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Introvert Mamas? - Page 40

post #781 of 796

I definitely fit the description! :)

post #782 of 796

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Howdy.  I'm a major introvert too, and have been thinking about it a lot lately.  I'm married to a major introvert, and I have no idea how I'd survive otherwise.  We barely even talk in the evenings and it's lovely.  :D  My DD is a shy extrovert who spends most of her days within 5 inches of me and at age 4.5 still won't play by herself because she hates it.  DS is nearly 10 months old, and happily crawls off in another room to play by himself.  I usually test as INFJ, but sometimes INTJ.  I think I used to be more T but being a mother has moved me a little more to the F side.  I'm happiest only leaving the house about 2 or 3 days a week and I have no idea how people go out every single day.  Happy to see this thread!

post #783 of 796

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post #784 of 796

Found this, and took a Myer-Briggs free online test and it was the same as it was several years ago:

 

 

Introverted (I) 78.79% Extroverted (E) 21.21%
Intuitive (N) 70.27% Sensing (S) 29.73%
Feeling (F) 71.05% Thinking (T) 28.95%
Perceiving (P) 77.14% Judging (J) 22.86%

Your type is: INFP


 
INFP - "Questor". High capacity for caring. Emotional face to the world. High sense of honor derived from internal values. 4.4% of total population.
 

 

I read about the first ten pages of this thread, and the last few...will have to go back through and read more when I have time, checking out links and reading some of the books that have been mentioned. I think I'll start with the Introvert Advantage, then The Happy Introvert. 

 

What is your favorite and most helpful book on this subject?

post #785 of 796
Anybody want to join me in making this thread active again? I just found it and am wanting to connect with other introverted mamas. I also have quite a bit of social anxiety, but do OK in very small groups. My 6 yo DD is really wanting more play dates. Im having trouble organizing them for her and feeling very guilty about it. I feel like im the only mother going through this
post #786 of 796
I'm an introverted mum of a nearly 4 year old who's starting to want/enjoy play dates too, if you want to chat.

What sort of trouble are you having with organising them for your DD?
post #787 of 796
It sounds ridiculous I'm sure, but I'm just not confident enough to inviting somebody who I know on an aquaintance basis only to our house. The weather is terrible lately so parks are out of the question for location. I just hate having people over for fear of being of being judged. Our walls need painting, there's duct tape on our couch, our floor is warped. We don't have the time or money to fix these problems any time soon. But I need to get over my fears so my daughter can makes some friends. I don't know why this is so difficult for me.

Have you ever arranged playdates for your 4 yr old?
post #788 of 796
Oh, I completely hear you on the home embarrassment issue. I'm awkward enough with other people without having something like that to worry about. I do my best to keep the house clean, but the underlying issues, peeling wallpaper, crappy furniture... They still bug me.
post #789 of 796
I don't think it sounds ridiculous.

You're a mother who cares about your daughter's wellbeing and as such you want to provide for all of her needs. Amongst other things, providing a comfortable home would make sense to you. But, you can only do whatever you can with what time and money permits and some peoplle may not get that.

Isn't funny though how hard we can be on ourselves on how easy we can be on others. I was at a neighbours house with DS recently (they've recently moved in) and the piles of laundry in their spare concerned them more than it did me. I wonder if the shoe was on the other foot how I would have felt?
post #790 of 796
Quote:
Originally Posted by CuddleBug'sMama View Post

It sounds ridiculous I'm sure, but I'm just not confident enough to inviting somebody who I know on an aquaintance basis only to our house. The weather is terrible lately so parks are out of the question for location. I just hate having people over for fear of being of being judged. Our walls need painting, there's duct tape on our couch, our floor is warped. We don't have the time or money to fix these problems any time soon. But I need to get over my fears so my daughter can makes some friends. I don't know why this is so difficult for me. Have you ever arranged playdates for your 4 yr old?

Can so relate to this post CuddleBugsMama! My sensitive, anxious girl is only 3, and I would do anything to help her avoid the social anxiety I have, if I could just get out of my own way! I'd love to find a group of friendly introverts who support each other in my area.

I've met moms and their kids at parks and such who seem nice enough, but haven't worked up the nerve yet to invite them over. Our home is tidy but needs lots of repairs. How do you guys model friend-building for your kids as introverts?

Btw I'm so glad to see this thread is active again!
post #791 of 796
Quote:
Originally Posted by CuddleBug'sMama View Post

It sounds ridiculous I'm sure, but I'm just not confident enough to inviting somebody who I know on an aquaintance basis only to our house.

 

Nope, not ridiculous. I HATE having people in my house, especially if I don't know them well.  We live in a small house (~650sqft) and with two kids it's always a mess.  It's fine for the four of us, but when we have people over, there just isn't any room for everybody to sit or play.  We usually get together with friends at the park.  

 

I'm a huge introvert, and none of my close friends have children.  I despise the artificial, kid-centered, awkward things called "play dates" (not judging... just saying I personally hate them).  A few years ago I put myself out there to find mom-friends.  It wasn't easy, and there was much social awkwardness and discomfort on my part, but after a year or so, I really hit it off with one mom and we've become good friends.  We get together once a week and our kids play.... great for me and good for our kids.

 

Glad this thread is brought back to life.  One struggle I've had lately has been finding any alone time.  Staying home with two kids, I can never get away, not even in the bathroom.  My 5 year old wants to talk or sing ALL the time and my 1 year old is always running or clinging or bouncing or screaming.  I've got sensory overload in a big way.  I'm so exhausted in the evenings I just fall into bed.  Peace and quiet seems far in the distant past or future. 

 

Another struggle I have is feeling torn between my kids.  I miss the one-on-one relationship I had with my daughter.  Since my son was born I feel like I don't get to know him as much as I did my dd... and like my daughter has been short-changed and isn't getting enough of me anymore (I think she feels this way too)... like I don't get to really know either of them very deeply now.  I cherish the times when I'm only with one of them and I somehow am able to "see" them more clearly and enjoy them more... I feel like I'm just not at my best when I'm with them both.  Does that make sense??       

post #792 of 796

I know exactly how you feel about not getting that quiet space that I need.  I still just have one kid, but she's the talking all the time type, and it's really hard.  I can only imagine how it would feel with 2.  My issue is actually with DD's dad.  I feel like I don't have any mental space for him.  By the end of the day with my daughter, I just want to be alone, and I get all annoyed with him for stupid stuff like breathing weird and chewing loudly.  Honestly, I just wish I had my own apartment to retreat to after he gets home.  If we're going to be alone-together, I'd really rather just be alone.  I feel like the only down-time I have is compromised by another presence, even if he's just sleeping on the couch, and then I don't get the recharge that I really need.  Needless to say, it's not very good for our relationship :( 

post #793 of 796
Quote:
Originally Posted by newmamalizzy View Post
 

By the end of the day with my daughter, I just want to be alone, and I get all annoyed with him for stupid stuff like breathing weird and chewing loudly.  Honestly, I just wish I had my own apartment to retreat to after he gets home.  If we're going to be alone-together, I'd really rather just be alone. 

Hah!  Ditto!  I thought I was the only who got annoyed with breathing weird and chewing loudly!  Dh is as bad as the kids sometimes with the never-ending questions and tapping and ugh, I swear dh purposely turns the pages of his book with gusto to make that crackly sound to bug me when he should know I need silence to think.  Oh, and then to feign innocence and get defensive when I call him on it... the nerve!  Lol.  Really, if I don't get my alone time, I'm impossible to live with. 

 

I totally agree about the being alone together thing... it would be awesome if I could just have the house to myself sometime. 

post #794 of 796

I'm so sorry for reviving this thread and then abandoning it!  Life got crazy and I didn't have a phone for a while.  My only other on line source is a big PC that I can rarely get to.  Anyone still around?  I'd love to be active here for real this time!

 

I can totally relate to needing time alone.  It kind of works out that my DH is very much an introvert too who loves video games.  So if I need alone time when kids are asleep he's happy to put his head phones on and plug in and I don't even have to listen to the annoying games. He's also a deep sleeper who's happy to go to sleep early with the kids.  Lately though, we've really been making an effort to connect more and enjoy each other's company, which has been good.  

 

And treehugz, I feel the same way being torn between my kids.  I feel I'm at my best as a parent when I have individual time with just one of my children.  I have three, 6 1/2, 3 1/2, and 7 mon.  Sometimes I feel there just isn't enough of me to go around.  The worst part for me is then they literally fight over who gets to sit next to me at the table, who get's to snuggle up to my back when I'm lying down nursing the baby.  I just don't know how to handle these situations.  When they happen I wish I could lock myself in the bathroom and plug my ears until DH gets home. 

 

I'm glad I'm not the only one with anxiety about having people in my unperfect home and being judged.  I wish I could say I've made some progress in getting play dates for my kids, but none really.  I do have one good friend with a 4 yo, but we only get together about once a month.  She doesn't live near me and has a busy schedule. 

 

My 6 yo DD is having trouble keeping friends at school. She talks to me and tells me all the details, asking for advice.  I do the best I can, but I'm often at a loss for what to tell her.  My social skills aren't great myself and it's been a long time since I was 6. I was pretty shy as a kid and never really sought out friendship the way my DD does, even though I was sometimes lonely.  I am encouraged that my daughter will actively seek playmates on her own, but I wish she had some adults in her life who could model good friendship building. My DH is just as introverted as me and his social anxiety is worse. 

 

One of DD's classmates, I'll call her Ann, apparently asked if she could go to her house for a playdate.  She asked me and I said yes if her parents talk to me about it and I take her there.  I pick DD (G) up from school one day and she rushes over to me very excited saying 'Ann's dad says I can go to her house today!"  I  haven't heard a thing from anybody at this point. I see Ann and her mom?, step mom? and I smile at her, hoping she'll bring it up, but they just walk on by.  I maybe should have said something.  But honestly, I don't want G being at their place without me anyways since I don't know these people at all.  G was very upset that she didn't get her play date and I felt terrible.  This was early December.  I told myself I would arrange to have them here but I haven't.  I honestly just don't know how.  Ann has been telling G that she's not her "BFF" anymore anyways rant.gif.  I hate this stuff!  If you've read this far, thank you.  Anybody have some advise?

post #795 of 796
Quote:
Originally Posted by CuddleBug'sMama View Post
And treehugz, I feel the same way being torn between my kids.  I feel I'm at my best as a parent when I have individual time with just one of my children.  I have three, 6 1/2, 3 1/2, and 7 mon.  Sometimes I feel there just isn't enough of me to go around.  The worst part for me is then they literally fight over who gets to sit next to me at the table, who get's to snuggle up to my back when I'm lying down nursing the baby.  I just don't know how to handle these situations.  When they happen I wish I could lock myself in the bathroom and plug my ears until DH gets home.

 

"Sometimes I feel there just isn't enough of me to go around."  Yes, me exactly!  I've been feeling more and more like this lately.  I breaks my heart sometimes... especially for my older dd because she gets less from me because "the baby" needs me more.  I'm just out of sorts somehow when I'm trying to manage the two of my kids together... I don't know how to explain it.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by CuddleBug'sMama View Post
I honestly just don't know how.  Ann has been telling G that she's not her "BFF" anymore anyways rant.gif.  I hate this stuff!  If you've read this far, thank you.  Anybody have some advise?

 

I'm uncomfortable with my dd going to other kids' houses too, so I'm not sure how to deal with that.  Ugh, I hated these awkward friend situations when I was a kid.  You get ZERO alone time when you're in school, so introverts get no break to recharge during the school day.  And my parents always had me playing team sports year round, so even after school I couldn't get away.  I was always feeling off-centered, which made it hard to sort through situations and make friends.  Homeschool would have been a dream for me.   

post #796 of 796

I think my DD is somewhere in the middle between introvert and extrovert.  She does need some time to play by herself to recharge, but she also hates being alone sometimes and craves play mates.  There are times she's happy to play by herself in the playground at school, and there are times when she feels left out and not included.  There are also times she is included and has a good time with other kids.  Overall she likes school so far.  She's still on winter holiday and looking forward to going back.  Luckily she has her little brother to play with at home.  I try and remind myself of that when life with multiple children gets hard. 

 

I'm glad that I wasn't usually in after school activities as a child.  I remember near the end of a school day, really looking forward to that recharge time at home alone in my room. Though I had younger siblings that sometimes wanted my attention.  I don't know if home school would have been ideal for me or not.  My mother was an introvert who, like me, made no effort to build friendships.  My Dad had wonderful social skills and good friends at work, but nothing outside of that. I would have had my siblings to play with, but we would have been very isolated as a family.  It's hard to say how that would have affected me. 

 

How old is your older DD, Treehugz?  I found when my 2nd was a baby, it helped to remind my older child that the baby needs xyz, just like she did when she was a baby.  It didn't help that my second was a high needs baby.  I remember feeling really touched out at times and just wanting my body to myself.  DD would want to sit in my lap while I was nursing the baby (DS1).  I was so conflicted because I desperately wanted to meet her needs, but at the same time I couldn't stand being trapped under two children.  It felt like being trapped under a boulder.  Looking back on it, I may have been going through PPD.  This time around it's easier because DS2 is easy going and usually happy, and the older two are both used to not being an only child.  I feel like I'm able to give more of myself to DD now than I could then DS1 was a baby.  So I like to think I'm making up for lost times.  Still I'm only one person and they are three.  So there are difficult times when I feel like I just can't meet all of their needs. 

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