post #21 of 21

Chamberlina- I am so sorry for your loss; words cannot express. I can't imagine anything more painful than losing a child. You seem to be blaming yourself, which should not be the case. There are no cut-and-dry right or wrong answers when it comes to parenting, pregnancy or childbirth. I know that some of the reasons I chose a midwife are not because it simply sounded nicer, but because I truly believe it to be safer. Some prefer to have a doctor there, just in case, which is a totally legitimate decision. With the infant and maternal mortality rates so high here in the US, where most birth are attended by a doctor, I just don't believe it to always be safer. If a woman births a child with an epidural in her spine flat on her back, with all the interventions, and the baby is in distress, delivered via C-section and then dies or has cerebral palsy, no one blames the mother or the doctor. We say, "They did everything they could." But what if? What if she'd given birth at home with no interventions? Able to labor the way she chose? Would the child still have gone into distress? Would the child still have died? There is simply no way to know. Just as with your birth; would your child have lived had you had a doctor managing your labor and delivery? Or would your child have gone into distress even sooner and still passed? I'm sure that you did not choose a midwife believing that you were compromising you child's safety and well-being, but rather that you were choosing the best possible care for your child. I know this is easier said than done, but please don't feel that you are responsible.