Pissy, selfish, childish rant. - Page 2

[gonnabeamom]

Lisa,

Soapbox guy is the little red critter on top of the soapbox who's ranting his little smilie face off.

[hmpc2]

Adina & all the other moms...Rant away...Life isn't fair, and I hate it

I have not personally experienced infertility, but many of my close friends have and I walked the journey with them. With my personal situation I am not jealous of pregnant women (I feel that I don't know if there baby will survive or not), I just look longly at infants and children, wondering if that will ever be me or not. With infant loss, people are so quick to say, don't worry you can have another one, but nobody knows that...secondary infertility is a possiblity...etc...So to all of us who are longing to be pregnant or to have a baby

[Laurel]

Originally posted by gonnabeamom
Soapbox guy is the little red critter on top of the soapbox who's ranting his little smilie face off. [/B]

Boy do I feel dumb! I actually did a search under the name "soapbox guy" and of course came up with nothing!

[AdinaL]

Heather - thanks for posting. It is nice to have yet another perspective. I hope that your baby comes to you very soon!

[Astrid]

Aww thanks everyone. This is such a caring supportive environment, we are so lucky to have a place where people understand.

My rant - I am so tired of people (including my dr) saying all I need to do is relax and not think about it Does anyone else hear this advice? How can you NOT think about it?

to all of you

and Laurel :LOL

[coleslaw]

Anyone mind if I take a turn?


Just came off a bad, bad cycle and number 17 at that. Just when I think this is my month, and I am 100% sure (well, 99%), it all falls apart and leaves me a mess. I just don't know if I will be able to find any obnoxiously positive feelings anymore after this one. I'm just so very, very sick of it all and really wonder if all of this is worth it? I know I can say that here without someone saying "Of course it's worth it. Think of the little baby you will be holding someday." Right now, I can't even picture it. It's as if I was meant to only have one child. I don't like accepting the universe's plan for me when I have other plans!!!!!!!!!!! Why don't I have a say? It is MY life!!!!!

Thanks for starting this thread Adina!

[AdinaL]

Coleslaw -

I hear you. I am having trouble making that mental leap to actually being pregnant. I can imagine having a child at like 2 or 3 years old), I can imagine my period coming. I can picture everything, but getting that positive HPT and my period not showing up. That transition is the one thing that doesn't come to mind. Which is weird.

Astrid - the relax advice is the MOST annoying thing ever. And it usually comes from people who have no problem getting pregnant.... A woman I don't even know told me to relax and stop trying. I looked at here and said, yeah, that is going to work, cause I haven't tried that yet in this year and a half and of course stopping trying and relaxing is going to immediately result in a baby, gee why haven't I thought of that before? She just sort of stared at me blankly! :LOL
I don't think she appreciated my sarcasm.

[gonnabeamom]

The single best thing about not having told people we are TTC is no one can tell us to relax.

Coleslaw,

I really get wondering if it's worth it. A couple or months ago, my sex life was trashed, my relationship was teetering under the pressure, and I was a miserable moody wreck. I sort of felt like "I can't do this anymore, at least not this way" and I almost wonder if their wasn't another way to get a baby. Not rationally like "maybe we should consider adoption" or "time to try IVF" but just wondering if we couldn't order one somewhere, or just get one from a friend who has too many.

I suppose the good news is that it passed, and I'm okay again.

[RasJane]

I have not been trying for as long as some of you (2 years for me), but I have reached that point where I don't think it is worth it. I can't be an emotional wreck for at least 2 days out of every 26 and still be an effective mother and wife. I realized I needed to meet the responsiblities I have now. My son is here, and he needs me. He also really wants a sibling, but at what cost?
We are now pursuing adoption. We will most likely go through our church. Yeah, it will be a lot of money, but I got to a point where I asked, "what is it all worth to me?"
I am blessed to be able to find the money I need. It won't be easy, but we won't starve. After all, I am great at all kinds of soybean dishes and am the queen of rice!:LOL My heart aches for the women who just don't have this as a viable option.
I am not giving up entirely on ever being pregnant again. But I really feel like there is another child who needs to be in our family for some reason.
So, I am not leaving entirely, I'll still be back now and then (heck I don't spend a ton of time here now) but I think I will spend my ttc obsession time on my family and preparing for adoption.
I'll let ya all know how it goes.
You are all fantastic women. I that you do not all have the children you want. I know that you would all be terrific mothers.
Peace and love to you all,
Sarah

[pugmadmama]

Wow...I'm new here but I have to share how impressed I am with this thread. The support offered here has me, literally, in tears. I am so touched at the kindess, non-judgement and openess of community here. We're going to be away from home for a few weeks for the holidays, but I'll definatly be back.

Thank you so much to everyone who shared in this thread and to everyone who has read these words with a generous spirit.

[nitemarehippygirl]

i don't think you're being childish, or any of that other stuff. i feel pretty much the same way, and i haven't even been ttc for very long(especially as compared to many of you on the if board). it makes me nuts to hear practically everyone say they got pregnant the first or second month, without really "trying".
also, my hubby and i made the unfortunate mistake of telling our families that we were ttc. now i am having to face 1) everyone asking me, every time i speak to them, whether i'm pregnant (it's hard enough not to become obsessed, without being reminded constantly), 2) people saying things like "hmmm...i can't believe it's taking so long, do you think anything is wrong?" 3) these same people saying dumb things like "just relax", "stop worrying so much", etc etc blah blah. i guess it's our own fault for telling them, but i never dreamed that they would drive me nuts over it.
the whole situation is very depressing to me. every month, despite my attempts to stay calm, i start thinking that maybe this is the month...and then the big letdown.if i knew that i would definately get pregnant one day, i don't think that i would be so hung up on it. i think the big thing for me is wondering if something is wrong. fear of the unknown, i guess.

[Designeratheart]

I wanted to try to offer those of who actively ttc a little support. I've been married over 10 years, and never used birth control, so believe me, I SOOO know the feelings of frustration and anger. I won't go into all of my history b/c frankly, it's long and boring, but after a year of treatments with an IF specialist, I was at the end of my rope emotionally. We moved onto adoption, not knowing how/if we could afford it. We went with a non-profit agency (Catholic Charities--and we're not even Catholic) and they were really wonderful. We didn't care about race or gender and 7 months after we started the process, we brought home our beautiful dd. 10 months later we brought home our ds.

Not saying it was easy, and not saying it was cheap, but for us, not having kids was not an option, so we worked and worked to find a way to afford it. And going with CC, it was way cheaper than any other agency out there.

While I do sometimes mourn the ability to have a pg and birth (and breastfeeding), being a mom to my kids has healed a large part of the pain. If you feel at all called in that direction, please do try to find a way to make it happen. You'd be amazed at all the people I know who said they could never afford it who found a way to make it happen. Everything from borrowing money from family, to saving, to taking out home loans, etc... It is possible in most cases, it just takes a little creative financing. It just breaks my heart to see people who are where I used to be without hope.

If anyone wants more info, please feel free to ask. This is a passion of mine and I'm always willing to talk if someone wants more info.

Lots of to you ladies still trying. Man have I been there and I know how heartbreaking it is.

[AdinaL]

Holy Old Thread Batman!!!:LOL

Thanks Ladies.

[waiting4baby]

It may be an old thread, Adina, but it seems that a lot of women here feel the same! TTC is tough, tough, tough and people who haven't put so many months and mental energy into the concentrated effort won't understand the pain. It sucks!!

However, I keep telling myself that we will find a way!! And there is still time!! And no matter how obnoxiously idiotic other people are with their stupid comments, questions, and judgments, I am glad that I am TTC! I know in my heart of hearts I am ready to be a parent and their comments cannot diminish my resolve! And, I think that this process may actually increase the amount of joy when it eventually happens - my child is not someone that I will ever take for granted.

[magentamomma]

I know it's a very old thread but it made me weep,because it meant I am not alone

[umefey]

Sending you big s and really really hoping that theres a whole lot of pregnancy stuff happening for you soon (I would say "praying" as kind of a general term, but don't want to offend...)

Theres absolutley nothing wrong with venting, and you didn't sound at all pissy, selfish, or childish.

[Amy_Smith_bsw]

I hope venting and knowing we are reading and do care helps at least a little. You are right that this is not something that makes sense entirely, which makes the frustration all the more painful.

[Velveteen]

Just re-reading this thread, and it is such a good one. Imagine my surprise that I saw myself in the beginning of the journey! I wish I was still 41!!

[May-lily]

It makes me sad that so many of us are still here but I'm so proud of how strong we are and good to each other.
I know one day we will tell our children about this and it will be one more way they will know we have loved them so much and for so long.

M

[AdinaL]

It is funny to read thsi thread now..

To look at the signatures, see who has succeeded...who has had devastating losses.

There are still days I want to rant. But mostly, I feel tired, defeated. I don't get hopeful anymore. I just sort of keep going.

I have the meeting about my IVF meds next week, as well as a saline ultrasound (HSG lite:LOL)and a "trial embryo transfer." Bizarre shit. I keep taking my meds and things keep going....I guess I am just looking at it all with vague interest now, but that's it. I will probably only get excited when I am actually pregnant.....and probably not until well into the pregnancy. (Okay, I might get a little excited if the eggs fertilize..:LOL)