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Introvert Mamas? - Page 34

post #661 of 796
FB... geez.... I am so glad I haven't signed up, however, I hear about it from our families all the time. "If you were on FB you would have seen that"... Honestly, I don't care.
post #662 of 796
I survived our "vacation" of visiting family and more family. Some parts were good, some were OK, some were fairly miserable. We only got to visit one friend and we were frazzled by then, but it was still way more fun/relaxing than the family stuff. Saw some pretty views but didn't have a chance to go do anything in the areas we were visiting because we were constantly driving from one family thing to another. (DH's family reunion.)

When planning the trip, I remembered to space out the days of driving, but we didn't get to space out the family visits, so we spent a lot of time in the car crammed in like sardines with grandparents and their pets - first part with my parents, the second half of the trip with DH's parents. (One drive was 10+ hours.)

DD had an anxiety attack on the airplane home last night. (I have anxiety too but I try to hide it.) Our flight was delayed by an hour and a half and we had some very bumpy and yawing turbulence for part of the flight. Amazingly, DD managed to fall asleep for the last half hour. We finally got home around midnight or so.

And we are so glad to be home now with just us and our own pets. (And the air conditioner.) I'd use the jumping for joy smiley but we're still way to tired for that.
post #663 of 796
I just found this tribe and I totally would fit in here. I'm poster girl for Introverts R Us or something like that. Can I join in, can I, can I, huh?

My husband is poster boy for Extroverts R Us which drives me nuts sometimes, but actually works out perfectly. He does all the talking while I hide behind him. He goes to loads of breakfast get togethers etc and enjoys socializing at work, while I stay home. We do some organized socializing, like hosting game nights or throwing a BBQ. I do ok when it's scheduled and I can predict who will be there and how long it will last and can plan a day of recovery at the other side.

My biggest problem just now is living in a duplex with very social neighbors who looove to talk at every opportunity. I really like her, she's awesome, but I need to be able to put some trash out without having to duck and dive under windows and such in order to avoid a chit chat. I end up having to spend so much time with my blinds closed to avoid being spotted. I feel like I'm in public 24/7 and it's soooo tiring for me. I really need my own space, a haven to crash out in. Sometimes I can laugh it off but other times I really feel like it could drive me to insanity. My doorbell constantly rings with grown ups and kids from the neighborhood wanting to hang out or talk or borrow sugar etc. It's a nice wee community but a big old house out in the country would suit me much better.
post #664 of 796
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fat Scottish Gal
My biggest problem just now is living in a duplex with very social neighbors who looove to talk at every opportunity. I really like her, she's awesome, but I need to be able to put some trash out without having to duck and dive under windows and such in order to avoid a chit chat. I end up having to spend so much time with my blinds closed to avoid being spotted. I feel like I'm in public 24/7 and it's soooo tiring for me. I really need my own space, a haven to crash out in. Sometimes I can laugh it off but other times I really feel like it could drive me to insanity. My doorbell constantly rings with grown ups and kids from the neighborhood wanting to hang out or talk or borrow sugar etc. It's a nice wee community but a big old house out in the country would suit me much better.
I moved from a city to the country and I am much happier now. I used to feel like I was being watched all the time and it made me not want to do anything. I even developed agoraphobia for a while although I don't think it was entirely the result of being an introvert in a city. Now I finally feel relaxed and I feel like I can actually walk out of my house and still have privacy. I highly recommend it.
post #665 of 796
We were at DH's sister's wedding this week--it was local but we stayed at the hotel for two nights and were in the wedding party--so we had several engagements. I was (am) a bit under the weather AND was responsible for our 3 year old, so I left the reception dinner at 8 (the after dinner party went until 11) and left the wedding reception at 10 (they stayed at the site until 11 and then were out until 2 am bar hopping).

Both times I left all the others (both non-parents and parents that left their kids home) were so sorry for me having to leave early and sit in my hotel room so early while they all partied. I acted sad, but really I was SOOOOO thrilled to get to the quiet hotel room, put on my PJs, wash my face and read a book while DS slept. Heaven!
post #666 of 796
Hi innie mamas! I'm happy to find this thread. Here are my results on the MB test:

Ta-dah, your personality type is ISFJ!
Introverted (I) 93%Extraverted (E) 7%Sensing (S) 91%Intuitive (N) 9%Feeling (F) 70%Thinking (T) 30%Judging (J) 91%Perceiving (P) 9%

It's so refreshing to read through these posts and see that other people feel like I do. I can relate to almost all of it, such as hating the phone, finding it hard to make new friends, fantasizing about going away alone, being quiet but very observant in groups, thriving on one-on-one time with people I love, etc. For example, it's hard to get the rest of my family (especially DH) to understand if I just want to hang out with my brother alone. My mom is introverted like me, and it's hard for us to get time alone together without our DHs thinking we're being exclusive or that we're "up to" something. And it's hard for me to fit in with my in-laws, who traditionally do EVERYTHING in a group.

DH is an ENFP, so we struggle over many differences (not just innie vs. outie). Luckily, we are learning more about each other's personality types, and he is starting to understand me better. In fact, he told me in advance about a surprise baby shower that was being planned for me, because he knew that I would LOSE MY MIND if he spontaneously tried to bring me someplace that was not on my agenda, and that I would
be totally uncomfortable being surprised by a big group of people, even if it is all family. My SIL planned the shower, and she was annoyed that he told me and ruined the surprise, but I just love him for understanding me so well.

DD is almost 3, and she's an introvert too. At the baby shower last weekend (which was okay for me, since I had mentally prepared for it), she was very quiet and would only talk to her Gabby (my MIL). I was glad that the rest of the family accepted her behavior, and no one bugged her to "come out of her shell" or be more sociable.

DD also stays on the potty reading for 45 minutes or more, and yells "I'm not done!" if she hears me coming. She just needs that time alone, and I totally get it.

I am sending her to preschool this fall two mornings a week, and I am a little nervous for her. She is very motivated academically, and I know she will really benefit from the learning that will happen there. But how can I prepare her for the social aspect of it? We do playdates and LLL meetings, but so far she hasn't shown any interest in playing WITH other kids. (Except that she wants to kiss all the babies on their heads.) Any other mamas have experience with sending young introverts to school?
post #667 of 796
I didn't know this tribe existed... This is another spot for me, for sure. We just did what I refer to as "corporate team building junk" which involved the personality testing and ways to work with people who have different personality types. I came out as the very introverted, prefers to work independently, etc etc to which the other girls in my department said, "Duh!"
post #668 of 796
I've always felt so guilty about being and introvert. I've lost friends because of it. But I tend to form very deep friendships with those who are willing to stick with me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by treehugz View Post
Yep, me too. I've had a few close girl friends over the years who have all moved away. My best friend is a guy and also an introvert... since I got married we don't get together and talk much... since we have a history of some romantic tension I feel like I can't talk to him openly about my marriage (which I wish I had some girl friends to talk with about). My dh is an extrovert, and I feel like our relationship can be kinda shallow and wish we could have a deeper connection. Anyone else with an extroverted dh feel like this?
Oh yeah! I guess I never really connected it with his extroversion, but I definitely feel that our conversations tend to be very shallow. He doesn't like deep philosophical conversations, he just wants to dish about other people, which I hate.
post #669 of 796
to all the new people on the thread!

I'm getting ready for two performances at a belly dance festival this weekend. Exciting and fun, but I also have to psych myself up for festivals in general - even when I'm not in them! Sometimes it's easier as a performer because I can go as my persona rather than myself. I am also working the festival (briefly) at the end.

I am predicting that by Monday I will want to stay home and watch movies with DD. Which is my plan.

Then I have to pack and get ready for our church camp-out. It's a lot fun but it also can be overwhelming for me. We used to only go Friday - Sunday but by the time I had decompressed enough to want to be social, everyone was going home. Now we go up on Thursday so I can get an extra day to chill out.

I tend to be quite social when I am in the right mood (and with the right people), but I am pretty touchy. I am still learning about how to do vacations.

Actually, I guess vacations aren't really what I am talking about. I am getting pretty good about vacation trips, like the camp out. However, I am still learning about how to visit with family without going bonkers - or shutting down. Some day we are going to do an actual vacation instead of a "family visiting" trip.
post #670 of 796
Quote:
Originally Posted by Starflower View Post
I am still learning about how to visit with family without going bonkers - or shutting down. Some day we are going to do an actual vacation instead of a "family visiting" trip.
I totally feel you on the going-bonkers and shutting-down reactions to being cooped up with family for an extended period of time.

We share a beach house with my in-laws (they pay) and my SIL for a week every June. I have such a hard time being with all of them without a break, that here's what I do: I stay at the beach house to knit and read instead of going to the beach!!! Isn't that sad? Spending all morning AND all evening with the whole fam is all I can take. I cannot go sit on the beach with them for the middle part of the day too. This is my newest solution since I've spent years asking DH if we can try and go off on our own in the evenings (or the mornings) and although he says yes, it doesn't actually happen. I've told him that when we have more money (when I go back to work) I want us to take our OWN vacations. As of now, I feel like we're on someone else's vacation. I would rather stay home.

This year, DH did agree to my coming home from the beach by myself 2 days early. It was the only time I've spent 2 nights in a row away from DD, but it was pure heaven having the house to myself for 2 days.
post #671 of 796
Holy moly, I am so happy to have found this group! DH and I are expecting our first baby at the end of the year and tonight he asked me if I think I'm going to be able to handle the social aspects of motherhood. His childhood was full of lots of kids and adults in big groups and mine was centered around my very close knit family.

I guess he's been stewing over this because he's getting flak from his friends who wonder why I don't come hang out with them. He says it's really awkward for him and thinks I will be forced to change once the baby is born. It's not that I'm unsympathetic, but -- really -- he had to know this about me when we got married. (Just like I knew about his tendency to natter on about nothing in particular when all I want is silence and yet I still married him!)

Now I'm worried that this is going to be a constant source of tension between us. I'm perfectly content with the way I am and don't see any reason to spend hours making small talk with people who will, at best, be acquaintances. Is motherhood really going to force the issue or do we just have a difference of opinion?

So, so glad I'm not the only one!
post #672 of 796

concert anxiety is on my mind...

hi mamas, I'm very introverted and shy as well.....I get really drained from social efforts......this includes work......which is a place where I have to practice all my skills or lack of I've actually moved up at my workplace, the self managing part I love......sometimes having to make phone calls in the office (we all share) get's to me so I email when I can.....

my partner went to a concert/festival today which i had no interest in going to, this is something he loves to do and has been to hundreds of them....i've been to some with him and even went to a few by myself.....i've experienced some very strong anxiety and a few times I have experienced ecstatic bliss....that has been just a small portion of the time...

anyway, I was curious if anyone else has had similar feelings about concerts specifically?

glad to find you

m~m
post #673 of 796
I can handle a symphony or jazz concert easier than a rock concert because the crowd is easier to deal with. I have been to a few concerts I really enjoyed, but it's always been people I really wanted to see and with my DH.

I find them easier than I used to but I still get nervous about them, the people/crowds, the noise, etc.

Do you have sensory issues as well? I find that some of these things can be very over-stimulating on many levels.

When we go to festivals (which is very rare that I go), my DH makes sure I always have enough to eat and also we make sure I can find a corner somewhere away from the crowds and the noise. This helps immensely, but I still need to have the next day or so to come down from it all.

I just did day one of the dance festival today, which is in the city so it's a big deal for me. We live on the edge of a large metro area kind of bordering the boonies. I do go into the city periodically, but only when I am feeling OK. If I feel frazzled or anything, I avoid it, especially if I have DD with me. Same with festivals. Today's wasn't too bad because I knew a few people, we were dancing and it wasn't overly crowded. (There is an annual music festival here that you can hardly walk through - I haven't been to that one for 8 years - I can't even imagine the people that go all 4 days.)

Unfortunately, I have missed out on a few things I really wanted to do because I was on the edge of an anxiety attack about going. I missed going to WOMAD and seeing Peter Gabriel because of that. I am still bummed about it.

I used to also have trouble with movie theaters and going to the theater. But I think that was more of an anxiety thing than an introvert thing. I have trouble when I can't be in a place I can get out easily.

I think if you want to enjoy concerts more, make sure you get seats rather than the floor, and get your seat on the aisle. Then you can get up if you need to escape for awhile or go to the restroom. Also, you'd only be sitting next to the person you came with so less chit-chat with strangers.
post #674 of 796
I went to the aquarium with my boyfriend and our daughter, last week, and that was an overwhelming experience for me. I was happy to get out of the apartment for the day, but there were so many kids there with camp counselors, and it was hard not bumping into any of the kids because the place was crowded. I felt really anxious but I did my best to hide it, because I didn't want to ruin my daughter's day out. But I was happy when we finally got out of there. I also have an issue with the way I look, so when I am around that many people, it causes anxiety.
post #675 of 796
I just did the MB personality test, several times. I came out INFJ (or possibly P), and my husband was a decided ESFP every time he took it. Two of the the least compatible types. It explains a lot. We just don't get each other at all, and we both have a hard time getting what we need out of the relationship. Sure wish we'd known all this years ago! But even so, we somehow make it work most of the time.

Basically, in high school he would have been one of the cute, extremely popular jocks with a whole harem of girls on his tail, and I would have been the nerdy artsy type who mostly keeps to herself except for a few close friends (which I was )
post #676 of 796
Quote:
Originally Posted by LillianB View Post
Holy moly, I am so happy to have found this group! DH and I are expecting our first baby at the end of the year and tonight he asked me if I think I'm going to be able to handle the social aspects of motherhood. His childhood was full of lots of kids and adults in big groups and mine was centered around my very close knit family.

I guess he's been stewing over this because he's getting flak from his friends who wonder why I don't come hang out with them. He says it's really awkward for him and thinks I will be forced to change once the baby is born. It's not that I'm unsympathetic, but -- really -- he had to know this about me when we got married. (Just like I knew about his tendency to natter on about nothing in particular when all I want is silence and yet I still married him!)

Now I'm worried that this is going to be a constant source of tension between us. I'm perfectly content with the way I am and don't see any reason to spend hours making small talk with people who will, at best, be acquaintances. Is motherhood really going to force the issue or do we just have a difference of opinion?

So, so glad I'm not the only one!
My situation was a little different because I moved to a new state one month before becoming a mama. I was leaving behind my few friends and was going to be a SAHM, and I was determined to make some new friends, despite my being so introverted. I made most of my friends through La Leche League, and I met one friend online at Diaperswappers.com - she lives less than a mile from me!

Anyway, while motherhood has definitely not made me stop being introverted, it has helped me make some friends. With other moms, you always have something to talk about. And gradually, a friendship that starts out just sharing thoughts and experiences of parenting can change into something where you share other ideas too. I still only have 3 good friends, and they aren't friends with each other, so I hang out with them one-on-one (with our kids), and it's perfect for me.

Also, with two of my friends, we've done a few family dinners together, so my extroverted DH can do a little socializing outside of his job. He LOVES getting to see other families, so he knows that what we experience as parents is not abnormal.

So, to answer your question, I don't think motherhood will make you an extrovert, but it might help you form a few good friendships, which can be so helpful when you're a new mom. You said DH wants you to come hang out with him and his friends. If his friends are also parents, your being a new mommy might help make these outings easier, since you can always "talk shop" with other parents. But if his friends aren't parents, I don't see how anything would change on that front.

Good luck, mama! It's so hard for these "outie" husbands to understand us "innie" wives sometimes.
post #677 of 796
Quote:
Originally Posted by FallenofTrack View Post
I went to the aquarium with my boyfriend and our daughter, last week, and that was an overwhelming experience for me. I was happy to get out of the apartment for the day, but there were so many kids there with camp counselors, and it was hard not bumping into any of the kids because the place was crowded. I felt really anxious but I did my best to hide it, because I didn't want to ruin my daughter's day out. But I was happy when we finally got out of there. I also have an issue with the way I look, so when I am around that many people, it causes anxiety.

This is why I avoid going to museums, the zoo and the aquarium, etc. on weekends. I usually send my DH with DD if it's a weekend. We homeschool, so during the school year it's a lot quieter during the week and I'll take her. Summer seems to be pretty busy all the time.

I just finished up the dance festival today. DD and DH stayed home today because DD had had too much festival already. I've warned DD that tomorrow will be a quiet, stay-at-home kind of day. She's been asking to go to the science center for two weeks now. I need to re-up our membership, but I've been putting her off because we've been doing so many "big" things this month. I really need some down time in between events. The older she gets, the more she seems to be the same way.
post #678 of 796
I'm wondering if maybe I just don't like concerts because of the sensory overload and it feeling like too much...feels like a relief to deceide / realize I don't have to feel bad about not going....
post #679 of 796
I'm having a BIG problem with "family visiting" during what's suppossed to be vacation. We're taking our usual summer trip to the in-laws for a week, but my husband is going a couple hundred miles beyond that to a sporting event and is leaving me alone with his parents for the whole week. We're having some family tension right now because they've visited us so often and stayed so long that I finally just about had a breakdown. So I'm incredibly uncomfortable having to stay with them. If my daughter didn't want to go, I'd stay home. I don't want to deprive her of the trip since she wants to go, but I'd rather chew foil than go. I'm so stressed already that I'm a nervous wreck, and we aren't even going for another two weeks! They're all extreme extroverts and think spending time alone is a sign you're mad, depressed, or mentally unstable. (By the time the trip is over, I may be all three!!!)
post #680 of 796
agreenbough that sounds really tough. Do you have any options? Is your daughter old enough to spend the week with her grandparents without you? Could your DH drop her off and then go on to his event while you have a week off? Can you afford a hotel room, even for a few nights? One night?

I know that this is really hard to internalize, but your need to be alone is more important than what they think that need means about you. I'd encourage you to find a way to take care of yourself.

I'm dealing with similar issues, my in-laws are much more extroverted than me. I'm not in your shoes, but I do empathize.
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