How to ask parents their preferences/thoughts

[glongley]

I'm starting a new thread off of the thread about Unbiased sources.

I suggested there that "Have you considered NOT circumcising?" might be a useful way to get parents to think more about the topic.

Here is a response to that suggestion from that thread, and some further thoughts by me after that.

Originally Posted by A&A

That's kind of awkward. How about "Have you considered leaving your son intact?"

First, "Have you considered not circumcising?" really only works if they have already expressed a desire or interest in circumcising. I did not intend it to be a general opening line if the topic is being brought up for the first time.

I of course, prefer the positive framing that comes with using the term "intact", but believe me, if you say "leaving your son intact" to most expectant parents, you will get some very blank looks, which starts things off on the wrong foot. "Have you considered not circumcising?" definitely opens up communication directions that are very productive, and better received than direct assault on a pre-conceived decision to circumcise. Parents get what you're asking, and it works to get them to consider things from another point of view. You can introduce the term "intact" as you go along with the conversation that ensues.

I'm not really sure what the best simple opening line would be, say in a first visit with a doula, or in prenatal visit, i.e. when the topic has not been brought up before. An opening line needs to be phrased in such a way that it does not imply the circumcision is expected, recommended, or indeed legitimate. I.e. "If it's are boy, are you planning on having him circumcised?" is NOT good. It should somehow take the focus off circumcision as an assumed and legitimate choice, but open the door in a non-biased sounding way to being able to give information that ultimately can show that not circumcising is really to be preferred . And at the same time it needs to be short, NOT a long declaimer-type preamble like "Now I don't want to give the impression that this is something good to do, but it's really common in the U.S. and you'll be asked if you want your son circumcised, so I wanted to ask what your thoughts are about circumcising....blahblahblah".

I have heard of one Canadian midwife who says simply "You ARE planning on leaving your son intact, aren't you?" But of course the rates are so low there, that the context supports this kind of framing. Ah, won't it be nice when we get to that point in the US

I would REALLY love to hear other peoples ideas about what's the best, simple way for birthing professionals to open up the subject with expectant parents. One-liners appreciated.

Gillian

[LavenderMae]

Maybe give them intact care information and go from there. That way the default is where it should be, leaving baby's genitalia intact and doesn't normalize circumcision or make the assumption they would want to circ ect.

[Yulia_R]

If it were me, I'd simply say something along the lines of:
"as your doula who will be representing your interest, I would like to discuss with you (give you more info) few things, such as your birth plan as well as some post-partum services that you might be offered in the hospital, such as circ, vit K, vaccines and such.