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Introvert Mamas?

post #1 of 796
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Definition: Contrary to what most people think, an introvert is not simply a person who is shy. In fact, being shy has little to do with being an introvert! Shyness has an element of apprehension, nervousness and anxiety, and while an introvert may also be shy, introversion itself is not shyness. Basically, an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people.

Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. After being with people for any length of time, such as at a party, they need time alone to "recharge."

When introverts want to be alone, it is not, by itself, a sign of depression. It means that they either need to regain their energy from being around people or that they simply want the time to be with their own thoughts. Being with people, even people they like and are comfortable with, can prevent them from their desire to be quietly introspective.

Being introspective, though, does not mean that an introvert never has conversations. However, those conversations are generally about ideas and concepts, not about what they consider the trivial matters of social small talk.
Whew I just survived another play date at my house! But it definitely is draining for me.
Any other mamas out there that fit the description above?
post #2 of 796
me! me! me!
post #3 of 796
Thread Starter 
Hello Bababa!
post #4 of 796
Yep, this is me...

I totally get drained from social interaction, especially the kind consisting mainly of smalltalk.
post #5 of 796
I was just wondering if there was an introvert tribe! I'm an ISTJ, for those familiar with the Myers Briggs types.

Just bought a book last week, The Introvert Advantage... haven't read it yet though.
post #6 of 796
Thread Starter 
Oh read it and then share the Cliff Notes version with us!
post #7 of 796
I've become more social since my son was born, but I'm still very much an introvert (and shy as well). I enjoy getting together with friends, but I'm nearly always relieved when it's time to go home.
post #8 of 796
Thread Starter 
We are doing a lot of playdates too. It stresses me less when there aren't tons of people though.
Last friday we had another couple visit with their daughter. That was perfect! I had a good time even though they stayed all day.
It's when we have lots of kids and lots of moms over that it really drives me nuts.
post #9 of 796
Quote:
Originally Posted by KBinSATX View Post
We are doing a lot of playdates too. It stresses me less when there aren't tons of people though.
I can't imagine hosting a playgroup. I get maxed out just from my own dd, much less other kids... much less other parents... much less making mindless chit chat with other parents when I can't run away cuz it's my house! :

Does anybody else find it hard to be a mom and an introvert at the same time? I'm a sahm, and my dd is almost 1. Just being with her all day and talking to her can really frazzle me. How do you get your alone time to recharge?
post #10 of 796
Quote:
Originally Posted by treehugz View Post
Does anybody else find it hard to be a mom and an introvert at the same time? I'm a sahm, and my dd is almost 1. Just being with her all day and talking to her can really frazzle me. How do you get your alone time to recharge?
Definitely! My son thrives on being around people, and constantly wants to show me stuff, play trains, sit in my lap while I'm typing, and talk-talk-talk. There are days when I think if I hear, "Hey Mama!" one more time, I'll lose my mind. Don't get me wrong - I love hearing what he has to say, but it can get overwhelming. My alone time is at nap (like now) and in the evening after dinner when my husband takes him for about an hour.
post #11 of 796
Quote:
Originally Posted by ktarsha View Post
My alone time is at nap (like now) and in the evening after dinner when my husband takes him for about an hour.
I always wind up doing chores during naptime. Some things are just easier to do without a little one crawling up my pants legs. But I should figure out how to get all the chores done so I can better use naptime for 'me' time. I'm sure I'd be a much happier mama.
post #12 of 796
Quote:
Originally Posted by KBinSATX View Post
Oh read it and then share the Cliff Notes version with us!
Okay, I'm only about halfway through, but I'm learning some interesting things. If you've ever felt critical of yourself for being an innie, it's very validating and explains a lot of our behaviors. There's a section on WHY people are introverted that's fascinating. In an easy-to-understand way, it goes into the possible genetic predisposition for people to be introverted and explains how our biology handles things differently than extroverts. I thought the section was going to be boring and was ready to skip it, but I'm glad I didn't ... very enlightening.

Will let you know of any more highlights! I got another book, Party of One: The Loner's Manifesto, that I'm hoping to read after this one.
post #13 of 796
I have learned to be social over the years, but I love to be left alone. My husband is a social butterfly and always bringing people over to our house. Having company energizes him but totally drains me. I like people. I just don't feel the need to be around them very often. Having kids forces me to be much more social than I ever used to be, and I really miss my alone time. At least two of my boys (the 3rd is too young to tell) are really extroverted like their dad, so they seem to have a hard time understanding why I want to lock myself in the bedroom and not talk to them for an hour sometimes.
post #14 of 796
I'm one of those! I always have been. I do feel the need for connection with other people I can share with, as probably everyone does. I love my friends, but I don't like big groups. Certain personalities really drain my energy, but it's also helpful for me to hang out with someone outgoing that can bring out that side of me. I like meeting new people, but I am picky about who my friends are.

My 6yr old DD is the same way. She has a few best friends she asks to see, but I just had to pull her out of kindergarten because school was so overwhelming for her. I think it was mainly the large group of kids (loud and boisterous), and having no control over anything. She needs plenty of time at home, or she gets really upset.

I can happily be a silent observer for a long time before there is something I want to say. I'm surprised sometimes when people say I'm quiet because my mind isn't quiet at all. I mean, I am used to hearing it, but I don't feel like that is who I am.

Last year I booked a night in a motel down the street just so I could be 100% alone. It was absolute heaven. Some of my friends thought I was totally insane. My sister asked me why I wouldn't at least want to bring a friend.
post #15 of 796
I am an INFJ. I have always known that I was an introvert, but it wasn't until I was about 30 that I felt "okay" with it. My mom is a total extrovert, and in her mind it is unhealthy and abnormal to be introverted, so I have spent years trying to improve myself out of it.

I have 3 kids, and one of them is a total introvert just like me.
post #16 of 796
LucyRev, I just LMAO in agreement to everything you just said.

I am an INTJ. I crave deep connection with people, but find social interactions to be draining in general. DS is a total extrovert, and I frequently feel the need to hide. A night all by myself sounds like heaven.

So how does our biology make introverts different? Anyone else have trouble finding friends as an introvert? It seems like mine move every time we get really close.
post #17 of 796
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by LucyRev View Post
I'm surprised sometimes when people say I'm quiet because my mind isn't quiet at all. I mean, I am used to hearing it, but I don't feel like that is who I am.
I've always felt that way too!
post #18 of 796
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by SeekingJoy View Post
Anyone else have trouble finding friends as an introvert? It seems like mine move every time we get really close.
Yes, I think being a mother just added to the difficulty of finding friends since it's sort of important that the kids click too if you spend a lot of time together.
post #19 of 796
I am an introvert, an INFJ. I used to be painfully shy, as well, but I find the older I get, the less shy I am. I find that it's easier for me to be more social if I make plans. This bothered a couple of my exes, who accused me of not being spontaneous. I responded that I can be very spontaneous; I just need to plan that on this day at this time I am going to be spontaneous. LOL. I am otherwise a very spontaneous person. It's just that I do better planning for social situations.

I find that sometimes I'll be in the mood to be around people but not directly interacting with them too much. Like I love to go to coffee shops and write--by myself at my own table.

And I love my friends and family--but I always need time to recharge. I come from a very large family with lots of sisters, brothers-in-law, nieces, nephews, etc. and sometimes spending a day with them is very taxing. If I spend a weekend with them, I find I need to get away for a little while--like go to a coffee shop and write for a couple hours. My family, however, doesn't understand this. I love them. I just need to recharge. Likewise, a good friend and her daughter visited me for the weekend recently and I was relieved to have some alone time when they left. That said, I really enjoyed their visit.

Intorversion is probably the hardest part of my personality for others to understand. I think they feel rejected when I need alone time. Also, I don't mean to imply that I don't enjoy being social--public poetry readings, gathering with friends, etc. But I'm always appreciative of the quiet drive home when I can reflect on the experience.
post #20 of 796
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