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Introvert Mamas? - Page 39

post #761 of 796

That sounds really frustrating and stressful, agreenbough.

 

 

I have been super busy lately. Too busy. DD's extroversion is back now that she's no longer depressed (which is good but is something I have to strive for balance with). So we have been very active and getting out and seeing people a lot. (I would like more drop off play dates!) Strangely enough, I went to a party last Friday, just me, because we had no sitter. I almost didn't go but DH convinced to go for a bit at least. I mostly went for networking. Sounds weird, but I think that's how extroverts kind of work it, so I went mostly to be "seen." I ended up staying a long time and had an OK time. I chatted with one person and watched some other belly dancers. I did not mingle though. Just said hi to the familiar people and ended up chatting with a couple new people I met who were at the same table. The dance community here is very friendly and accepting so it was easier than most parties/social things I have been to in the past.

 

It seems like I have been driving all over and seeing all kinds of people lately between stuff for DD's homeschooling and my belly dance stuff. This week, I had no break at all because it was parent day at wilderness class. I went hiking with the kids and didn't have to talk to people too much. But I have had so little down time, I am wondering if that's part of why I feel slightly on the edge of a minor depression. There's been a lot going on for me internally but I haven't had much time to process it.

 

Tomorrow night we are going to a family game night / Chinese New Year gathering with a group of friends. Most of our activities are for DD. The people are pretty cool so it should be OK. But I am planning on just checking out over the weekend. My goal is to make it through Friday and then just lay low, possibly through Monday.

post #762 of 796

I just turned down an opportunity to belly dance to live music by a Middle Eastern band I really like tomorrow. I almost took the offer but I really just need some down time. I have a headache. We're going out tonight for a family night thing at a friends' house. It's so hard to juggle things sometimes. This week seems to have been all about DD's stuff taking over my life. I feel like I need two weeks off. One just to decompress and another to clean my house.

post #763 of 796

A friend just sent me this link for a myers briggs test humanmetrics.com.  I took my first one when I was about 12 years old.  My father was a college professor (now retired) and had one of his friends at the college give me the test.  I was INFP.  She said I was very strongly intoverted.  I took it again, at least once, in college and was INFP again.  I just took this shorter online test and came up ISTJ.  Still very introverted, but slightly sensing, moderately thinking and judging.  Not sure if it's just this particular test or if, in some ways, I am changing.  As usual, there were some questions that I could go either way on. 

 

I just went to New Orleans for a long weekend last week with my two closest friends, who happen to live on the opposite side of the country.  It was really wonderful to be in the company of two people who I am so comfortable with and can be myself with.  Then I came home and was sad that they are so far away and I don't know when I'll see them again.   My husband was off for four days using up his vacation time before it ran out, though.  He usually works all the time.  Now he is back to work and I'm feeling a bit down.  I do like time to myself, but time with people that understand me and that I'm comfortable with is really important to me.  I'm really not alone much anyway.  With three kids, there is always at least one someone who needs something from me at all times.  I'm awake now, just to have some "me" time while the kids are asleep.  I really should be asleep because my almost 2 year old is bound to wake up at 4am again tomorrow and this whole sleep deprivation business is getting quite old. 
 

post #764 of 796

There is a link to an abbreviated myers-briggs test earlier in this thread which I found to be consistent with my earlier tests. I am also an INFP. I recently saw a friend I hadn't seen for almost 15 years. It was like we'd never been apart, but that's the type of relationship we used to have. I feel close to her again now and wish we lived closer. The good news is that she's moving to a city 4 hours away. And I'm excited because it greatly increases the chance that I'll see her again before another decade + goes by.

 

Today, I am feeling thankful that I did not sign up DD for the homeschool group Valentine party. I am missing out on 57 Valentines being exchanged by a roomful of excited, screaming kids and their families. Many of the valentines include a sweet treat so I won't have to police that all week either.

 

DD was really upset when I told her we weren't going which made me feel guilty. But instead, we'll have some friends over Friday, exchange Valentines with them and bake some heart-shaped brownies. We also signed her up for a drop-off Valentine party at a child care place that has parents' night out. She is thrilled and we get 4 hours for a date. Much better IMO than the homeschool party I was feeling guilty about not attending.

post #765 of 796

Hi everyone! I would consider myself both an introvert AND a shy person :)

post #766 of 796

I just got referred to this site via a friend: http://www.motherstyles.com/default.asp. Based on a book:

MotherStyles

Using Personality Type to Discover Your Parenting Strengths
by Janet P. Penley

with Diane Eble 

 

Not sure if it's been mentioned before...

post #767 of 796
Quote:
Originally Posted by townelin View Post

I just got referred to this site via a friend: http://www.motherstyles.com/default.asp. Based on a book:

MotherStyles

Using Personality Type to Discover Your Parenting Strengths
by Janet P. Penley

with Diane Eble

 

Not sure if it's been mentioned before...



Dig it!  Thank you for the link!

post #768 of 796

Hi introvert mamas! Hope everyone is doing well. I have typed here and then deleted before posting several times. (No big surprise there, eh?) But the introverted mamas thread is one of my favorite places on MDC. So I wanted to wave.gifto everyone.

 

I feel like I have been learning how to navigate the waters a bit with the extroverts. If we connect and it's not a deep as I am used to, I am able to realize it's probably good for them and to adjust my expectations more realistically. I am picking my extroverted friends a bit more carefully and starting to find some balance in how I am going through the world. DD is doing much better and is definitely an extrovert so I'm managing to find her the right balance for the most part too. This has kind of been my driving force behind finding the right balance for both of us. We have some new friends now finally - I was in a great mood the day we met and was able to have normal, interesting conversation for a change. Lucky day for us. Our friends are totally cool with my introverted tendencies. My girlfriend needs downtime some times too but she is super easy going just like my DH. Her DH, however, is much more introverted and has anxiety and is intense, just like me. He even has the hypoglycemia type stuff and sensitivity issues I have. This makes it easier for all of us to relate to one another which is helpful, and I finally feel like I am getting some real friends. DH has even noticed that it's easy to be with them. It's been so long since we've found people we can relate to, it's just been really nice.

 

My biggest news for now though is that I am dealing with some MAJOR insane health issues. I just posted a thread in Personal Growth about it if you are interested. I just had brain surgery last Friday to remove a tumor, so my life has taken a very surreal turn as of late. I blabbed a lot on the other forum so I'll leave it alone here.

 

Happy spring to my fellow Intoverts!

 

post #769 of 796

Omg, I haven't posted in this thread in AGES.  It's so timely though that I got an update from it.  Right now, this exact minute, I'm battling a decision whether or not to continue putting in effort towards a friendship with a suspected ENFP, I know for sure she's extroverted and am pretty sure about the rest of it.  It's just so 'push me, pull me" with her and I feel like I'm always walking on eggshells.  She calls, wants to hang out, then flakes out....so many times.  I don't have a lot of room in my life for friends as it is, much less one who is not there and around.  I'm trying to swallow the understanding that she will never be the type of friend who is good for me and I think I just have to let her slide.  Though, just as I make this decision, she'll call me back up and say we're on for something.  I'm and INTP and don't do relationship drama, I really like to keep it simple.  Sometimes it's so hard dealing with extraverts....

 

 

Starflower~wow brain surgery!  I'll have to go read that thread now, I hope it's all going ok.

 

 

post #770 of 796

Hugs to you marimara. If you enjoy this person sometimes, could you possibly just let it be a "sometimes we do something fun together kind" of casual relationship? If she's s drama queen, that would be a red flag, I think. But sometimes it seems like the extroverts need to let it all out and then they are done processing. Whereas, innies seem more likely to be processing on our own.

 

But if you are opposite in T and F on the Meyers-Briggs, that could actually affect things more than even the I/E stuff, in my opinion. Have you read much about how thinking and feeling people differ? I have found it fascinating and very helpful. My mom is opposite enough from mine on T/F (about halfway) and on perception/judgements we're pretty much polar opposites which seems to be what makes us have difficulties at times. And it's really just a personality thing, the way we are wired. I've found reading up on it very helpful. There were some books recommended earlier in the thread that I read and were helpful. I'd look them up for you but I am way too tired right now. And I realize I am rambling a bit. But I'm claiming it as a post-op problem. lol

 

Hang in there and good luck. Maybe if you decide to cut her off, you'd need to actually "break up" with her. Or just back away slowly and be less available. I'm sure you'll figure out how you want to handle it. Tough stuff though. Good luck.

post #771 of 796

"I crave deep connection with people, but find social interactions to be draining in general."

 

 

 

YES!  It's funny, because I crave going to my playgroup for the chance to be with other adults, but once there....somehow it seems like they all manage to get close to each other, chit-chatting and whatever else like they've known each other for years, while I'm still left out because I just can't get what I NEED from chit-chat, and there's not enough time for me to get closer to these women in the way that I've come to make friends with people in the past - slowly, and by spending lots of time in each others' company.  As a SAHM of a 1-year-old, I find myself really wondering if I'll ever be able to make a true friend again, and I'm afraid that my own inner vibrancy will dim if I completely lack deep connections with others.  I'm unused to having such a separate life from DP (we've somehow always ended up working together in the past) and find that our relationship is suffering because I'd rather be alone than have too-brief-to-be-truly-interesting moments with DP. 

 

I'm glad this group is here.  Being a mother has been tough for me so far, and introversion (in combination with a few other BIG factors) has a lot to do with it. 

post #772 of 796
Quote:
Originally Posted by Starflower View Post

Hugs to you marimara. If you enjoy this person sometimes, could you possibly just let it be a "sometimes we do something fun together kind" of casual relationship? If she's s drama queen, that would be a red flag, I think. But sometimes it seems like the extroverts need to let it all out and then they are done processing. Whereas, innies seem more likely to be processing on our own.

 

But if you are opposite in T and F on the Meyers-Briggs, that could actually affect things more than even the I/E stuff, in my opinion. Have you read much about how thinking and feeling people differ? I have found it fascinating and very helpful. My mom is opposite enough from mine on T/F (about halfway) and on perception/judgements we're pretty much polar opposites which seems to be what makes us have difficulties at times. And it's really just a personality thing, the way we are wired. I've found reading up on it very helpful. There were some books recommended earlier in the thread that I read and were helpful. I'd look them up for you but I am way too tired right now. And I realize I am rambling a bit. But I'm claiming it as a post-op problem. lol

 

Hang in there and good luck. Maybe if you decide to cut her off, you'd need to actually "break up" with her. Or just back away slowly and be less available. I'm sure you'll figure out how you want to handle it. Tough stuff though. Good luck.



Thanks!  I have read a lot about MBTI.  I'm pretty comfortable being around "Feelers", as most of my girl friends tend to be that.  I think our issue really is the extraversion on her part.  From what I read about ENFPs is that they tend to be in the moment and like to draw other people out and then they are done with them,  when their need for them is over.  When I first met her, we did hit if off great, she did draw me out and I thought I could be myself around her and all would be ok. But I can see that she doesn't have the same need for  "close" friend(s) as I do.  I don't like to have a lot acquaintances and such, I prefer a few close friendships and that's it.  So, it's just a conflict of personalities, I think.  Plus, on the t/f side, I can tell that I am too much of a realist for her sometimes and she would prefer to live in the idealistic world.  Whereas I can go there too, but I don't live there.  She's not really high drama, just flaky.  She's on, then she's off.  Hot and cold.  I don't like emotional ups and downs.  I will keep her as a once in a while friend, but I won't put a lot of effort anymore.  I think it's up  to her, I just have to remember to keep myself anchored because she likes to carry people away.   It's so sad because my very introvert daughter really became attached to her kids and dd is kinda let down whenever things don't work out. Sometimes I think it would be easier to just keep people at a distance so dd can have lots of friends, but unfortunatley that's not how I work.  

 

ETA: I realize as I'm writing this post that my whole issue is that I feel "used", I feel like I let it all hang out, let her see me who I am (which doesn't happen often), let my guard down.  And this is what I get for it.  Just tossed aside and picked up whenever.  That's just unfair, I think.  I give my all to my friends and family and people close to me, I feel like I deserve the same.  Mostly, I'm having a pity party!  LOL.

post #773 of 796

I would definitely have a problem with someone who wanted to draw me out and then leave me hanging when she was "done" with me for the time being. It's a lot for me to let myself be seen and I can see how you would have felt used in a situation like that. It sounds like you have a good perspective to re-frame your expectations about this person though. Don't feel bad about a little pity party. A little one once in awhile is OK. winky.gif

 

Nice to "talk" to you on here. I've been missing this thread and hadn't realized it.

post #774 of 796

Thanks Starflower flowersforyou.gif  That validates the way I'm feeling about this.  It will all work out, I just need to adjust my expectations and go from there! :)

post #775 of 796


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by marimara View Post





Thanks!  I have read a lot about MBTI.  I'm pretty comfortable being around "Feelers", as most of my girl friends tend to be that.  I think our issue really is the extraversion on her part.  From what I read about ENFPs is that they tend to be in the moment and like to draw other people out and then they are done with them,  when their need for them is over.  When I first met her, we did hit if off great, she did draw me out and I thought I could be myself around her and all would be ok. But I can see that she doesn't have the same need for  "close" friend(s) as I do.  I don't like to have a lot acquaintances and such, I prefer a few close friendships and that's it.  So, it's just a conflict of personalities, I think.  Plus, on the t/f side, I can tell that I am too much of a realist for her sometimes and she would prefer to live in the idealistic world.  Whereas I can go there too, but I don't live there.  She's not really high drama, just flaky.  She's on, then she's off.  Hot and cold.  I don't like emotional ups and downs.  I will keep her as a once in a while friend, but I won't put a lot of effort anymore.  I think it's up  to her, I just have to remember to keep myself anchored because she likes to carry people away.   It's so sad because my very introvert daughter really became attached to her kids and dd is kinda let down whenever things don't work out. Sometimes I think it would be easier to just keep people at a distance so dd can have lots of friends, but unfortunatley that's not how I work.  

 

ETA: I realize as I'm writing this post that my whole issue is that I feel "used", I feel like I let it all hang out, let her see me who I am (which doesn't happen often), let my guard down.  And this is what I get for it.  Just tossed aside and picked up whenever.  That's just unfair, I think.  I give my all to my friends and family and people close to me, I feel like I deserve the same.  Mostly, I'm having a pity party!  LOL.


Hi Marimara, 

 

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. To be honest, I think it's hard for an introvert to hold onto casual hot/cold friendships because we're the type to only have deep, meaningful friendships, and if you're like me and only have a handful of close friends, it hurts when one's feelings aren't reciprocated. I recently decided to stop communicating with a friend who I've known since high school, so I thought we were really close. But as we got older, it became obvious that she'd only contact me when she needed a shoulder to cry on. I would listen to all her problems, offer advice, worry about her...but the minute I needed to talk or just wanted to say "hi," I'd never hear from her. I used to feel honored that she would come to me with problems she found too painful to talk to other people about, but when it turned out those were the *only* times she'd call me up, I also started feeling "used." So the last time she emailed, I didn't reply. And I haven't heard from her in a few years now. I still think about her from time to time, but I doubt she does the same for me. Don't apologize for feeling bad--friendship is precious and hard to come by (esp. for us introverts!), and it's upsetting when we lose a friend or realize maybe that person was never a true friend to begin with. [Hugs] 

post #776 of 796
Quote:
Originally Posted by newmamalizzy View Post

"I crave deep connection with people, but find social interactions to be draining in general."

 

 

 

YES!  It's funny, because I crave going to my playgroup for the chance to be with other adults, but once there....somehow it seems like they all manage to get close to each other, chit-chatting and whatever else like they've known each other for years, while I'm still left out because I just can't get what I NEED from chit-chat, and there's not enough time for me to get closer to these women in the way that I've come to make friends with people in the past - slowly, and by spending lots of time in each others' company.  As a SAHM of a 1-year-old, I find myself really wondering if I'll ever be able to make a true friend again, and I'm afraid that my own inner vibrancy will dim if I completely lack deep connections with others.  I'm unused to having such a separate life from DP (we've somehow always ended up working together in the past) and find that our relationship is suffering because I'd rather be alone than have too-brief-to-be-truly-interesting moments with DP. 

 

I'm glad this group is here.  Being a mother has been tough for me so far, and introversion (in combination with a few other BIG factors) has a lot to do with it. 


Hey newmamalizzy, 

 

My daughter is two, so I was where you are not too long ago. I would totally recommend inviting just one mom and baby over for a regular, weekly playdate. I also attended group playdates but had the same problem as you that I never felt like I could get close to anyone in that sort of setting. I find, too, that my daughter also benefitted from these quieter one-on-one get-togethers and was able to relax more at home with just one little friend, than when there were tons of babies toddling all over the place!

 

 

 

post #777 of 796

Newmamalizzy,

 

It sounds like me and you are in the same boat! I'm a new momma, but also an introvert and need more momma friends but from where I've been (group playdates, LLL meetings, Children's Museums) it just never seems to be the time or place to make a good momma friend. I'll keep hoping one comes my way, and maybe I'll be able to spark up a deeper conversation at one of these functions.

post #778 of 796

Hello introverts!  Just saw this on NPR about a new book coming out:

Quiet, Please: Unleashing 'The Power Of Introverts'

http://www.npr.org/2012/01/30/145930229/quiet-please-unleashing-the-power-of-introverts?sc=fb&cc=fp

post #779 of 796

Funny, I was just reading the reviews for that book. It reminded me of this thread, and how long it's been since I've checked in. 

 

The holidays and the January birthdays we have (4 family and close friend, so busy!) are over,  and I am settling into a quiet winter hibernation.  If only the rest of the world would slow down as well. Lately I find myself sitting by the window in a sunny spot, reading, knitting, or puttering online. Sometimes I just look out the window and watch the world go bye for more time than seems decent. I start to wonder is it abnormal to just look out the window and sit in this chair for hours? The luxury of having older children. I can not believe my baby is now 10. Where does the time go.

 

I hope all my introvert mama friends out there are doing well. What are you all up to lately?

post #780 of 796
Quote:
Originally Posted by mich 
Sometimes I just look out the window and watch the world go bye for more time than seems decent. I start to wonder is it abnormal to just look out the window and sit in this chair for hours?

The luxury of having older children. I can not believe my baby is now 10. Where does the time go.

For hours????

What age was your youngest when you were able to reclaim a sense of timelessness again?
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