Struggles with people leaving (3-year-old)...

[apriljoy]

Ds had this problem when he was much younger (starting at about 1yo, I think). He would completely freak out when anyone would leave. It included dh leaving for work in the mornings, friends leaving after a visit, the UPS man leaving the front door, etc. We had to resort to the tactic of distracting him so people could sneak away. I know that's not the ideal way to handle separation anxiety, but he would be fine knowing that the person had left; it was something about actually seeing them leave that really bothered him.

Somewhere around the 2-year mark, it got better; dh could actually tell us goodbye on his way out the door. He was even okay with me going to class a few times a week.

Now, at 3.5, it's suddenly become a major issue again. Just the past couple of weeks, he's started losing it completely whenever he knows that someone is getting ready to leave. It doesn't have to be anyone special to him. It could be someone he barely knows (or doesn't know at all!). Has anyone else ever encountered this? We're not really sure how to handle it. He's generally fine within a couple of minutes after someone leaves, but actually getting out the door is nearly impossible. I've wracked my brain trying to figure out what could have triggered it, but I keep coming up empty.

Any ideas? Thoughts? Sympathy?

[4evermom]

My ds used to get really upset with goodbyes. They just seemed so final to him and made him sad. We worked out saying "see you later" as being easier on him. He would sometimes borrow a toy if we were leaving someone else's house. It made him feel better to be able to take a momento. He still avoids goodbyes and likes to get partings over with quickly.

[apriljoy]

I wish my little man would take to something like that. We've tried everything we can think of. We tried being upfront and nonchalant about leaving, but it doesn't seem to make a difference. We tried taking time to give all the hugs and kisses he wants, but he just keeps asking for "one more kiss." We tried talking to him to see if we could find out why he's upset (what's he afraid of?). I don't know.

I do know that it's starting to take a toll on all of us. Dh ended up missing his bus to work this morning because it took him so long to get out the door. I had to throw clothes on myself and both boys and pile everyone in the car to drive him there. Ds2 ended up missing his nap and was just miserable all morning.

I just cannot for the life of me figure this out! But it's good to know that there's at least someone else out there who has dealt with something similar. It keeps it from seeming so completely random.