Tandem nursing 4yo & 2yo and now pregnant

[susanl1202]

I'm still tandem nursing my 4yo - only first thing in the morning and my 2yo - constantly, and I found out I was pregnant yesterday. It's very early days but I remember the pain of nursing with number 2. I have to be honest I'm not sure that I have it in me to keep going. My youngest is still up ready to nurse 3-4 times a night, I've tried to make it the rule that I only nurse him from 5am but he still wakes me. I'm feeling vaguely nauseous at the moment, but past experience tells me that morning sickness will be completly debilitating soon. I think I'm just a bit scared. Neither of my children have expressed any interest in weaning and I'm not sure that my poor 40 year old body can take all the demands on it. Is there a time to say enough is enough?

[AbbieB]

As an almost 40 year old I hear you!

I wanted to remind you that each pregnancy can be completely different so try not to worry to much. The early days of pregnancy can be a little overwhelming too and make things seems so huge. Take things day by day. You will find the right answers.

It sounds like your 4 year old could be told that you have reached your limit but your 2 year old will need some time to wean (if that's the direction you decide to go.)

When I got pregnant with DS and DD was still nursing many times a day I set the stage by talking A LOT about new babies needing a lot of milk, nursing all the time and about milk disappearing for awhile while pregnant and my breasts hurting. It helped her to understand that I was not taking something away from her forever, just while the baby was growing. I reassured her that once the baby was born there would be plenty of milk for both.

You have done this before so I am sure I'm not telling you anything you haven't experienced. I'm just trying to be supportive (and rambling).

[mysticmomma]

I am finding myself in the same situation. We are experiencing an unintended (but gloriously welcomed) pregnancy. I had hoped to wait until my DS weaned, because I was NOT a fan of tandem nursing, but stuck it out because it was what's right for my kids, and seemed easier than weaning my high needs 4 year old. When I was pregnant with my son, I would nurse my dd to sleep, and then leave her with DH. We are planning on doing the same thing soon, as DS has begun night waking again. He will be 2 this month, and DD was about 20 months when we did it with her. It worked out great. I'm just trying to figure out where dd goes. Does she come back to bed with me? Just commiserating.

[Sagesgirl]

Originally Posted by susanl1202

Is there a time to say enough is enough?

Yes, yes there is. And that's when it's enough for you. Personally, I would try to tough it out for the two-year-old, but the four-year-old is not going to suffer for being weaned.

[SereneBabe]

You are posting in the child-led weaning forum, so I wonder if you feel like you need to follow your children's lead?

That said, I barely made it through nursing my 5 year old when I got pregnant. It was that pain that got me into a more active role in her weaning. She led me, but as I say, I was a lot more active. I suggested end dates, for example.

If it was me, I'd start preparing the 4 y.o. -- help them decide how they want to wean. I'd also start prepping the 2 y.o. as the pregnancy progresses explaining you'll have to say no a lot more often (because of the pain).

In my experience I did whatever I could to *not* associate the increased participation on my part in her weaning with the pregnancy. I didn't want her blaming the pregnancy for ending nursing. I did, however, talk about the chemicals in my body making it hurt when I had to cut sessions a lot shorter than I used to.

[cheenya]

I also would suggest taking things one day at a time. I am nursing a 3 yr old and a 6 yr old while pregnant. At the begining of this pregnancy I was dreading the idea of continuing to nurse through it, but where nursing DD when I was pregnant with DS was teribly painful, I have only had mild discomfort nursing during this prgnancy (I'm somewhere around 25 weeks now, I'm terrible about keeping trck). DD has cut back on nursing on her own, but DS is nursing about as much as ever. I have been sure to be careful they both have a good latch, but otherwise haven't worried much about it. If it gets painful, I'm sure you'll find ways to handel that then, but until it does, try not to worry about something that may not happen.

[susanl1202]

Thanks for the supportive words. On the whole I'm in favour of clw, it just seems like my children never will!! At the moment I'm feeling quite sorry for myself. This pregnancy was unexpected, DS2 still doesn't sleep through the night, I'm feeling nauseous 24 hours a day with a bit of puking thrown in for good measure. We moved to a new area in the summer and I haven't been in touch with the local LLL yet, but I should. At the moment I don't even know someone still nursing a 2 year old, let alone a 4 year old. To add insult to injury, DS1 has a life threatening peanut allergy and we discovered yesterday that DS2 is allergic to eggs, dairy and wheat - sorry about all the whinging, but I'm just miserable at the beginning of pregnancy.

[Lollie1979]

It will work out. When you can't bear nursing because you are sick, tell the kids. They're old enough to wait an hour or more until you feel a little better. If they've lost interest by then, okay. If not, nurse them.

When the new baby comes, baby nurses first. Everything else will fall into place, but nobody can know how it will be ahead of time.

Nursing takes two. You never have to tell them they can't nurse, but it's okay to ask them to wait until you're not about to puke, or until your Tylenol is working, or until you're done in the bathroom, or whatever. Stay honest and tell them what's up, and they will understand and be partners with you in the nursing journey. That sounds all tutti-frutti, but kids respect honesty and I bet it will work.

[SereneBabe]

Originally Posted by Lollie1979

Nursing takes two. You never have to tell them they can't nurse, but it's okay to ask them to wait until you're not about to puke, or until your Tylenol is working, or until you're done in the bathroom, or whatever. Stay honest and tell them what's up, and they will understand and be partners with you in the nursing journey. That sounds all tutti-frutti, but kids respect honesty and I bet it will work.

Not tutti-frutti at all. I just had to quote it because it's SO well said!!!!!!!!!

[redpajama]

I'm in a very similar situation--I'm tandem nursing my 2-year-old daughter and 4-year-old son and am ~13 weeks pregnant with #3.

My situation is a little different in that I don't find it painful or even particularly uncomfortable to nurse--even though my milk supply has completely vanished. I have had a hard time nursing, though, because I've been extremely nauseous and have generally felt really crappy this time around (which caught me totally off guard--my first two pregnancies were breezes!). So I often ask the kids to wait until I'm feeling better, or just explain that I'm feeling sick and that I'd rather not nurse right now. My 4-year-old tends to understand and doesn't complain much. My 2-year-old is sometimes understanding and other times more persistent (read: insistent). Depending on how I feel, I usually take that as an indication that she really feels like she needs to nurse at that time, and I try to accommodate that (because she's generally a pretty flexible kid).

In my case, I feel relatively sure that my son will wean during this pregnancy--and largely as a result of the pregnancy. My milk supply is seriously gone and has been for at least 6 (maybe more) weeks, and he was already down to nursing about once a day (first thing in the morning). Now he's nursing...maybe 4 times a week? If I ask if he feels like he's almost done nursing, he assures me that, no, he's going to nurse until he's six (incidentally, it was 5 until he turned 4, at which point he decided it was 6). Despite this, I really think he'll wean over the course of the next couple of months. But we'll see.

My daughter it no where near weaning, and I would probably discourage weaning if I suspected it was beginning. But from the look of things now, I can't imagine that will happen.

Anyway, I know how overwhelming this can be. Although nursing during the pregnancy isn't terribly difficult for me, the prospect of my son *not* weaning and nursing three little (to varying degrees ) ones come August is a little daunting. But I'm trusting that it will sort of work itself out and I'm confident that, in the end, it'll be all right.