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Introvert Mamas? - Page 22

post #421 of 796
I'm not going to try right now to figure out how to quote other posts - bad enough that I recently switched to a mac a few months back and having trouble adjusting to that.

Ummm..... anyway, mostly I just don't deal with people but evidently I get more work done when others are working nearby, even if it's on a totally different project & we never interact. At least every time I've tried to WAH it doesn't work out, and this time is no exception (it seems).

I did go in the restaurant this morning and it was a more friendly experience, and then after a bit I moved to the corner & got my computer out to write a little bit. I had to leave b/c I eeek! Need to make a gift for someone really special or they will NOT get it in time - and I'm using overnite mail as it is.

gtg...... stupid ADD
post #422 of 796
recremaicila - I can relate to doing well having people around but not in my business. Some days I do like isolation, but often I like knowing I'm not alone on this planet without the hassles of constant interaction. As long as the other people aren't too distracting.

I am not sure if I like the writer's group or not yet. I started it last Saturday. It's pretty early in the morning for me. A lot of the group is using laptops so the constant clicking of their keyboards is annoying to me. After awhile I can drown it out with my own thoughts and scribbling, but it's hard at first.

Also, I wasn't expecting the sharing so early on. I am not really looking to be a writer, though I suppose that on some lever perhaps I am. Mostly we are doing just free writes at this time, so the sharing was unexpected. Some people got very emotional. The sharing is just reading our free writes and it's definitely not generic chit-chat. It's a very vulnerable position to be in, but I think that's actually what I was wanting in some way. I have difficulty sometimes accessing my emotions.

In any case, this week has been very intense. I am learning a lot about myself, about my relationship with DH and also about my DD. Not just because of the writers' group. I tend to explore these types of things on my own. DD has been having some behavior problems reported by her theater class teacher and by our afternoon car pool person. So I am exploring these issues with her.

And I am taking a trust-based parenting class at DD's school. That's where a lot of this exploration is coming from. The first week, I was very engaged. Last week, I didn't say much of anything. Tonight, I figure I'll probably end up talking a bit - just because so much seems to be going on with DD right now.
post #423 of 796
OT - to quote other posts, click the larger "Quote" button on the bottom right corner of the person's post, then click your regular reply button to open the reply box.

If you want to quote more than one person, click on the button marked with quotation marks and a + sign on as many posts as you want, then use the regular reply button.

I don't think it would be different for a Mac (but you never know). I use a PC with Firefox.

And now back to our regularly scheduled introvert programming.......
post #424 of 796
That is SO me! lol!!!
post #425 of 796
I'm definitely an introvert (INTP). My dh is ENFP, and always complains that I don't communicate. Not fair, of course - if I think there's something I need to tell him or ask him, I do. Most of the time, what's there to say? And if I do say something, there's no guarantee he's really "hearing" it Plus, my preferred mode of communication is writing, but he doesn't like reading and tends to get riled up and confused when he reads letters from me (thinks I sound cold and unfeeling).

Oh well. I like being an introvert. My mouth doesn't get me into trouble as much as extroverts' mouths tend to cause them trouble.

Always,
Jill
post #426 of 796
earthmothergypsy

DD has been sick since Thursday. She just laid on the couch or slept for 3 days. Yesterday she played on the computer for a short time and started coughing a lot, but at least she was able to eat something. She seems a little better today, but I am still home with a very grumpy extrovert who is too sick to play with anyone so she miserable.
post #427 of 796
Interesting, I just came across my appointment calendar from when my older kids were little. Evidently, I used to be able to overcome my introvert tendencies on their behalf. This calendar is full of playdates, having kids over to the house, lots of sleepovers at my house with multiple kids (babysitting trades). Another thing that impresses me is the large percentage of tasks that I was checking off [instead of carrying it over to next day as I often do now, if even that].

Little ds is with his dad this weekend - it's a bit of a mixed blessing there, but I'm going to embrace it. And ds1 is out with friends. For the night. Whee! Alone in the house, one of my favorite things to "do" - I'm trying to decide if I should go out. It would probably be fun, and I know I'll see lots & lots of people I know. (Weird sentence, bc if the second part is true, the first part probably won't be .... however maybe I'll be in the mood for people. Doubt it though!)

I think two out of my three kids are extroverts; one is an introvert like me. My mom is a big extrovert. My siblings are mostly extroverts, but one is even more introverted than I am. The ex is extremely extroverted (<he he) and so was my partner before him, usually that's who I have ended up with. I think it's why I know anyone at all.
post #428 of 796
Quote:
Originally Posted by Starflower View Post
recremaicila - I can relate to doing well having people around but not in my business.
Me, too!!
post #429 of 796
recremaicila - yeah! You get a night to yourself if you want. How wonderful!
post #430 of 796
The Introvert's Booklist...maybe this should be a separate thread in the books forum, but wanted to get ya'll take if you've read any of these books:

~The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World by Marti Olsen Laney Psy.D.
~Solitude: A Return to the Self by Anthony Storr
~Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength by Laurie A. Helgoe
~Living Introverted: Learning To Embrace The Quiet Life Without Guilt by Lee Ann Lambert (Author)
~The Happy Introvert: A Wild and Crazy Guide for Celebrating Your True Self by Elizabeth Wagele
~Party of One: The Loners' Manifesto by Anneli S. Rufus

I've read the one if Green and really want to read The Loner's Manifesto next.

Any reviews or know any good ones to add?
post #431 of 796
Quote:
Originally Posted by Starflower View Post
recremaicila - I can relate to doing well having people around but not in my business.


This is my biggest pet peeve at work.
post #432 of 796
Glad to find this tribe. I consider myself an introvert and find the older I get the worse it is and the less socially acceptable it is. People think I am snotty or rude, really I just dont want to talk to anyone!! Dp is an extrovert and doesn't even remotly understand my lack of wanting to socialize. He has a large family and now that I have ds everyone wants us to come to everything! With the holidays coming I fear I will lose my mind! The idle chit chat and all the noise that drives me up a wall! Dp is my person, he is the one I want to talk to, the one I want to spend time with and really very few other people and even then only in small doses. Dp thinks I should make friends....blah not worth the hassle in my book. I have super sensitive hearing so that just adds to my not wanting to spend time in groups. I like people just fine...on my terms!! I do not want them in my space, even my mother has to call before she comes over
Before ds my best freind and companion was my dog, he has since had to take second chair but there is still nothing like taking my dog swimming or hiking all by my lonesome, he never whines or complains and he is beautiful to watch in motion. If only people could be so wonderful!
Ds is only 6mo but is an adorable chubby baby that smiles at everyone....ugh!! "Oh he's so cute!" "look at that smile!" "what a big boy!" meanwhile in my head I am sending out the strongest go away vibes I can. Reading others posts I have no doubt it will be a challenge for me the older ds gets. After all I can't buy a house in the middle of the woods and live there with ds and the dog.....right?
Good to know I am not alone
post #433 of 796
I am an INFP and my DH is an ISFP and we have trouble communicating sometimes because we are both so introverted. Our oldest DD is a huge Extrovert and that is hard for us sometimes because we have to be more social than we would like to be. Our youngest DD is an Introvert like us and a huge homebody. Sometimes I love being an Introvert because I feel like I notice a lot of things that Extroverts don't and I love simple things like alone time, reading, taking a bubble bath, journaling, walking alone etc. I like quiet activities. Sometimes being an Introvert is hard though because it seems like so many people are Extroverts and that is what is expected. I have a very hard time with small talk with strangers...sometimes I can barely make myself do it. I am very reserved and shy as well as being an Introvert and I really only talk when I have something I really want to share, otherwise I like to just sit back, people watch and take everything in.
post #434 of 796
sharkysmom and ANewDay
post #435 of 796
I've been wondering how much of my introversion is a product of my upbringing. I know I started out this way, and I could have dealt with things by being more extroverted (like my sister did) but I didn't have the best childhood. I will spare the details, but I really never felt protected. For some reason I put a lot of pressure on myself to keep everything together. I felt like everyone was so messed up, I had to be the good one. Maybe it was easier for me to protect myself by not letting many other people in. I don't think I ever would have been extremely extroverted anyway. I'm just pondering the nature vs. nurture of it.
post #436 of 796
I'm sure our upbringing affects us, but like you said, I think we're born introverted or extroverted. I used to think my problem was more due to lack of confidence after a childhood of being judged harshly, but as I've grown in confidence as an adult, I realize I do things the way I do more because I'm introverted. For instance, I used to think I was afraid to speak for fear of being judged, but now I realize I'm just slower to formulate a response (and then the topic has moved on) or the topic is disinteresting small talk in which I don't care to engage. Those are both introverted tendencies.
post #437 of 796
I think introvert/extrovert is mostly an inborn characteristic. However, I think if we are raised by extroverts in an extroverted society, some of us can hack it for awhile and pretend to be extroverted. Or perhaps we may harbor the desire to be extroverted without the means of doing so sustainably.

I seem to having trouble lately balancing my needs for alone time with my needs for companionship. I find myself often doing service work to help feed my needs for socializing activities while maintaining my distance. However, the past few days I am noticing more and more how this isn't really giving me what I truly want.

I am lonely today. A friend and church board colleague of mine died last week and it brought up a lot for me to consider. He was our board president, definitely an extrovert, but not the kind that would ramble all over someone. I am finding that I have a name for what I have been craving in addition to my alone time the past few months: community. The service work helps, but I really do like to be with friends some times. And I find that although I have many acquaintances, I feel like I have very few friends to call upon. And most of them are so busy with their own lives, I still feel all on my own.

All my family lives far away so I do not have an extended family readily available. I find myself vacillating between wanting to be social and wanting my own time to think. The main trouble seems to come in where I need to balance these needs along with the needs of my family and family life. I am always there for everyone in our family. And often for friends as well.

I want some sort of active communion with other people, as when musicians play together or such. I wish my piano playing or singing were stronger so I could join in with them for a time. I am an artist and often find that when I do finally get some art time it is all alone time. Often, this is OK. However, I saw on my Facebook pages that a distant friend is doing collaborative work with another artist. That seems interesting to me, too. But so far, I only seem to find people who want me to teach them to do art, or dance or such. I am tired of feeling like I always have to lead everything but I don't know how or am afraid to ask for help or inclusion.

I guess I really just want to feel like I belong somewhere for a change. I often feel like I am on the outside, looking in at the people who seem to connect so easily to one another. I am not sure I know how to do this.

Part of this may be introversion, though I suspect there is more to it than that. At times, I feel stuck inside my own physical body, like my spirit or mind wants to dance and shout and move, but I just sit there, stuck, unable to give in to the desire, like a prisoner in my own skin.

I'm rambling now. Perhaps I should take some of this to my writer's group.
post #438 of 796
Maybe you could start your own collaborative art group. You could ask applicants to answer a few questions or submit photos of their work. Then you could approve the number of people you'd like to work with at the right skill level. Sounds like fun to me
post #439 of 796
In regards to the nature/nurture thing I do think you are born with introvert/extrovert personalities and your life experience just fine tunes them. I had a terrible adolescence and felt very misunderstood, did poorly in school, and got in A LOT of trouble!! As an adult looking back though I see a lot of my troubles were frustration and not having my needs met. I was not the type of kid who thrived(I barely survived)in a classroom setting or with many people being in charge of me(teachers). Being forced in that situation every day was torture! Feeling shamed or not normal because I didnt seem to fit in anywhere and I didnt want to go to the dances or the after school activities, or put makeup on and chat with all the other girls, I wanted to go play in the woods with my best friend. I am thankful for my experiences because they have made me who I am today and I think in the long run (at 32) I can finally begin to appreciate who I really am!
Someone told me that a mom they knew was forcing their 8yo child to go to a birthday party because they felt he needed to socialize. That is how most of us were probably brought up, thinking there was something wrong with our isolating ways, so instead of being able to embrace them and let our imaginations grow we were forced into extroverted atmospheres that only made us more akward and unsure.
One of my biggest concerns is that I will do this to my child that I will try to mold him in my likeness, I hope I can get outside of my own ego and will and just let my child be exactly who he is....I just hope he's not an extrovert
post #440 of 796
I'm pretty sure that I am codependent along with being an introvert. Reading Melody Beattie now. Time for some painful, yet cathartic, self discovery. *sigh*
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