Parents making fun of their kids.

[transformed]

I hear parents making fun of their dc in public all the time. today, in a fast food playground, a lady was making fun of a ds who was "always" walking slowly. she even sang "do pe do" like it was a slow turtle cartoon at him. total ranting/venting style put downs to the 10 yr old kid.

I admit I sometimes think stuff like that (and I wonder if its normal or my mental illness LOL seriously) but I never say it. Let alone in public.

I would have commented if I could have thought of something to say but I didnt know what to say.

What are some witty, child defending comments? (For those of us who abhor disrespectful parents and feel the need to save the world )

[Ks Mama]

Originally Posted by transformed

I hear parents making fun of their dc in public all the time. today, in a fast food playground, a lady was making fun of a ds who was "always" walking slowly. she even sang "do pe do" like it was a slow turtle cartoon at him.

Are you sure it was one-sided poking fun? I mean, like mean-spirited? I only ask because my husband's family, and thus him, and us by association, heh, are a bunch of jokesters - and I can totally see any of us (our kids to us included!) singing "doo pe doo pe doo" slow poke song - without any meanness though.

Just thinking aloud I guess, because the slow turtle cartoon image made me giggle.

Obviously if the kid wasn't giggling about it or the mother was being mean, that's a no go, and sad. And in that case, I might have said directly to the kid, hey, we're all turtles sometimes or slow & steady wins the race, or whatever. I'd direct something nice to the kid though, and avoid a confrontation with the parent.

[Raene]

I wish I knew of some witty comments. I was picked on as a kid by my parents. I was very gullible (what kid isn't??) and my parents took advantage of that. My mom told me there were "ducks" (ducts) in the attic and I always thought we had a family of birds up there. She would do meaner things, too, but in general I think joking in a way so that the child doesn't understand that it's not true isn't funny.

I still get upset about it, just thinking about it all.

[avivaelona]

Sorry I think this is one where I'd mind my own business, doing a drive by on the parent isn't going to improve her parenting.

[Amberoxy]

Assuming the comments the OP poster is referring to are ones that the child does not find funny or enjoy hearing....I honestly don't think anyone who is that mean spirited to insult a child would take any kind of comment I made to heart. But, I guess I am picturing this really mean looking momma here who I would probably be afraid to talk to under any circumstances. Insulting a child is really really low in my book and only someone cold and heartless and cruel would be able to do such a thing...I would probably have to satisfy myself with an encouraging smile to the child. If the parent didn't look too scary - I'd probably say something like "she may walk slow but she sure looks like a sweety!" or "you sure are lucky to have such a careful child - save you money in emergency room visits!" Stuff like that...

[transformed]

I'd want to make the kid feel better.

I'd probably say something like "she may walk slow but she sure looks like a sweety!" or "you sure are lucky to have such a careful child - save you money in emergency room visits!" Stuff like that...

Yea! Thats what I meant!

[Super Glue Mommy]

my dad used to "make fun" of me and even though I know he didn't mean it in a "put down" kind of way it made me down on myself on those things. Regardless of how its intended, I don't think its good to do this. I suppose other things may play into it, some kids may not mind, but I am sure to my dad it seemed like I didnt mind but it was hurtful.

ETA: if the mom does this frequently she may be creating a "role" for her child, her child may continue to be slow. she could instead encourage him to hurry up, and focus on the things he does quickly... I just know from experience how these words can hurt a child even when meant in a playful way. My dad used to say things like "you run like a girl" or call me a wuss, etc. He did NOT do it in a mean way AT ALL - I suppose if he had it would have hurt more - but it did hurt none the less - and did not encourage me to want to try harder.

[Kappa]

Well, knowing people (and children) who actually ARE slow, and make even running into the grocery to get milk take 30 min, I get very frustrated because I am the type of person who allots 2 hours to run errands, so I can get home and waste time, not waste time while I'm out If this parent was choosing between lashing out at the child and punishing, or poking fun, for her own sanity, I would choose poking fun. Now, if it was weight, height, wearing glasses, or something just wholly inappropriate for a parent to even make light of, then I agree some one needs to step in on the kid's behalf.

[transformed]

He actually was walking through a door to the play area and stopped, went back to throw something into the garbage can and then ducked back under moms arm to walk into the play area.

So I was impressed that the kid didnt just throw it on the floor actually.

Thats why he was lagging.

[BarnMomma]

I have most certainly poked harmless fun at DS to friends or whomever becasue some of the things he does crack me up. He went through a laugh phase where he sounded like the guy from slingblade which was just funny and strange and slightly creepy coming from a one year old.

So yes we've had a chuckle but never in a mean spirited sort of way.

[lanamommyphd07]

I'm pretty put off by put-downs as well--that exchange would have made me cringe. But then again, even those easy-going type like parents saying "ah, ya dork!" when a kid does something obviously quirky, these get me too. So maybe I'm a bit sensitive. I guess I just wouldn't want to be talked to like that.
I suppose if there was time and it was appropriate (it seems there's always more to the story and I don't like to buttinsky), I might tell the kid "no worries for you, little man, someday soon you'll be able to outrun everyone around."

[sahmama_12]

I think teasing is a very fine line. I'm very sensitive to this kind of thing and my DH crosses the line all the time without meaning to. His family and even mine is very into mean-type jokes that are just for "fun". I don't get that type of fun and I'm always tempering DH b/c Austin is just like me, pretty sensitive. I don't know about the baby yet, he's just showing me his personality (only 11 months old) but I know this kind of teasing needs to take into account the target's personality and to be safe just avoid it at all. You can have fun and not POKE fun.

[philomom]

I grew up with a lot of teasing. I hated it. I don't do it to my kids. I feel okay about myself now.... but it took therapy and a break with my family of origin to get over it.

[newbymom05]

I also grew up w/ a lot of teasing and it took me about 38 years to finally realize I didn't like it, didn't find it funny, and didn't have to put up w/ it. My DF (the teaser) will still try sometimes, and I know he thinks he's funny, but I just say straight up, that's hurtful and I don't appreciate it.

So that's what I'd do in the OP's case--give a dead serious look and say something like, "Excuse me? That isn't very nice." I think the parent would be very embarrassed but it'd stop them and make them think twice about "joking" w/ strangers.

To me, this is a boundary issue more than a parenting issue.

[cjuniverse]

While I agree that parents should not be disrespectful to anyone, let alone their children, I don't think light-hearted teasing is bad. I think it's fun.

That said, I wasn't there, and I don't know exactly what the circumstances or feel of the situation was.

If you feel the need to do anything, just smile at the child in question, maybe make a general comment in opposition to what the parent is saying...informally, with a twinge of humor. Usually goes over fairly well.

[SmoothieMom]

My sister was laughing the other day because my niece slipped and fell in dog poo on the way to school! she called me and was laughing - like you will never guess what happened to Nicole. I was horrified, the poor little thing she had it on her coat sleeves all day at recess and walking home. I was so mad at my Sis

[Belia]

Originally Posted by Raene

I wish I knew of some witty comments. I was picked on as a kid by my parents. I was very gullible (what kid isn't??) and my parents took advantage of that. My mom told me there were "ducks" (ducts) in the attic and I always thought we had a family of birds up there. She would do meaner things, too, but in general I think joking in a way so that the child doesn't understand that it's not true isn't funny.

I still get upset about it, just thinking about it all.

My dad just did something similar a year or two ago and I still feel humiliated. We were at a family party with some people I don't see very often and as I was leaving my dad told me "Be sure to tell Dan to have a nice trip to China- he's going there soon."

So I go over to Dan and say "I understand that you're taking a big trip soon to China! That sounds so exciting!" etc etc etc. Dan laughs and looks at me like I'm crazy and is like, "I'm not going anywhere. What makes you think I'm going to China?" It turns out that it was a stupid inside joke of my dad's between him and Dan.

I felt like such an ass. Like I was the stupid one for not knowing. Ha ha.

That said, I did just call my son a "ham" today at the photo studio because he was such a, well, ham in front of the camera! Is that teasing?

[transformed]

Originally Posted by SmoothieMom

My sister was laughing the other day because my niece slipped and fell in dog poo on the way to school! she called me and was laughing - like you will never guess what happened to Nicole. I was horrified, the poor little thing she had it on her coat sleeves all day at recess and walking home. I was so mad at my Sis

My parents still do things like this to me, and my kids. When I tell them to stop their response is "lighten up." :

I think there are pretty clearly different levels of sensitivity in people though.

[peainthepod]

If the child isn't laughing, it's not fun--it's cruel. I may be a bit sensitive about this though, as my mother loved to "tease" me as a child and really it was just verbal abuse disguised as play.

[bjorker]

Ah, yes. This happened to me recently too, although it was over somebody else's kid. The last time we went to the play area in the local mall, some chatty kathy attached herself to me the entire time. It would have been fine, I'm quiet and don't tend to talk to others on my own accord at play areas, so it's helpful when other people do. But then she started making fun of a chubby little girl (who couldn't have been older than 4?) repeatedly. I was so uncomfortable, and felt cornered and sad. She wouldn't let it go, either. This woman was quite large herself, I can't help but think she was taking out her own insecurities on this girl. But whatever... The girl couldn't hear her, so that makes the judgment okay, right?

I did finally say something to her about it, and she made some excuse about "really being concerned about herself" because the little girl was "running around so close to her". WTF? Like she's really going to get hurt from an overweight 4-year old running around near her.

I too wasn't sure what to say, but what came out was something like, "Well, we don't know her situation in life; we shouldn't judge". Something along those lines. That's when she started making excuses about being afraid for her safety.

PEOPLE. Yarg!