I had a major tear last year when my DS came rocketing out with a nuchal hand, delayed suturing/closure, and an infection that ruined the repair...I really empathize with your frustration and sadness over what happened. After talking with my gyn, I decided to delay final repair until I am done nursing, because the healing will likely be faster and easier with normal non-breastfeeding hormone levels. But not a day goes by that I don't think about it, and I am so, so, so ready to have my "normal" anatomy back!
I would bypass your PCP if you have the option, and go straight to a Gyn that you trust, because from your description this is a surgical issue. Ask in your Tribal area if necessary, for referrals. If you think you may have trouble explaining the problem without crying, write down what you want to say about the physical problem and how it has affected you, and just hand that to your doctor. Regarding the insurance issue, surgical repair should be a covered service even under TriCare. Often, a traumatic tear will be accompanied by other anatomic changes - cystocele, rectocele, uterine prolapse - and those conditions can cause medical problems like constipation, incontinence, dyspareunia (painful intercourse). Maybe you are having symptoms related to the tear - if so, be sure to let your doctor know - it will help with getting prior authorization and insurance coverage for the surgery you need.
Oh, and that male doctor you saw is a UAV who doesn't deserve to practice medicine.