Introvert Mamas? - Page 12

[Purple Sage]

I have an older brother and five younger half siblings, most are introverts. My parents are both introverts.

[treehugz]

Everyone in my family is an introvert - mom, dad, 1 brother, 2 sisters, and me. I believe in Introvert Advantage, the author suggests that there are genetic reasons for introversion/extroversion.

My dh is a shy extrovert, so he hates the phone as much as I do. (I think when we were dating I misread him as an introvert.) I usually wind up making the calls and answering the phone.

I'm also curious about how those of you with extroverted partners make it work... specifically when it comes to just having a simple conversation. Talking with other extroverts about chit-chatty meaningless stuff, with long tangents, quick witty replies, and constant interruptions can really drain me... but when it's my own husband, the one person in the whole world I should be able to talk to and who I really need connect with, it can really bring me down. I feel like I never get a word in and just listening to him wears me out... and if we're arguing, he thinks so quickly on his feet that I can't respond fast enough ... so my brain just spins and spins for hours after we argue while I'm coming up with counterpoints (too late). Does anybody else have this problem, or is it just weird me and my weird dh??

[HappilyEvrAfter]

Originally Posted by treehugz

Everyone in my family is an introvert - mom, dad, 1 brother, 2 sisters, and me. I believe in Introvert Advantage, the author suggests that there are genetic reasons for introversion/extroversion.

Hmm, see. I will be very interested in that chapter when my book comes in.
I was just curious about the siblings part because most/almost all of my family are extroverts...well, my dad is an extroverted introvert (mostly extro) and I'm an only child so I was trying to figure out how I ended up so introverted and thought that might be a reason.

::shoulder shrug::Strange.

[~PurityLake~]

Originally Posted by treehugz

I'm also curious about how those of you with extroverted partners make it work... specifically when it comes to just having a simple conversation. Talking with other extroverts about chit-chatty meaningless stuff, with long tangents, quick witty replies, and constant interruptions can really drain me... but when it's my own husband, the one person in the whole world I should be able to talk to and who I really need connect with, it can really bring me down. I feel like I never get a word in and just listening to him wears me out... and if we're arguing, he thinks so quickly on his feet that I can't respond fast enough ... so my brain just spins and spins for hours after we argue while I'm coming up with counterpoints (too late). Does anybody else have this problem, or is it just weird me and my weird dh??

Well, I don't know if my husband is extroverted or not. I know he's more apt to be more outgoing than I am. But he just doesn't care at all what other people think of him and I do. His arguments used to wear on me, but I just don't engage in them if I find them ridiculous and unimportant. I just walk away.

[MariaMadly]

Treehugz! Me, too!!! :

DH is also a shy extrovert who neeeeeeeds to verbalize while I need to ruminate but then have to have at least a chance to say my own piece. He misinterpreted the M-B and tested as an I all these years until I recently blurted out to him that he isn't but I am, and am in fact the only one in the family. This after over twenty years of marriage and rearing children to almost adulthood.

He is working very hard to draw out what I'm carrying; he's also seen the toll it's taken here over the long run with my not having had the chance to air concerns, opinions, etc. He knows me less than he wants to because between his extroversion, our offspring (extroverts, too!), and my tendency to withdraw, there hasn't been much of me showing my insides.

When I get overwhelmed, I ask him if we could table whatever-it-is and touch base through email. Gives each of us time to be thorough and to absorb what the other sent; we sometimes even do this when we're both home. What works most is DH realizing that it's happening and trying to find a way to make room for me, and me paying attention to the traffic between us so I can speak up for more balance.

Still a work in progress. Aren't we all?

[treehugz]

Originally Posted by MariaMadly

DH is also a shy extrovert who neeeeeeeds to verbalize while I need to ruminate but then have to have at least a chance to say my own piece. ... He knows me less than he wants to because between his extroversion, our offspring (extroverts, too!), and my tendency to withdraw, there hasn't been much of me showing my insides.

Yes, exactly!! I can't imagine how hard it's been for you to feel that way for twenty years. We used to do more email communication for serious discussions, and things seemed to go better... we'll have to try it again.

I have no problem telling dh what I think about the small stuff and practical day-to-day business, but he can go on and on about that kind of stuff and it wears me down. I'm withdrawing to the point where I just don't want to share with him anything that's deep or important to me anymore. What I think about things and how I feel about things are these little treasures that I tuck away somewhere inside... I don't want to share them with somebody who's just going to gloss over them and not appreciate them. It's ironic I guess... I'm 100% introvert according to the tests, but I long for one other person who I can share my deepest thoughts with.

[Sustainer]

Originally Posted by treehugz

if we're arguing, he thinks so quickly on his feet that I can't respond fast enough ... so my brain just spins and spins for hours after we argue while I'm coming up with counterpoints (too late). Does anybody else have this problem, or is it just weird me and my weird dh??

My dp and I are both introverts. I don't usually think of myself as someone who can think quickly on her feet, but when I'm arguing with him, I do think quicker on my feet than he does, and he's actually the one whose brain just spins and he doesn't respond (which makes me feel like he's ignoring me). You and my dp would probably sympathize very well with each other.

[HappilyEvrAfter]

I got my book last night. :

How sad is it that I cried after just reading the Prelude. Lol.

Love this book so far. Thank you SO much for the recommendation!

I hear ya'll about extro partners. I've always been attracted to them, but can't maintain the connection cause I'm so inward.

I once tried to explain to my ex that I was like a computer that's connected to a network and that sometimes I just have to pull my plug for a reboot and a battery charge, but he just saw me as selfish and I suffered alot of shame from that relationship.

When I get overwhelmed, I ask him if we could table whatever-it-is and touch base through email. Gives each of us time to be thorough and to absorb what the other sent; we sometimes even do this when we're both home.

I love this idea. I wish we'd have considered doing this. I'm so slow witted during an argument that I resort to sarcasm...and that doesn't make anybody happy.

[DownToEarth]

Originally Posted by treehugz

I have no problem telling dh what I think about the small stuff and practical day-to-day business, but he can go on and on about that kind of stuff and it wears me down. I'm withdrawing to the point where I just don't want to share with him anything that's deep or important to me anymore. What I think about things and how I feel about things are these little treasures that I tuck away somewhere inside... I don't want to share them with somebody who's just going to gloss over them and not appreciate them. It's ironic I guess... I'm 100% introvert according to the tests, but I long for one other person who I can share my deepest thoughts with.

I feel like that. Everyone around me are extroverts and I don't feel I can talk to any of them. When I try, they either make me feel like my issue aren't important or it becomes about them (my mom in particular is bad about this). So over the years I have just kept everything to myself. Sometimes I wish that there was just one person that I could share things with. Part of it's made worse by my social anxiety and shyness.

[tabby1678]

So glad this thread exists!

Originally Posted by treehugz

I have no problem telling dh what I think about the small stuff and practical day-to-day business, but he can go on and on about that kind of stuff and it wears me down. I'm withdrawing to the point where I just don't want to share with him anything that's deep or important to me anymore. What I think about things and how I feel about things are these little treasures that I tuck away somewhere inside... I don't want to share them with somebody who's just going to gloss over them and not appreciate them. It's ironic I guess... I'm 100% introvert according to the tests, but I long for one other person who I can share my deepest thoughts with.

I feel like I belong here - hope it's ok if I join.

I just read the whole thread (at work - oops) and have been nodding my head the whole way. Treehugz, what you posted is exactly how I feel! I long for a deeper connection with my hubby but I feel I'm slowly starving on shallow, superficial chit-chat. Anytime I try to talk deeper with him, he gets this deer in the headlights look and I withdraw more.

No answers but I just wanted to tell all you ladies how grateful I am that there are others like me, and that maybe I'm not just broken! I wish there were more of us b/c it'd be great to meet people in my area who are fine with a limited friendship...that sounds so bad though!

Sorry for being so long winded...I keep it in for so long that when I talk it goes on forever.

[HappilyEvrAfter]

Originally Posted by tabby1678

I feel like I belong here - hope it's ok if I join.

I just read the whole thread (at work - oops) and have been nodding my head the whole way. Treehugz, what you posted is exactly how I feel! I long for a deeper connection with my hubby but I feel I'm slowly starving on shallow, superficial chit-chat. Anytime I try to talk deeper with him, he gets this deer in the headlights look and I withdraw more.

No answers but I just wanted to tell all you ladies how grateful I am that there are others like me, and that maybe I'm not just broken! I wish there were more of us b/c it'd be great to meet people in my area who are fine with a limited friendship...that sounds so bad though!

Sorry for being so long winded...I keep it in for so long that when I talk it goes on forever.

Welcome! :

I just found this thread too so I'm new as well....but HI!!

I wish there were more of us too.
Have you see the book recommendation: Introvert Advantage? I just got mine and I'm already half way through it....very good, interesting book!!

[tabby1678]

Welcome Happily!!!

Hi Happily!

I've been taking notes while reading this thread and I've now got The Introvert Advantage, Introvert Power, and The Loners Manifesto on hold at the library.

Can't wait to get them in!

Does anyone else feel sick and tired of always pretending to be what you feel others want you to be? One day I dream of being brave enough to quit giving a damn and just be "out" about my reclusive, eccentric ways. I feel like I have to put on a front, mostly at work, but I think the older I get the less convincing I am.

Anyone else have problems blending in at work?

[William's Mom]

Just found this thread today.

My dh and I are both introverts, and so is our ds (our only child).

Looking forward to being in this Tribe.

[DownToEarth]

Originally Posted by tabby1678

Does anyone else feel sick and tired of always pretending to be what you feel others want you to be? One day I dream of being brave enough to quit giving a damn and just be "out" about my reclusive, eccentric ways. I feel like I have to put on a front, mostly at work, but I think the older I get the less convincing I am.

Anyone else have problems blending in at work?

I fee exactly the same. I've tried really hard to blend in my whole life, but I haven't succeeded very well. In a past job, when everyone would go out after work, I felt like I had to go so they wouldn't think I was weird or anti social. But I was never comfortable. They were all so extroverted and the more they drank the crazier they got and the more I wanted to go home.

[tabby1678]

Welcome William's Mom! :


DownToEarth, I know how you feel about not having a confidant that you can completely open up to. My Mom probably understands my shyness better than anyone, but I can't help but feel like I'm burdening her when I try to talk to her about it. So it stays bottled up.

And it's hard to open up to people when I'm already 95% convinced I'm bugging them by talking to them. I'm sure there are plenty of introverts who just don't want to bother others with how they feel.

[Purple Sage]

Originally Posted by tabby1678

Does anyone else feel sick and tired of always pretending to be what you feel others want you to be? One day I dream of being brave enough to quit giving a damn and just be "out" about my reclusive, eccentric ways. I feel like I have to put on a front, mostly at work, but I think the older I get the less convincing I am.

Anyone else have problems blending in at work?

I am most definitely sick and tired of trying to be what others expect of me, and I'm so ready to embrace my inner recluse! : It literally makes me giddy to think of living my life true to all my eccentric ways.

I'm not working outside the home right now, but I did have a hard time fitting in with my coworkers when I was working. We all got along fine, but I was known as the one who never went out socially with anyone. They might have thought I was strange, but I didn't care.

[savannah smiles]

I totally hear what so many of you are saying about communication with extroverts being problematic. I'm lucky in that my dh is an introvert but he does have the need to talk through things on his mind over and over and over again so he does about 90% of the talking in the relationship.

With the world at large, I find it frustrating to deal with some extroverts because when I talk, I want to be heard , much as I've listened to them w/ their near constant talking. It rarely seems like I am heard, which could just be a perception problem. Their quick responses tend to make me think their not listening, but maybe they are and can just respond faster. *sigh*

[tabby1678]

Originally Posted by Purple Sage

I am most definitely sick and tired of trying to be what others expect of me, and I'm so ready to embrace my inner recluse! : It literally makes me giddy to think of living my life true to all my eccentric ways.

I'm not working outside the home right now, but I did have a hard time fitting in with my coworkers when I was working. We all got along fine, but I was known as the one who never went out socially with anyone. They might have thought I was strange, but I didn't care.

hehe, it makes me giddy too! Every once in a while I treat myself to calling in sick to work even though I'm perfectly fine just to spend the day with no husband, no coworkers, no sensory overload. Bliss!

And these are people I like! I just like most people better from a safe distance.

[tabby1678]

Originally Posted by savannah smiles

I totally hear what so many of you are saying about communication with extroverts being problematic. I'm lucky in that my dh is an introvert but he does have the need to talk through things on his mind over and over and over again so he does about 90% of the talking in the relationship.

With the world at large, I find it frustrating to deal with some extroverts because when I talk, I want to be heard , much as I've listened to them w/ their near constant talking. It rarely seems like I am heard, which could just be a perception problem. Their quick responses tend to make me think their not listening, but maybe they are and can just respond faster. *sigh*

Does it bother you that whenever you do have something you want to be heard, they don't seem truly interested in it - instead they just nod politely then talk more about themselves?

I'm the sounding board for some of my coworkers whenever they have a problem, and I like listening to them and ask a lot of questions to show I'm interested. But when I (very rarely) have something I want to share, I'd appreciate if they sounded at marginally interested.

[~PurityLake~]

Originally Posted by tabby1678

Does it bother you that whenever you do have something you want to be heard, they don't seem truly interested in it - instead they just nod politely then talk more about themselves?

I'm the sounding board for some of my coworkers whenever they have a problem, and I like listening to them and ask a lot of questions to show I'm interested. But when I (very rarely) have something I want to share, I'd appreciate if they sounded at marginally interested.

I can totally relate to what you're saying. I've experience the same things myself.