young bi mom needs friends!

[MamaFern]

hi. im a young mom (22) my son is almost a year. i moved away from vancouver where i had a lot of good lesbian and gay friends to a smallish town where i know no one who is queer. im really struggling. my partner is a man and he is great.. but im lonely for friends. its seems since ive become a mom my old friends avoid me.. maybe because im with a man.. maybe because im so far away.. i dont really know.. anyways if there is anyone out there with similar experience-im here to talk.

[BrooklynDoula]

Hi! Another young (26) bi mama (17 months) with a male partner. We also recently moved, to Brooklyn, and negotiating coming out and finding community can be difficult. There are lots of bi mamas on this site, I am sure you'll find lots of dotCOM friends here, although that doesn't solve the IRL issue. Do you have a LGBT center in the area? Often the social events are nice ways to met friends.

Megan

[MamaFern]

hey megan!

truthfully ive found it hard even putting myself out in the world like that now that i have a baby and a family.. i want to be involved in the queer community ( if there is one!) in my area but i haven't made the time. ill check out to see if there are any resources in my area. thanks!

[robynberkley]

How close are you to Victoria??? I have a friend who doesn't live far from there...I forgot where, but she is marvelous...her name is Stephanie and I'm sure you'd find a kindred soul in her...let me know and I'll try to put you too in contact!

[BrooklynDoula]

I see your baby is just under a year. It wasn't until very recently that I started going out again and having social events that didn't involve little people! So, I understand that that first year (and then some!) isn't the greatest time to be aking new friends, especially new mama friends. Hopefully this connection with Stephanie will work out!

Otherwise, lets keep chatting here!

M

[MamaFern]

im not too far from victoria actually. we got there pretty often. i guess its about an hour and a half drive, but its fun to get out of the house my partner just said "you would get mad if i did that!" refering to me posting here!*sigh*

[MamaFern]

but yeah i would like that. the more friends the merrier i say!

[robynberkley]

Her name is Stephanie...she just moved to Sidney this summer from New Brunswick...drove cross country with her two kids and hubby in a camper...WHEW!! I'll send her a message and have her come find you on MDC in this thread!

Cheers...Robyn

[MamaFern]

its my babes 1st birthday today... its so exciting! i remember this day last year so well. i hope all of your holidays are going well.

[robynberkley]

happy birthday to your son...I haven't heard from Steph...she doesn't get on-line often, but hopefully soon!!!

Cheers...Robyn

[VikingKvinna]

Hi,
I'm not in the area, nor am I as young as you (gulp!) but I am in a similar situation, so just wanted to say "I hear you..."

I lost a lot of a couple of good lesbian friends when I started this relationship with DP (male) 3 years ago and have lost even more (straight and lesbian) when we got pregnant. I think this is typical, and understandable, with any new expecting mama. The issue gets complicated for queer mothers, however, b/c a lot of people think "How can you be bisexual? You have a husband/boyfriend and a baby." It's hard to know how to express those parts of oneself in (or outside of?) the context of family, which is so traditionally structured around a heterosexual nucleus. And, practically speaking, it's a struggle to maintain one's queerness in the face of all the demands of young motherhood.

Having online friends/kindred spirits will help, but I agree that nothing takes the place of IRL friends. I really don't have any in my area right now...all my good friends are far away, so I'm pretty isolated.

I'm sorry I can't be of more practical help -- I wish I was around the corner from you so I could say "Hey, let's meet for coffee!" but I do wish you luck.

~nick

[MamaFern]

its srange how people without children distance themselves from you when you have baby.. i always thought the people in my community would get closer to me but it had the opposite effect. its so true what you say about queer communities in general-i felt like as soon as i met my partner who is a man i was shunned because he wasnt a woman. im person specific-who i love isnt about gender its about the person. i knew we were kindred spirits and i felt that baby wanting to be! its sad though! why would something as beautiful as love and children push people away. our world is so fucked up. nick thanks for replying! being isolated is hard! especially with a baby- i think its a time in life when you need as many friends and as much support as possible.and if im ever in new york we should have coffee

[VikingKvinna]

Originally posted by MamaFern
im person specific-who i love isnt about gender its about the person. i knew we were kindred spirits and i felt that baby wanting to be!

Right on, sweetie. And, not to sound like Grandma or anything, but how nifty that you've figured this so early on in life. Took me a loooong time of struggling with my sexuality before I was able to accept my attraction to both genders. I still have problems sometimes, you know, when I think that this former hardcore dyke is now happily involved in a het relationship with, of all things, a baby! File this under Who Woulda Thunkit.

As for the coffee, you have an open invitation any time you're in Rochester! Yeah, right. Like that happens all the time!

~nick

[MamaFern]

who knows! maybe ill just magic to New york for a day or two! *taps my magic red shoes together* anyways, this is better than nothing. i havn't really talked to anyone on here much, but everyone seems very friendly! how old is your little one? and as for figuring it out young...i seem to figure out a lot of things young, maybe im just an old soul?!

fern