Help me like my almost 4 year old again

[JustVanessa]

He is really driving me up the wall. Everything is a power struggle, he pushes every limit, even ones that have always been in place. He will not stop anything you ask him to stop (ie.. don't sit on the cat, don't punch the baby, don't bend your books). It doesn't matter if I give him reasons to stop. ie. Don't bend your books or they will get wrecked and we won't be able to read them anymore.
I try not to get into power struggles with him, but sometimes its safety issues (stairs, plugs etc) and bedtime is a real issue. He NEEDS to go to bed at bedtime. He will not stay in bed. We have a very good bedtime routine that has always worked great but recently he just gets out of bed and says "I am not going to stay in bed". It doesn't matter what I do, rewards, punishments, sitting with him etc.
I need that couple of hours before I go to bed for me. Its my only time to myself.
Help!

[NicaG]

That's us too! Everything is "why?!" all day long. And pushing limits all day long. It's so hard...I love ds so much, but it's so hard sometimes!

[PoppyMama]

Between 3 or so and starting preschool I'm not ashamed to admit that I hardly liked ds at all. He was awful and belligerent about everything. I was forced to do things I never would have imagined in an effort to fulfill my obligations to everyone else and keep him safe. Luckily he outgrew it and is now the sweetest easiest kid I ever could have hoped for.

[latinmama]

Just love your child no matter what. I'm going through a really hard phase with my 4 year-old too, and even though he's my 3rd kid, the things he does are totally new to me; the other 2 were pretty easy preschoolers. But don't give in, show him firmly, but with love, that there are rules all members of the family have to follow, and that hurting others (like the cat) is not allowed.
Good luck!!!!!!

[CaraboosMama]

No great suggestions - just hugs. I am having a very difficult time w/ my 4 year old lately too

[Red Pajama]

I suggest that it's a developmental phase. With the twins, I notice that they seem to take turns being "difficult", as each one moves through a phase. Usually, they are not difficult together, but having two at the same time reminds me of the growth and process. Just because somebody is acting difficult, doesn't mean they will always be a pill. Infact, we went out with a family with a small boy just a few months younger than our twins, and he must have been in phase himself. He was a challenge that day, while our boys were wearing halos. Not typical, I'll point out.

When one of mine was having real trouble at bedtime, I tried something different and created one of my best memories in recent date. After the baby was asleep, but he was still making noise in his room, I went in, wrapped him in a blanket, and rocked him. He fell asleep to me singing to him, at almost four years old. He did want to be rocked for a bit after that, but that's a price I'll gladly pay.

Maybe you could find your own cuddle time in the day and see if that helps.
Good luck.

[Super Glue Mommy]

I vote for more one on one time if you can manage that. that has been a huge help from my son (3 1/2)

also try to stop saying don't so much:
don't sit on the cat becomes: you may pet the cat, or leave the cat alone.
you may kiss or hug the baby, or use gentle touches.
for the book bending - you read a book by turning the pages. would you like help reading it? or we can put it away.
"Don't bend your books or they will get wrecked and we won't be able to read them anymore." - this comes across as threatening and setting up for a power struggle. if he chooses not to listen you can either let him ruin the book, and thus natural consequence, or if that is not an option to you (i dont like things getting ruined personally) you can take the book away and say "I'm going to help you take care of this book by putting away for you. next time when you are done reading it, I hope you can put it away yourself"

I recommend E. Pantley's book "Kid Cooperation" even if you just check it out of the library and read the part on bedtime tantrums/refusal to go bed. We've never had bedtime issues here yet. You can try giving him more control. a half hour before bed as him "would you like to go to bed now, or in half an hour" "do you want to put your pajamas on first, or brush your teeth first?" "which pajamas do you want to wear?" "should I read 2 stories or 3?" "okay go pick the 3 books you want me to read"

also try a sticker chart. every time he goes to bed and stays in bed he gets a sticker. x asmount of stickers = 1 night he gets to stay up late for a movie, or something along those lines.

also put a note on the door, even if can't read, something cute like

"Dear Son,
Mommy will see you when the sun is shining.. get back in bed and dream about all the fun things we can do tomorrow.
Love Mom"

Read it with him every night before bed and leave the sign up so he will know what it says and it may act as a reminder for him.

okay there are some ideas for now, Im sure others can give you more.

[sg784]

Been there, and never thought it would end. s: BIG Hugs! I dont have ANY advice, I dont know what to say other than it WILL get better. it has to. Its hard to watch happen....my mind would just TAKE off on me, and id wonder, wow, if this isn't even 4 how am i ever going to get to 14!
Tell your son you love him. A lot. You do. and look forward to almost 5!