Introvert Mamas? - Page 7

[principii]

Originally Posted by ~Purity♥Lake~

But I am a rare specimen, being only 9-12% of the US population. Perhaps it's just proof that I should be living in another country.

That's funny... I have ALWAYS wanted to move to another country... and my MB personality comprises 1-2% of the US population. I wonder which country (statistically speaking) would be my best fit. (where's those Facebook quizzes when you need 'em!! )

[mich]

Hi everyone, can I jump in? I has been wonderful reading through the thread. I have been really struggling with this lately. My parents came and stayed with us for almost 6 weeks, it was great and stressful at the same time. They left on Sunday and I swear it's going to take me a week (or more!) to recover.

We have family staying with a lot through out the year. Anyone else? I would love some tips on how to manage it. I seem to have a hard time expressing my needs and requesting anything from guests.

I have been turning down outing invites and even canceled some things for this week. I just need to lay low and recharge.

I am usually an ISFP, sometimes an INFP. I also have a history of anxiety and depression. My husband is very understanding and supportive, but I don't have any introvert girlfriends in real life. My closest friends are more extroverts, so at times like this I can end up feeling very alone.

Thanks

[~PurityLake~]

Originally Posted by principii

That's funny... I have ALWAYS wanted to move to another country... and my MB personality comprises 1-2% of the US population. I wonder which country (statistically speaking) would be my best fit. (where's those Facebook quizzes when you need 'em!! )

There is one called.. what country should you live in... my result was Sweden. lol

[~PurityLake~]

Originally Posted by principii

Oh YAY, me too! I HATE HATE HATE the phone. Mom and DH are the ONLY folks I can call w/o anxiety as well.

I too, have depression, GAD, and OCD... plus an eating disorder (currently in recovery)...

LucyRev, I'm like you, where
I LOVE being anonymous in a crowd. I loved France, sitting at a cafe, watching people pass. Pure bliss. No one to talk to, no INTERRUPTIONS!, just pure observation-time.
And then my book.

I never really thought of myself as an introvert though, until I started reading this thread and such, like crabbyowl saying
I thought (and my family too, and DH) that I was more extroverted, b/c with those few folks I DO let in my "bubble", I am very gregarious and engaging. Huh. Who knew.

You sound a lot like me.

[principii]

~Purity♥Lake~... thank you so much for your replies! I'll have to look up that quiz.

~~~~~~~~

Onto other realms... I've been reading the lovely Introvert Advantage. As a part of "flexing" my extrovert muscles, I'm posting here now to challenge everybody to - ahem - keep posting. I have trouble with this myself. I will relate to such-and-such case scenario... then move on. I will open up, air myself to the world (so to speak), then just as abruptly, shut down. Any other mamas like this?

I just made myself smile over the irony of "so to speak"... let's add NERD to the list of this introvert.

[jrabbit]

hello, can I join? I've always known I was an introvert, but I struggle with making it work in my life. I ***want*** to be an activist on many levels. I owned a resale shop for 6 years, where I interacted and promoted and forced myself to be a community activist. 3 years into it, I had an emotional breakdown, which led to me getting out of the business. Looking back, I think that I really just couldn't handle that public life. I've been out of it for a year now, and I'm still learning how to be a mama, but I haven't found a happy place yet.

I took that quiz now, with these results:
Introverted (I) 93%Extraverted (E) 7%
Intuitive (N) 68%Sensing (S) 32%
Thinking (T) 55%Feeling (F) 45%
Perceiving (P) 64%Judging (J) 36%

I think N & T & P used to be a higher percentage, and my public persona mellowed me out. good or bad I can't really say.

I hate the phone. I cry in social confrontations. I am borderline agoraphobic. I'd be happiest on a small hippie commune. Say with 3-4 families who I didn't "have" to interact with.

gotta go. teething baby.

--janis

[MamieCole]

Hello my fellow introverted mamas.

Another INFP checking in.

I've read this thread with my head nodding the entire time. I can so relate...the definition in the first post is me to a T.

I'm not shy at all and actually enjoy speaking or performing in front of other people, but I LOATHE the small-talk, play-date, cocktail party type intereaction. Ugh.

I've realized that the few close friends I have are all very extroverted. Which I suppose is good, since if it were left up to me to initiate social contact and activities with them it would probably never happen. heh.

My DH is sort of middle of the road between introverted and extroverted. One huge difference is that I need quiet alone time free from expectations of conversation or interaction. When we were first dating, I knew he was a good fit for me when we could just sit and watch tv or whatever with having to talk. I LOVE comfortable silence! I found out later he thought "something was bothering" me when I didn't initiate conversation and that when I was quiet I must be sad or mad. It made him totally self-conscious to have no talking. Once I met his mother, I realized where he got that idea... The woman never shuts up, ever. Needless to say, we don't hang out with his mother very often. After 5 years of marriage he has gotten pretty good at giving me my silent time and only rarely takes it personally.

Interestingly enough, being a SAHM is a really good fit for me. I much prefer being at home with DS than having to go out into the world and tolerate other adults all day. That doesn't sound very nice...but in all honesty, tolerate is the best word to describe how I feel about everyone outside my immediate family and close friends. Other people usually exhaust me. I don't get much time to think or talk outloud to myself during the day with being a SAHM, so I get my time to think and recharge by lying awake at night for an hour or so after DS and DH have gone to sleep.

It's been really great reading about so many of you who are in the same boat. Or, rather, in very similar individual boats for one.

[PGTlatte]

Originally Posted by MamieCole

I don't get much time to think or talk outloud to myself during the day with

I do this too...sometimes for hours. The next day I'm very tired, but also refreshed somehow....I need my thinking time more than I need sleep I guess. The most frustrating thing to me about being a SAHM with two young kids is the constant interruptions. I get really frazzled by that. When I was working I worked alone 99% of the time; not physically alone but at least in my own little space and I was hardly ever interrupted. Now at home if anyone else who lives here is awake, I am constantly interrupted. My thoughts get broken and go all over the place. I need that time at night to put my head back together.

[KBinSATX]

Originally Posted by llp34

The most frustrating thing to me about being a SAHM with two young kids is the constant interruptions. I get really frazzled by that. When I was working I worked alone 99% of the time; not physically alone but at least in my own little space and I was hardly ever interrupted. Now at home if anyone else who lives here is awake, I am constantly interrupted. My thoughts get broken and go all over the place. I need that time at night to put my head back together.

Yes I am having a hard time with this too. I used to coordinate multi million $ projects. Now I can barely remember what day it is! It's like my brain fell victim to mommyhood.

Interesting that previous poster mentioned SAHM being a good fit. For me it's very tough. I strongly believe in AP but constantly having somebody on my is really draining. I miss the time to myself I had when I was working...

[LucyRev]

Originally Posted by principii

I read in the Introvert Advantage that innies can SAY half of their thought, leaving people confused. I do this ALL the time (in posts, especially!) LOL.

Like one pp said, I don't FEEL introverted b/c my head is noisy.

I think I do that saying half of my thought thing quite often. Oops. I assume they know what I'm talking about, or at least where I'm coming from. I finish my sentences though. I have a very extroverted friend (more of a very long time acquaintance) who trails off half her words within half of a sentence and then says, "ya know?" leaving me completely bewildered.

And that was me with the noisy head and quiet mouth. I get very chatty with close friends though.

Originally Posted by principii

I just made myself smile over the irony of "so to speak"... let's add NERD to the list of this introvert.

I love a good word nerd

Originally Posted by MamieCole

Hello my fellow introverted mamas.

Another INFP checking in.

I've read this thread with my head nodding the entire time. I can so relate...the definition in the first post is me to a T.

I'm not shy at all and actually enjoy speaking or performing in front of other people, but I LOATHE the small-talk, play-date, cocktail party type intereaction. Ugh.

I've realized that the few close friends I have are all very extroverted. Which I suppose is good, since if it were left up to me to initiate social contact and activities with them it would probably never happen. heh.

My DH is sort of middle of the road between introverted and extroverted. One huge difference is that I need quiet alone time free from expectations of conversation or interaction. When we were first dating, I knew he was a good fit for me when we could just sit and watch tv or whatever with having to talk. I LOVE comfortable silence! I found out later he thought "something was bothering" me when I didn't initiate conversation and that when I was quiet I must be sad or mad. It made him totally self-conscious to have no talking. Once I met his mother, I realized where he got that idea... The woman never shuts up, ever. Needless to say, we don't hang out with his mother very often. After 5 years of marriage he has gotten pretty good at giving me my silent time and only rarely takes it personally.

Interestingly enough, being a SAHM is a really good fit for me. I much prefer being at home with DS than having to go out into the world and tolerate other adults all day. That doesn't sound very nice...but in all honesty, tolerate is the best word to describe how I feel about everyone outside my immediate family and close friends. Other people usually exhaust me. I don't get much time to think or talk outloud to myself during the day with being a SAHM, so I get my time to think and recharge by lying awake at night for an hour or so after DS and DH have gone to sleep.

It's been really great reading about so many of you who are in the same boat. Or, rather, in very similar individual boats for one.

Amy, you sound very similar to me. And we both live in Westside PDX, and I don't think we've ever met! Wait, maybe we have.... I can't remember. Do you have two boys? I've always wished it would be acceptable to host a westside playdate and only invite 2 or 3 mamas. Not that I don't like everyone, but I hate trying to inject myself in conversation in a group. I never know the right time, and then I wait too long and end up interrupting someone. :

I also like being able to stay home. Now we're homeschooling, so that's even better. However, it's also worse because getting alone time is harder.

[crabbyowl]

I'm also an INFP - for a group that only makes up about 1% of the population there sure are a lot of us here, relatively speaking! It's so good to have some contact with those who are the same "type" of person as me, since IRL I seem to be so different from everyone else.

I've also requested Introvert Advantage from the library, and am looking forward to (attempting to) reading it. I used to read all the time, but now have to really make time for it.

Principii, that absolutely describes me! I'm sure it's a big part of why DH finds me frustrating to deal with at times, because I can be having a really great time talking with someone but have little interest in initiating contact with that person later, and when I do see them again I may or may not have anything else to say to them.

[KBinSATX]

I am so glad I started this thread!

[Starflower]

Any other introverts here spend a good amount of time typing up responses on websites like MDC or FB and then just delete them in the end?

[MamieCole]

Originally Posted by LucyRev

Amy, you sound very similar to me. And we both live in Westside PDX, and I don't think we've ever met! Wait, maybe we have.... I can't remember. Do you have two boys? I've always wished it would be acceptable to host a westside playdate and only invite 2 or 3 mamas. Not that I don't like everyone, but I hate trying to inject myself in conversation in a group. I never know the right time, and then I wait too long and end up interrupting someone. :

I have just the one DS. He's almost 3 now. And I have a DD who is in high school. I don't think we have met...unless of course you hang out in my living room. : We've been here two years and the only people I have really gotten to know are my next door neighbors. I had really good intentions when we first moved here. Posted to the westside thread a few times and was going to make myself go to a playdate or field trip. Shockingly that never happened. heh. Now it is two years later and we are moving back to California in a couple of weeks. I suppose the upside is that since I don't have any close friends up here, it doesn't make it difficult to leave.

And I TOTALLY don't have the conversation interjecting skills either. While other people are talking I think of something completely related to the conversation, but by the time I figure out how and when to interject, the topic has changed. A 2-3 person playdate would be so much better. I think you should just go for it!

[MamieCole]

Originally Posted by Starflower

Any other introverts here spend a good amount of time typing up responses on websites like MDC or FB and then just delete them in the end?

OMG I do that all of the time!

[LucyRev]

Originally Posted by Starflower

Any other introverts here spend a good amount of time typing up responses on websites like MDC or FB and then just delete them in the end?

I promised myself not to do that anymore, but I often hit the multi quote button to reply to a bunch of people and then just decide to skip it.

Amy, sorry we won't ever get to meet.

I think there are good amount of introverts online in forums because it's just the perfect amount of connection and "social" activity for us. We can weed through the b.s. and just talk about what we want. In our own homes.

I also have a bad habit of talking too quietly, or not looking up from what I'm doing when I talk. My 6 yr old introverted DD does it too, and now I know why it is so irritating to my DH.

[~PurityLake~]

Originally Posted by LucyRev

I think there are good amount of introverts online in forums because it's just the perfect amount of connection and "social" activity for us. We can weed through the b.s. and just talk about what we want. In our own homes.

or bow out of a conversation that is overly confrontational with dignity. And without tripping over a chair or something.

[mama_daba]

Originally Posted by Starflower

Any other introverts here spend a good amount of time typing up responses on websites like MDC or FB and then just delete them in the end?

i do that a lot, even with this thread

[Sustainer]

Originally Posted by Starflower

Any other introverts here spend a good amount of time typing up responses on websites like MDC or FB and then just delete them in the end?

I do that sometimes.

I actually typed something on FB a little while ago and thought for a while about whether or not to post it, and then I got up the courage and posted it, and then it turned out I had really and I wished I hadn't posted it. Doesn't give me much courage for next time.

[LucyRev]

Originally Posted by ~Purity♥Lake~

or bow out of a conversation that is overly confrontational with dignity. And without tripping over a chair or something.

So true! I have had a couple of bad foot in mouth moments lately. In real life. Good lord, I hate that. I completely misunderstand what someone means and then I reply back totally inappropriately for the situation. And then I figure it out and want to crawl under a rock.