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Introvert Mamas? - Page 37

post #721 of 796
Halloween Party tonight, the invitation says come in costume.

Tomorrow 200 kids and adults will be knocking on my door looking for candy.

Need I say more?

I'm just waiting to Monday, everything will be better on Monday.
post #722 of 796
I've always preferred going in costume - then I can be whomever I want to be at the party or hide behind my costume.

I can relate to you about the trick-or-treaters. I usually ask DH to answer the door. The dogs always go bonkers with the doorbell ringing all night. I'd consider just skipping it all together but DD would be really bummed out.

We're trying to figure out what to do during our trick or treating in the neighborhood. Last year, about 9 p.m. I just stuck the candy bowl out front with a sign on it. I'm considering doing it for tonight while we're gone, but DD is concerned someone will be greedy.

Last year when we were trick or treating, we went to a couple of houses with candy out in a bowl on the porch with a sign asking to limit to one or two. Depending on your neighborhood, this may be an option for you so you don't have to answer the door?

Good luck tonight!

I am home instead of at a kids museum for Halloween festivities. I decided it was just too much to meet our friends there and sent DD and DH instead. After they're done at the museum, they'll all come here and I'll have dinner ready for them instead of all of us coming home at the same time and me going into cooking mode. I just realized this morning, that I was already way to grumpy and needed some time. Luckily it worked out.

I got DD's face painted and she looks awesome. She was very pleased with her costume - which is great, because she is a complete perfectionist and sooo picky! Last night we did pumpkins, just the 3 of us.

Tomorrow? I have no plans for tomorrow. Probably just recovery.
post #723 of 796
So I obviously didn't read all 11 pages of posts for this particular thread, but thank GOD I found it! I was seriously just thinking about how I'd really love to make some new friends who are mamas and can relate to things that are happening in my life at the moment, but I don't know how. I'm very introverted, and it's hard for me to be social because of it, but I feel like I need to be social if I want my daughter to build good solid relationships and people skills as she grows up. I feel awkward in social situations where I don't know people well (or at all), and I'm just wondering how some of you deal with it? I could go on, as I do love to talk (probably because I don't really get to talk with someone besides my husband and my 1 year old) very often, but I won't start rambling just yet.
post #724 of 796
Pardon me... there are 37 pages, not 11!!!!! Glad to know I'm not alone!
post #725 of 796
Welcome and happy anniversary! I guess the way I deal with social situations is to avoid them a lot of the time, and then, when I do have to be in a social situation, I just sort of accept the fact that I'm awkward and tell myself that there's nothing really wrong with being awkward.
post #726 of 796
MayasMama88 Glad you found us!
post #727 of 796
Thanks Starflower, tonight actually went very well. DH gave out the candy and I went out with the kids. All I had to do was walk around and stand on the sidewalk as they trick or treated. But I'm happy it's over. Now quiet time till Thanksgiving.

Welcome Mayasmama, One thing I thought as I read your post was that kids really do come with their own personalitys. I have one shy and introvert, one extrovert and always wanting to be on the go. We moms just do the best we can, and that really is ok. Now that my extrovert is older he is getting to do more things with dad or get dropped of with friends and it is easier for all of us.

Do I worry that my introvert ways stunted any of their development? No, I don't. We did lots of stuff. Not nearly as much as some of my friends did, but enough for my family.
post #728 of 796
Thanks, mamas! I'm so glad there are like-minded people to share in my over-analyzed insecurities, lol! I've always kind of thought that being introverted was a "bad" or "unhealthy" thing because I just don't really enjoy being around big groups of people, or out in noisy crowded areas. I already feel better knowing that there are so many other introverts out there who know it's okay to be more comfortable in an intimate setting, focusing on oneself, or just a few people at a time. I love my family, and I'm so grateful I've gotten to stay at home with them every since Maya was born, and I think I really prefer it that way.
post #729 of 796
Originally Posted by MayasMama88 View Post
Thanks, mamas! I'm so glad there are like-minded people to share in my over-analyzed insecurities, lol! I've always kind of thought that being introverted was a "bad" or "unhealthy" thing because I just don't really enjoy being around big groups of people, or out in noisy crowded areas. I already feel better knowing that there are so many other introverts out there who know it's okay to be more comfortable in an intimate setting, focusing on oneself, or just a few people at a time. I love my family, and I'm so grateful I've gotten to stay at home with them every since Maya was born, and I think I really prefer it that way.

Bolded mine.

You might want to read either "Introvert Power" or "The Introvert Advantage." Both books are very affirming.
post #730 of 796

I am getting nervous about performing tomorrow. It's not necessarily an introvert thing, though. Just a nervous about doing complete improvisation to music by a band I've never heard before. Nothing quite like going in completely cold. Ack! 


The good news is that I got my latest costume piece done. Although another piece broke so I have to get new elastic and fix it.


I was going to do a lot of errand, dance practice and costuming yesterday while DD was at her wilderness class all day long. Unfortunately, DD's issues got in the way and she didn't make it to class so my day ended up being completely rerouted. So much for my alone time this week. We have a meeting with the staff on Monday to see if we can get things to work out for DD at this program. When she goes, she has so much fun and I get a 5 hour break! We all really want it to work out for her. If she ends up not doing this program, I am going to have to find another way to get some time to myself during the week.


We wake up at the same time, we go to bed with her (she has extreme anxiety) and we homeschool. I love DD so much but sometimes I just need some time off!


Gotta help DD with something. Hope everyone has a great weekend!

post #731 of 796

Good luck tomorrow. I'm sure you will do great!

post #732 of 796



I survived belly dancing last night to live music I had never heard before by a band I'd never heard before. And I did OK. I felt very out of sorts for the first two songs. I felt good about the second two songs. The drum solo was a lot of fun! In the long view of the evening, things went pretty well. I got to see some friends I hadn't seen for a long time, and I met some new folks. I wasn't worried about the social stuff because I was so focused on the performance part of things. My new costume worked out well and looked good. And I finally got to see my instructor perform which was wonderful. Now I am just hoping she thought I did well enough to ask me to do it again!


post #733 of 796

STarflower-congrats on your performance! Sounds like you had a positive performance.


I have been giving myself more time for reflection and am grateful to have a positive outlook on being an introvert. All my life I have felt a stigma attached to being quiet. I am quiet because I like to listen to what is going on around me, I love observing.  When I talk I want to say something meaningful and if I talk a lot I feel like I am spewing a trashy novel.


I have completely changed my attitude at work. Most people try to be buddy-buddy and I tried to do it for several years, but I was very unhappy. I was emotional in a place where emotions are not highly regarded. So now I am being professional, doing my preparations at home as best as I can and when I go in I get my work done with a positive attitude. People at work bond over complaining and I have removed myself from it, when I hear sarcasm I walk away. I still complain in my head, but I don't open my mouth and the negative thoughts leave faster when I don't dwell on them. One strange thing I feel at work is that people project their emotions onto me (or onto each other.) For example, DD slept poorly when she was young and people would come up to me with pity all over their face and say,"you must be exhausted! I'm so sorry." It made me feel pitiful and boxed in to their description of me.


I know that I have alienated some friends, and eventually I would like to reconnect with some of them, but I'm not sure how to do it in a healthy way for me.


post #734 of 796

Good for you, finding a way to be yourself in a work environment can be hard. I have had too much of certain people in the past and distanced myself. But after a time, when we would run into each other I could find a better way to interact with them. I bet you will be able to find a new way to be with them. One that is good for you, and kind to them also.


Starflower, thanks for the update. Glad to hear it went well!

post #735 of 796

I don't know if I'll ever get used to feeling awkward in some conversations. I guess maybe it's progress if I don't second guess myself multiples times and try to redo the conversation in my head. This time I was able to just leave it at "well, that was somewhat awkward" and not judge myself further.


I hope all the introverts here who celebrate the American Thanksgiving are making it through OK. We are on our own, so I am just cooking game hens. Some other introverted friends are coming over later for dessert and the kids will play. We would've gone to a potluck with other friends that is usually pretty fun and low-key (and has wine) but they didn't have anyone else coming under age 14. Last year, DD was bored and felt left out. So we're just gonna keep it simple at home.


And I am preparing to go visit my family of origin in December, but not over actual Christmas. I'm actually relieved about being home for the holiday itself and for new year's. I have told my mom that I am visiting some friends and not many relatives. I also don't want to drive anywhere. We went out there this summer briefly and drove all over the place. It was exhausting. When I don't get my downtime and then have to go to social events, I end up sounding really stupid or really crabby or boring. Or all of the above. Trying to do this more on my terms. Of course it will be easier since DH's parents are going to be out of the country.

post #736 of 796


Originally Posted by mich View Post

Hello everyone!

Starflower, I'm so impressed you can perform in front of a group! I wanted to take a belly dancing class and was too shy. I did buy a dvd and wow, what a work out!

I was out with friends last week and I had one of those nights where I talked a lot and later thought "why did I say all that???" For me most of the time I can talk and chat, but speak consciously, and not have regrets later. I think it is one of those things that gets better with practice and confidence. If you can do a belly dance performance, you can do chit chat!

Xantho, congrats on your up coming wedding!

Fallenofthack Starting a new job is hard, congratulations. I am curious, you mentioned depression, are you doing something to overcome it, or is it just lessening? I have been struggling with it this year and have recently started extra vitamins.

LaFlace, my dh had a vas after we had 2 children also. I felt the same as you mentioned. They are much older now and I still think it was the right decision for us. I do sometimes crave another baby and probably always will, but I am very happy with our small family!

Also knitting is my favorite coping tool at family functions! When the boys were younger watching them was helpful in keeping me busy. Now I just seem to sit by myself and feel awkward. I love knitting, someone can speak to me if they want, but I don't appear to be just sitting alone if I am busy with a hobby. I still feel a little weird when I first take it out. People will ask questions, or funny looks, but then I can just relax and knit.

Sustainer, thank you for your post. The funny thing is, I think I posted the quiz a while back! I am very HSP and do see that possibility in my son. Part of me wants to diagnose, create a label. But what I should do is just relax and accept him as he is, stop worrying about identifying his personality. He's still a kid, and will grow and change in time.

Thanks to everyone who keeps this thread alive and running. It is a wonderful safe place to visit, read, and post.

How did everyone do with the Thanksgiving Holiday?  Our wedding was fantastic, overwhelming, no doubt!


I am interested in learning how to knit, any thoughts on where to start?

post #737 of 796

Thanksgiving was good here. I hosted, but it was a small bunch this year, just 3 guests and us. Then after dinner we went and visited DH's family then stopped bye some of my extended family. We went visiting a little later so there were not as many people there, so that was nice.


Xantho, a friend taught me to knit years ago, I started on small dish cloths.




Then after a while moved up to scarfs, then cabled scarfs, then hats, and now I'm hooked on knitting socks.


This website, http://www.knittinghelp.com/ has a lot of videos and tips. There are also a ton on youtube. Also, if you need irl help, stop bye a local knitting store, or find a local knitting group. Most knitters love to help a new knitter learn!

post #738 of 796

Thanksgiving went fine for me and my family.  It was me, my boyfriend, our daughter, and my boyfriend's father.  The only other person was a coworker, who was originally just going to stay at home and eat alone.  When I heard that he was going to be alone, due to not getting along with his family, I decided to invite him over to my place, since there was going to be more than enough food to go around. It's funny, because I don't even really talk to this coworker, since we work in different areas of the workplace, but we had been acquaintances and due to his personality, I felt comfortable inviting him.  The only thing I didn't like about the day, was that the roasted chicken I made, did not turn out to my liking. I got the recipe from an online search, and it came out tasting bland.  Thank goodness I had also decided to prepare a ham, which made up for the flavorless chicken.

post #739 of 796

I was interested to read the original post.  I do think I'm an introvert, but not shy at all.  My husband is an extrovert.  We often have mini-battles over the amount of time spent with other people.  For example, I am happy to go to a friend's party for an hour or two every other week or so, but then I feel in need of a recharge and I want to go home.  My husband could stay for 6 hours, feeding off the energy and socializing, at 3-4 parties a week (not that we're usually invited to that many parties in a row, but I think he has the stamina!).  Sometimes (especially if he's tipsy and I'm sober), I get embarrassed by his small talk because it feels inane and draining to me just to listen to it, even if I'm not participating in it!  :)  I do wonder how this will affect my/our parenting when we have our first child this Spring.  As a kid, though I played with friends in the neighborhood often, I loved playing alone in my room and reading.  What will I do if my child, like my good friend's daughter, needs constant attention from me?!  I'm hoping for a independent and introverted kid I can relate to, but not expecting one!


Thanksgiving was hard for me (edited to add: but not overly so) because it was with my inlaws.  They are LOVELY people, but I am definitely in the spotlight when they're around, especially now that I am pregnant.  I really felt uncomfortable and like I needed a "time out" several times.  I just don't want that much attention!  I fear this will get more pronounced when we have a newborn.  There were 15 people at dinner.  Four of us were immediate family, three were slightly distant relatives, and the rest were invited guests.  It was too big a crowd for me, though if they'd all been people I'm close to I would have felt more relaxed.


p.s. I brought out my knitting and knitted during dessert! It made me feel more comfortable, but still a part of the group.  We had left the table and things were more informal by that point.  ;)

Edited by Neuromancer - 11/28/10 at 5:41am
post #740 of 796

Welcome, Neuromancer :wave Glad you found us. Sorry to hear Thanksgiving was hard for you.


I had a wonderful social day yesterday with some new friends. We seem to have a fair amount in common with them, all the family members got along and the kids even play together well so DD has some new playmates. We all had a great time. But man, am I a grouch today. Part of it is pain but a lot of it because I just haven't had any time to myself. I've had extra time with DD this week and while I love her immensely, she is very intense. And even though I was pretty good for most of the event yesterday - we just played funny card games - I feel like I have been "on" for a long time now. I am so ready for a break.


However, tomorrow morning we're getting up early to have breakfast with some friends in town from Hawaii. They leave town tomorrow so we can't postpone. I just hope I am not so cranky by then, because I do want to see them. I will likely let them do most of the talking, but I am definitely going to ask DH to take DD somewhere for awhile tomorrow so I can have some quiet time to myself.

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