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Introvert Mamas? - Page 3

post #41 of 796
"Last year I booked a night in a motel down the street just so I could be 100% alone. It was absolute heaven. Some of my friends thought I was totally insane. My sister asked me why I wouldn't at least want to bring a friend. "

OMG, I FANTASIZE about doing this !!!! When I am totally overwhelmed, after a hard day and need to mentally go to a "happy place"....this is exactly what I imagine ! And when I drive past hotels around town, I think about how it would be to go spend a night there by myself, drinking decaf and reading until I drift off to sleep with nobody near me......oh, heaven !

Anyway...


I am an introvert. I have learned to keep my energy up during social times as long as I get some quiet time, preferably before and after. Including from our kids, which is hard because they are young and one is an extreme extrovert who wants constant interaction. When I don't get enough alone time, I get very irritable and my brain gets foggy. It's just bad.

The worst are the days when I don't get even a minute to myself between waking up and having someone making demands of me. The days that the boys wake up before I do and wake me up by yelling for breakfast or something are almost always awful, because I don't get to reboot my brain to get ready for the day. I spend the day mentally limping along, trying to catch up and get in the game. So I've learned to drag myself out of bed at very early hours, just to get that time. If I get even five minutes to shake the cobwebs loose alone, I'm okay...those minutes are golden.

When I am getting enough alone time, I do okay with social interactions, but I find that I have much less stamina for being out and about in the world than most other people I know. I just get completely pooped. I know moms who can go all day, from one activity to another, dragging their kids from pillar to post, and then do it again the next day, who are always looking for the next activity to book their calender with and never feel overextended. They don't get tired and their kids are fine with it. My kids would explode ten minutes into the second errand or activity and I would dissolve into a puddle. Even our extrovert gets overstimulated and needs some "reset" time. We need to pace ourselves, not be overscheduled, and have unwinding time booked into our days and weeks.

I have always been like this, as far back as I can remember. I remember being three years old and just exhausted from Sunday School or being at a park with too many other kids. Later on school just tore me up. I could not stand being with all those other kids all day long. And even later, I could not stand being in crowded malls for very long, and still can't. If I'm in them too long my legs feel rubbery and I feel weak and run down. I have to get myself a Coke just to clear my head and get out of there and get home. I need to be in my own space like I need air to breathe.
post #42 of 796
INTJ checking in!

I need to get that book!
post #43 of 796
llp34, Get yourself a room! DO IT!!! It was the best $80 I ever spent.

I pulled my 6 yr old DD out of kindergarten a couple months ago because school was just too overwhelming for her. Now we're homeschooling and it is so much better. Being around that many kids' energy 4 days a week, even half day, even in a small class, was just way way too much. If we had stuck it through for full day 5 days a week...I can't even imagine. Well, that was one of the reasons we quit. She complains if we have too many social activities. She enjoys small groups and playing one on one though, just in small doses. (Just like her mama.) We usually take a day at home after a social day. Running around all day, with scheduled activities all the time makes me exhausted to even think about!
post #44 of 796
hey innies! thought i'd come out of hermitage to revive the thread... just came across this news article about introversion/extroversion: http://news.yahoo.com/s/hsn/20090520...eallinyourhead

and i finished reading Party of One: Loner's Manifesto. it was good. lots of interesting commentary about how introverts fit (or more often, don't fit) into larger society. the author takes on an us (innies) versus them (outies) tone sometimes, but i feel that way sometimes too so i didn't think it was unjustified. if you've ever felt ashamed or persecuted for being an introvert, it's a great read.

anybody else got any good book recommendations? ooh, how about children's books with introverts in a positive light? every time i read But Not the Hippopotamus to my dd i cringe. at the end, i always make up some new fun thing that the armadillo is going to do to tell my dd... like stay home, lay in the hammock, have a milkshake, and have a great time watching birds.
post #45 of 796
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by treehugz View Post
ooh, how about children's books with introverts in a positive light? every time i read But Not the Hippopotamus to my dd i cringe. at the end, i always make up some new fun thing that the armadillo is going to do to tell my dd... like stay home, lay in the hammock, have a milkshake, and have a great time watching birds.
We change the ending too! We usually change it to: "They'll have to come back and invite the Armadillo."
But I am rethinking that.
I keep telling DS to 'go play with the other kids' when quite often I feel like staying out of the crowd myself.
The other day at LLL the older kids went to an adjacent room and I told DS to go join them. Then I was so happy when he didn't come back for 30 minutes. I thought he was having fun.

Then he came back and told me there were too many people and he didn't want to play with cars. He had to crawl under the bed (we meet at a church nursery. he meant the crib) to get OUT and back to mommy!

The things I try to change about him are the things I feel are lacking in myself.
Maybe it's time to view things in a different light. I just don't want him to miss out on friendships, etc.
But we're usually both overwhelmed in crowded playgroup situations.
Wish I could find more of a 1-on-1 situation...
post #46 of 796
Quote:
Originally Posted by KBinSATX View Post
We change the ending too! We usually change it to: "They'll have to come back and invite the Armadillo."
Too funny! For the life of me, I cannot bring myself to leave the ending as is. I have to say something to make the Armadillo happy about being left alone. Introvert pride, I guess.

Quote:
Originally Posted by KBinSATX View Post
He had to crawl under the bed (we meet at a church nursery. he meant the crib) to get OUT and back to mommy!
That's terrible... I hope it wasn't too traumatic for him. I always wished I could escape when I was a kid, but was always so worried about what people would think that I usually didn't.

Quote:
Originally Posted by KBinSATX View Post
The things I try to change about him are the things I feel are lacking in myself.
:
post #47 of 796
I read somewhere that the Franklin books by Paulette Bourgeois would be good for little innies. Anybody read these?
post #48 of 796
Oh this is so me. I would rather just hang at home with my kids alone but I am learning to open up a bit. We have been having playdates with my Friend/DCP and it works out great. She lives close and has 3 kids my kids age so they kids play great together and have a ton of fun and we get a little adult talk in. Now if I am at a school or function I am not one to stand up and talk or go over and make convo with anyone.
post #49 of 796
can i join? i'm such an introvert i might not post much but i would love to be here and not feel so alone in my introvertedness. lately i find myself worrying that i may be to introverted to really be able to homeschool my child but he is still very young so it isn't an issue yet. anyone here super introverted and homeschool?
post #50 of 796
I'm reading this thread with interest. We're trying to conceive right now. I'm not only an introvert, but also a recluse. I like my family and my partner - but, that's enough for me.

I've been thinking a lot about the whole "play date" issue and children socializing. Honestly, I dread having kids over for sleepovers. I think I might let my partner handle all of that, and stay at a hotel when it happens, lol.

I'm sure I'll have no issues with my own child (as I said, my own family and my partner - I can be around them all the time). But, adding strange kids into the equation ... it does not sound like fun.

My partner is more social than I am, and (I think) an extrovert, though he denies it. So ... my plan is to let him take care of that area.

Though, I'm hoping for an introvert, recluse, asocial kid.
post #51 of 796
I get so much pressure from extended family regarding my daughters' social opportunities. They are now 4 and 2.5 years old. (Abigail just had her birthday park party yesterday). Abigail and Sophia do enjoy being around other children at the local park, but at the large park yesterday, they mostly ran around solo and enjoyed the park, the trees, the dandelions, the play structure, and running! but not so much the other kids. I always find myself defending the quality of their social lives, defending my choice to not yet enroll Abigail in preschool. She is a very thoughtful, deep thinker. She socializes very well with others, has always been drawn to older children than those her age, but she needs time to decompress after social activities. Sophia can simply tune others out when she's had enough.
post #52 of 796
Quote:
Originally Posted by treehugz View Post
Does anybody else find it hard to be a mom and an introvert at the same time? I'm a sahm, and my dd is almost 1. Just being with her all day and talking to her can really frazzle me. How do you get your alone time to recharge?
I will join you guys! Oh boy, I DO find being a SAHM hard from this point of view. For me, the lack of down time to be with my thoughts and relax a little has been harder than sleep deprivation, tantrums, you name it. FWIW, I was frazzled - beyond - every day when ds was 1, but now he's 3, he does give me a little space sometimes, and I feel better about sending him out with dh or my parents to play, so I can do something for me.

I only have 1 dc, and likely to be an only, mostly for the reason that I don't think I could hack the stimulation of the extra body in the house, extra noise, extra voices talking to me, extra conflicts between dc's. My mum, who is extraverted, has always thought I'm a bit weird, and of course, thinks that having only 1 dc is selfish. She doesn't understand.

I read "the Introvert Advantage" a couple of years ago, and I actually cried a few times when it described me exactly, and why I am like I am. I had felt for a long time that something was wrong with me socially (even though I knew I was an "innie"), that I was defective. It was such a relief that my experiences were all about introversion. Reading that book gave me permission to feel how I do, and to be the way I am. I recommend it!

Well, I can identify with many points already raised, but I had to say - it is also my fantasy to have a night by myself. Maybe in a cabin in a quiet village in the bush. Oh, heaven.
post #53 of 796
Quote:
Originally Posted by moonfroggy View Post
can i join? i'm such an introvert i might not post much but i would love to be here and not feel so alone in my introvertedness. lately i find myself worrying that i may be to introverted to really be able to homeschool my child but he is still very young so it isn't an issue yet. anyone here super introverted and homeschool?
I don't know that I am super introverted, but I am a definite introvert. We homeschool and that is one of my challenges. I NEED alone time and tend to get very cranky if I don't have it. Some days I have to go "hide" in my bedroom for half and hour just to calm and soothe myself, and then I can go on with the day. By the time bedtime rolls around I am in desperate need of some down time. Like others here have said, I stay up way too late, just so I can have some time alone and recharge. Making sure my kids get enough social interaction with other kids is also a bit of a challenge for me. My saving grace in this area is that they have friends in the neighborhood that they can play with and I don't have to supervise much anymore.

That being said, I would not give up homeschooling, so we are just learning ways to deal with it and my kids are learning to give me some space when I need it.
post #54 of 796
i'm staying up to late right now in order to have down time.
post #55 of 796
Quote:
Originally Posted by lactationlady View Post
That being said, I would not give up homeschooling, so we are just learning ways to deal with it and my kids are learning to give me some space when I need it.
Me, too. My kids are about the same age. Being an introvert is one of the reasons I haven't HS yet, but I want to this year. It's really hard when they all want attention all at once.
post #56 of 796
The title sounds sooo much nicer than "anti-social", which is what people have said to me most of my life. Count me in as an introvert. I'm not really shy. I just have always needed a certain amount of alone time to function well.

Being around crowds is not my cup of tea. Spending time with people drains me. Afterwords, I need down time. Otherwise, I become cranky & stressed.

My dh is extroverted. As is my sd who just moved back in with us. Sometimes, it is hard for them to understand. But I am patient, and explain when I just do not want to go out into the world with them.

It's hard being an innie when you are surrounded by outies.
post #57 of 796
Another INTJ here!

My kids and hubby are all introverts to varying degrees, with dd and me being the most extreme, so luckily I am not under too much family pressure to be sociable. Even so, I have found it very difficult to be a SAHM. It's gotten easier as the kids have gotten older, but when they were babies and toddlers it was soooo hard to find time to recharge that I thought I would go crazy. Having a family bed was unthinkable, much as I liked the idea in theory. I HAD to have some time to myself, even if it was just while I was asleep!

I just put a library hold on The Introvert Advantage and I can hardly wait to read it!
post #58 of 796
I love this thread! Just found it today, and it is honestly making me happier by the minute.

My whole life, I have been a loner. Since toddler age, I would go away from other kids at the playground. My mother, sister, aunts, uncles, all of them, are total extroverts. I was the only kid in the WHOLE family who liked to be alone. Growing up, I always felt like there was something so wrong with me.

Now, I have my own family, and I have lost most all of my "shyness". I can talk and get along at social situations just fine. But I am never comfortable, and I always end up finding a way to sneak off by myself. I have the need to get away and recharge I guess. I am happiest if I am alone outdoors with nature, and I have gotten through life being known as the "quiet, artistic girl who loves nature." Somehow, it gave me an excuse to be different I guess.

Also, I have a home business. I work at home alone all day long, and only see customers if they call and make an appointment. I don't know how I could ever work at a regular job where I have to deal face to face with people every single day.

And, like most of you, I have the most extroverted husband in the whole world! He can make a friend in his sleep, where my best friend is my mom! I am fine with that, because I am used to "me" and I know it is just my way. But I do feel very uncomfortable that my husband must think something is wrong with me too. We are so very different!

Spending my whole life being different, it is so nice to know that there are people out there just like me. Our society is so overly social in my opinion.
post #59 of 796
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by BeckyBird View Post
Our society is so overly social in my opinion.
I don't mind people being social with each other. But I hate it when they force it upon others!
My son is as quiet/shy/introvert/etc. as I was as a child and I can empathize with how intrusive it feels to him when moms of his playmates won't leave him alone when we get to places.
It takes him 20 minutes to warm up and get comfortable. Badgering him about being sociable right from the get go it not going to speed it up...

I am working on becoming a better advocate for him in that respect. I just need to find a nice way to tell people to leave him alone and not make him feel more uncomfortable.
post #60 of 796
Quote:
Originally Posted by KBinSATX View Post
I am working on becoming a better advocate for him in that respect. I just need to find a nice way to tell people to leave him alone and not make him feel more uncomfortable.
I know you don't know me from adam but if I may, with kids I tend to take a "cool cat" approach. Imagine some very cool bluesy jazz with finger snaps in your mind and begin to nod your head. Seriously. Head movin'? Ok. While still nodding your head in an up and down or "yes" motion say to badgering kid: "Kenny, my friend, don't you know? My Duncan here is a very cool cat. He's checking out the place, finding his groove. He'll come play checkers with you when he's ready."

The kiddo's will be amused and you'll get the point across. And, the up and down "yes" motion of your head actually pave the way for an OK from the kid. It's worked well for me. Hope you can give it a shot!
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