running off in stores

[SweetPotato]

My 3yo dd has started doing this on occasion (when she's tired of waiting for me to finish-- sometimes a VERY short time-- not shopping with her is not an option, so please don't suggest that) Today we had just finished the errand part of our trip and were actually leaving the store to go to the food court for a special lunch out when she started running off and laughing- I picked her up and we went home (and we had the standard conversation about how it'snot safe for her to run off, and how we were both disappointed at missing out on our special lunch)

I've discovered that this is my hot button. I can be a font of patience and understanding through all sorts of tantrums and conflicts, but when she runs away from me in a store something inside me snaps. After we got home she continued to act out in other ways (danger things are what really get to me- and she knows this- so she got in the pantry and started putting plastic wrap in her mouth- which I did manage to extricate, but I was ready to explode by this point) I can see that these behaviors are bids for attention when she's been put off a bit (initially by me looking for things at the store)- but that doesn't chang ethe fact that they are not acceptable an dthat sometimes she's going to have to come with me while I do some not-so-fun errands. I seriously limit such outings and try make sure that there's something fun planned for her as well. How do I get this to stop? She won't stay in a stroller (though I might try that by bringing some special toys along for entertainment.. hmm) I'm really half tempted to put her in the ergo on my back or tie the sling around her waist like a harness- just to make it so that she CAN'T physically run off. I really feel like it would ease my tension a HUGE amount- I really have a hard time cooling off ater this (thankfully it's only happened 3 times)- but I have to admit that I'd feel a little weird basically putting my 3 year old on a leash. I never thought ill of it when I saw littler toddlers who couldn't keep from darting in parking lots, but it feels like my 3 yo ought to be able to hang with me. I feel bad that we're not enjoying these outings together.

ETA: I just re-read and wanted to clarify that it's not her "running around" that bothers me- she's always walked and trotteda round nea rme while we shopped, but this is her actually running away from me, hiding behind clothes racks-- I've always been happy that she was free to explore, etc., but these incidents are really far beyond that.

[Snuzzmom]

Oh, man. That's a hard one, when you have no choice but to bring them along. I can only offer suggestions on how to keep her safe/ help find her.

We have a large jingle bell on a caribiner clip that we attach to DS in stores. Fortunately, I usually am able to shop with DH so one of us is always watching him, but I swear he's literally been in our field of vision one minute and gone the next, so that bell has been really helpful. DS LOVES it and it lives in the diaper bag, only to be used on excursions out.

I am also thinking of making a card that says something like, "Hi! If you find me, please call my Mommy at xxx-xxxx or my Daddy at xxx-xxxx," with our names on it, but not his (so the Bad People can't see his name and trick him into thinking they are friends), and pinning it to his back.

I would have no qualms at all about sticking her in a carrier, if your back can take it and she'll allow it at all.

One things that helps us in the grocery store is to allow DS to pick out a banana and eat it. That keeps him occupied for a few minutes, anyway. We also put him in charge of holding various things in the cart, and I talk to him CONSTANTLY.

[Super Glue Mommy]

try not to let her see that you are frustrated, and let her know that you can play chase at home, but that you can't play in the store because its not safe.

at home, play chase, and when you catch her say something like "you ran away and I came after you because I would miss you too much! this is fun at home! remember we can't do it when we are at the store though."

I cant remember where, or exactly what I read, but I did recently read something that explained why kids run, and this was basically their advice though they worded it better and had a good explanation for why they do it and the important of playing chase at home etc.

[BellinghamCrunchie]

I think its just a phase. DD went through it at age 3 to 3.5. Stores are just too much fun. Now, at age 4, she stays close to the cart. I don't think this is the result of any special interventions on my part, she just reached an age where she can control her impulses better, keep the rules in her head longer than 30 seconds, and has become more aware of how the other kids in the store are also staying close to their parents.

To get through those 6 months or so, I would try to shop when it wasn't crowded, in case she did run. When she ran, I would bring her back to the cart and remind her to "keep one hand on the cart." She needed constant reminders. If she ran out of my sight, I would catch her and put her in the cart seat, explaining that I needed for her to be safe, and we'd try again next time. Sometimes that resulted in a tantrum but not too often.

When she was younger, I just brought the stroller and made more frequent trips to the store (as the stroller doesn't have a whole lot of room underneath for a ton of groceries).

[Shera971]

Originally Posted by BellinghamCrunchie

If she ran out of my sight, I would catch her and put her in the cart seat, explaining that I needed for her to be safe, and we'd try again next time.

Yep, this is what I used to do. Although it hasn't happened in a long time due to one episode. When DS was 2 we were at the zoo and he ran off... right into a restricted zone. Now logically I knew he wouldn't have been able to get into an animal cage, but when I caught up with him I think he saw the sheer terror in my face and heard it in my voice. Poor little guy.... He's been very good about not running off since.

[SweetPotato]

Okay- so, dd and i just had a talk about what our options are for helping her stay safe in stores (this is only a problem in stores with racks of clothes, etc.-- grocery stores aren't a big deal- long aisles, I can always see her) I said she could hold my hand the WHOLE time, ride on my back, ride in a stroller or cart, or wear a backpack that I could hold on to. She is now THRILLED at the prospect of a doggy backpack. Intellectually, I think this would be great- it's fun for her, keeps her close, lets her little legs get some exercise- and I'd only need to actually use it in a few specific situations. If it would help avoid the type of interactions that we had today, then it would be a wonderful thing for our relationship. I just have to get my ego out of the way-- I'll admit that I think I'll feel embarrassed about having such an old child on a harness. Please tell me that what other people might (or might not) think about us is completely unimportant- as long as dd and I are both happy, then that should be cool, right?

[GooeyRN]

When dd would run off, she was no longer allowed freedom to walk. She either had to use the monkey backpack if cooperative, if not, she went in the cart, in the stroller, or straight home if the screaming didnt stop soon. She learned to not run off. She is 3 now, and really loves going out. She made the connection a few months ago, that if she does not stay right by me, she can't walk anymore, and she wont get to go anywhere fun for a while. She would ask to go somewhere, and I would remind her that she didn't listen to me and stay close, so she wont be going anywhere. I always tried to end each boring trip (for groceries or whatever) with something fun for her. That encouraged her to listen/stay close, so she would be able to go somewhere fun. (not always something super fun, but a trip for a toy from the dollar store near by, or get a superball from the machine at the store, etc.) I guess that is bribery, but it worked and we no longer have an issue with her running off, and I don't end every trip with something fun all of the time anymore.

[OGirlieMama]

My kids have those doggy/teddy bear backpacks and they LOVE them. We haven't used them out of the house in a long time, but they like to put them on and run around here. When we did use them no one looked askance at me ever (maybe because I had 2 toddlers on the leashes and the problem was obvious!)

[kay4]

I would make her stay in the cart or a stroller.

[ChetMC]

Kids Wandering Away

We're the same as GooeyRN. If you can't be trusted to stay within a reasonable radius, you lose the privilege of walking on your own... you go into a shopping cart, out to the car with one parent while the other parent finishes, into the stroller, or we leave (depending on what we have available to us at the time, and what the child chooses).

There are certain stores where we don't allow our kids to walk at all. We have pretty free-range kids, but Costco is too crowded with too many people not watching where they are pushing their giant, overloaded shopping carts. The kids can choose to stay in the car or go into the store, although they always pick to go in for the free samples and to get a smiley face from the receipt checker when we leave.

This is the one thing that we address swiftly and without a lot of debate. It really didn't take the kids long to sort out what was acceptable behaviour in a store, and that we would leave if their behaviour was not acceptable.

[SweetPotato]

I guess this is part of the problem-- my dd doesn't want to be at the store in the first place, so leaving immediately is no sweat for her (but really darn annoying for me) She also pitchessuch amazing fits trying to climb out of carts that we end up leaving. I'm starting to think that the backpack would be the most harmonious option.

[ChetMC]

Do You Need ..

Originally Posted by SweetPotato

I guess this is part of the problem-- my dd doesn't want to be at the store in the first place, so leaving immediately is no sweat for her (but really darn annoying for me) She also pitchessuch amazing fits trying to climb out of carts that we end up leaving. I'm starting to think that the backpack would be the most harmonious option.

Do you need to shop with your DD? When our second went through phase of really not being able to handle stores we just didn't take her. DH ran errands, or we timed things so DD would fall asleep in the stroller on the way.

[angelandmisha]

SweetPotato, use the backpack! Nobody else's opinions matter! Especially since she's excited about it and wants to use it. We don't have one yet, but will likely get one. I never thought I'd feel comfortable using one, but I read a thread here about using a harness and was amazed at the pages and pages of responses all saying absolutely they use it to keep their kids safe and they don't care what anyone thinks and with the monkey/doggie backpacks, their kids loved them and would beg to wear them: problem solved.

Have fun now out with your daughter without worry and conflict!

[mikanmom]

I'd use the backpack, stroller or something...

We had a very scary experience one time shopping in a Toys Rus-type place . DH asked me to look at the mall map...we didn't make sure one of us kept our eyes on ds (now we always make sure!) but about 30 seconds later we look up, he's gone and DH sees a developmentally disabled teen walk into the mens room holding DS. Thank god DH saw this and was able to run and grab him from the teen before anything else happened.


since then I NEVER let ds out of my sight!

[marlne]

My son actually likes sitting in a cart or stroller but on the rare day when he can't be in one, I found that if I ask him to "help" shop, it keeps him happy and busy. It makes him feel like he's a part of something and is actually having fun. I talk with him and tell him what we're looking for and such. It's a lot of fun for him.

Thankfully too he's learned to like holding someones hand as well. (mine or one of his sisters) So if I ask him to hold my hand in the store, he does.
That had to start in the parking lots.. Either he got held or learned to hold someones hand. He likes walking with us into the stores, so holding hands it is and he's happy with that.

I like the use of the puppy/monkey back packs too with the tail for the parent to hold onto. Only, he never liked using it. I found that he responded better to touch (hand holding) for some reason.

[SweetPotato]

Thanks for the support, ladies! I picked up a doggy backpack at Target that night and dd is IN LOVE with it. She named it and wants to wear that thing EVERYWHERE! I've actually only put the tail on it once for about 10 minutes when we were in a store with lots of racks when I was afraid we might lose track of eachother. Otherwise, it's her new favorite thing- she likes to stock up the pocket with snacks and such before we go anywhere- and we got several comments on how cute it is just in the couple of hours we were out today. She's safe and happy- and I'm happy that she's safe and happy- I guess that's all that counts!

[Moonchild77]

?

can somepmne post a link to let me see what a doggy or monkey backpack is???

[GooeyRN]

Originally Posted by Moonchild77

can somepmne post a link to let me see what a doggy or monkey backpack is???

http://www.target.com/Eddie-Bauer-Ha...harness&page=1

I have the monkey.

[dantesmama]

My 3yo just grew out of this stage, thank goodness. It helped a lot to keep him occupied, either with helping me, giving him a snack, or grabbing a cheap toy/book to keep his attention while we shopped. Now my 18mo is hitting that stage, and shopping with him is pure he**. I hate the leash-type things, but I'm going to get one and try it anyway.

[eastkygal]

DD1 started doing this when I was hugely pregnant with DD2 and couldn't catch up to her. I also didn't have the option of not shopping with her. She made it into Whole Foods parking lot once before a stranger ran her down for me. That is when I decided that a monkey backpack is less dangerous than her getting abducted or hit by a car. She loved the backpack from the very beginning. She thought it was cute and wanted so bad for me to always hold her "tail". She liked putting some small toys in the backpack part. It really saved the day. I recommend it and I don't think it is cruel at all when a child enjoys it.