One ds circ'ed, the other intact

[DevaMajka]

My ds is circ'ed (I could go into detail, but let's just suffice it to say that it's the only regret that I have in my life).
The baby I'm pg with is a boy, and will absolutely NOT be circ'ed.

So the question is, I imagine it might eventually come up that ds1 is circ'ed, and ds 2 is not. I want to be prepared for that. I have really strong feelings on circ now. So how would I explain the difference honestly?

Ds already is quite aware that different people are different, and we talk about it a lot. But this isn't just something that is naturally different about him, kwim? Gah, this sucks. I hate that he was circ'ed in the first place. I really hope that he never thinks much about the difference.

[perspective]

Originally Posted by DevaMajka

My ds is circ'ed (I could go into detail, but let's just suffice it to say that it's the only regret that I have in my life).
The baby I'm pg with is a boy, and will absolutely NOT be circ'ed.

So the question is, I imagine it might eventually come up that ds1 is circ'ed, and ds 2 is not. I want to be prepared for that. I have really strong feelings on circ now. So how would I explain the difference honestly?

Ds already is quite aware that different people are different, and we talk about it a lot. But this isn't just something that is naturally different about him, kwim? Gah, this sucks. I hate that he was circ'ed in the first place. I really hope that he never thinks much about the difference.

I see mothers post this concern A LOT. And I wanted to let you know you have nothing to worry about. I am a twin, I was circumcised my brother was not (complicated story). What you need to understand is that adults look at things differently then kids do. Growing up it was never something I really noticed. My hair was blond, his was brown, his nose looked different then mine, and so did many of our body parts, why would I suddenly find it strange that are penises did not look the same?


Its true that there might be an age, or a discussion the comes up where you may have to talk to him about it. IF such a situation comes up, tell him the truth, just be age appropriate. If he is VERY little and asks, tell him that penises, like all body parts look different. If he is a little older tell him that at the time doctors said it was the best thing for you, but now we know different.

If he is a teenager and asks, have a full on discussion, at the very least he deserves your honesty.

[GoodMomma]

My son is circed because of my own ignorance. But obviously any other future sons will remain intact. When/if the time comes, I'll just explain it to them. Kids can be very understanding. Good luck!!

[DevaMajka]

Thanks I guess honesty is simply the way to go. We thought it was the best thing to do with ds, and now we don't think it's the best thing to do with the new baby.
I just REALLY don't want to make it sound like a mistake that ds is circ'ed (even though it is) kwim?

I'm SURE he'll understand that it's just different. We talk about people being different all the time. I just have to be very careful that I never let on that one way is better than the other. At least until he's old enough...

[fruitful womb]

Originally Posted by DevaMajka

Thanks I guess honesty is simply the way to go. We thought it was the best thing to do with ds, and now we don't think it's the best thing to do with the new baby.
I just REALLY don't want to make it sound like a mistake that ds is circ'ed (even though it is) kwim?

I'm SURE he'll understand that it's just different. We talk about people being different all the time. I just have to be very careful that I never let on that one way is better than the other. At least until he's old enough...

I'm super tired. Hope this sounds right.

Many hugs to you and your ds, mama

I want to thank Perspective for he has really helped me through my own guilt. The one thing I'll never forget, because it helped me so much, was to ensure your ds has a healthy self esteem.


Being in the constant shadow of guilt will drain the light out of you. Tale tell signs are: frequent nightmares, as well as being stalked by the spirit of anger who arouses you at dawn and in your idle moments. The creator of that spirit comes from the very act that violated your son when he was born. Sometimes the power of that shadow consumes us and we become lost, unable to reconnect to the power that once told us how to move forward. If you find yourself held hostage, reach out to the beauty of your dear son's soul.


This, my dear mama friend, will help you help him preserve the quality of his spirit.


Once you're on that path to refine his potential for this world, the differences of others will be seen by him as artistic attributes and nothing more. The idiosyncrasies of nature will only amuse his impressionable perplexed mind. What will echo louder for your ds, is the love he has for his brother.

Want to know what my circ'd ds1 said right after ds3 was born?

In tears, "Liam, I will never ever fail to protect you." The birth of ds3 effected ds1 deeply. To this day, him and his intact brothers are very close.

[bugmenot]

If you have one son circ and others intact, you probably can't force restoration on him, but do you plan on teaching your circ sons about restoration?

At what age, or only if they ask?

[Greg B]

I was RIC and my younger brothers were not. It was not an issue at all as far as I can remember.

My best friend had his foreskin and we peed in the woods all the time. It was not an issue at all, though it did come up once. I said something like his penis wasn't normal. He replied that maybe mine was the one that was not normal. Gave me a new perspective, but that was the extent of the conversation and it as an issue.

I am circ'd and both my sons are intact. It has not been an issue. The very few times they have asked, I have simply told them my foreskin was removed because people felt it was best back when I was a child. End of conversation.

Regards