So today my 11 year old chased his brother with a knife!

[jjawm]

I came downstairs and saw him running after him with a big kitchen knife. Ugh! Kill me now before he gets even more hormones.

This has a happy ending, as he was able to quickly calm down and talk about it with us. Usually when he gets angry he can't or won't talk about it. We've bought a book on anger, and what a GREAT reason to start reading it together.

Our conversation about it was so good, and it made me realize why I love AP so much. Before we stated AP, he simply would have been punished, and in a big way for this. This time, we talked. He asked about why his emotions were getting so strong lately, why his brother seemed to be bothering him so much more in the past few months. We talked about anger, hormones, puberty, and what he can do besides chasing his brother with a knife.

He totally understood that what he was doing was wrong, and that he never would hurt his brother - he just wanted to scare him. He just needs some guidance about how to deal with this intense anger and frustration that's new to him.

On his own, he apologized to his brother. I didn't even suggest it.

Oh, and what his brother did that made him so mad? A total misunderstanding.

I love how AP isn't just for infants and young kids. I love that it changes me as a parent, how I think and interact with my kids. I love the parent it's helping me become, and how it's transformed my kids from being afraid to being expressive and trusting.:

[amy_n_boys]

Nice job, mama.

They will make (what we see as adults) huge errors in judgement -- and that is SO normal. NOT freaking out and approaching it with love and logic will always be best

Thanks for sharing

[Bell]

Well done!! It's not easy.... My brother did that to a cousin when he was a boy. It was a nightmare for my mum!

[Bluegoat]

I remember chasing my sister with a pair of scissors when I was 12. She butchered my hair - never mind that I insisted she trim it for me.

[KaraBoo]

I am glad you were able to deal with it gently. However, something like this would warrant a rather strong response from me. HOlding a knife with the intention of using it on another person is something I would strongly address.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by jjawm

I came downstairs and saw him running after him with a big kitchen knife. Ugh! Kill me now before he gets even more hormones.

I realize it can be different for boys, but my hormone-driven rages (never pulled a knife on anyone, but they were bad) topped out when I was about 12.5 or 13. It may not get that much worse, yk?

Hang in there, mama.

[Super Glue Mommy]

you handled a very tough situation like a pro! you should be proud of how that played out.

when my mom married (I was about 9) I stayed with my best friends family while they were on a honey moon. her brother chased us with a kitchen knife through the house (I forget why) and we ran and locked outselves in the bedroom. when we opened the bedroom door something went flying past us crashing against the bathroom door. we screamed. it was salad forks.

[jjawm]

Originally Posted by KaraBoo

I am glad you were able to deal with it gently. However, something like this would warrant a rather strong response from me. HOlding a knife with the intention of using it on another person is something I would strongly address.

An important point I didn't mention earlier is that he said he had no intention of using it - he just wanted to scare his brother. If he had wanted to use it or intended to use it... we'd be seeing a child psychologist most likely.

Our response was basically this - he needs to regain our trust, proving that he can handle his emotions. We're working on an anger book together to help this. But for now, this means that he's not allowed to stay at home alone or with his brother while I run to the grocery store or other quick errands. For him, thisy, means having to go to playdates, Bible studies, and school conferences when before we'd let him stay home. This makes sense to me and him.

I'm not sure what you mean by a strong response. I mean, sure - I could ground him or take away the tv or computer, but that doesn't make sense to me. I want him to try and figure this out and get it under control.

He showed us that he 1) understood what was going on, 2) was willing to talk about it honestly, 3) was willing to work on the issue, and 4) is trying his best to figure out what the heck is going on and how to solve it. For me, that's a lot.

Puberty is a rough time. His body is changing, his hormones are going out of wack, and all of a sudden his little brother is driving him bonkers when they used to get along just great. It would be like my husband getting mad at me when I get all pms-y, but worse because this is all new to him.

I feel for the kid. He even said he didn't understand why he got so angry, what came over him. I'm glad he's willing to work through it with us, and that he really wants to change it.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by jjawm

Puberty is a rough time. His body is changing, his hormones are going out of wack, and all of a sudden his little brother is driving him bonkers when they used to get along just great.

On another note, how are you handling this with his little brother? As bad as my puberty was for me, I think it was worse for my little sister, in some ways. Suddenly, her admired and beloved (mom honestly doesn't remember us having a single fight until I hit puberty) sister turned into a crazy person. I was so
hard on her, and she just couldn't understand what happened. If you're not already talking to your younger son, you might want to try to find a way to approach that, too. He's probably more than a little confused by all this.

[jjawm]

Originally Posted by Storm Bride

On another note, how are you handling this with his little brother? As bad as my puberty was for me, I think it was worse for my little sister, in some ways. Suddenly, her admired and beloved (mom honestly doesn't remember us having a single fight until I hit puberty) sister turned into a crazy person. I was so
hard on her, and she just couldn't understand what happened. If you're not already talking to your younger son, you might want to try to find a way to approach that, too. He's probably more than a little confused by all this.

That was my concern at first. I asked him, and he said he wasn't worried, that he knew his brother wouldn't hurt him. He was more worried his brother would get in trouble - he was actually really afraid of that, almost in tears. He was completely and totally non-phased by the chasing or the kife. He's a really sensitive kid (he'll cry if you raise your voice in the least bit), so I was worried he'd be freaked out.

We've made a point to talk to him about why is brother may be a bit more cranky that usual. We talk about how his brother loves him a ton, but that his body is going through some changes. We've set up guidelines where both boys can ask the other one to give them space, and are trying to have older dss be kind when asking for it.

Dh has also made a point to get more one-on-one time with the kids, as have I. I, too, remember my sisters getting older and hormonal and not wanting to play with me. Granted, I was never chased with a knife, but it was still hard.