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Where to talk to him?  

post #1 of 27
2/10/09 at 11:07pm
Thread Starter 
Okay - I found something out that is going to be a bit strange for ds1. I don't know if it's going to be hard, or just weird, or if he'll be perfectly fine. He's a very resilient young man and always has been, but this is something that could shake him a bit.

I'm not trying to be mysterious. I've had an experience with people spying on my MDC posts, so I don't want to give details until I've talked to ds1.

Anyway...I'm thinking of either taking him out for dinner tomorrow night, just the two of us, and talking to him then, or getting dh to take the little ones out, so that ds1 and I can talk in privacy. The "con" to taking him out is that he has no real privacy if he is upset. The "con" to staying home is that he's been sick, and the two little ones ended up going out to eat with their dad twice this weekend, and he kind of felt like he missed out. Getting to have a meal out would be kind of nice for him.

I know it's hard to give a meaningful answer without knowing what the actual topic of the discussion is, but what do you think you'd do - take him out, or stay home? I'm going to talk to him tomorrow (Wednesday) night...
post #2 of 27
2/10/09 at 11:37pm
How about take him for a car ride? It is private - yet still "out". I have also heard many males (or perhaps teens? either way it applies to your DS) like to have conversations shoulder to shoulder as opposed to face to face. It is less intimidating. Moreover you will have to naturally focus on driving a bit - which will give him time to process without feeling the need to give an immediate response.

A walk is also nice - it is semi private. You could go to dinner or coffee afterwards if he is taking it well.

Good luck mama!

Kathy
post #3 of 27
2/11/09 at 1:18am
:

The car ride is a great idea.
post #4 of 27
2/11/09 at 3:14am
Thread Starter 
You know...I didn't even think of a car ride. I've only been driving for a few years, and it's just not a venue that popped into my mind at all. Now that you both mention it, I can remember my mom doing that with me, too. That also keeps it from being a big thing, when it doesn't have to be.

Excellent. Thanks!
post #5 of 27
2/11/09 at 10:01am
Or you can take a walk. I do that with my son sometimes- no distractions for either of us.
post #6 of 27
2/11/09 at 2:28pm
Thread Starter 
A walk would normally be nice, but ds1 is very, very active (even though he's only been over the evil flu bug for about a day!), and I'm...not, especially right now. I think he'd be really frustrated being held back to my pace, yk? I'm still not over this bug (I'm always the one who stays sickest the longest - I think I need to master the concept of "rest"), and my legs have been aching since yesterday. I'm going to do some gentle yoga today, but walking actually sounds painful.

I'm going to take him for a drive, and then let him decide if he wants to go get something to eat, or go home. I really don't think he'll be upset, but it's hard to say for sure.
post #7 of 27
2/12/09 at 2:55am
Hope it all goes well.
post #8 of 27
2/12/09 at 2:58pm
I agree. I think you should go out. If you stay there's always a way to scape from the conversation. Good luck!
post #9 of 27
2/12/09 at 3:13pm
How about taking him out to dinner, but talk to him in the car ride there? You can pull over if you need more time to talk before going into the restaurant, and he still gets a chance to eat out with you.
post #10 of 27
2/12/09 at 7:14pm
Thread Starter 
I ended up just taking him for dinner, and talking to him in the car in the parking lot.

I found out on Monday that my ex, ds1's dad, has come out of the closet and is living with his new boyfriend on a local island. I didn't think ds1 would be really upset, but you never know how people will take something that totally turns their previous conceptions upside-down...and I think that applies even more strongly to teenagers than to the rest of us!

Anyway, ds1 was kind of stunned, but not upset about it. I asked him if he wanted to go for a drive or stay there or go eat or what, and he said, "are you kidding? We're outside White Spot (local restaurant chain) - let's eat!"...so we had a nice mom/son date.

Thanks for the suggestion, guys.

MusicianDad: Thanks again. It went the way I mostly thought it would, which was a relief.
post #11 of 27
2/12/09 at 7:22pm
I'm glad he took it well. That's the kind of thing that could send a teen spinning!
post #12 of 27
2/13/09 at 3:49pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamalisa View Post
I'm glad he took it well. That's the kind of thing that could send a teen spinning!
Yeah - that's what I was thinking. It was kind of...when I thought of how ds1 would probably take it, I figured he'd be fine. When I put it in the context of how a teenage boy would take it, I was a little more concerned. I guess this is pretty minor compared to finding out as a child that his dad was a crack addict, though...
post #13 of 27
2/13/09 at 4:10pm
I'm glad it went well. Being outside White Spot might have helped some, though I personally wouldn't eat there unless I was starving to death. From here, just make sure he knows he can request a few minutes of your time to talk if he needs to.
post #14 of 27
2/13/09 at 4:13pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post
I'm glad it went well. Being outside White Spot might have helped some, though I personally wouldn't eat there unless I was starving to death.

It's a family favourite around here. White Spot's are where my bff and I have had most of our heart-to-hearts over the years...

Quote:
From here, just make sure he knows he can request a few minutes of your time to talk if he needs to.
I did mention that, but he knows it, anyway. I'm always here to talk to - it would be a refreshing change to talk about something other than Super Smash Brothers Brawl...
post #15 of 27
2/13/09 at 6:21pm
We prefer The Keg.
post #16 of 27
2/13/09 at 9:52pm
Thread Starter 
I used to love The Keg. It was where we did all our family birthday dinners and such. I've just found that it's too expensive for me these days. Besides, there's a White Spot near here...about 20 minutes on foot. The nearest Keg is about 30 minutes in a car....and about 50 on transit...
post #17 of 27
2/14/09 at 4:49am
Ahh, well I work at The Keg. So we get a discount. And I admit that were tad snobbish when it comes to food. My fault entirely. I can't help it. I love to make good food and eat good food.
post #18 of 27
2/14/09 at 7:25pm
Thread Starter 
I'm getting more snobbish as I get older...but I think I'll always like White Spot. It's a childhood holdover thing. Mind you, their menu and ambiance have changed a lot.
post #19 of 27
2/14/09 at 8:22pm
Do they still have that pirate ship meal thingy. I can't even remember if it was white spot though...
post #20 of 27
2/14/09 at 9:52pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post
Do they still have that pirate ship meal thingy. I can't even remember if it was white spot though...
Yup - the Pirate Pack. That's White Spot. Burgers, fish & chips, chicken nuggets, macaroni & cheese or grilled cheese. They still do the drink, chocolate coin, and ice cream. They also offer a choice of milk (or juice, I think) instead of pop, and veggie sticks instead of fries. Oh - and during the summer, they include children's admission passes to various local attractions (Aquarium, Science World, Grouse Mountain...can't recall the others). It's pretty cool for kids.

They were running a Thai menu pretty recently, and it was pretty good.
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