food dilemma--desserts for 3 year old

[caedmyn]

We eat with other people several times a month, and there's usually some sort of dessert-from-a-box (packaged mix) involved. DD is intolerant to dairy, wheat, eggs, & nuts so there's never an issue of her actually having the dessert, but she wants a substitute. I don't know if I should just bring her a separate dessert just for her, or if I should generally tell her "No dessert" but occasionally bring something special for her. I don't really want her to get in the habit of thinking she has to have a dessert whenever one is available.

FWIW I almost never eat the offered dessert. DD does eat sweets at home--there's almost always cookies, brownies, etc that she can around for snacks, but I make them half as sweet as the recipe calls for and only use 1-2 Tbsp of rice syrup or whatever sweetener and then use stevia to add the rest of the sweetness so she's not getting much sugar. The times that I have brought separate desserts for DD I've either brought one of her usual sweets, or made something special (and usually extra sweet). She's fine with the usual stuff for a dessert if we're not at home, but if we're eating a potluck-type meal at home which has been happening quite a bit lately, she wants a special dessert.

[quietserena]

would she go for special presentation? Meaning, just your homemade cookie, just 'dressed up' in some way - fancy packaging, frosting and sprinkles, sweet dip of some sort?

[caedmyn]

Yeah, she'd be fine with that. I guess my question is really whether or not I should teach her to expect some sort of dessert any time one is offered, or whether I should just tell her no some or most of the time.

[ChristieB]

Our approach has been to take something with us whenever we go out and others will be having a special dessert. We're GF/CF among others. Dh and I sometimes have something (that we bring) and sometimes not. But there's always something for ds (and now our younger boy, although he doesn't care one way or the other at this point). For us it's not as often as what you're talking about, but we would probably try to do the same if it were more often. Of course, if I didn't have time/energy to keep up, I'd talk to him about it (he's older, too, though, which makes talking to him work a little better).

We figure that since the goodies I make are all real food and not bad for us in any way (similar to what you described in terms of sweeteners, all grain-free, though, in our case), then the only reason to restrict is my time and energy. We don't always have treats around, but I make quick and simple desserts occasionally. They're usually some variation of fruit and nuts. Nothing I feel the need to restrict.

I think we were all raised eating unhealthy food for desserts, and it was restricted to some extent, and it feels weird to not restrict desserts. But really, when it's basically good food, why? As I see it, the reasons to restrict it are to keep it special, and the time and effort involved in making it (and cost in some cases).

I figure what I'm teaching the boys is to enjoy their food, and to make good treats out of good food, and enjoy it with good company. When they're older, I hope that they will continue to eat healthy food. And I hope that they will know enough about cooking to make that possible. Then they will set their own restrictions, but they will know what it takes to make the food and what is in it, and the reasons for restricting or not.

Anyway, that's our thinking, FWIW.

[Magelet]

I think having something for her when you eat dessert with other people would be good, keeping her from feeling left out. Maybe even something like sweet in season fruit? Whether that is cherries or berries or oranges. It doesn't have to something sugary, just something sweet. If you treat the sweet fruit like dessert, i imagine she'd get used to doing so as well.