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Introvert Mamas? - Page 36

post #701 of 796
Good article. I'm pretty sure that was by the same woman who wrote "Introvert Power."

Edited to add: I have come to this thread (and many others lately) and then written and deleted posts.

I just had lunch with an extroverted (not super X but enough) and she hit me with a barrage of questions. Eventually I actually told her "enough - now it's your turn and asked her what was going on in general. She talked a lot about everything. Then later she got irritated by something I said which I could not explain very well and she took the wrong way. Argh!

I hadn't seen her in weeks and by the time I got home, I felt wrung out. I sensed I should have ended our time together earlier but I did not. I think if I am not seeing her regularly, I will have to be a bit more guarded and/or keep our time together shorter.
post #702 of 796
Originally Posted by cookfan56 View Post
Hey everyone! I can't tell you how happy I was to find this thread here. I have been on internet boards for years, yet this is one of the first times I've ever felt "home" in being with others like me. I am a very strong INFJ. I've also had social anxiety in the past, but currently, even without that, I hate going to social functions. I have one child at home, 5th grade, and she is an extrovert. It sucks! My husband is very strong EFTP (talk about opposites) and doesn't understand my not wanting to go to parties, crowded places, having people over, making phone calls, etc. Finally I understand all the reasons. Even in the evenings, I prefer reading/watching tv to going outside or being more social with other people. I realize I have appeared to be a totally snobby bitch in most of the neighborhoods I've lived in. I'm trying really hard to be different in this one, but it's really hard.
Are you me?Just switch husband to in-laws and you got my situation.We have a large backyard perfect for get togethers and we almost never have them.That doesn't stop my husbands family from asking can they host holidays,parties,and BBQ'S at our home.I am trying hard to host more but it really drains my energy.I am not as bad as I used to be but certain things I am having trouble changing.For instance I am convinced the families on my sons football team hate me because I almost never talk to them except for a quick hello.I am dreading my daughter joining soccer next year.
post #703 of 796
welcome, cookfan and Whocares

post #704 of 796
I'd written some other stuff but deleted because it was kind of personal. After I think about it awhile maybe I'll bring it back up.
post #705 of 796
I'm an introvert to extroverted kids. It is kind of weird, but I love it. They make me go outside myself and really challenge me to do things I wouldn't otherwise do.
post #706 of 796
I am so pleased to find this tribe! I look forward to reading some of the suggested articles and have already had many 'ah-ha' moments reading posts.

I just got through the worst month of the whole year: 3 weeks of travel with work, with shared hotel rooms. Enough to drive anyone crazy, enough to almost drive an introvert over the deep end. I am now in recovery.

I took a personality test, results are INTJ. The description sounds pretty accurate!
post #707 of 796
Originally Posted by treehugz View Post
Just came across this great article, Revenge of the Introvert:
Thanks for sharing this article. I was at a party recently with about 35 people. Being someone who still struggles with shyness, I couldn't figure out how much of me just didnt want to participate with the big group and how much of it was just my shyness holding me back.
post #708 of 796
Hi everyone, I have been reading and enjoying, planning to post then struggling and in the end not posting.

But today I am curious because I am starting to think (worry) about my 11yo's behavior. Is he an introvert? Highly sensitive? Anxious? Phobias? I have a hard enough time figuring out my our personality. Do any of you worry that it may be more that just being an introvert?

Not that I would do anything different if it were. It's not bad enough for medication. But I want to do what's best as a mom, and I think that starts with understanding the reality of his (and my) behaviors.
post #709 of 796
Thank you for posting, mich! Somewhere back in the thread somewhere there's a link to a quiz to see if you're highly sensitive. My kids and I are all introverted *and* highly sensitive.

I saw the Introvert Advantage when I was in the library so I grabbed it. Last night I read the part about how introverts don't feel we know enough about a subject unless we know *everything* about it. That is so me!
post #710 of 796
How are all the introverts doing? Fall is here!
post #711 of 796
Originally Posted by Sustainer View Post
I saw the Introvert Advantage when I was in the library so I grabbed it. Last night I read the part about how introverts don't feel we know enough about a subject unless we know *everything* about it. That is so me!
I really related to this part too!

Hi, Xantho! Since you asked..... I'm doing OK right now. Trying to make sure I get breaks which seems to help, but isn't always easy. DD has some issues we are working on (anxiety/depression) so life has been very intense around here lately. She's always been intense (me too) but lately it's become much more so.

I am making sure to do some of my own activities. I am socializing somewhat but it's hard for me to find people I actually want to spend much time with. I've also decided that a couple friends of mine need to be in smaller doses, perhaps more frequently, because the long chat sessions just do me in, even though I love them.

I actually really enjoy fall. It was sunny here yesterday and we were at the park. I love the contrast of the dry, crunchy orange leaves against the moist green grass.

And I am also feeling a little bit nervous because I agreed to a belly dance performance in a month. It's all improv and to a live band at a restaurant/bar, which is very energizing and fun, but it's been a very long time since I've done this type of thing. And I used to be the only belly dancer around in my previous locations but here there are many so I find that I am comparing myself to others way too much. This is not a new trait. I've also been prone to comparisons in art, when really, I'd prefer to just enjoy the other artists and not make comparisons. It's just hard for me to do. I don't really think this is an introvert thing, just one of my hang-ups.
post #712 of 796
Originally Posted by Xantho View Post
How are all the introverts doing? Fall is here!
I'm doing great today! My in-laws took my 3yo dd for the day (as they do every Wednesday), so it's just me and my 10 wk old baby girl. Getting lots done around the house and enjoying the peace and quiet SO much.

DH and I have decided that 2 daughters is enough for us, so he's going to have a vasectomy (theoretically... he hasn't made an appointment yet). I feel so overwhelmed when I spend time with both our kids and my husband all at once, I can't imagine adding a third child to the mix. I thrive on time alone or with just one other person, and the more we add to our family, the less time I will have like that.

Family Dinner at the in-laws' tonight. It's just my kids, my husband, his wonderful parents, and I, but it's always so exhausting. I love my family, but I can only stand it for a few hours. I bring my knitting with me because it helps to keep me centered while I deal with the demands of constant conversation.
post #713 of 796
I'm doing ok. I became employed at a new job, last week, so I have been waking up early in the morning, at around 5:30 am, so I can get ready and be at work by 6:30am. I'm not much of an early morning person, but I wanted an early morning position, because that is the only time, for now, that I can work. It's a part-time position, and the shifts are short. It works out perfectly, because my boyfriend works long hours during the week and I have to be home by shortly after 11:00 am, so that I can take over looking after our daughter, as he leaves for work. I hadn't worked outside of the home, in a couple of years because of issues with depression, so I'm happy to be out of the home, again, if even for a short while, and to be able to see different faces and have a conversation once in a while. I also like the fact that for the most part, I work on my own, during my shift, so there is less of a chance for me to become annoyed by constantly having to be around other people who feel that it is ok to invade my space and impose conversation on me, when I'm not in the mood. I've had that issue on a former job, and I really didn't like being imposed upon by people. At this job, I'm able to do my work and have my thoughts as a companion. Also, the coworkers I have spoken too seem pretty easy to get along with. So, so far, so good.

The only thing I haven't liked, is that I have been learning the little details of the job, on the fly, instead of having various things explained in advance. I realize that not every potential issue on a job, can be explained in advance, however, as an introvert, I like it when I have a more thorough understanding of some of the potential problems that may arise when I am doing my tasks, instead of having to run around and asking people questions when there is an issue, and therefore wasting my time and their time. I actually helped to train a new coworker, yesterday, and one of the things that I made sure to do was to tell him certain things in adance of him actually carrying out the tasks, so therefore he would have some idea of how to handle things.
post #714 of 796
Glad to hear all is going well with everyone. I am preparing for our wedding on the 23rd and am getting really excited. Everything seems to be falling into place and I couldn't be happier.

Starflower, I have always wanted to take up belly dancing. There is a class nearby and I plan to take it soon. I just love the art. Funny, before I had DS, I thought it was really risque. Interesting how you change with having a child, love it. I feel so much more free than I ever have before.
post #715 of 796
Xantho - Congrats on your upcoming wedding!

I have never thought of belly dancing as very risque, but I could see how some could. Actually I feel more self-conscious after having DD than before. But I'm working on it! Belly dance is a totally fun art form and is more aerobic than people think. You'll be amazed at some of the muscle groups you never knew you had once you start.


I am tired of feeling nervous about talking and interacting in groups of people (small even) and then after I finally attend a social event and open up just a bit, I always feel like I somehow said too much or misspoke something. Does this ever get any easier? I wonder sometimes if I have this going on on more than one level, besides the introversion. Sigh.
post #716 of 796


Originally Posted by KBinSATX View Post
Hello Bababa!

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I am also a new member. Would a newcomer be warmly welcome here? Good day you guy !

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post #717 of 796
Hello everyone!

Starflower, I'm so impressed you can perform in front of a group! I wanted to take a belly dancing class and was too shy. I did buy a dvd and wow, what a work out!

I was out with friends last week and I had one of those nights where I talked a lot and later thought "why did I say all that???" For me most of the time I can talk and chat, but speak consciously, and not have regrets later. I think it is one of those things that gets better with practice and confidence. If you can do a belly dance performance, you can do chit chat!

Xantho, congrats on your up coming wedding!

Fallenofthack Starting a new job is hard, congratulations. I am curious, you mentioned depression, are you doing something to overcome it, or is it just lessening? I have been struggling with it this year and have recently started extra vitamins.

LaFlace, my dh had a vas after we had 2 children also. I felt the same as you mentioned. They are much older now and I still think it was the right decision for us. I do sometimes crave another baby and probably always will, but I am very happy with our small family!

Also knitting is my favorite coping tool at family functions! When the boys were younger watching them was helpful in keeping me busy. Now I just seem to sit by myself and feel awkward. I love knitting, someone can speak to me if they want, but I don't appear to be just sitting alone if I am busy with a hobby. I still feel a little weird when I first take it out. People will ask questions, or funny looks, but then I can just relax and knit.

Sustainer, thank you for your post. The funny thing is, I think I posted the quiz a while back! I am very HSP and do see that possibility in my son. Part of me wants to diagnose, create a label. But what I should do is just relax and accept him as he is, stop worrying about identifying his personality. He's still a kid, and will grow and change in time.

Thanks to everyone who keeps this thread alive and running. It is a wonderful safe place to visit, read, and post.
post #718 of 796
@mich, Hi. Sorry to hear that you are experiencing depression. I have been struggling with depression for the past four years. At this point, it's not as severe as it was even just a year ago. This is the reason why I decided to start working again. Also, I went to a mental health clinic today, to talk to a counselor and also to see if I could get prescribed some medication, because I don't want to slip back into severe depression to the point where I feel like I don't have the energy to work or be productive. So hopefully, all goes well with that.
post #719 of 796
My husband is the ambassador for the family. My daughter stays with MIL during the day so playdates aren't an issue for me, but my husband is social and has friends that expect us to come over with the kids and play while we all hang out. I loathe the idea.

It's not that they aren't great people or great friends, I just find so much more fulfillment from working on art or cooking. I can spend time with my immediate family for most of the day, but if anyone else gets thrown in the mix, my tolerance level goes way down.
post #720 of 796
Originally Posted by FallenofTrack View Post
I'm doing ok. I became employed at a new job, last week, so I have been waking up early in the morning, at around 5:30 am, so I can get ready and be at work by 6:30am. ... So, so far, so good. ...
I really like your post. I'm not crazy about jobs where I have to interact a LOT! Being the thinking type, I need that quiet time to work out details. I'm not crazy about large groups either, yet I've learned the importance of meetings where synergy works to make to better decisions. I've also learned to voice my opinions (calling on my extrovert side of being an introvert) in those decision making meetings.

Glad to hear about the therapy session. Talk therapy works better than being medicated, 'tho sometimes it is needed in the beginning sometimes to get over the hump of what is depressing an individual.

If more people helped their co-workers in the way you describe, work would be a more pleasant place. I, too, take the time to provide info to help others.
Wishing you the best!
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