Introvert Mamas? - Page 8

[kai28]

Originally Posted by Starflower

Any other introverts here spend a good amount of time typing up responses on websites like MDC or FB and then just delete them in the end?

Yes!

I'm new to this part of the MDC forum - I was hanging out in the pregnancy forum while pregnant last fall/winter, but that got kind of overwhelming, so I faded away.

I'm an introvert (the introvert advantage was a great book), as is my husband. I know I need to take my son out (nearly 3 months) to see new places & things, and we do, but it takes a lot of energy to deal with random people who come up to talk to me about the baby. I have to put on some mental armor to prepare for the interactions. They're all fine - nothing bad ever comes of it - but it's tiring.

[Starflower]

I just got email notification from the library that "Introvert Power" is in and waiting for me! Yay! I hope I can get it today!

kai28 - I know what you mean about people being interested in the baby and coming up to you. I actually found that after awhile I could deal with that better than regular chit-chat with strangers because I only talked about the baby.

My DD is now 6 years old and is very outgoing. I've learned to use DD's extroverted tendencies as an ice-breaker (she'll go up to people and introduce us), but I do still often feel like I am talking myself into a hole at times. I feel better adept at conversation than I used to be, but it really depends upon my frame of mind, the type of people I am trying to talk to, etc.

I am also very attuned to other peoples' reactions/emotions and tend to feel aware that I am staring at them while I am talking to them. It's almost like if I am not really engaged in a conversation - such as with the dreaded small talk - I feel like I am listening to my own words ramble while trying to think of what to say at the same time as studying their faces. It's kind of surreal.

[~PurityLake~]

Originally Posted by Starflower

I am also very attuned to other peoples' reactions/emotions and tend to feel aware that I am staring at them while I am talking to them. It's almost like if I am not really engaged in a conversation - such as with the dreaded small talk - I feel like I am listening to my own words ramble while trying to think of what to say at the same time as studying their faces. It's kind of surreal.

I think you just nailed it. I am so in tune to facial expressions, body language and the unspoken word (and a whole lot of empathy - feeling what they are feeling), that while in conversation with someone, I feel overwhelmed by all the input and my attempts to decipher it all.

[principii]

... I just got a book from the library today that I simply can't put down. In fact, I only put it down to post about it here ...

It's called Nurture by Nature, Understand Your Child's Personality Type by Paul Tieger & Barbara Barron-Tieger. All I can say is: get it. It's great.

But then again, I rather got detoured from the whole Introvert Advantage (which I devoured too) by researching and learning more about the MBTI classifications of the personalities. Then I found Keirsey, and am delving into Please Understand Me as well. Totally fascinating stuff.

~~~

Originally Posted by Starflower
Any other introverts here spend a good amount of time typing up responses on websites like MDC or FB and then just delete them in the end?

For my two cents, I am the World's Number One Lurker. I don't even get my thoughts into the text box. I definitely "mentally" reply to everything. But fear of putting-foot-in-mouth, too many bad experiences (mostly as a kid), not wanting to hurt others or get hurt myself, hyperanalyzing every word I say (how a,b,c,x,y, and z people will interpret it... how to readjust to add the miscellaneous g,h, and i folks into my reply so nobody feels left out, the inevitable WHAT IFS)... needless to say all my thoughts get stuck/rammed all together in their exodus and voila, *nothing* comes out.
When I do type (and I promise, I'm almost done), I don't even let myself reread it. And then I have to quickly... POST! Like now, before I do delete it on impulse, out of fear... ack.

[Sustainer]

I have absolutely ZERO ability to interpret body language and unspoken word and hints and signals and things like that. If people want me to pick up on something, they need to come right out and say it. I think a lot of people expect me to be able to pick up on subtleties simply because I'm a woman, and they end up thinking I'm rude because they think I'm deliberately ignoring their unspoken messages.

[Starflower]

I got about halfway through "Introvert Power" last night. Pretty interesting read so far. I'll elaborate more later after I finish it and more time to think about it.

I also wanted to bump our thread so it didn't get too buried.

[KBinSATX]

Originally Posted by Sustainer

I have absolutely ZERO ability to interpret body language and unspoken word and hints and signals and things like that. If people want me to pick up on something, they need to come right out and say it. I think a lot of people expect me to be able to pick up on subtleties simply because I'm a woman, and they end up thinking I'm rude because they think I'm deliberately ignoring their unspoken messages.

I think my problem is more that I am too direct. I always thought it was a cultural thing (I am from Europe) but perhaps it's an Introvert thing as well?

[Starflower]

We had our church board meeting today. It went pretty well - I just hope I can read my messy notes before typing up the minutes!

We have a short check-in at the beginning of each meeting. I used my check-in today to tell everyone that I was exploring my introvertedness and that if I seem especially quiet on things, I am probably just thinking. I also told them that I will be using my research to see what gifts I can best bring to the table. I think they all understood - and after that, one other person also spoke up about being an introvert (I already could tell she was). So I feel good about my role in the meetings and feel confident that if any telephoning needs done relative to my secretarial position that I can farm that out to one of the extroverts.

Yesterday, my DH and I talked a bit about introvert/extrovert stuff. He identifies as an introvert, but says he has quite a lot of both in him. He can easily attend festivals and seems OK at parties for the most part. But he also likes to do a lot of solo, quieter activities. He is a computer programmer so he spends most of his professional days doing his own thing without many interruptions. He takes the bus to and from work (and doesn't get carsick) so he uses that time to read his gazillion sci-fi books.

He also recognizes my need for space since my day to day work is being a SAHM and homeschooler with our wonderful and very extroverted DD. So DH has been trying very hard to get me some down time. He's actually always encouraged this, but until I really started exploring it, I don't think I quite understood how important is really was for me. I have stopped resisting it, and I think that's a good thing.

One huge change we are making is with regards to homeschooling. While I know introverts who are happy homeschoolers, I feel unable to meet DD's extrovert needs with play dates, park dates, classes, etc through our homeschool networks. It's just too much for me to organize for her and I find myself exhausted after park days and chit chat all the time. We have enrolled DD part-time in a private democratic school for the fall. This has been a hard decision for me, but DD is really excited about it. And, I am starting to no longer feel guilty about giving up my dream of homeschooling. The school we found meshes with our educational philosophy and will be just part time for now which suits our needs at this point. I think it will benefit DD because it will meet her people needs while meeting my alone-time needs.

Now we are trying to figure out how to get couple-time into the balance because that seems to be lacking at the moment.

[Autumn C.]

Originally Posted by Starflower

We had our church board meeting today. It went pretty well - I just hope I can read my messy notes before typing up the minutes!

We have a short check-in at the beginning of each meeting. I used my check-in today to tell everyone that I was exploring my introvertedness and that if I seem especially quiet on things, I am probably just thinking. I also told them that I will be using my research to see what gifts I can best bring to the table. I think they all understood - and after that, one other person also spoke up about being an introvert (I already could tell she was). So I feel good about my role in the meetings and feel confident that if any telephoning needs done relative to my secretarial position that I can farm that out to one of the extroverts.

Yesterday, my DH and I talked a bit about introvert/extrovert stuff. He identifies as an introvert, but says he has quite a lot of both in him. He can easily attend festivals and seems OK at parties for the most part. But he also likes to do a lot of solo, quieter activities. He is a computer programmer so he spends most of his professional days doing his own thing without many interruptions. He takes the bus to and from work (and doesn't get carsick) so he uses that time to read his gazillion sci-fi books.

He also recognizes my need for space since my day to day work is being a SAHM and homeschooler with our wonderful and very extroverted DD. So DH has been trying very hard to get me some down time. He's actually always encouraged this, but until I really started exploring it, I don't think I quite understood how important is really was for me. I have stopped resisting it, and I think that's a good thing.

One huge change we are making is with regards to homeschooling. While I know introverts who are happy homeschoolers, I feel unable to meet DD's extrovert needs with play dates, park dates, classes, etc through our homeschool networks. It's just too much for me to organize for her and I find myself exhausted after park days and chit chat all the time. We have enrolled DD part-time in a private democratic school for the fall. This has been a hard decision for me, but DD is really excited about it. And, I am starting to no longer feel guilty about giving up my dream of homeschooling. The school we found meshes with our educational philosophy and will be just part time for now which suits our needs at this point. I think it will benefit DD because it will meet her people needs while meeting my alone-time needs.

Now we are trying to figure out how to get couple-time into the balance because that seems to be lacking at the moment.

How great for you to be so proactive in exploring your introvertedness (if that's even a word.) I don't know if I'd ever have the guts to stand up and educate people on what being an introvert means.

As far as homeschooling goes, I think what works is what works. And it's entirelly possible that in the future some other arrangement might work.

And let me know how you figure out couple time I could use some suggestions in that area.

[KBinSATX]

Wow. Good for you Starflower for figuring out what will work best for you and being open about it with others. I bet you'll be much happier this way!

[Maine Mama Doula]

Subbing. I am definitely introverted. I have to know somebody for years before I really open up to them. People describe me as quiet and sometimes I feel antisocial, so definitely introverted. Thankfully I have a long commute to and from work everyday. I say that I wish I didn't, but it does give me that time to wind down and think and prepare for the next attack for attention.

[treehugz]

Originally Posted by principii

... I just got a book from the library today that I simply can't put down. In fact, I only put it down to post about it here ...It's called Nurture by Nature, Understand Your Child's Personality Type by Paul Tieger & Barbara Barron-Tieger. All I can say is: get it. It's great.

I'll have to check that one out... they wrote a similar book for couple relationships I've been wanting to read too called Just Your Type: Create the Relationship You've Always Wanted Using the Secrets of Personality Type

Originally Posted by principii

For my two cents, I am the World's Number One Lurker. I don't even get my thoughts into the text box. I definitely "mentally" reply to everything. But fear of putting-foot-in-mouth, too many bad experiences (mostly as a kid), not wanting to hurt others or get hurt myself, hyperanalyzing every word I say (how a,b,c,x,y, and z people will interpret it... how to readjust to add the miscellaneous g,h, and i folks into my reply so nobody feels left out, the inevitable WHAT IFS)... needless to say all my thoughts get stuck/rammed all together in their exodus and voila, *nothing* comes out.
When I do type (and I promise, I'm almost done), I don't even let myself reread it. And then I have to quickly... POST! Like now, before I do delete it on impulse, out of fear... ack.

Too funny... I do the same thing. A yahoo group moderator just threatened to kick me out of the group because I only lurk and never post... discrimination to introverts if you ask me.

[Starflower]

Originally Posted by KBinSATX

I think my problem is more that I am too direct. I always thought it was a cultural thing (I am from Europe) but perhaps it's an Introvert thing as well?

I was reading in Kurcinka's "Kids, Parents and Power Struggle" again last night and it made me think of your comment about being direct. (I picked up this book after reading an excerpt on introvert/extrovert differences.) There is another section in the book that discusses Thinking vs. Feeling type of temperament (Myers-Briggs). It sounds like directness could also have to do with whether they are T or F types. Thinkers tend to want the just the facts and make decisions based on facts, and may just state the facts in a situation, whereas feelers tend to empathize first and may hold back more to try to keep the peace.

I am very strongly in the F category on the Myers-Briggs and I live in a very politically correct area of the US. Being direct can be difficult for me even when I want to be direct.

Originally Posted by Autumn C.

How great for you to be so proactive in exploring your introvertedness (if that's even a word.) I don't know if I'd ever have the guts to stand up and educate people on what being an introvert means.

As far as homeschooling goes, I think what works is what works. And it's entirelly possible that in the future some other arrangement might work.

And let me know how you figure out couple time I could use some suggestions in that area.

We always said we'd homeschool as long as it works for our family, that nothing was set in stone. But it was still hard to come to the conclusion that we needed to make a change for the time being.

Originally Posted by Maine Mama Doula

Subbing. I am definitely introverted. I have to know somebody for years before I really open up to them. People describe me as quiet and sometimes I feel antisocial, so definitely introverted. Thankfully I have a long commute to and from work everyday. I say that I wish I didn't, but it does give me that time to wind down and think and prepare for the next attack for attention.

I think DH's commute helps him a lot too.

Originally Posted by treehugz

I'll have to check that one out... they wrote a similar book for couple relationships I've been wanting to read too called Just Your Type: Create the Relationship You've Always Wanted Using the Secrets of Personality Type

I'll have to check this book out. We talked very briefly last night about DH's alone time needs and he'd like more time to game and play his cello. I want to support this, but I don't want to end up living completely separate, parallel lives either.

We would have some time in the evenings together, but we are having a bedtime problem with DD. She only goes to bed when we do, which many AP families love and we did too for a long time. But she's too big for us to all co-sleep together comfortably. And we're having trouble getting her back into her own bed. She sees my place as next to her - all night long. Can't say as I blame her - she's 6. If I get her to sleep in her bed and then sneak out later, she consistently wakes up in the wee hours of the morning. She doesn't say she is scared -just that she doesn't want to be alone.

The good part of bedtime is something new we are trying. She is willing to have some quiet reading time with all the family reading our own books in our bed. :

The more I think about this, the more I think we will have to move the bunk beds purchased last winter out of her room. She used to have a double bed which was easier for me to leave after she fell asleep because we weren't glued together like in the twin sized bed.

Originally Posted by treehugz

Too funny... I do the same thing. A yahoo group moderator just threatened to kick me out of the group because I only lurk and never post... discrimination to introverts if you ask me.

I agree with this.

hope I don't get kicked off the introvert thread for being too wordy!

In my own defense: in "Introvert Power" the author talks about how the internet can be a safe place for introverts to talk because they can write their responses and edit before hitting the send button. When she interviewed introverts for her book, she did it all in writing and they were able to respond anonymously for the book. It's really an interesting read. I'm about 2/3 the way through it.

[~kitnkaboodle~]

Hey guys. I feel like I am very fortunate in my introvertedness. I have a park just down the street that isn't too busy and we go later in the evening when people would usually be eating supper. I also am very fortunate that most of my time is spent at home and also that I don't see my boyfriend often. I get the best of the introverted world.

[Autumn C.]

Don't mean to brag but

DS is on a camping trip

And

Dh took dd out for a while. (And the second he asked if she wanted to go by-by she was at the door ready to go out.)

I am sitting in a completely quite/ empty house.


Yippeeeee!!!

[Maine Mama Doula]

Do you all think once an introvert always an introvert? Or can an introvert become extroverted??

[Sustainer]

I feel as if I could pretend to be an extrovert, at great stress to myself, but I don't feel as if I could ever become an extrovert.

[KBinSATX]

I think ther are different levels of 'introvertness'.
The main difference between introvert and extrovert is not how shy or wordy somebody is but rather how one truly recharges and gains or loses energy - how draining interaction with others is, etc.
I think there probably are some socially very skilled introverts that still need to come back into their own space to recharge their batteries.
So my answer is levels may change, you can fake it if you have to but the essence stays the same unless you are truly at 50/50 (take the test).

On a different note:
I got the kids to bed today by 9! Yay me. And it's not even 11 PM and I have all my orders finished. I could actually take a bath and read a book now if I wanted to with nobody bugging me.

[Autumn C.]

Originally Posted by Maine Mama Doula

Do you all think once an introvert always an introvert? Or can an introvert become extroverted??

Since being an introvert/extrovert is not a choice but a inherent trait I think it would stay the same over a lifetime. But being an introvert is often confused with being shy, antisocial, socially awkward, or being a "loner". To be sure an introvert CAN be all these things but isn't neccesarily any of these things.

Personally, I spent my formative years being ridiculously shy. I would break into hysterics at the thought of talking to someone new.

I am no longer shy. At all. I don't have an inch of anxiety about meeting new people. Still hate the chit chat. Dread mommy and me. Need a day (or four) to lick my wounds after my husband drags me to a party. But I'm not at all anxious.

Still an introvert.

[mich]

[QUOTE=Starflower;14076125]I was reading in Kurcinka's "Kids, Parents and Power Struggle" again last night and it made me think of your comment about being direct. (I picked up this book after reading an excerpt on introvert/extrovert differences.) There is another section in the book that discusses Thinking vs. Feeling type of temperament (Myers-Briggs). It sounds like directness could also have to do with whether they are T or F types. Thinkers tend to want the just the facts and make decisions based on facts, and may just state the facts in a situation, whereas feelers tend to empathize first and may hold back more to try to keep the peace.

I am very strongly in the F category on the Myers-Briggs and I live in a very politically correct area of the US. Being direct can be difficult for me even when I want to be direct.



Very interesting. I am strongly in the F and P categories. For me part of what makes an outing or event so exhausting is that I am constantly reading peoples body language. If I see that someone needs something, or is trying to do something, or is struggling. I cant help noticing and then helping.

I also strongly identify with the Highly Sensitive person description.
http://www.hsperson.com/
Self test here if anyone is interested.
http://www.hsperson.com/pages/test.htm

I'm not sure how the two relate, Introvert and HSP. Or is one aspect is stronger in me that another.

This is such a great thread. I also hope it can keep going. But as someone who has been on MDC for many years and just hit 500 posts, I can see how it might be hard to keep an introvert thread active!