Introvert Mamas? - Page 11

[Starflower]

Originally Posted by HappilyEvrAfter

I'm all teary eyed because, for the first time in a long time, I don't feel alone...like I'm the weirdo of the group...it's like "coming home"! Lol. Does that make sense!!?!?!

: This makes complete sense.

Originally Posted by tana'smama

Maybe you ladies can help me sort this out.

I really don't like the meet and greet type of parties where I don't know anyone or only know a couple of people. I am not a social butterfly, canvassing the room to talk to people. I will position myself in a corner and chat with whoever is around me. If I know them well, we can have deep and meaningful conversations. Otherwise, it's painful to do the mindless chit chat and I end up running off early.

But with close friends or family, I can be gregarious, and funny, joking and sarcastic. I talk forever about deep subjects with people I know well.

But I am a SAHM and I find that I get bored easily and have been looking for other mamas to hang out with. I really would like to find that magic combination of a person (or 2) to hang out with. I prefer to hang out with extraverted people because they bring me out of my shell and I have more fun with them. But I find most of them flighty, and have better conversations with intros. So....anyways..what was I talking about?

Oh yeah, am I extra or intro? I know the standard question, is where do I get my energy from. Am I recharged through solitary time or through other people. I've never understood this question. I know that after hanging out with large #'s of people (even strangers, like at the mall) I HAVE to get home and be alone. But after hanging out with close friends, and good conversations, I feel like it gives me a boost. But like I said, I solidly test at INTP. The only thing that's marginal is the P, which is sometimes J, but I think I know why that is (I've been working on being more decisive and sometimes that is reflected in my test scores).

Anyways, I'm learning lots from this thread!

Most people are a combination of introvert/extrovert. I like being with people in limited amounts. And according to "Introvert Power" many introverts like deep conversation and hate the small talk. I think you qualify as introvert enough for this thread! :-) Welcome aboard!

Originally Posted by savannah smiles

Hi ladies!! Another introvert dropping in to say "hi!"

I've always been very introverted and very sensitive to sounds and smells so being social is a lot of work for me. I remember needed to ask the teacher a question in class but not wanting to because I didn't want the attention, the physical closeness and the smell of their breath if they came over to my desk.

I'm on vacation right now and I find them tough because I'm away from my homebase! I need quiet time at home to be able to recharge and wanted to cry when my dh wanted to extend our vacation by another day. *sigh*

I am also very sensitive to sounds and smells. When I was in gradeschool, the boy behind me smelled funny to me and every time he passed my desk to go ask the teacher something, I'd hold my breath. How's that for weird? lol

Originally Posted by mich

The Hidden Life, thanks for posting. Parenting/Homeschooling can be so hard for me. Many of our friends decided to homeschool years ago, it's working well and I am happy with the decision. I only have 2 kids, but they are getting older and the house is much quieter now.

But I am worrying more and more, am I am doing enough for them? There are times I need to say home, so they have no choice but to stay home with me. Some friends may be going swimming or to a state park, but my kids miss out because of me. Someone may offer to take them along, but I say no thank you because I cant stand to not be with them, watching them myself. I would be home nervous and anxious the whole time. I don't want them running around the neighborhood because it makes me nervous. :

We do see friends every week, usually two or three times a week. And my oldest is like me, he would rather stay home. My youngest is more outgoing, but he is happy at home too. But I still beat myself up every time I pass on an outing or avoid a playdate.

I hope you can stop beating yourself up about this. I think it's important to find the right balance for you and your kids. I'd ask them if they feel like they'd like to be more active with other people more often or not. They may be perfectly happy, or maybe they do feel like they're missing out. Is there a particular family you'd trust to send them with for activities? (I have a hard time letting go as well.)

We homeschooled our DD this year for K and live in an area with lots of homeschool activities and groups. It's just too much for me and not enough for her, but she's very extroverted. We decided to enroll her part-time in a private democratic school so she can see people and I can be alone for awhile. I still feel guilty about this once in awhile, but I think as long as we can afford it, it will be a good move for our family.


And to the poster who wants her DP to read "Introvert Advantage" - try this: Put it in the bathroom and remove all other reading material. That's how I got my DP to read pregnancy books.

[savannah smiles]

Originally Posted by crabbyowl

He still definitely doesn't get my aversion to the phone, and thinks that if I get enough "practice" calling someone whenever a call needs to be made for the household (bills, banking, doctor, etc.) I'll "get used to it" and won't have this issue anymore.

: My dh actually said the exact same thing to me yesterday!! My girls' riding stable called yesterday to confirm (for the 1000th time!) when their lessons were and when I grumped to my dh about having to call them back, he rolled his eyes and said that I just needed to get used to it and get over it. Grrr!!!

[fenwickmama]

:

Ta-dah, your personality type is ISFJ!
Introverted (I) 86% Extraverted (E) 14%
Sensing (S) 55% Intuitive (N) 45%
Feeling (F) 55% Thinking (T) 45%
Judging (J) 64% Perceiving (P) 36%

[merryns.mom]

this is soo me

i'm either an intj or an infj (depending on the time of the month ?!)

i really hate talking on the phone; i imagine myself posting on here, but never do

i'm an extrovert in my head, but it doesn't come out like that? also, no one believes that im an introvert b/c growing up i was super nerdy and attended bigtime functions and conventions and could speak infront of really large crowds, but i am deathly afraid of small social groups.

my main problem is that i have an intense fear of failure that if i post something, it will be wrong, other mom's won't want to come over for a playdate, that i will be laughed at if i talk in a group/party.

it's hard for me b/c my husband is a social butterfly with lots of close friends-they all say he never comes to parties anymore-and i know it's my fault b/c i hate them and i feel like no one wants to be my friend and i just stand on the outside looking

nice to have this thread!!

[Purple Sage]

Hi fellow introverts! I can't remember if I posted to this thread before (and too lazy to go back and check, lol)...so nice to see all the new posts!

I'm an INFJ and I can relate to so much that has been posted lately. I hate the phone - caller ID is the best invention ever! DH and his entire family are extroverts and (my MIL in particular) think being an introvert is some kind of personality defect. : I don't know how many times I've had to explain that I am much happier at home than ANYwhere else. It's not a problem! I do have guilt over not meeting my extrovert dd's needs, but I'm trying not to beat myself up over it. She does get social time with kids in the neighborhood and at school...so it's not like I'm forcing her to be a hermit. There has to be a balance between meeting her needs and meeting mine, and I'm never going to be the mom who has the kids in a bunch of activities where I'm going to have to chit chat with all the other moms. It's not that I'm scared of talking with people....it's just so tiring!

Thanks for this thread, mamas.

[Starflower]

Originally Posted by Purple Sage

I do have guilt over not meeting my extrovert dd's needs, but I'm trying not to beat myself up over it. She does get social time with kids in the neighborhood and at school...so it's not like I'm forcing her to be a hermit. There has to be a balance between meeting her needs and meeting mine, and I'm never going to be the mom who has the kids in a bunch of activities where I'm going to have to chit chat with all the other moms. It's not that I'm scared of talking with people....it's just so tiring!

: The bolding is mine. I feel this way too.

[Purple Sage]

Originally Posted by KBinSATX

If anybody wants to friend me on facebook here's my link (I think - still sorta new to facebook). Maybe we can have a introvert moms group there too!

I'd join the group.

[Purple Sage]

Originally Posted by treehugz

Apparently extroverts and introverts primarily use completely different pathways in the brain... the biology theories in the book I'm reading (Introvert Advantage) are really intriguing. Here's a quote I found in a review of the book.

"While extroverts mostly use their short-term memory and the parts of the brain that deal with sensory impressions, introverts mainly use their long-term memory and the parts of the brain that deal with solving problems, planning, and internal thoughts and feelings. The two brain pathways require different neurotransmitters. The pathway that extroverts use is activated by dopamine, which is identified with alertness, attention, movement, and learning. Extroverts require lots of dopamine to be happy, and activity and excitement increase dopamine production, so extroverts enjoy being busy. Introverts, on the other hand, use a brain pathway that is activated by acetylcholine, which affects long-term memory, the ability to stay calm and alert, and perceptual learning. Acetylcholine produces a happy feeling during thinking and feeling, so introverts enjoy contemplation. Laney also links these biological differences between introverts and extroverts to introverts' increased sensitivity to temperature, odor, sound, visual stimulation, and blood sugar level." A quote from the book:

"Our physiology is linked to the rest-and-digest side of the nervous system... so every part of our body is attempting to preserve our resources. We are made for contemplation and hibernation... Moving our limbs takes more conscious thought. We have a tendency toward low blood sugar, low blood pressure, shallow breathing, sleep difficulties, tension headaches, and occasionally feeling drained and discombobulated." Some other things I remember from the book... we have a lower body temperature, sweat less, take longer to think of what we want to say, have lower energy levels, go deeply into thought and have trouble finding a place in our thoughts if we get interrupted, get easily overstimulated, and can focus and concentrated deeply when left alone.

It's fascinating to me that so much of my character could be explained by this primary chemical pathway that is genetic and that I was born with.

I read that book a couple of years ago and related SO MUCH to the part you posted above. Now if only I could get DH and my MIL to understand.

[layne]

INTP here. I have one introverted kid and one extrovert. The extrovert is going to need serious therapy. We keep trying to teach him how to play independently but he has this weird idea about playing with other people being more fun.
The innie and I like to read next to each other. It's sort of weird parallel playing with one's kids. I need to read that book. I could use the validation.
layne

[HappilyEvrAfter]

Originally Posted by Purple Sage

I do have guilt over not meeting my extrovert dd's needs, but I'm trying not to beat myself up over it. She does get social time with kids in the neighborhood and at school...so it's not like I'm forcing her to be a hermit. There has to be a balance between meeting her needs and meeting mine, and I'm never going to be the mom who has the kids in a bunch of activities where I'm going to have to chit chat with all the other moms. It's not that I'm scared of talking with people....it's just so tiring!

I could have written this.

I enroll my kiddo in flag football and soccer for littles, but, man, I get tired just listening to the other parents chitty-chat.
I just kind of stand off to the side, nod/smile at their comments, and watch mine play/practice....and sigh with relief when the coach has the parent/child practice portion and we all go to our own child to kick the ball around with.

I also force myself to take my kid to the park in the evenings to play with others and get some more interaction, but I dread the days when there are strange parents there. I almost audibly groan when one of them comes to sit next to me and strikes up conversation.

Part of my mind is yelling "they think you're weird cause you don't want to talk to anyone!!! TALK TO THEM!!", but the other part is just CRYING for the peace of solitude.

It's like a constant battle between interaction and solitude with me stuck in the middle being pulled both directions...
Can't wait to get my copy of that book from Amazon; the validation will be S-w-E-E-T!!

[Purple Sage]

Originally Posted by HappilyEvrAfter

I could have written this.

I enroll my kiddo in flag football and soccer for littles, but, man, I get tired just listening to the other parents chitty-chat.
I just kind of stand off to the side, nod/smile at their comments, and watch mine play/practice....and sigh with relief when the coach has the parent/child practice portion and we all go to our own child to kick the ball around with.

I also force myself to take my kid to the park in the evenings to play with others and get some more interaction, but I dread the days when there are strange parents there. I almost audibly groan when one of them comes to sit next to me and strikes up conversation.

Part of my mind is yelling "they think you're weird cause you don't want to talk to anyone!!! TALK TO THEM!!", but the other part is just CRYING for the peace of solitude.

It's like a constant battle between interaction and solitude with me stuck in the middle being pulled both directions...
Can't wait to get my copy of that book from Amazon; the validation will be S-w-E-E-T!!

That is exactly what it's like! I wonder if extroverts ever have the feeling that maybe they're weird for striking up conversations with anyone no matter where they are.

I don't really mind having a little chat with someone while waiting in line at the grocery store because I know the conversation is going to end once I make it through the line. But I feel really uncomfortable chatting with other moms at the park because it's a lot more open-ended. And I'm probably a really evil person for this, but I avoid going out in my front yard if I see neighbors outside. It's not that I dislike them...I just don't want to have to engage in a bunch of small talk.

[mystic~mama]

Originally Posted by savannah smiles

: My dh actually said the exact same thing to me yesterday!! My girls' riding stable called yesterday to confirm (for the 1000th time!) when their lessons were and when I grumped to my dh about having to call them back, he rolled his eyes and said that I just needed to get used to it and get over it. Grrr!!!

DP tries to get me to make calls that he could make and I quote "It will be good practice for you..."

[HappilyEvrAfter]

Originally Posted by mystic~mama

DP tries to get me to make calls that he could make and I quote "It will be good practice for you..."

Oy. I have PTSD from these words. Lol.

My dad always made me make his calls for him while I was growing up...guess he thought I just needed to "get over it". Thankfully he understands now that I CAN do it, I just really, really, really prefer not to. Giggle.
I do this to my son now, but he ENJOYS it.

I'm curious...how many of you are only children and how many of you have siblings.
I'm an only and turned out this way...maybe this is addressed in Introvert Advantage, but I'd like to see what the numbers are here on this thread.
Would you mind telling?

[Sustainer]

I have an older brother.

[savannah smiles]

I have one older sister.

[MariaMadly]

Only child. DH too -- we carry it differently.

[crabbyowl]

Originally Posted by mystic~mama

DP tries to get me to make calls that he could make and I quote "It will be good practice for you..."

Mine does this too, and it's so annoying! I'm an adult - I know how to use the phone, I just hate doing it! Plus sometimes he tells me this big long list of things to ask about and then gets mad when I forget one or two of them or don't ask what he considers to be appropriate follow-up questions. I just want to tell him, if you know what you want to ask and what you want clarified, YOU make the call, especially since you could have done so in the time it took to explain to me what you wanted me to ask!

ETA: I have two younger siblings, one brother and one sister. My sister is also an introvert, but my brother I think is probably an extrovert. My parents are introverts as well.

[marimara]

I am the oldest of one brother and one sister.

[~PurityLake~]

Originally Posted by HappilyEvrAfter

I'm curious...how many of you are only children and how many of you have siblings.

I grew up with an older brother (3.2 years) and a younger sister (3.3 years).
When I was 19, I met my other younger brother (he was 12) and my other younger sister (she was almost 6).

[principii]

I'm the oldest of four.