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Conveived Through Rape What Would You Do? - Page 5

post #81 of 179
Quote:
Originally Posted by jocelyndale View Post
i would seek medical attention and request plan b immediately, thereby eliminating the possibility of implantation.

I would never presume to tell another woman what she should or should not do.
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post #82 of 179
What an amazing woman! And her husband too!

I would keep the baby.
post #83 of 179
I'm sure I would take plan B and if that failed I think I'd abort but I really can't say for sure and I hope to never find out. I am pretty sure I wouldn't place the baby for adoption if I did choose to continue the pregnancy.
post #84 of 179
I don't know 100% what i would do, but right now i'd say i'd either take plan B, or keep the baby. i could not be pregnant 9 months and not keep it , i'm guessing my emotional state at the time would play a lot into my decision as well as my marriage and other things.
I would never tell anyone else what to do in this situation though.
post #85 of 179
Abortion is out for me, including early chemical abortion. I couldn't live with myself.

I would probably want to keep the baby, however, I would have to consider what was best for the baby and for our family. I do not know if my dh could handle it, or love the baby. He is not a bad man but I know him and I think this would be an incredibly difficult thing for him, given his personality, culture, and family background. And I feel the baby deserves the full love and affection of both parents. It would break my heart to do so, but for the sake of everyone involved and particularly for the sake of the baby, I might end up looking for a loving couple to adopt him/her.
post #86 of 179
I would not abort or take plan B.

At this point, after TTC for so long I cannot imagine not wanting to keep the baby. But if I were unable to separate the rape and the child in my mind, I would consider seriously placing the child for adoption.
post #87 of 179
Honestly, I just can't possibly know what it is like to go through that and I couldn't say what I would want to do.
post #88 of 179
I have actually thought about this since I was in high school. I would keep it. Like another poster said, it's not the babys fault. We would raise it like our own and until they are an adult, not say anything. But you never know what your decisions may bring you down the road.
post #89 of 179
I have no clue what I would do in that situation.
post #90 of 179
If I was raped I would have a rape kit taken at an ER and take Plan B at that time so as never to have to negotiate the type of question you are presenting here. I would support any woman who choose to keep a baby or to abort it, regardless of her status as a survivor.
post #91 of 179
It bums me out that conversations like this are always dictated in large part by religion and not by, for example, medical or psychological questions. The article is interesting but it is a propoganda piece for a book that is being published by a religious press - so it is far from neutral in its presentation. I'd love to see some balance, for example, some women who made the same choose and later were haunted by that child or women who choose adoption or women who choose abortion - just a larger view of the issue without a storyline dictated by the church.
post #92 of 179
There's no such thing as a neutral position on abortion.
post #93 of 179
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrooklynDoula View Post
It bums me out that conversations like this are always dictated in large part by religion and not by, for example, medical or psychological questions. The article is interesting but it is a propoganda piece for a book that is being published by a religious press - so it is far from neutral in its presentation. I'd love to see some balance, for example, some women who made the same choose and later were haunted by that child or women who choose adoption or women who choose abortion - just a larger view of the issue without a storyline dictated by the church.
I've wondered the same thing. In my line of volunteering, I have only met women who regret abortion. I do not know if this is due to the help I offer attracting certain women with certain needs, or what. I suspect there are probably a *lot* of women out there who put their baby up for adoption and are hurting from it, too.

But what about women who decided not to abort the baby? I doubt life goes on as if nothing ever happened. There must be some adjustment. And if there isn't, does the woman regret that she kept the baby?

Are there any studies on this?
post #94 of 179
I would have the baby and keep the baby

Abortion/planB are not options for me
post #95 of 179
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrooklynDoula View Post
It bums me out that conversations like this are always dictated in large part by religion and not by, for example, medical or psychological questions. The article is interesting but it is a propoganda piece for a book that is being published by a religious press - so it is far from neutral in its presentation. I'd love to see some balance, for example, some women who made the same choose and later were haunted by that child or women who choose adoption or women who choose abortion - just a larger view of the issue without a storyline dictated by the church.
I had similar thoughts upon reading the article.

To be honest, I also have extremely negative gut reactions to parents using their child in this way. It's one thing for someone conceived in a rape to come forward to tell their story...but to be honest, I think it is wrong for parents to make that decision for their child so they can be momentary heroes in the pro-life community or to sell a book. Sorry. I understand that the intention is to reach out to other pregnant women, but obviously people are not considering the privacy of the child. I would even be okay with an incidental story about pregnancy resulting from rape, as part of a survivor's own tale of her experience. But that's not what the book or the article appears to be centered on, and in my opinion that is wrong. The child should get to have privacy from the public at large.

I'm also horrifed that people would *lie* to their adult child about their origins. In my experience, you can't often hide the truth. Particularly if anyone else knew about the rape. The only way you could truly hide it would be to never disclose your status as a survivor, ever, to anyone. I'm not sure that would be a healthy dynamic for anyone.

I've known people who didn't find out about their status as adoptees or as children born out of rape until their parent died (and it was in a letter to them to only be unsealed at death), or until a nasty divorce proceeding, or a relative blurting it out. That's an extremely traumatic experience for most people.

I don't know what I would personally do. While I wholeheartedly support a woman's right to decide for herself when and with whom to bear a child...I couldn't make the decision to abort even when my unwillingness to do so pretty much sealed the fate of my healthy twin son. (in other words, I was willing to allow both my children to die because I couldn't decide to absolutely save one.) So I'd be lying to myself if I said I could just abort, I was willing to do something terrible in order to avoid making that decision once already, can I really say with a straight face my decisive decision now? I think not.

And as an adoptee, who was raised in a very difficult home environment, I know I couldn't believe the "If I adopt them out, they're sure to get a loving, good home," because I know from firsthand experience that it's not always so.

Sometimes there are just no "all good" decisions that one can make. No matter what choices are made, there's going to be suffering in this scenario. Hard to tell how much suffering and of what kind is going to be the kind you can bear until you're there.
post #96 of 179
The child is innocent. I would keep the child and see it as a blessing from a horrible situation.
post #97 of 179
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrooklynDoula View Post
It bums me out that conversations like this are always dictated in large part by religion and not by, for example, medical or psychological questions.
I know what you mean, but religious beliefs are a psychological consideration.
post #98 of 179
Quote:
Originally Posted by amcal View Post
The child is innocent. I would keep the child and see it as a blessing from a horrible situation.
Yes, this.
post #99 of 179
I don't know. I couldn't possibly know until I was there, and even then I don't know that I'd know.

For that reason, I offer no judgement nor do I place any value on any particular decision.
post #100 of 179
Quote:
Originally Posted by claddaghmom View Post
I've wondered the same thing. In my line of volunteering, I have only met women who regret abortion. I do not know if this is due to the help I offer attracting certain women with certain needs, or what. I suspect there are probably a *lot* of women out there who put their baby up for adoption and are hurting from it, too.

But what about women who decided not to abort the baby? I doubt life goes on as if nothing ever happened. There must be some adjustment. And if there isn't, does the woman regret that she kept the baby?

Are there any studies on this?
I knew of a woman (through work) who carried a pregnancy not knowing if it was her boyfriend's baby or the product of a rape that occurred around the time of conception. When the baby was born, it was her boyfriend's, but she had such an extreme aversion to the baby that before it was even born she planned an adoption. Her mother convinced her to keep the baby when it was born and clear that the father was the boyfriend.

After six months, she called the lawyer who had arranged the adoption, trying desperately to give the baby to the couple who originally planned to adopt. She could not bear to see or care for the baby because she thought of the rape every time she saw/touched the baby. The couple still wanted the baby (of course) and she and her boyfriend gave it up. When she turned the baby over he was obviously neglected. She could not care for him due to the emotional trauma associated with the memories of the pregnancy etc.

It is clearly different for different people. And maybe this woman could have been fine had she received a lot of therapy. But she didn't have money for or access to any therapy, and she could not bear to take care of her baby. The baby was lucky to have survived those six months, and the adoption was clearly the better option at that point under those circumstances.

I don't know if this is what you were getting at or not. I also know a number of women who have had abortions and have no regret whatsoever. I think this is one of those things that is extremely individual. Even if you had a study that could tell you 65% of women were happier with adoption and 35% were happier with abortion, how would you ever know which group a particular woman fell into? Could one really counsel a woman to choose adoption on those stats, or on any statistics? I think this is one of those situations that can't be resolved intellectually or philosophically.
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