Can I get my 13 month old not to hit me?

[LeighB]

Is that really even possible at this age? Dd is almost 14 months old and lately she has been hitting me in the face a lot. She won't just walk up and hit me, but if we are playing close together or nursing then she does it. I have tried telling her not to hit and then stopping doing what I'm doing....but I don't think she can understand. Is this going to be one of those wait it out kind of things? Lol, I hope not because that little girl hurts!
Thanks!

[frenchy chan]

ooh...i need to read these responses! my daughter is 16 months and has started with the hitting...so frustrating
so far i've been just ignoring it and kinda grabbing her hand and redirect it with a toy or something
i think she's doing it because she wants to get my attention

[sunshine1793]

Yes, you can expect a 13 m old to not hit. Grab her hand, look her in the eye, and say firmly 'don't hit'. Likewise, with biting. They are fairly serious boundaries, even if it is just happening in play. Your daughter needs to know that even in play, it isn't ok. And yes, she can understand that at 13 m.

[LeighB]

thanks for the replies.
When I tell her "No hitting" firmly all she does is laugh. When she does it while we nurse, like trying to get her to sleep, I take her hand and say no and if she keeps doing it I old her hand down for a minute. She just sees it as a game at this point.

[Roar]

Direct her to what she can do - like hit the floor, hit the pillow, etc. Let it be a game but a game at your expense.

[threadbey]

Originally Posted by LeighB

When I tell her "No hitting" firmly all she does is laugh. When she does it while we nurse, like trying to get her to sleep, I take her hand and say no and if she keeps doing it I old her hand down for a minute. She just sees it as a game at this point.

When nursing, when she hits you and laughs when you say no hitting, I would interrupt the nursing session for a short length of time (like 30 seconds or 1 minute) - unlatch and put her in a non-nursing position. Then resume as you see fit.

[kiwiva]

Yes, it is possible and you want to do it now, I think. I always stopped DD's hand and said "no hitting" in a calm matter of fact voice (thus no interesting reaction for her to be amused by). If she did it again I put her down. I'd pick her up again as soon as she wanted but if she hit again, I repeated the above. It worked very well with DD. I don't recall ever having her hit a third time.

[Code Name Mama]

I've been reading that instead of saying what you *don't* want your toddler to do, you say what you *do* want them to do. So instead of saying "don't hit", you'd say "gentle touches please!" The reason is that toddlers focus more on the last words you speak - so they hear "hit!" and that is reinforced for them.

It's also about teaching them what is ok to do, not what is forbidden. I've read it's better to give them some options, not just take choices away.

Does that make sense?

My ds is a hitter too, but as soon as I say "gentle touches please" he calms down. This also works during diaper changes when he starts kicking - I say gentle touches and can get another few seconds of peace. Long enough to get the diaper on anyway

[EdnaMarie]

I would say, you may not be able to expect her to totally stop hitting in the near future, but you can help her by setting firm boundaries. "Gentle" worked for us to some extent, but we also used re-direction ("high five!") and explaining the consequences ("Ow! That hurt! Please do not hit mommy.")

I would absolutely stop nursing if she hit me while nursing. Then start again. If she does not want to nurse more, fine. The only time that I would just hold her hand back would be in public when I really did not have the time to fully address the issue.

FWIW, my little one is not a big hitter, but she does hit, and this has gone through phases. She is 28 months now. Or so. Oct / 06, I forget what that makes her now. Now, when she persists despite our explanations at her level, she has to leave the room to calm down. That is not appropriate for your child at her age, of course.

[Tsubaki]

This is hard. I don't know if all babies are like this, but if I tell my 15 month old to stop doing something, it totally drives his urge to do it into high gear. He is guaranteed to start doing it ten times as much as if I ignore the behavior.

We taught him the sign for "hurt" and he signs it when he bumps his head. The other day, he hit me in the face and I said, "ow! That hurts!" He stopped and looked at me and signed "hurt" and shook his head "no". Then he bit a pillow, looked at me, and bit the pillow again (we've told him he can bite pillows but not people.)

I was encouraged, but of course he immediately wanted to hit me again to test if his conclusions were correct.

I think there's a certain amount of experimentation that has to play out, especially if you have a very determined baby...

[lguse]

I've had great success with telling my little hitter "gentle with mama" and rubbing her hand gently on my face. I then say "thanks babe, mama really appreciates it when you're gentle" or "that feels nice". You can tell the poor kid has an urge to hit, but she's quite good at switching into "gentle" mode. Works wonders with the dog as well :

[AmandaClare]

My son used to hit/grab my face all the time and I did the "be gentle" thing...every time he hurt me I would say "That hurts mommy. Be gentle" in a soft voice, and take his hand and rub my face softly. I know he didn't understand at first, but now every time he starts getting rough I just say "be gentle" and he immediately starts caressing me and going "aww"...hehe it's really cute.

[flowers]

Originally Posted by LeighB

thanks for the replies.
When I tell her "No hitting" firmly all she does is laugh. When she does it while we nurse, like trying to get her to sleep, I take her hand and say no and if she keeps doing it I old her hand down for a minute. She just sees it as a game at this point.

Yes, my 16 month old does this now and my ds1 did it around a similar age. The idea is to not turn it into a game. I understand that this is normal exploration, so I stop him from hitting me and verbalize that it does not please me along with the appropriate facial expression (very natural). I then very quickly redirect the energy. find something new to look at or do. start a game ask him to go get a book (which he loves at this stage).

Communicate that it is not something you like, but don't let it turn into a power struggle. Just let it go and trust that they are learning....all the time.

good luck!

[St. Margaret]

I agree with what people have said. We did a lot of this right at that age, and it wasn't long before DD stopped. I also think taking her hand (maybe NOT when she's really worked up and trying to hit you, depending) and showing her what gentle means can help. We would hold DD's hand very gently and help her stroke our faces and arms and her face too, and say "gentle gentle" and I think that helped her get it.

[lolar2]

Also whenever you happen to be patting her or stroking her, if you say "gentle" that will help her learn the word.