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Introvert Mamas? - Page 35

post #681 of 796
Originally Posted by Mother Cake View Post
agreenbough that sounds really tough. Do you have any options? Is your daughter old enough to spend the week with her grandparents without you? Could your DH drop her off and then go on to his event while you have a week off? Can you afford a hotel room, even for a few nights? One night?

I know that this is really hard to internalize, but your need to be alone is more important than what they think that need means about you. I'd encourage you to find a way to take care of yourself.

I'm dealing with similar issues, my in-laws are much more extroverted than me. I'm not in your shoes, but I do empathize.

This seems like good advice. If the in-laws don't mind your daughter staying for a week with them, without either parent being there, then it would definitely be a great opportunity to get some alone time. I couldn't imagine being around a bunch of extreme extroverts for a week. Thank goodness, my boyfriend and I are both introverts with similar needs. We do the occasional family get together, but we mostly stay by ourselves, and don't have external pressure put upon us.
post #682 of 796
Can you and dd stay there for just 2 or 3 days maybe? Does dh have a way to get home without you?
post #683 of 796
I won't even have a car while he's away, if I want to go anywhere I have to borrow one from my in-laws. (They live 600 miles from us, so I couldn't really go home even if I had my own car.) We always take our dog with us, so that, coupled with the fact that the nearest hotel is 20 miles away, and that my in-laws would be terribly offended if I stayed in a hotel, and I'm just up the creek. I think part of my problem is that we hardly ever go on a vacation that doesn't involve a trip to their house, and I'm just tired of it. It's been going on for over 20 years. I don't consider my husband to be a momma's boy, but his mother does seem to have some kind of power over her kids - they all spend most of their vacations at the "family homestead".
I guess I just have to work on my attitude and try to be tough. I never sleep well at their house. They don't have air conditioning and they have one of those old houses with thin walls, so you can hear everything.
I actually have relatives in the same area, but they don't socialize with my in-laws (and I can't stay with them - no room). The idea of sending my daughter and me staying home is good, except that she wants to spend time with my relatives, too, and that won't happen unless I'm there. And borrow a car.
I'm not usually not a tit-for-tat kind of person, but my husband is going to owe me after this one!!!
post #684 of 796
Maybe you can spend a lot of the time with your own relatives, even if you can't sleep there.

If it were me I think I'd discuss with dh how the visits with the in-laws make me feel, and suggest that such visits become less frequent.
post #685 of 796
Oh no! I can't believe I finished reading this thread. I've been reading a post or two (or ten) whenever I have time to sit at the computer. It's been my "treat" for myself for a couple of months... and now there is nothing left but for me to add my own post, lol.

When I found this thread I didn't even really know what it meant to be an introvert. I had this vague notion of hermits and unabombers. The more I read the more I could see myself. Eventually I took a couple of the online tests and found that I am 100% Introvert! All these strange habits of mine are actually just part of being an introvert. It's ok that I prefer books to crowds!

When I read the first post that mentioned hating the phone, I almost cried. And then one after another of you agreed that the phone is an evil necessity. I couldn't believe it! I have always hated talking on the phone. My hubby is the only other person I know who hates the phone as much as I do. (even more so, actually) No one else has ever understood why I have such a hard time making phone calls.

I grew up in a family of six. We lived in a two bedroom house, so I quickly learned how to create a bubble for myself. I can completely tune out my surroundings and focus on a book or the tv or whatever I happen to be doing. This ability earned me the label of "spacey" because someone could call my name several times without me hearing them. I'm not spacey, I just had to learn how to ignore everything around me in order to keep my sanity!

I am very fortunate in that my husband is also an introvert. I have to talk him into doing social activities, lol. Now we have a daughter. She is 19 months and I feel like I need to find her some kids her own age to play with, but we don't know anyone in our area. It's very rural and the only playgroups/toddler socializing in the area is with the local church group. This is out of the question for reasons I won't get into here. So I have been trying to meet some mom's in the area. I've actually talked to a couple and gotten their numbers, (hubby teased me about "picking up" women at the grocery store, lol) but I haven't worked up the nerve to call them yet. *sigh*

Our current dream is to buy a sail boat and live aboard full time. Introvert paradise! We plan to homeschool DD and travel where ever our hearts take us. My hubby is a disabled vet, we live on his disability income, so there isn't anything holding us in one place. I think the biggest draw to that lifestyle for DH is the fact that we wouldn't have to spend so much time visiting relatives.

Speaking of visiting relatives... we have a week long trip planned for the beginning of next month to go visit a bunch of extrovert relatives. These trips leave us both exhausted for a week or two after we get home. I'm always torn because I love to see my family, but I hate going too. The whole family feels like we all have to be doing something every minute of every day. If either of us spends any time alone, everyone asks the other "what's wrong?" At least now we have our DD as a distraction for them. So far she loves the attention.

I am really hoping she becomes as introverted as her parents. I'll figure out a way to keep her social if she turns out extroverted... but it will be much easier if she's an introvert.

I don't want this to get any longer, so I'll end this here. Thank you all so much for helping me see that I'm not a freak and that it's ok to be me!!
post #686 of 796
I'm at the point, as well, where I need to find some playgroups or some weekly activities so that my daughter can start socializing with other kids her age. My daughter is 2 1/2, and she is very outgoing and seems to be extroverted. I am a homebody who feels nervous in social situations, in addition to being introverted. But I want to get my daughters needs met, and that is going to take stepping outside of my comfort zone. This morning, she and I went to the local library for a toddler activity that the library does a couple of times a month. This was our first time doing one of the activities. It started off with the kids being able to play with toys and then there were songs and stories. My daughter was a handful. She could barely sit still in order to participate. And the whole time, I felt anxious because there were a lot of people there. I had to talok myself into staying there for the whole thing, because of my anxiety and also the fact that she wouldn't sit still.

I was also thinking about homeschooling my daughter or having her attend online school, but I don't think that that would be a good match for her personality. I really don't want her to attend a "brick and mortar" school, but I don't know if I'd be able to handle her, at home every day, so maybe sending her to school, would be the better option.
post #687 of 796

Gifts Differing

Originally Posted by myjo View Post
I just did the MB personality test, several times. I came out INFJ (or possibly P), and my husband was a decided ESFP every time he took it. Two of the the least compatible types. It explains a lot. We just don't get each other at all, and we both have a hard time getting what we need out of the relationship. ...
For all innies here, I'd like to recommend Gifts Differing / Understanding Personality Type by Isabel Briggs Myers and her son. This book will give you a whole lot of insight to managing differences and how differences attract. After all, we all get to the same place via different routes! For parents, there is a quite a bit on children and their type developement.

I was so glad to learn my type. I found that I am one of the less populated of the types (INTP), but that I have been myself all along! Understanding your type means that you can draw on your less preferred side and thereby bring a balance to those areas that seem uncomforable!
post #688 of 796
Thanks, ThirdEyeMom. This sounds like I book I would enjoy.
post #689 of 796
I'm not a mom yet, (well, unless you count my furbabies) so I hope it's okay to post here.

I must say, I did not expect that clicking on this thread would lead to a self discovery process. As I'm reading through the pages and pages of your posts, I find myself wanting to quote almost every single post and say, "Yes, that's me!"

I always just though I was different, or antisocial. I just considered myself to not be a people-person.

I am an only child and my mother (who was a single parent) is and always has been very introverted. I've taken the Myers-Briggs test twice, and got INFJ once and INTJ once. 100% introverted both times. I'm still not 100% sure what that means, other than I now have a label for my non people-person-ality.

I hate hate hate the phone. DH can't understand this and I'm always asking him to make the calls for everything. (appointments, calling family back, etc.) It drives him nuts that I can't "Just make a simple phone call" I dread it like the plague.

All my life I've been a bit of a loner, choosing solitary sports (horseback riding and snowboarding) to group sports. I love animals, because I don't have to talk to them for them to understand me.

Even now, I work out of my home with dogs (grooming and boarding) so that I don't have to be in the 'real world' dealing with people. My human interaction is minimal. Mostly people dropping off their dogs and the only talk is related to thier dog for about 2-3 minutes. That I can handle. It's the chatty clients who want to sit and chat for an hour about nothing of importance that drive me batty.

And I'm terrible about answeing the phone and it takes me all day to work up the courage to call people back when they do leave messages. I knowingly (willingly) lose a lot of business simply because I can't make myself talk to people.

DH is constantly asking me "What's wrong" and when I get a confused look on my face, he says "You're not talking. What's wrong?" I wish he could understand (and I tell him this every.single.time) that just because I'm not talking, doesn't mean something is wrong. I just don't like to talk all the time. I love quiet.
post #690 of 796
Welcome, *Dawn*

Have you read any of the introvert books listed on the thread? I've found them to be helpful in trying to explain how things work for me when talking to people who don't get it. And it's nice to be validated. (Another reason I love this thread.)

Regarding your business: Have you a way to arrange appointments for your business via email? This could eliminate some of the phone calls but still give you business. I make appointments or appointment requests via email when it's available. Example: I made an appointment for DD to go to a drop in child care place last week. I clicked on their request page and filled in my info. Not too long after that I got an email confirmation. It worked really well.

Maybe something like this could work for you.
post #691 of 796
Originally Posted by Starflower View Post
Welcome, *Dawn*

Have you read any of the introvert books listed on the thread? I've found them to be helpful in trying to explain how things work for me when talking to people who don't get it. And it's nice to be validated. (Another reason I love this thread.)

Regarding your business: Have you a way to arrange appointments for your business via email? This could eliminate some of the phone calls but still give you business. I make appointments or appointment requests via email when it's available. Example: I made an appointment for DD to go to a drop in child care place last week. I clicked on their request page and filled in my info. Not too long after that I got an email confirmation. It worked really well.

Maybe something like this could work for you.
I am planning on checking out my library and seeing if they have those books. DH and I share a car since I work from home and really don't need my own car, and he usually has the car during the hours the library is open. He is off work next Tuesday though, so I'm going to head to the library then. I am excited to read the recommended books.

I do offer online scheduling, and very much prefer it. Unfortunately, the majority of people still prefer communication over the phone.
post #692 of 796
Hello, Starflower and Dawn!
Great reply, Starflower! It is true that many innies do not like to talk on the phone and from this thread it is about many of us who really do not like small talk. Although we can get to know ourselves better by understanding our "type", we can get to know others from their type--I consider this a blessing. It is worth understanding all the 16 types.

What it also means is not use type as a reason (excuse) for not doing things. I received formal training in type and this is one of the things we learned about how not to use type. We also learned--and I think this is important--type doesn't explain everything about why we do things. It is about understanding ourselves and others, drawing on our least preferred sides for balance and arrive at the same place. In the case of the telephone, as an example, management of a business or making business or health related appointments has a higher importance for other successes than just a dislike for talking on the phone. The book I mentioned above would be a good read since it is straightforward and concise and the author devised the MBTI test (based on the works of C. G. Jung).
post #693 of 796
I just had a bad experience making phone calls, today. I was calling different child care centers and preschools, to do research about what they offer, before I decide which one I want my daughter to attend. To be frank, it was a pain in the arse calling these places. And by calling them, I realized just how bad customer service can be. These peple do not know how to properly answer a phone call or how to give information to people who are requesting it. On one phone call, I asked the person about the part-time and full time options and the hours for each option. I barely got any answers when talking to her. I have one child, so I haven't dealt with all of this before, and instead of giving me a run down on what's available, I felt like they were making it harder for me to get the info. Just a real pain to deal with. I don't like talking on the phone in the first place, so this was a bad experience for me.
post #694 of 796
ThirdEyeMom - I've read other MBTI books and I was excited to see that the author of Gifts Differing was actually by one of the people who devised the tests. I've always been very interested in psychology so I read a lot of stuff like this. I'm excited to get this one at the library when it comes in; I have it on reserve.

FallenofTrack - sorry you had lousy phone calls today. I have worked in customer service in the past in several capacities so I am pretty picky about getting service. Hopefully everyone was just having a rough time getting back into their grooves after a long weekend. Did you get enough info to make any decisions?

*Dawn* - Glad you'll be able to make it to the library soon. Have you ever offered a discount to people for using your online reservation service? Maybe if they could save a few bucks it would help persuade them to use it over the phone.


I actually just had a really great phone conversation with my insurance agency. I had to call because I am trying to pay my mortgage online and it's not letting me because it says my insurance is going to expire. Hopefully I'll get a call back tomorrow from the insurance people saying all is fixed with the bank (I pay ins through escrow) and I won't have to bother calling the bank. The ins reps are local and nice. I hate calling the big corporate bank that bought our mortgage.

Yesterday we spent 5-1/2 hours at the fair. Most of which was in the pouring rain. DD had fun. I had enough fair after about an hour. Of course now the sun is out. And we're taking DD out to buy rain gear for her outdoor homeschool program. But I have back-up because DH took the day off. Phew!
post #695 of 796
Originally Posted by KBinSATX View Post
Whew I just survived another play date at my house! But it definitely is draining for me.
Any other mamas out there that fit the description above?
I DETEST playdates. But in an urban area, sometimes they are the only way for kids to socialize. We tried living in "cohousing" for a while to get away from the playdate model, and our son could run outside & play freely w/ lots of kids. It was wonderful. Now we live in a neighborhood w/ a few kids across the street, and I'm loving it. This is how my generation grew up, and I think it's highly beneficial for kids to play "in the wild" w/out constant parental supervision & artificial structure. Kids just being kids outside in the yard.
post #696 of 796
@Starflower. Thanks for the understanding about customer service. I did some more research online about the types of questions to ask when inquiring about what the schools offer. So that helped me to be a bit more confident when making phone calls and going on the tours. I made a call this morning, to a preschool, about setting up a tour, and the lady I spoke to was helpful. I am due to go over there, in the evening, today, to check the place out.
post #697 of 796

introvert mamas?

Hey everyone! I can't tell you how happy I was to find this thread here. I have been on internet boards for years, yet this is one of the first times I've ever felt "home" in being with others like me. I am a very strong INFJ. I've also had social anxiety in the past, but currently, even without that, I hate going to social functions. I have one child at home, 5th grade, and she is an extrovert. It sucks! My husband is very strong EFTP (talk about opposites) and doesn't understand my not wanting to go to parties, crowded places, having people over, making phone calls, etc. Finally I understand all the reasons. Even in the evenings, I prefer reading/watching tv to going outside or being more social with other people. I realize I have appeared to be a totally snobby bitch in most of the neighborhoods I've lived in. I'm trying really hard to be different in this one, but it's really hard.
post #698 of 796
Just came across this great article, Revenge of the Introvert:

I haven't posted here in a while... just been too socially over-stimulated otherwise. Still lurking of course though.
post #699 of 796
That's a great article!

We just moved to a new state so DH can go to grad school. In theory I want to get out there and meet some new people, but in practice I'm perfectly happy keeping to myself.

Also: I HATE hearing that the best way for me to get into a good career and PhD program eventually (in a few years) is through networking. That word is evil. If I never hear that word again I'd be the happiest person on earth. I find the whole idea of only getting to know people because of what they can do for me repellent. I feel like I'd just be using them. Not to mention the fact that as an introvert, the very idea of having a whole network of people to keep in touch with and keep updated on my life sounds exhausting!
post #700 of 796
Originally Posted by cookfan56 View Post
... I'm trying really hard to be different in this one, but it's really hard.
Welcome, cookfan56! I found socializing painful, then I started watching extroverts to come out of my shell (it is cozy in here. LOL). I then tried modeling some behaviors and adapting what felt comfortable to me until I didn't have to think about it. People think I am sociable and I can speak well in front of people, but I like my shell, darn it!

Loved the Psychology Today article! It fits!
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