Morning struggles

[laila2]

How do I get my daughter to not wait till I am at the end of patients when getting ready in the morning?

I did post a bit ago. The new realization is, it is as if she waits till I get mad to do anything. She will sit there and do nothing, watching me to see what I will do, as I ask her to do stuff such as put away your dish.

I do get up at 0500. I get things ready beforehand such as clothes, food, bring things to the car, so that all I have left is to get kids dressed, fed, brush teeth and give vitamins, brush hair.

Today was especially hard because dad decided to take over. He is ruder and really makes the kids cry. I had to tell him to please leave and let me do it.

I am at the point that I will get my kids dressed if it makes the mornings go smoother. I want Rachel to go to school with a mind ready to learn, not trauamatized.

Dad wants to put in time outs, punish, lecture.

What to do about this?

[sebandg'smama]

The best morning tip I can give you comes from the book Hold onto Your Kids..

Take 10-15 minutes to wake your dc up, cuddling, joking, talking softly. Connect with them.

Made a world of difference for me and my ds!

[Caneel]

I am in the same boat. I dread the mornings.

I was thinking I wanted to post so I was happy to see this thread.

I am as prepared as possible yet DS somehow manages to derail my best efforts.

I have tried spinning the routine to be fun, no luck.

Looking forward to responses.

[LynnS6]

How old is she?

For both my kids, when they hit about 4, they suddenly wanted "help" getting dressed and so if we did it together, they were fine. Right now, dd comes into my bedroom (sometimes she brings the clothes, sometimes I do). I make it playful while I get her dressed. (For example, she lies down and then I put her pants on her, and the lift her HIGH up into the air and stand her on her feet to pull them up. We do the reverse when I lay her down to get her socks on.) This little bit of play and connection time makes all the difference.

This phase lasted until about age 5 - 5 1/2 for ds. Now he cheerfully gets himself dressed.

We have also taken dd to daycare in her pjs and brought the clothes along. "We're leaving in 5 minutes. If you're dressed, great. If not, I'll put your clothes in this bag and bring them with us." For most kids, that takes ONCE and they get the message. You can't FORCE them into clothes but you can tell them what YOU will do, i .e. leave in 5 minutes whether they're dressed or not. (If it was a school aged child, I'd give them the option of getting dressed in the car before taking them into school so as to save them embarrassment.)

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

Age would probably make a difference for my suggestions as well. This we have tried that seemed to have worked at various times:

* Until kids are old enough that privacy is a key issue (in our house, about 5-6), we had a "dressing party" every morning. So we all got dressed together in the master bedroom. This kept everyone on track, allowed for instant help, and constant encouragement. Also impromptu "races" when kids slowed down. Mine are getting old enough that I don't want them in my room anymore while I get dressed, so we have phased this out. But it worked well for years.

* Absolutely no TV until they are ready to walk out the door. On the other hand, they may turn on the TV if they are ready before departure time, which gives them some incentive. If you don't do TV, maybe some other reward for sticking to routine.

* Routine. We rarely vary from the times and order we do things. So the kids know breakfast (at 6:45), clothes (7:10), teeth (7:15), hair (7:20), final potty, coats, out (7:30).

* Checklists. I hate nagging for each thing each morning. So each child has a poster that lists the above routine and target times, plus a clock. That way I can say "How are you doing on your checklist?" when I need to get them back on track.

* Night-before prep. I know you said this was good for you, but for others... This is key. Uniforms (for us) ready to put on all the way down to hair bows, backpacks packed, folders checked, special projects by the door... That sort of thing is key.

* Morning coffee. Seriously, the very first thing DH does after he showers is to make us both a really good cup of coffee. Everything else goes better after that.

[crl]

I let my kid sleep in his clothes for the next day. It just means one less thing to deal with in the mornings. . . .

[Caneel]

I am considering a check list because DS does like the feeling of ticking off a task. He is 3 yrs, 4 mo.

Clothing is laid out the the night before but I do allow the option of changes if that helps him feel like he has a say in the process.

We do cuddle time, but that might be part of the problem as he doesn't want cuddle time to stop.

There is no TV during weekday mornings so I don't have that struggle yet.

DS is just sooo slowwww in the morning. Even if I get him up a half hour early, he finds a way to whittle away 35 minutes. The moment I push, he dissolves into tears, which further delays departure.

[jillmamma]

Things that help us...
* timer! DS is really into numbers and having that visual reminder of how much time is left before we have to go really helps him stay focused on finishing eating, etc.
* do less "fun" stuff first, then use the "fun" stuff as an incentive (DS likes to help make coffee, i.e. push buttons, and feed the dog, so he has to be all dressed down to his shoes before he can do that, otherwise if he takes too long, mommy or daddy has to do the coffee/feed the dog)
* make it a race...I bet I can get dressed before you! type of thing or sing songs with them to get things going (my mom did a lot of this)

[Breeder]

I second Routine. We have a rhythm to our morning, it is not timed out precisely but.. DS usually comes into our room around 6:45 or 7a, then he eats breakfast, brushes teeth and puts on clothes that are already laid out for him, then he puts on outer wear if needed and shoes and we leave.

[juneau]

Oh, I am loving this thread. I have a dd who will be four in two weeks, and a newborn. I lost patience with dd1 in the mornings during the pregnancy and it's gotten even worse with a new baby. I tried to get her ready this morning for the first time since the baby was born and gave up before I even got her to the bathroom. Dh took over. But one of these days soon I am going to be on my own with her again, and I'm sure it will make me feel like this:

:

[meemee]

ever since dd was a toddler i have noticed how her day goes really well if i can wake her up gently - the idea differs from time to time.

one other thing. i personally AND my dd HATES rushing in the morning. so we tend to wake up much earlier and have a lazy easy flowing morning to get started.

for instance when i was a kid i would sit on the potty and wake up - so be in the bathroom doing nothing for like 15 mins. if she seems that way - wake her up earlier. it really works. sets off the day on teh right foot.

we live in a kinda rural area. so we like getting out with a few minutes in hand just in case to explore what we find. like maybe white frost on the ground, fog on teh river, a pink sky, the neighbours dog over for a visit.

also i find if I am in a hurry and pissed off somehow i pass that on to dd. who is 6 btw. and sometimes still wants me to dress her. which i see her way of asking for some love and attention.

[OboePlayerMom]

I've had struggles with my 5 1/2 yo DS, so two weeks ago I instituted a sticker chart for him. He gets one sticker for getting out of bed and using the potty, and one sticker for getting himself dressed. Once he gets 10 stickers (usually on a Friday), we hit the dollar store on the way home from school. It has taken all of the pleading and bargaining out of my morning, and I love it! I have also gotten him up a few minutes earlier, and that seems to be helping too. He moves very slowly when he first wakes up, so it has worked well for him to have the extra incentive of getting a sticker or two.

Leslie, mommy to DS (5 1/2) and DD (3 1/2)

[junipermoon]

it sounds like you are already doing a whole lot of stuff to make the mornings smooth--way more than i ever have done--we struggle with mornings too. i

dh or i carries my eight year old downstairs still sleeping. that is his first wake up! then he usually falls back asleep on the couch and we bring him oj to get his blood sugar going--coax him into taking a few sips and then he usually starts perking up.

if we kept the tv off that would probably help but we don't--we let him turn it on and than in itself starts to get him conscious--picking up the remote on his own and finding his morning show.

its funny because my 12 year old has always been a self starter--since kindergarten--and he still does his own thing in the morning after one or occasionally two wake ups.

my thought is that my 12 year old goes off to school and has no problem vocalizing his needs once there--always has needed/been most comfortable with a lot of interaction and attention no matter where he is---whereas my 8 year old pulls into observation mode at school and processes/manages a lot on his own without help from teacher. he is mr. cool at school--so i think that makes the transition to school harder for him--he needs to tank up on attention before going off into the world where he will put pressure on himself to perform--he is fine getting up early when he isn't going off to school! how is your daughter on the weekends?

my other thought is that it must put a lot of pressure on your shoulders in the mornings if your h is always there behind you ready to jump in in a way you find distasteful/upsetting--i also wonder if this whole dynamic--where your daughter exhibits resistance and you jump in hard to alleviate her stress so that your h does NOT jump in--might be something that your dh and you might want to chat about/mull over together.

good luck--and kudos for all that you are already doing to make mornings smooth.