wants. Anything that's new and different (and maybe feels a little forbidden!) will stand a good chance of occupying a toddler so you can stand back for a few minutes and think.

[momma_unlimited]

When my oldest was still an only child at that age, I found it helpful to change activities every 35 minutes or so... moving on to a different room and having a change of pace. I also try to keep in mind the waldorf school pattern of "breathe in, breathe out" where a more settled, quiet activity (playing with dolls, looking at books, playdoh) is followed by more active loud activities (playing outside, putting music on and having a dance party, sweeping or vacuuming together). Can't always keep to it perfectly, but it does help to remember every so often that my children are "acting up" because an inner "staleness" with life is ocurring... then I am more likely to be compassionate and help them through it then pull my hair out and say "why me??!!" When it's really cold, sometimes just getting all bundled up to get the mail or look for animal prints in the snow for 10 minutes helps. Also trying to do my "busy" work right after a trip outside or a meal when the kids are feeling satisfied and content. And for some reason with us, tidying up the toys every so often seems to make the toys more appealing... when the play area is messy they start to get "out of it".

[Music-mommy]

My girls are 3.5 and 7 now and I have done a lot of soul searching myself to get away from yelling and find a more gentle approach. Like you say it can be so utterly frustrating. What I have discovered is that my children "act out" when I am not present for them. I am cleaning, cooking, working at the computer, whatever it may be that makes me not really present for them. What I have found really works for me, is to have scheduled times when I do these things. So for example, now my youngest is in preschool, so I have decided those are the days I will clean, or work on the computer (I have a home business) and the rest of the time I stay away from those things.

If you can afford it, I would recommend hiring a "mother's helper" to come over and play with your little one for a few hours a couple times a week, then you can be home at the same time but do the things you need to do. If there are homeschooled kids in your area often times you can hire a teenager to come over.

Sounds like she might be looking for a bit more of your attention and pulling the cat's tail is the only way she is getting it?

[Daphneduck]

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[ilovemygirl]

Thanks for the replies everyone. It was just a really bad day and I needed to vent.
I try to schedule my cleaning and big batches of cooking for during nap time but I can't always fit everything into that slot that is getting shorter while she's getting older.
I really liked the idea of trying to think of what I would do if it was someone else's child. I'm going to try that. I honestly do try to be thankful and positive. I'm constantly forcing myself and dh to remember that we are lucky he even has a job in this horrible economy. It's just hard when I've been alone for days on end and he hasn't seen dd for that time either.
I'd love to get a break on Sundays but there is no way dh is going to care for dd and the home on his only day off after working six twelve hour days.
Thanks again for all the advice