Introvert Mamas? - Page 6

[principii]

Oh YAY, me too! I HATE HATE HATE the phone. Mom and DH are the ONLY folks I can call w/o anxiety as well.

I too, have depression, GAD, and OCD... plus an eating disorder (currently in recovery)...

LucyRev, I'm like you, where

I don't mind being in crowds. I actually love crowds at concerts and festivals where I don't know anyone except a friend or two.

I LOVE being anonymous in a crowd. I loved France, sitting at a cafe, watching people pass. Pure bliss. No one to talk to, no INTERRUPTIONS!, just pure observation-time.
And then my book.

I never really thought of myself as an introvert though, until I started reading this thread and such, like crabbyowl saying

Oh, and DH is somehow convinced I'm actually an extrovert because apparently introverts never express their opinions or participate in conversations, even with people they know fairly well.

I thought (and my family too, and DH) that I was more extroverted, b/c with those few folks I DO let in my "bubble", I am very gregarious and engaging. Huh. Who knew.

[Starflower]

Originally Posted by principii

with those few folks I DO let in my "bubble", I am very gregarious and engaging. Huh. Who knew.

I am this way too. I can be very talkative with people. I like to have fun. I love to discuss things. But I HATE small talk. Getting to know people is really hard for me. Sometimes it seems like when I am with people, I want to be alone and when I am alone, I want to be with people. After having DD, the alone time is getting better because it's so rare. Plus I am a sculptor and I've been working on my art more in my alone time.

I don't mind being near people. If I were to be in a crowd, I'd usually have one close friend or my family with me but now that I think about it, I wonder if I might prefer to be on my own like a PP said. I like to go to movies alone. I don't have to interact and I can see whatever I want.

At festivals, I usually have to prep my brain first, then make sure I don't get hungry and forget to eat (causes anxiety) and then I also have to know where I can find a quieter place where I can just kind of settle down. During a concert or such where everyone is focused on one thing, I am good with the collective consciousness energy, but in places like malls or other chaotic venues, I need to have a retreat space or limited time.

One thing that is a little odd perhaps is that I sometimes do like to be the center of attention, but not in a way that I have to interact with people much. I acted in a play once and loved it. I belly dance and love performing (if my mood is right). And I can work in an office doing customer service or retail or whatever and be mostly fine. But these are all roles that I play. If I separate things into playing a role, I can do extroverted for awhile.

[Starflower]

Originally Posted by llp34

"Last year I booked a night in a motel down the street just so I could be 100% alone. It was absolute heaven. Some of my friends thought I was totally insane. My sister asked me why I wouldn't at least want to bring a friend. "

OMG, I FANTASIZE about doing this !!!! When I am totally overwhelmed, after a hard day and need to mentally go to a "happy place"....this is exactly what I imagine ! And when I drive past hotels around town, I think about how it would be to go spend a night there by myself, drinking decaf and reading until I drift off to sleep with nobody near me......oh, heaven !

Anyway...

I have this fantasy too! Someday I am going to do it for real.

[Starflower]

Ta-dah, your personality type is INFP!
Introverted (I) 96% Extraverted (E) 4%
Intuitive (N) 73% Sensing (S) 27%
Feeling (F) 70% Thinking (T) 30%
Perceiving (P) 77% Judging (J) 23%

Interesting to see the percentage breakdowns.

[mystic~mama]

check out this page on best matches for relationships for the personality types...

http://www.massmatch.com/MBTI-2.php?id=3

DP and are are "Possible" types for a relationship. I can see from reading this why that may be, this is interesting...love it...

Would be curious to know where others match up with their SO's

[principii]

Oh-ho. Uh-oh. Ahem. My DH took the personality quiz this morning at my request. He's an INTJ! Which is a "least likely" match for me (INFP) according to the massmatch website... (a super-cool site, btw )
Anyhow, I did go to Barnes & Noble this morning and really delved into the Introvert Advantage. SUPER INTERESTING STUFF!!! Wow. I'm really loving this. : Anyhow, I really do think my DH & I have a pretty solid relationship, regardless (I do tremble when I read that our temperaments/personalities aren't well-suited, but... I'm trying not to give it TOO much credit or self-fulfill a prophecy there, anyway)... okay I'm rambling/all over the place...

I read in the Introvert Advantage that innies can SAY half of their thought, leaving people confused. I do this ALL the time (in posts, especially!) LOL.

Like one pp said, I don't FEEL introverted b/c my head is noisy.

Anyway! Mighty interesting, lots of food for thought (which I love, of course)...

[Sustainer]

Originally Posted by principii

Oh-ho. Uh-oh. Ahem. My DH took the personality quiz this morning at my request. He's an INTJ! Which is a "least likely" match for me (INFP) according to the massmatch website...

He's a perfect match for me! Send him over!

Originally Posted by principii

Anyhow, I really do think my DH & I have a pretty solid relationship, regardless (I do tremble when I read that our temperaments/personalities aren't well-suited, but... I'm trying not to give it TOO much credit or self-fulfill a prophecy there, anyway)... okay I'm rambling/all over the place...

Seriously, you don't need to worry about it ONE BIT. You can't put people into boxes the way that quiz and those match ups do. If you and your dh get along then you get along and that's the real authority.

[Sustainer]

I'm an INTJ and dp is an ISTJ. Under ISTJ, INTJ is listed as a 'best type for a relationship.' Under INTJ, ISTJ is not listed anywhere and INFP is listed under two different categories, so I think there's an error.

[KBinSATX]

Originally Posted by Sustainer

I'm an INTJ and dp is an ISTJ. Under ISTJ, INTJ is listed as a 'best type for a relationship.' Under INTJ, ISTJ is not listed anywhere and INFP is listed under two different categories, so I think there's an error.

Hm. My DH is an ISTJ too (and I am an INTJ). Perhaps the above means we are the best possible match for our DH's but we ourselves could have done better!

Just kidding!

[Sustainer]

Originally Posted by KBinSATX;

Perhaps the above means we are the best possible match for our DH's but we ourselves could have done better!

I wasn't gonna say it

[KBinSATX]

I do like being married to another 'I' though. When we first started dating we'd go 'out' to festivals and such (which really stresses me out. I don't like big crowd events at all) because we thought we had to be sociable and 'fun' to be good dates and once we got to know each other and found out we both were relieved when we got to leave and go home where it's quiet we laughed ... and haven't been to any big crowd events since.

[itsajenism]

Originally Posted by ~kitnkaboodle~

I just took that test and this is EXACTLY me lol... I got 100% introverted lol

Ta-dah, your personality type is INTJ!
Introverted (I) 100% Extraverted (E) 0%
Intuitive (N) 59% Sensing (S) 41%
Thinking (T) 70% Feeling (F) 30%
Judging (J) 77% Perceiving (P) 23%

Another 100% introvert here.

Personality test results

Ta-dah, your personality type is ISTJ!

Introverted (I) 100%Extraverted (E) 0%
Sensing (S) 50%Intuitive (N) 50%
Thinking (T) 65%Feeling (F) 35%
Judging (J) 73%Perceiving (P) 27%

---

I think only having 174 posts in 4 years is another good indicator.

There is another message board (completely unrelated to mom/parenting sites) I have belonged to for 9 years now and have less than 600 posts there.

[crabbyowl]

Originally Posted by Starflower

One thing that is a little odd perhaps is that I sometimes do like to be the center of attention, but not in a way that I have to interact with people much. I acted in a play once and loved it. I belly dance and love performing (if my mood is right). And I can work in an office doing customer service or retail or whatever and be mostly fine. But these are all roles that I play. If I separate things into playing a role, I can do extroverted for awhile.

Me too! I'm a sabre fencer (or at least I was before we ended up not having the money for it anymore two years ago ), and I'm a TOTAL alpha-female when I fence! I'm super aggressive and can't stand losing, especially to other women. I was once told that I attack like a barbarian, and yes it was meant as a compliment! I'm a totally different person than I am normally. : (And I've always wanted to use that smiley!)

[KBinSATX]

Hm. I think being drained by having to interact with large groups of people isn't the same to me as being competitive, etc. IMO.
Before I had kids I rode (horses) in competition and of course I loved winning, etc. I also was a marketing major and in college I also enjoyed giving presentations, etc.
Now send me to the mall 3 days before christmas... whole different story!

[DownToEarth]

Originally Posted by itsajenism

I think only having 174 posts in 4 years is another good indicator.

Hey you have me beat. I have 45, well 46 with this one, in the last 3 years.

[mystic~mama]

[mystic~mama]

Another website I saw said all my matches were Extroverts...I personally feel I would rather be with another Intro...

[Starflower]

Originally Posted by mystic~mama

Another website I saw said all my matches were Extroverts...I personally feel I would rather be with another Intro...

DP is less intro than me and can handle and greatly enjoys concerts/festivals..(ones where his fav's play anyway)....but me on the other hand, I get quite a bit of anxious, almost of panic, fight or flight feeling,,,,I have had some fantastic times dancing at shows but it has to be the right time and energy for me otherwise it is hellish...usually at that time of the month when I get super sensitive to all stimuli....

I feel the same way - if the mood is right, I'm great. Otherwise it's like torture.

And now for something completely different.......

Right now I am feeling worried about a meeting at the end of the week. I am newly elected to be a board member at our UU church. But the first meeting of the new board was quite overwhelming. I left feeling confused, my brain overfilled, and I felt scattered. I just read the minutes to be approved before our next meeting and now I'm feeling all the same ways again.

I really hope it calms down a bit. I do like to get out and do adult things with adult people and use my brain. I am currently a SAHM and this is why I agreed to serve on the board - so I could do some work I care about with other adults. But now I am having second thoughts. I've decided to just ride it out for awhile and see if I can settle into it, but right now it's stressing me out.

The actual meetings only have 9 people and I know all of them and they're nice people. I volunteered to act as the new secretary - mostly taking minutes and sending out email communications, stuff I normally do in the committee I was already on and will be leaving. But later I found out there is a task listed on my position that may involve uncomfortable phone calls. I have decided that I am going to have to tell the other board members that I just cannot do that task. I think the out-going secretary will be willing to do this part, but it still makes me nervous and I am doubting myself a lot.

I can't wait until the library gets my Introvert Power book in so I can focus my nervousness on finding introvert-friendly ways of being effective rather than feeling like it's a liability.

[Juuulie]

Originally Posted by Starflower

Right now I am feeling worried about a meeting at the end of the week. I am newly elected to be a board member at our UU church. But the first meeting of the new board was quite overwhelming. I left feeling confused, my brain overfilled, and I felt scattered. I just read the minutes to be approved before our next meeting and now I'm feeling all the same ways again.

<snip>

The actual meetings only have 9 people and I know all of them and they're nice people. I volunteered to act as the new secretary - mostly taking minutes and sending out email communications, stuff I normally do in the committee I was already on and will be leaving. But later I found out there is a task listed on my position that may involve uncomfortable phone calls. I have decided that I am going to have to tell the other board members that I just cannot do that task. I think the out-going secretary will be willing to do this part, but it still makes me nervous and I am doubting myself a lot.

Funny, I just joined the board of a non-profit and went through similar thoughts & feelings. In addition to being extremely introverted, I have the problem that although this non-profit's mission is something I care deeply about, I don't have much experience or outside knowledge to bring to the table. So I was feeling doubly insecure... until I had a private conversation with the ED which resulted in a great meeting where we all talked quite explicitly about what each person's role on the board would be. (I mean role in terms of personality, not job description.) Just getting the topic out in the open helped a lot and I am much more comfortable with the board now. They KNOW I'm not going to be the one schmoozing with donors!

I would strongly encourage you to do the same. Bring it up at the next meeting (or in private, like I did). I'm sure your org would rather have people do the tasks they are best suited for.

[~PurityLake~]

Well, 4th of July was a hit for the kids. The heat made me feel ill. I drank lots of water, and even ate watermelon in between, but the heat was just too much for me. I had a headache for a couple days after. No one spoke to me, I spoke to no one other than my girls, stepson and husband, because I didn't know anyone there. It was a bit depressing and I hate thinking about how isolated I feel. I don't know why no one up here ever talks to me or starts conversations with me like people used to do all the time. All I can figure is because now I'm older, fatter, and less appealing. Or maybe now I am just less enthusiastic and less hopeful and maybe other people sense that about me and stay away.

Originally Posted by mystic~mama

I'm glad to hear that mama...their definitely more of us out there....I wear camisole tops underneath (I cut out the elastic part)...seems totally normal to me now after about 4 years and it is true what they say about your breasts getting healthier, I nursed for 4.5 years and mine are aging pretty gracefully...

blessings

Well, I have been bra free since being frustrated with my nursing bras. I was always without a bra after work once home, but after having my daughters, I haven't worked. Therefore, I've had little to no need for a bra. I'm still self-conscious, though. Years of my mom's influence are not easy to remove from one's mind. But I'm happy with my choice. I'm afraid if I ever return to work, I'll once again feel the pressure to wear a bra and the decision alone will stress me out.

From the personality site:
I tested as ISFJ, so I'm not all that introverted after all.

Strong need to belong and to have harmony
Very good with details and the here-and-now
Trust the lessons of the past, rather than try new things
Amazing command of the facts
Do not like confrontation
Need to be appreciated for their contributions
Under stress: can become rigid

Best types for a relationship: ISFJ, ENFJ, ESTJ
Possible types for a relationship: ESFJ, ESTP, ISFP, INFJ, INFP, ESFP, ISTJ, ISFP
Least likely types for a relationship: ENTJ, INTJ, ENTP, INTP, ENFP
Percentage of the US population: 9-12%

But I am a rare specimen, being only 9-12% of the US population. Perhaps it's just proof that I should be living in another country.