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Introvert Mamas? - Page 2

post #21 of 796


"Last year I booked a night in a motel down the street just so I could be 100% alone. It was absolute heaven. Some of my friends thought I was totally insane. My sister asked me why I wouldn't at least want to bring a friend."

: My brother who's a major extrovert traveled to our town for work - instead of being put up in a hotel - he stayed with us . . . I almost asked if I could stay at the hotel then!

"I am an INTJ. I crave deep connection with people, but find social interactions to be draining in general. DS is a total extrovert, and I frequently feel the need to hide. A night all by myself sounds like heaven."

This would be why I stay up waaaaaaay too late at night - all. by. my. self. in the quiet.

Samm
post #22 of 796
Quote:
Originally Posted by KBinSATX View Post
Whew I just survived another play date at my house! But it definitely is draining for me.
Any other mamas out there that fit the description above?
I do. and by your definition, I'm a bit but as a child/teenager, I was described as the opposite in social situations... yet I spent a great deal of time alone up a tree or in my room.
post #23 of 796
Quote:
Originally Posted by Samm View Post

This would be why I stay up waaaaaaay too late at night - all. by. my. self. in the quiet.

Samm
I do that too. Usually I feel like I can't unwind enough to sleep until everyone else has been asleep for a couple hours. Sometimes I'll lay down with DH for a while, reading or whatever . But then I might get back up just to be alone.
post #24 of 796
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by LucyRev View Post
I do that too. . But then I might get back up just to be alone.
Me too!
post #25 of 796
Quote:
Originally Posted by SeekingJoy View Post
Anyone else have trouble finding friends as an introvert? It seems like mine move every time we get really close.
Yep, me too. I've had a few close girl friends over the years who have all moved away. My best friend is a guy and also an introvert... since I got married we don't get together and talk much... since we have a history of some romantic tension I feel like I can't talk to him openly about my marriage (which I wish I had some girl friends to talk with about). My dh is an extrovert, and I feel like our relationship can be kinda shallow and wish we could have a deeper connection. Anyone else with an extroverted dh feel like this?
post #26 of 796
Quote:
Originally Posted by SeekingJoy View Post
So how does our biology make introverts different?
Apparently extroverts and introverts primarily use completely different pathways in the brain... the biology theories in the book I'm reading (Introvert Advantage) are really intriguing. Here's a quote I found in a review of the book.
"While extroverts mostly use their short-term memory and the parts of the brain that deal with sensory impressions, introverts mainly use their long-term memory and the parts of the brain that deal with solving problems, planning, and internal thoughts and feelings. The two brain pathways require different neurotransmitters. The pathway that extroverts use is activated by dopamine, which is identified with alertness, attention, movement, and learning. Extroverts require lots of dopamine to be happy, and activity and excitement increase dopamine production, so extroverts enjoy being busy. Introverts, on the other hand, use a brain pathway that is activated by acetylcholine, which affects long-term memory, the ability to stay calm and alert, and perceptual learning. Acetylcholine produces a happy feeling during thinking and feeling, so introverts enjoy contemplation. Laney also links these biological differences between introverts and extroverts to introverts' increased sensitivity to temperature, odor, sound, visual stimulation, and blood sugar level." A quote from the book:
"Our physiology is linked to the rest-and-digest side of the nervous system... so every part of our body is attempting to preserve our resources. We are made for contemplation and hibernation... Moving our limbs takes more conscious thought. We have a tendency toward low blood sugar, low blood pressure, shallow breathing, sleep difficulties, tension headaches, and occasionally feeling drained and discombobulated." Some other things I remember from the book... we have a lower body temperature, sweat less, take longer to think of what we want to say, have lower energy levels, go deeply into thought and have trouble finding a place in our thoughts if we get interrupted, get easily overstimulated, and can focus and concentrated deeply when left alone.

It's fascinating to me that so much of my character could be explained by this primary chemical pathway that is genetic and that I was born with.
post #27 of 796
Quote:
Originally Posted by treehugz View Post
... we have a lower body temperature, sweat less, take longer to think of what we want to say, have lower energy levels, go deeply into thought and have trouble finding a place in our thoughts if we get interrupted, get easily overstimulated, and can focus and concentrated deeply when left alone.

All of that is true for me, except I'm always hot and I sweat a lot whenever I'm physically active, even while vacuuming.
post #28 of 796
Thread Starter 
Wow, treehugz, that's really interesting!
post #29 of 796
Another INTJ who spends too much time up at night.

There's a thread somewhere here titled 'extroverted mamas'
post #30 of 796
Wow. I might have to read that book!
post #31 of 796
Wow, I am so glad I found this thread today - it has been another day of chastising myself for being so introverted and "making" DD such an introvert.
post #32 of 796
Quote:
Originally Posted by treehugz View Post

Does anybody else find it hard to be a mom and an introvert at the same time? I'm a sahm, and my dd is almost 1. Just being with her all day and talking to her can really frazzle me. How do you get your alone time to recharge?
another introvert here, but I likely won't have time to keep up with this thread so sorry if I don't post much!

Treehugz, I've realized (late in the game) that my introverted-ness is what drives me mad about being a SAHM. I was totally content being alone all day at home when I didn't have kids but now I desperately crave alone time. My only respite is when dh takes out ds alone... but then I'm stuck with dd. It got to the point that for weeks I was pumping and trying to get dd to take a bottle so that I could have a little bit of alone time here and there. I think my mental health really depended on that! Didn't work so I'm trying to figure out where to go from here....
post #33 of 796

me too

well hello there people like me... i read the definition and it fits me.. also sounds a lot like the definition of an empath which i also am....
post #34 of 796
I get stressed if the grocery store is too crowded. We don't usually do concerts - unless we can get lawn tickets, we don't do New Years events or such. Luckily, my husband is the same way, so he understands.
post #35 of 796
Thanks. I am like this too. I really miss my alone time. I need space to myself, and living in an appartment in the city, there isn't much of that around.
post #36 of 796
Thread Starter 
Whew, wish me luck. DH is leaving on a business trip Monday and gone for a week which means no alone time for me. With a baby and a toddler even going to the bathroom is rarely a private event...
post #37 of 796
High fives to all the INFJ's.

We are rare, relatively speaking.
post #38 of 796
O yeah i belong here too! :
I'm gonna have to check out that book also, interesting!
post #39 of 796
Hi all I think I am a good fit here. I don't go out of my house often unless it is to take my son to one of the 3 play groups we attend or my PPD group or church. Not only am I a very introverted person I also have a social anxiety disorder but for the sake of my son I go out and try and meet people so he has social interactions with other people which he loves. He is a very extroverted baby and 6 months old. When I come home I am so tired and drained that we need to take a nap or else I am frusterated for the rest of the day. I don't like to be around people and would be very content to just stay in my house on the internet researching things, reading a book or just plain relaxing in a hot tub. I sometimes even find it a struggle to be around my boyfriend somedays which thank god he doesn't live with me at the moment. I'm struggling right now to try and figure out how to be a good girlfriend when we move in together and what that is going to look like.
post #40 of 796
Quote:
Originally Posted by PoetryLover View Post

Intorversion is probably the hardest part of my personality for others to understand. I think they feel rejected when I need alone time. Also, I don't mean to imply that I don't enjoy being social--public poetry readings, gathering with friends, etc. But I'm always appreciative of the quiet drive home when I can reflect on the experience.

I need alone time every day, at least an hour during the day and after the kids are in bed. My husband totally does not understand why it is very annoying for me that as soon as the kids are in bed, he wants to come chat and talk and be social with me. All I want to do is close the door and have quiet time. I do like being with people, but like everyone said, I find it draining and need lots of quiet to recuperate.

This causes problems in my marriage, because my DH is the type to always need some kind of stimulation or social interaction, and sometimes I literally have to push him out the door so I can get some quiet and alone time. I try to explain that I just need an hour or so to recharge, but his feelings get hurt. You all know how draining it is to have three small children constantly chattering and demanding attention! Also, he often comes home from work convieniently just after they go to bed, and wants a conversation partner.
So we have to work on that!
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