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post #1 of 22
Thread Starter 

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Edited by MommyofHero - 4/5/11 at 12:57pm
post #2 of 22
Oh mama, how terrible. I wish you the best. I really don't have any useful inputs but I didn't want to read and not post. I hope someone else has some useful information.
post #3 of 22
post #4 of 22
I'm so sorry.

Maybe try posting in breastfeeding challanges?

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post #5 of 22
I was really surprised by how difficult recovery was, and how breastfeeding was NOT this wonderful thing with my first baby (thankfully it was with #2). I can totally relate to what you're saying. I'm so sorry you had a rough experience at the hospital when you transferred.

I would definitely head over to Breastfeeding Challenges. There are some knowledgeable women over there who should be able to help.

Do know that you're not alone and it WILL get better. Is there a LLL leader in your area that you could talk to, or a really great lactation consultant who has dealt with your problem before? I know that I would want to do absolutely everything I could before considering formula feeding, but only you know where that line is for you. For me it was pretty much never, and thankfully I had my husband's support and he helped me through some rough months (my baby screamed at the breast for months. ). I can tell you that your body should begin to regulate itself better as time goes on, but 3 mos pp is a long time to still be dealing with this problem on such a constant basis. I hope you can find some IRL support and help for the breastfeeding problems.

Being a new mom is so hard, especially when things don't just go "right."
post #6 of 22
Thread Starter 
i've had a thread in Breastfeeding forum for a while and i'm on my way to weaning, but i just couldn't help but notice how depressed i have become since the birth-- increasingly so because of these breastfeeding issues. even though i'm working on resolving these issues, they are still there and will be there for quite a while. knowing how to cope with them is another story.

i also noticed that everyone says that breastfeeding is hard, but to some people, it is traumatic! that's why i posted here -- to vent and tell my story, just like everyone else.
post #7 of 22


sorry for the pain you're in. thought i would mention that today at LLL meeting, someone said lecithin capsules helped her with plugged ducts.
post #8 of 22
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by katmann View Post


sorry for the pain you're in. thought i would mention that today at LLL meeting, someone said lecithin capsules helped her with plugged ducts.
i heard about that, but also read on kellymom.com that lecithin often makes women depressed if they are already prone to depression. that scared me out of getting any.
post #9 of 22
Mommyofhero - i just thought of something that might help you emotionally, other than starting antidepressants, which might mess with your supply issues: Stress Relief for Pregnancy by Wish Garden. It is a supplement that was recommended to me post partum. I don't know if it's helping, but it's kind of like Rescue Remedy, but for pregnancy, and I'm pretty sure it hasn't had any negative effect on my milk supply.
post #10 of 22
Hugs to you - you've toughed it out and I know you're tired.

My first son would never latch. With pumping it took 7 days for my milk to come in and I just couldn't get my supply up. I tried so many things to help but nothing worked. After two and a half months of pumping non-stop between caring for my newborn and crying constantly (plus, also not being able to go out much) I decided to stop pumping.

I cried and cried about it. DH was very supportive of whatever decision I made and that helped. Some great ladies online helped me wean off the pump fairly quickly (I think it took me about a week). My son got a few months of my milk - not what I had planned - but when we went to formula he gained a much happier mom.

Looking back I probably could have done more and tried more but I was exhausted and miserable. I did the best I could in the situation and when I made up my mind to stop pumping I told myself I would not beat myself up over it.

Giving up on the goal of breastfeeding to ensure a positive mental state and, in my case, improve my ability to bond with my son, can be a great choice. Maybe not super popular here but unless you've BTDT it's hard to give advice. And, you'll find many BTDT who fight through it and manage. I consider myself a fighter and tough and I still had to make the decision that was best for me and my family.

With my second son last August my milk came in four days after his birth. It might have come in faster if he had nursed (due to a really rare circumstance he died shortly after his birth). I'm due again this August and I'm looking forward to establishing a nursing relationship with this little one. My "failure" with my first son will not cloud my outlook for another chance. If it works I'm thrilled. I know more now and will look for more help. But, if it doesn't work I will again know that I've tried my best and trust myself to make the right decision for my family.

I'm so sorry it's been so traumatic for you. Best wishes and big hugs!
post #11 of 22
Oh, mama! I am so sorry you are going through this. I have BTDT, and I know what a hard choice you are faced with. And in the end, whatever choice you make will be the right one for you and your baby.

I was in the same kind of excruciating pain for four months after my babes were born, and it took some intensive sessions with an LC and a lot of other fairly drastic measures to be able to keep nursing. I thought of weaning so many times, but I just couldn't. But then, my situation was different than yours. And while I am, as my uncle says, a "leche nazi", I also agree that there are times when it's just not feasible or healthy, for a variety of reasons. Only you can make that decision.

That being said, if you want to continue, you need to be working closely with an experienced LC. I agree that there are tons of women in the breastfeeding challenges forum who are knowledgeable and kind. You probably are already doing these things, but just thought I would chime in.

A thought: many women I know who have oversupply issues go to feeding only on one side for 2, 3, or 4 hours at a time, and then switch sides. This seems to help quite a bit. And while it's intensely difficult, it is possible to get a bottle-fed baby onto the breast. If you would like to talk about it, PM me. Or even if you just want to vent to someone who has btdt. Hugs, mama.
post #12 of 22
No advice, but wanted to offer a and a prayer that things get easier for you soon!
post #13 of 22


Take a deep breath and let the healing begin.

Great job on getting it all out. It all sounds so very painfuil but even though you are stressed you sound like you are clear headed and handeling it well.

You are an amazing mama and you are going an awesome job.

Keep working through your pain here.
post #14 of 22
s
i agree with chesire. the most important thing is to have a happy, healthy mama! do what you need to do to make that happen!
post #15 of 22
I also want to say that it is so good that you are seeking support! You have been through so much. I am sorry. I can only imagine how hurt you have been and are. You have definitely showed extreme courage and self-sacrifice these past three months. I had yeast in my nipples as I was nursing my infant and toddler tandem -and YIKES!!! It was terrible, TERRIBLE. I began a systemic yeast killing rampage -as I like to call it and was able to be free of the pain fairyly quickly (it was also in my mouth and vagina at the same time and my mouth smelled terrible!). I can't imagine what it was like to go undiagnosed for a week. I remember sitting with my eyes squeezed shut as dd began to nurse. I can sort of relate to the letdown, I am due to have my baby in less than 4 weeks and thought his is my third I still don't look forward to the 3-4 months of that let down sensation. It sounds like yours is more magnified than mine is. Mine only makes me uncomfortable - like it gives me the heebee geebees. I can barely stand it. If it is any consolation mine improved after 3-4 months.

I hope you've been able to get the help you need and make decisions that will help you to feel good physically as you are sorting through your emotions and trauma. I am also dealing with a recent hurt as I am too high risk to birth my baby vaginally in 4 weeks and it looks like it will be a miracle if I ever get that experience. Emotions are so confusing and illogical. But I think that as long as we keep looking to resolve them, the things that we need to heal will come to us. I've, personally, spent the last month crying over birth videos on youtube (I'm not even a cry-er), and singing what has become my new unexpected mantra "My Hands" by Jewel. I have been replacing the words in the chorus with "my uterus was hurt, I know. but it's not yours it is my own... I am never broken" I'm sure you can't exactly relate to this, but I just thought I'd share. This song found me "randomly" as I was seeking help and answers.

I would advise you to take a strong probiotic, and get a prescription for Nystatin (it is safe and pretty "natural" even though it is a prescription - you can do the research) to systemically kill off your yeast, it is safe while nursing. Yeast over-growth can cause alot of problems throughout your body including depression. And yeast is relatively easy to kill. It sounds like the yeast was already in your breasts/system before you began to breast feed, so I'd say that you already had a problem. And I'd also say to make sure that you give your baby an infant probiotic since we can give our babies yeast that will happily take over there systems causing tons of problems - in my case it has caused my children to have food allergies and sensitivities. I'm going to be giving this new baby probiotics in the hospital on his/her birthday. I want healthy bacteria in this child's system not yeast. Take care and let us know how you are.
post #16 of 22
s I'm sorry for what you've been through. I wish you had had a better experience.

I agree with other mamas who say you've worked so hard and need to cut yourself some slack now. For weaning and reducing milk supply, have you tried eating some foods that are known to reduce supply? Even cabbage leaves on your breasts in your bra all the time?
post #17 of 22
Oh I also have to add that I had incredible difficulties with my first dd that I was not able to overcome. I was suffering from PTSD and depression at the time, and didn't have the reserves to perservere through what some other mothers were able to live with.

You have to decide what you can live with. Don't compare yourself to other people. They are not living inside your body.

post #18 of 22
Thread Starter 

Update- one month later...

thanks so much for the encouragement, ladies.
for those of you struggling with oversupply, Red Clover Stilingia liquid herb works great for decreasing supply. i finally have my milk production under control and am no longer in pain. AND i can sleep without a bra on now! it's awesome!!
the problem i am still having is teaching my baby to eat from the breast rather than from the bottle. she has severe nipple confusion. and i am struggling from a lack of sleep from getting up every 3 hours still to pump. but we are spending our days topless-- lots of skin-to-skin contact-- and hopefully soon she will catch on the whole breastfeeding idea.
post #19 of 22
That's a really great update! I was about to suggest just doing what you needed to do to feel ok before I read that. I had to pump exclusively for 5 months before one of my preemie twins would latch on... I was dealing with extreme exhaustion, ppd, low supply, cracked bruised nipples and my body just didn't respond well to the pump. Another month later my other twin started bfing... it was healing for me to finally be able to do it.

The slower to bf twin weaned off the breast 3-4 months later due to oral aversion issues, but the other guy *still* bfs at least once per day at 3.5! I never thought it would go on so long.

Good luck with getting her to latch and glad to hear you are no longer in pain!
post #20 of 22

Trauma AFTER Birth

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Sending lots of Love your way. It saddens me to hear what you have gone through. Glad to hear you are doing better now though. I definitely recommend staying in contact with the LC for the remaining issues. Since you are still healing yourself coordinate with friends and family to get all the support you can if you haven't already. Talking to your care provider and determining whether you have baby blues or PPD will also help in getting you on track should you continue to feel depressed. In the meantime be good to yourself. Negative self talk isn't going to do you any good. I am so happy for you that things have turned around. You are an awesome MOM!!! Remember that. :::

Take care!
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