Question for those beyond the 2-year old stage.

[at-home]

We are new to gentle discipline. Our twins are age 2 yrs, 3 mos. I find myself instructing and re-directing them over and over about the same things (not to climb onto the changing table, not to climb on the kitchen table, not to pull each other's hair, etc...). I feel like they must understand that those are things they are not supposed to do, but they just look at me (and sometimes smile) when I take them down or away and explain they are not supposed to do that.....over and over and over again. My fear is that they will never "listen" to me, that they will turn into children that just run around and do what they want even when they are older. Please tell me if I should be doing something differently, or assure me that sometime soon they will "get it" and begin to understand that some behavior is not acceptable (or is dangerous) and will stop doing it.

[Herausgeber]

They really don't understand. It gets better, I promise. And I can do that, even though my kid is the same age as yours because you know what? I did ALL that stuff, and here at age 31, I somehow resist the urge to climb on the kitchen table AND I always listen to my mama. :

[at-home]

Herausgeber, were you raised with gentle discipline?

[emmaegbert]

Yes, eventually they do get better about it. Really, they do stop climbing the furniture (actually, we have some furniture that you are allowed to climb on, but not everything. And I just posted recently about how important physical play and exertion can be for 2yos! My son needed about 1.5 hours twice a day of active, outdoor, gross-motor activities, and then he was much more relaxed and focused during indoor time.)

Now my son is 4y3m and of from time to time he still does impulisive things, but very rarely and usually only if he is tired or otherwise really stressed out. I didn't always keep my cool with him when he was 2, and I certainly used "natural consequences" when appropriate and also physically stopped him from doing things that were dangerous or not allowed. But... impulse control is a really big challenge for kids that age- even if they know they aren't "supposed" to do something in the moment they can't stop themselves (he used to catch my eye, smile a big smile, and deliberately pour his drink directly on the floor. ugh. so, he got a lot of practice at cleaning up the floor).

So sure, now he limit-tests but its about really different things and in really different ways. (I only catch him climbing on the table if he's actually trying to get something out of reach, so at least he has a reason now, lol). And, from what I can see, the 4yo kids raised with punishments also test the limits.

[LynnS6]

It helps to tell them what to do, rather than what not to do. So, "feet on the floor" is more effective than "don't climb". "Hands to yourself" is better than "don't pull hair".

At 2, I also did a lot of physical guiding. So, if they were climbing on the changing table and it was tippy, our experience would go something like:
"Feet on the floor."
"You can climb on the bed/couch, if you want to climb."

If they didn't get down, then it would continue like this:
"Do you need me to help your body get down?"
"I see that you need my help to get your body down, so I'm going to help you down."
"Thank you. Let's go into the living room and.... (insert something fun and active they like to do.)"

I second the notion that preschoolers (and heck a lot of school-aged kids) NEED a LOT of large motor time. More than most of them get, I think. When my kids start riding the bed mattresses down the stairs, I know I need to get them outside!

ETA: As they get older, you can start by asking them the rule: "Where can we climb?" I think I started this about age 3 for my kids. Asking them to articulate the rules helps them internalize them, IMO.

As they near 3 or 3 1/2, start playing 'impulse control' games with them too - Simon Says really helps kids THINK before they act. Something like "red light/green light" helps them learn to stop an action they've already started. That's something that a 2 year old finds VERY hard to do.

My kids are 4 1/2 and 7 1/2 now and listen quite well, overall. There is hope, really.

[ChetMC]

Absolutely. It does get better. I agree with LynnS6. Try to give very simple guidelines, and try to make them positive... give "dos" instead of "do nots."

[mama_mojo]

It does get better. Slight caveat- climber just keep climbing, so you might find places they CAN climb. DS will slowly climb anything he's standing near. It's almost funny to watch, as he seems unaware that he's even doing it.