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Spin Off: Would you force your kids to finish highschool? - Page 2

post #21 of 141
I dropped out of high school and got my GED. If my kids don't want to finish high school, I won't force them. I will encourage them to get a GED, but I'm not going to force them to do that either.
post #22 of 141
High school teacher here. I often tell my colleagues that my experience as a high school teacher makes me want to homeschool my own kids. So, there ya go.

Was high school hell for me? No, because I did theater and choir and color guard, and had a lot of friends. Intellectually, though? Um, no. I was bored out of my mind in school until my senior year when I got to take some AP classes. (And yes, bored out of my mind included honors classes and the like.) I've often thought of high school as a prison sentence: you do your time, and then you get to get out. Obviously, as an educator, I work hard to see that it's not like that in my own classroom, but I know I'm still banging my head against an institutional brick wall.

But, that being said, I believe in the opportunities afforded by that stupid piece of paper are really important. My dad raised me with the edict: "The most important thing in life is to make sure you have choices." Graduating from high school gives you more choices than not graduating does. I'm totally open to other options: GED (provided it leads to college), homeschooling, online programs, etc., but my child will grow up understanding, as I did, that dropping out is not an option.
post #23 of 141
If it were at all possible to force them, yes I would. Without a doubt. I would apply any pressure at my disposal.
post #24 of 141
I don't think it's possible to force someone to finish high school.
post #25 of 141
I absolutely would do everything in my power to make my kids finish high school.
post #26 of 141
Quote:
Originally Posted by EFmom View Post
I absolutely would do everything in my power to make my kids finish high school.

A couple people have made comments like this and I just don't know what it means? How? Are you going to hold their pen to the paper and physically force them to write. I'm not being disagreeable or argumentative. But, I think it's my job to empower my children and help them get the best education for themselves. If they really hate high school I don't think it's possible to force them - and what would be the benefit. So they can have a report card full of D's and a diploma? I'm sure that does a lot for a kid's self-esteem.

My husband and I are actually dealing with this situation with his younger brother. He will be coming to live with us soon because high school has failed him - that's how I see it. He's a good kid with flaws like all of us and has struggled with school. We're taking him in so that we can help him...hopefully earn a diploma, maybe just a GED, but either way we want him to succeed at something, feel good about himself, and be able to make good choices for himself as an adult.
post #27 of 141
I have a feeling that at that age, I will not be able to "force" my kids to do anything. I would however highly, highly encourage them to finish HS or get a GED. I would also institute "rules" if they choose not to complete HS. This would involve paying rent to us if they are living at home and not supporting them financially.

ETA - I see that some folks have mentioned a legal obligation to continue supporting their pre-18 yo kids. I guess this would mean that I would provide the bare minimum of financial support including housing and food and that's it. If they choose not to finish highschool or some comparable program, they need to be prepared to be responsible for their own lives and not rely on mom and dad. We of course would provide love, support, security but would not pay for any extras for them.
post #28 of 141
I'm likely to be homeschooling DD2 through the end of high school. We've vaccilated between "unschooling" and "somewhat structured" at various times.

Unschooling high school basically would consist of spending time with my child and gently encouraging her to engage in some meaningful activities. Then it's up to me to turn what she's done into "educationalese" and send the paperwork into the school district.

So, it's very much within MY power to do the required paperwork and officially have my child complete high school.
post #29 of 141
Quote:
Originally Posted by flower01 View Post
A couple people have made comments like this and I just don't know what it means? How? Are you going to hold their pen to the paper and physically force them to write. I'm not being disagreeable or argumentative. But, I think it's my job to empower my children and help them get the best education for themselves. If they really hate high school I don't think it's possible to force them - and what would be the benefit. So they can have a report card full of D's and a diploma? I'm sure that does a lot for a kid's self-esteem.

My husband and I are actually dealing with this situation with his younger brother. He will be coming to live with us soon because high school has failed him - that's how I see it. He's a good kid with flaws like all of us and has struggled with school. We're taking him in so that we can help him...hopefully earn a diploma, maybe just a GED, but either way we want him to succeed at something, feel good about himself, and be able to make good choices for himself as an adult.
NAK

I made a comment like that. When my kid is 16 it's very much in my power to take away his car, his computer, allowance, cell phone and ground him until he's back in school. I will be a sahm until the kids are in college, so I have all the time in the world to watch his actions day in and day out and make him miserable being out of school. Sound harsh? Yes. But that is what is in my power to do if my kid drops out.

I'm sure many will think I'm a horrible mom, but dh's brother and step brother both didn't graduate on time. One was a 5 year senior who still doesn't do anything with his life and the other is a drop out living with his mom, who is paying all the bills for his children and him.

I'm not just going to sit back and let my kid ruin his life. It's called tough love, and while I want to be gentle sometime's it's needed.
post #30 of 141
Dropping out and then hanging out at home isn't an option. It's either school or work.

If school really wasn't working for my dd, then I'd allow her to drop out, BUT get a GED, then I'd hope she'd take some night classes while she worked a full time job.

BUT, in my perfect world, she will stay in school, do well, have friends, never drink or do drugs, never have sex, and keep her room clean. (the last one is already been given up on)
post #31 of 141
My kids will have no choice but to finish high school. That will be expected of them so they will do it. I mean you can't do anything without a diploma or GED these days and soon without a little college education. I personally loved high school, the interaction and the teachers and even some of the classes.

Also knowing that my kids will be African American it won't be in their best interest not to finish high school because the odds are already stacked against them. Education is important within my community because so many fall by the wayside. My brother dropped out in the 11th grade and has been in jail twice and is trying so hard to get his GED (reading disabilities frustrated him throughout school). Even though I plan to homeschool until at least 6th grade they will be expected to graduate from high school
post #32 of 141
I would do everything in my power to encourage my son to finish highschool, whether that is actually going to HS or online. Another poster mentioned "choices" and having that certificate definitely opens up a lot of doors. DH's brother struggled in HS due to learning difficulties but he plugged through. Because he graduated he was able to go to the college of his choice and take a degree that really interested him. After about 10 years he is still working in the industry. IMO education is important in opening up choices of vocations and enriching your overall life experience.
post #33 of 141
I would be very flexible about facilitating their high school experience (in school, changing schools, homeschool, online, GED, etc), but I expect them to finish high school.
post #34 of 141
This is an interesting discussion for me to read through because I did drop out of HS at the beginning of my senior year. Long story short, I wanted to grow up fast and got into a bad scene.

Less than 6 months after dropping out, I was married and pregnant with my first child (was 18). Let's just say that a few years after dropping out I realized it was not the best decision that I could have made and 5-6 years of working 2-3 jobs as a single Mama (marriage lasted half a second) made me want to go back to school. I eventually went on to get my bachelor and masters degrees and I actually work with at risk kids now and don't hesitate to share my story.

Personally I have mixed feelings, on the one hand had my parents put their foot down, my early adult years may have been a tad more fun. That said, had I not made those choices I wouldn't have my now 17 yo son most likely or be the person I am now.

In my case, dropping out and struggling gave me a set of life skills that had I stayed in school I never may have gotten but its not been a fun journey. I do agree that there are all sorts of alternatives to traditional HS so hopefully a parent can find the mix.

Thankfully this is not a place I am in since my son who is a HS junior has no plans to drop out and plans to go to college. He knows that while both his father and I have had success working outside the box, its not been an easy journey at all.

Shay
post #35 of 141
I got up,left the house and went to school every day.I didn't stay there though.NOBODY could do anything to force me to stay.Dropping out is always an option no matter what parents say.

My father(divorced from my mother but the person I lived with more at the time) chose the "make me miserable" approach.Didn't work.He gave up and never addressed the actual problems that were causing me to fail in school.After my father gave up,my mother was able to turn things around for me by showing me understanding and patience.She didn't try to force me to do anything because she knew it was useless.

I started off high school failing 2 classes because of sexual harassment.One teacher failed me because I wouldn't sit quiet while he grabbed my ass or "tickled" me and I failed another class because I wouldn't look at a teacher's "stuff" and left the class when he was showing it off.My mother never knew any of that but she knew there was something wrong and making me miserable was not going to fix the problem.

Generally,I don't think kids drop out because they're just lazy.
post #36 of 141
I dropped out of HS when I was 16, went to alternative school, dropped out of that and got my GED when I was 17. I went on to college and got a degree. I would never force my kids to do anything but I would strongly encourage them to finish HS and go on to college. I regret dropping out of HS, I missed out on everything that normal HS people get to do and I don't want my kids to regret their decision either.

My dh and I do have college savings for our girls but if they don't use it for college, they get the $ when they turn 21.
post #37 of 141
Quote:
Originally Posted by angie7 View Post
I regret dropping out of HS, I missed out on everything that normal HS people get to do and I don't want my kids to regret their decision either.
I feel the same way, looking back I do wish I had stayed and been able to do all the stuff that at the time seemed silly. While I am happy that I went to college and further, sometimes I do feel like I missed something basic by not graduating from HS.
post #38 of 141
Quote:
Originally Posted by rere View Post
I got up,left the house and went to school every day.I didn't stay there though.NOBODY could do anything to force me to stay.Dropping out is always an option no matter what parents say.

My father(divorced from my mother but the person I lived with more at the time) chose the "make me miserable" approach.Didn't work.He gave up and never addressed the actual problems that were causing me to fail in school.After my father gave up,my mother was able to turn things around for me by showing me understanding and patience.She didn't try to force me to do anything because she knew it was useless.

I started off high school failing 2 classes because of sexual harassment.One teacher failed me because I wouldn't sit quiet while he grabbed my ass or "tickled" me and I failed another class because I wouldn't look at a teacher's "stuff" and left the class when he was showing it off.My mother never knew any of that but she knew there was something wrong and making me miserable was not going to fix the problem.

Generally,I don't think kids drop out because they're just lazy.
These are the kinds of things I think most people just don't consider. A lot of teenagers ARE lazy - but there could be an underlying reason for that too. Removing everything that gives pleasure and joy to your teenager could force them to complete high school, or it could make them more depressed and angry. I was overall a very good student, but there were classes I struggled with and it was because I was miserable at home and I didn't have the confidence to ask for help. My BIL has terrible grades, signs up for classes and then never finishes them. I'm sure his teachers all think he's just lazy. But, I promise there's way more to it than that. And when he comes to stay with us we're going to help him work towards his goals - hopefully that's completing high school, but we're not going to lock him in his room and take away all his privileges to get him there.
post #39 of 141
I don't know that it would be possible to "force" them to finish, but I would *strongly* encourage it, and there would be severe consequences if they chose to quit school for some reason.

It never even occurred to me or my friends that not finishing was any sort of option -- I hope the same is true for my kids.

Of my 8 cousins, only two have actually finished high school the traditional way (in addition to my brother and I). Another 2 have gotten their GEDs, and the rest are just drop-outs. Their "reasons" are totally ridiculous BS. If I can help it at all, that won't be my kid.
post #40 of 141
I don't think I could 'force' anyone to do anything.

High school would be non-negotiable though if they wanted to live at home.

They could also take college courses, or work or take an apprenticeship.

But barring illness (physical or mental) they'd have to be doing something.
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