There is so much talk about how AP would make a child dependant, but I think it's sort of the opposite. I see a big tendancy in mainstream parents to keep kids contained. I have yet to see a baby other than mine allowed to crawl outside, tehy are always kept in strollers. inside, it's always the playpens (which I have and do use but not all the time
) and kiddy corrals. They are kept in highchairs in which they have very limited movement until they can eat without making a mess and given "kid-friendly' food only. I think a lot of times parents keep them on mashed food way longer than a year just because it's perceived to be safer and easier. To me all those things say forcing dependance on your child for as long as possible. They are dependant on you to put a spoonful of food in their mouths and make them special food, to wheel them around outside, to throw toys in their playpen and to take them in and out of it.
For example, my mom always makes comments about how ds won't play in the kiddie corral (a fenced in area slighlty bigger than a bathroom) at her house because he is overly dependant. She says he is a big boy now and needs to learn to entertain himself. I just think this is so silly because he plays alone just fine outside or in a room while I do my own thing next to him. But he needs some room to explore, he needs the grown-ups to trust him. I wouldn't be happy in a little cage either. I think she's the one infantilizing him by not allowing him some room to explore on his own. Yes, it heightens the chances of him getting hurt or falling because he isn't on a foam mat, but if you watch your dc carefully nothing but some little bruises or scratches should happen.
So I just really don't understand when people say that letting your child crawl or walk around, and yes, once in a while break some things or touch the soles of some shoes is spoiling. But withholding affection when they are falling asleep or trying to shove a bottle in their hand so you don't have to hold it, or forcing them to submit to being in various container devices against their will is somehow teaching independance.What do we call it when an adult is feeling scared or upset but doesn't cry or ask for help or affection? It's called keeping your feelings bottled up inside, being depressed, or being antisocial. But in a child those things are encouraged and called "making them independant." What we call bad coping mechanisms in adults, such as shutting down emotionally, we call 'becoming independant" in children. Why aren't we seeing teh pattern?
So I just am really annoyed at what I'm hearing being called spoiling lately, especially in regards to my son. I get that sometimes you get busy, overwhelmed, lazy, or whatever, and you need to put your child down, I do too. But please don't tell me that you are teaching independance when you purposfully make your child sit in a stroller against his will(not trying to say strollers are bad, just making kids sit in them before they are ready is). Last time I checked those things still had to be wheeled around. And sitting in a little fenced off 3x3 sqaure is the very antithesis of independance. So is being strapped to a high chair. If my child was always okey dokey with being tied down I would not think him independant but freakishly submissive.
I think in general Americans are some of the most dependant people in the world. The whole teenage and tweener phase doesn't exist in most countries around the world, people are expected to go right to work or to choose a career early on. Yet in the United States, although children might move out at a young age and consider themselves independant they still expect their food and shelter to be paid for. The age of having a first child keeps going up and up because people no longer expect twenty, even thirty year olds to have that kind of maturity. And I really think that it all starts in the first few months of life. People are obsessed with forcing emotional independance while stunting physical independance in their kids.
) and kiddy corrals. They are kept in highchairs in which they have very limited movement until they can eat without making a mess and given "kid-friendly' food only. I think a lot of times parents keep them on mashed food way longer than a year just because it's perceived to be safer and easier. To me all those things say forcing dependance on your child for as long as possible. They are dependant on you to put a spoonful of food in their mouths and make them special food, to wheel them around outside, to throw toys in their playpen and to take them in and out of it.For example, my mom always makes comments about how ds won't play in the kiddie corral (a fenced in area slighlty bigger than a bathroom) at her house because he is overly dependant. She says he is a big boy now and needs to learn to entertain himself. I just think this is so silly because he plays alone just fine outside or in a room while I do my own thing next to him. But he needs some room to explore, he needs the grown-ups to trust him. I wouldn't be happy in a little cage either. I think she's the one infantilizing him by not allowing him some room to explore on his own. Yes, it heightens the chances of him getting hurt or falling because he isn't on a foam mat, but if you watch your dc carefully nothing but some little bruises or scratches should happen.
So I just really don't understand when people say that letting your child crawl or walk around, and yes, once in a while break some things or touch the soles of some shoes is spoiling. But withholding affection when they are falling asleep or trying to shove a bottle in their hand so you don't have to hold it, or forcing them to submit to being in various container devices against their will is somehow teaching independance.What do we call it when an adult is feeling scared or upset but doesn't cry or ask for help or affection? It's called keeping your feelings bottled up inside, being depressed, or being antisocial. But in a child those things are encouraged and called "making them independant." What we call bad coping mechanisms in adults, such as shutting down emotionally, we call 'becoming independant" in children. Why aren't we seeing teh pattern?
So I just am really annoyed at what I'm hearing being called spoiling lately, especially in regards to my son. I get that sometimes you get busy, overwhelmed, lazy, or whatever, and you need to put your child down, I do too. But please don't tell me that you are teaching independance when you purposfully make your child sit in a stroller against his will(not trying to say strollers are bad, just making kids sit in them before they are ready is). Last time I checked those things still had to be wheeled around. And sitting in a little fenced off 3x3 sqaure is the very antithesis of independance. So is being strapped to a high chair. If my child was always okey dokey with being tied down I would not think him independant but freakishly submissive.
I think in general Americans are some of the most dependant people in the world. The whole teenage and tweener phase doesn't exist in most countries around the world, people are expected to go right to work or to choose a career early on. Yet in the United States, although children might move out at a young age and consider themselves independant they still expect their food and shelter to be paid for. The age of having a first child keeps going up and up because people no longer expect twenty, even thirty year olds to have that kind of maturity. And I really think that it all starts in the first few months of life. People are obsessed with forcing emotional independance while stunting physical independance in their kids.
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We haven't used a playpen ever (except as a bed for one of the kids). I gave up on swings and strollers long ago. The kids go where I go. They like to try and do what I do. If it's unsafe, I do it when dh is home and he can watch the kids. Or stick 'em in front of a nice educational video.
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that was excellent! Thank you!!
Sam is able to wander around the whole place and that doesn't bother anyone. The pastor loves to see the children enjoying themselves. It's like finding an AP church!
Can you tell I'm pregnant???
