Handling the violent chld?

[KurumiSophia]

My SIL nannies two sets of twins, one set is 9 and the other is 3. One of the 9 year olds has Asperger's and the other has a severe anger management problem that has exploded into violence against his siblings and my SIL. He's done things like throw light bulbs down the stair into the foyer, hit his brother with a sled, swears he's gonna get my SIL fired, etc.

She's at a loss. What can she do?

[LynnS6]

Umm... what do the parents say/want her to do?

Kids with mental health issues really need a team approach to care - are these kids in some kind of counseling/help?

My only suggestion would be for her to read "The Explosive Child".

[KurumiSophia]

Originally Posted by LynnS6

Umm... what do the parents say/want her to do?

Kids with mental health issues really need a team approach to care - are these kids in some kind of counseling/help?

My only suggestion would be for her to read "The Explosive Child".

They're on the same page for the most part. SIL has stripped the boy's room on the parents' orders so now he's dependent on everyone else in the family for everything from knowing the time to getting his clothes. He's been made to withdraw from basketball as well but SIL is still at a loss. This past Fri. he came in completely covered in mud, saying that he was making some basketball shots from the woods but she has this distinct feeling it was something else far more sinister.

I have this feeling that he actually scares her some since she's never dealt with a kid like this before.

[LynnS6]

Maybe she should read up on sensory activities too for the boys - they often go with autism spectrum disorders, and it wouldn't surprise me if the other child had a few sensory issues (coming in covered in mud = sensory seeking).

The Out of Sync Child might be a place to start.

Adding a rich sensory diet might really burn off some of the energy that can get destructive if not channeled.

[transformed]

homeopathic remedy: nux vomica, 30C, every 15 minutes or snuck into drinks.

thats what I do!

Helps with Asthma too.

[BellinghamCrunchie]

It sounds like he needs a behavior management plan that is consistent across all settings (school, parents, and nanny). I don't think she should, or can, figure this out all by herself.

It sounds like the parents approach is pretty punitive (stripping his room, withdrawing from basketball). Which makes me think they are at a loss as to what to do themselves. Maybe she could request a meeting that includes some professional help to develop a plan for this child that includes figuring out what his needs are and some positive ways to meet those needs, especially sensory, as LynnS6 mentioned.

[KurumiSophia]

Originally Posted by LynnS6

Maybe she should read up on sensory activities too for the boys - they often go with autism spectrum disorders, and it wouldn't surprise me if the other child had a few sensory issues (coming in covered in mud = sensory seeking).

The Out of Sync Child might be a place to start.

Adding a rich sensory diet might really burn off some of the energy that can get destructive if not channeled.

It's the non-autistic twin that's the violent one. The autistic twin is actually fairly well behaved from what SIL tells me.

[KurumiSophia]

Originally Posted by BellinghamCrunchie

It sounds like he needs a behavior management plan that is consistent across all settings (school, parents, and nanny). I don't think she should, or can, figure this out all by herself.

It sounds like the parents approach is pretty punitive (stripping his room, withdrawing from basketball). Which makes me think they are at a loss as to what to do themselves. Maybe she could request a meeting that includes some professional help to develop a plan for this child that includes figuring out what his needs are and some positive ways to meet those needs, especially sensory, as LynnS6 mentioned.

Apparently, they've checked w/psychologists on the non-autistic twin who is the one expressing the violence. They can't seem to find anything wrong w/him. Both the parents and the SIL are pretty no nonsense types who don't believe in being gentle. Punishment for wrong doing is important to them. I don't think either of them know what to do at this point.

[LynnS6]

Originally Posted by KurumiSophia

It's the non-autistic twin that's the violent one. The autistic twin is actually fairly well behaved from what SIL tells me.

Just because he doesn't have autism, doesn't mean he doesn't have increased sensory needs.

The sensory needs run through families - so if they've got one child with autism, it's entirely possible that the other child, while not autistic, does have something neurological going on.

And, IMO, no child is ever hurt from increased large motor and sensory stuff that's done in a fun way. LOTS of typical kids are calmed by this stuff too.