Introducing my new guy to my small children? UPD #35 - Page 3

[Seie]

Ok - I did NOT want to go into that. I respectfully ask that you take my word that this is a balanced, good and definately NON-abusive guy. Actually this is without doubt the first truely decent guy I have dated in my entire life. Why he cant see his children is a long story that I will not share details on. Only say that I KNOW the story and however I look at it, I dont see how he could have gone about it differently to change the outcome.

The speculations in the previous posts are all very very far off. Actually it bothers me a bit to be labelled and presumed less socially capable because I am a former abuse victim. I am intelligent and extremely aware of red flags. I have seen NONE with this guy whatsoever. And that includes taking the story about how he lost his kids into consideration. You will have to trust me on that, as I am not discussing it further.

Anyway, He met my kids. It was perfect. I'm crazy about him. I just felt like sharing that ( without having to defend my guy over something that noone here has enough info about to be in any position to judge or even speculate about.)

My mom had "friends" when wse were kids, after my parents divorced. We knew what was up, even if she thought we didn't. And it made us uncomfortable.

Thanks for mentioning that. How old were you? I am new at this and it seemed a good way to introduce him casually. I will keep your experience in mind and will consider when we shall make it "official". I dont plan to introduce more "friends" though. We are both very confident that this is a long term thing..

[vbactivist]

Originally Posted by Seie

Ok - I did NOT want to go into that. I respectfully ask that you take my word that this is a balanced, good and definately NON-abusive guy. Actually this is without doubt the first truely decent guy I have dated in my entire life. Why he cant see his children is a long story that I will not share details on. Only say that I KNOW the story and however I look at it, I dont see how he could have gone about it differently to change the outcome.

The speculations in the previous posts are all very very far off. Actually it bothers me a bit to be labelled and presumed less socially capable because I am a former abuse victim. I am intelligent and extremely aware of red flags. I have seen NONE with this guy whatsoever. And that includes taking the story about how he lost his kids into consideration. You will have to trust me on that, as I am not discussing it further.

Anyway, He met my kids. It was perfect. I'm crazy about him. I just felt like sharing that ( without having to defend my guy over something that noone here has enough info about to be in any position to judge or even speculate about.)


Thanks for mentioning that. How old were you? I am new at this and it seemed a good way to introduce him casually. I will keep your experience in mind and will consider when we shall make it "official". I dont plan to introduce more "friends" though. We are both very confident that this is a long term thing..

Well, I think I was around 7, to start. She had 2 boyfriends over the next 20+ years. The first for about 4 years (Approx) and the next from that point until about 3 years ago (they broke up - he moved out - I am an adult now in my 30's). I'm sure the first time my mom had a friend sleep over was just casual. I know by the time I was 9 or 10, I was totally aware that they were doing "something" at night after we went to bed. And by the next year I was clear on what that something was. I also remember the first time my dad introduced us to his girlfriend...we went out to dinner and ended up sleeping at her apratment. I was 12 at the time and VERY uncomfortable. Even though she was really nice to my sister and me. My dad and her had been dating for a couple of months at that point. We hated her. It would have been better to meet at the restaurant and then all go back to our respective places at that point. It's the sleeping over during the first meeting that is weird IMO. HTH. I haven't thought about that stuff in a long time.

[Seie]

Originally Posted by vbactivist

Well, I think I was around 7, to start. She had 2 boyfriends over the next 20+ years. The first for about 4 years (Approx) and the next from that point until about 3 years ago (they broke up - he moved out - I am an adult now in my 30's). I'm sure the first time my mom had a friend sleep over was just casual. I know by the time I was 9 or 10, I was totally aware that they were doing "something" at night after we went to bed. And by the next year I was clear on what that something was. I also remember the first time my dad introduced us to his girlfriend...we went out to dinner and ended up sleeping at her apratment. I was 12 at the time and VERY uncomfortable. Even though she was really nice to my sister and me. My dad and her had been dating for a couple of months at that point. We hated her. It would have been better to meet at the restaurant and then all go back to our respective places at that point. It's the sleeping over during the first meeting that is weird IMO. HTH. I haven't thought about that stuff in a long time.

Thanks. My kids are a bit younger - the oldest is 5. I think my 5 year old has an idea that we are more than just "friends". I dont plan to keep telling them that he is a friend. As they get to know him more and he becomes more a part of our lifes he will be "boyfriend".
When it comes to sex then I think children in general are uncomfortable with the thought of adults having a sexlife - even their parents. I personally think its better to be open and honest about it - without giving too much information. I dont like hiding stuff from them - even calling him a "friend". On the other hand I dont want to rush things - I figure its better to take it small steps.

[SunShineSally]

Originally Posted by Seie

Thanks. My kids are a bit younger - the oldest is 5. I think my 5 year old has an idea that we are more than just "friends". I dont plan to keep telling them that he is a friend. As they get to know him more and he becomes more a part of our lifes he will be "boyfriend".
When it comes to sex then I think children in general are uncomfortable with the thought of adults having a sexlife - even their parents. I personally think its better to be open and honest about it - without giving too much information. I dont like hiding stuff from them - even calling him a "friend". On the other hand I dont want to rush things - I figure its better to take it small steps.

I have a Ds who is almost 5 my Dp moved in quite fast but him and Ds get along amazingly but we did not show our love (kisses and cuddles) in front of Ds until about a few months after Ds met him. I do not think children that age would really be uncomfortable they do not really understand to much. But the reason I did not kiss or cuddle infront of Ds was I felt uncomfortable doing that infront of Ds he never saw X and I do that because I left him (I also was in an abusive relationship) when I was pregnant with Ds.

Do you really need to call him anything but his name to your DC? I didn't call my Dp anything but his name. Except one time I said we were going to the fair with Mommys friend. Other than that I never called him anyting else but his name to my Ds.