Post about CIO

[chipper26]

I was just reading a post on another board and the woman was complaining that her 3 week old wanted to be held when he slept and she couldn't put him down for more than 30 minutes at a time. She said her baby was spoiled and was asking if it was too young to let him CIO. Some of the advice said no but one woman said her doctor told her a 3 week old could cry up to half an hour. Another woman told her to give the baby some ice water.

I didn't respond. What do you say? This is why I usually stay away from many of the boards. It just aggravates me. :

[NiteNicole]

Go back and recommend that she listen to her gut which obviously lead her to question if 3 months is "too young" and then refer her to The Happiest Baby on the Block and talk to her about swaddling. Essentially, avoid turning it into an OMG CIO IS SO BAD conversation and focus on what she CAN try.

[Lisa1970]

I would have said that a 3 week old cannot be spoiled and she would be nuts to lay the baby down and ignore the baby. Then I would start asking her if she has postpartum depression. I would tell her that some babies cry more than others and that is a risk we take when we have babies. I would let her know that it would not always be like this and that this would pass. Ok..so I wouldn't say the part about her being nuts, but I would say something about it not being ok to leave a 3 weeks old baby crying and alone.

[Calee]

Even a lot of the pro-CIO books would say that 3 weeks is WAAAAY too young.

I agree to go back and give some positive solutions instead of telling her she's nuts (although I understand the sentiment ). I like the idea of suggesting swaddling, shushing, eliminating external factors (reflux, tummy-ache, too hot, too cold, etc.)

[Disco Infiltrator]

Aw, I would tell her that you can't spoil a newborn and that she's making memories. If she choses to sleep train in the future, there will be plenty of time for it. Plus even hard core CIO Weiss-Bluth says not to use his methods until four to six months. And give support - it's emotionally and physically challenging to parent, especially that first year.

You never know when your words can effect someone. I ran into a daddy who works at my workplace with his three month old baby. He and his wife told me how they were trying to get their DD to sleep on her own. I told them how I still nurse my DS to sleep (he's over a year older). I ran into Dad at work last week and he THANKED me for empowering them to let go of training and just enjoy the time with their daughter. Made me almost cry, it was so sweet. They may sleep train later but that little girl gets more sweet cuddling time with her parents.

Please keep us updated!

[cappuccinosmom]

If I know the person (or have an online friendship at least) I speak up. I gently explain why CIO is bad for babies, and give my experience with holding and co-sleeping. And recommend a good baby carrier. I remind them that infancy doesn't last forever, and that before they know it, that "spoiled" baby who wants to be held all the time now will be pulling his hand out of theirs and saying "Down! Down!" when mama wants to hold him.

I have known a couple moms who *wanted* to hold their babies and *wanted* to co-sleep but were pressured by everyone around them to train their baby to be independent, and threatened with visions of 7 yo's in their beds if they didn't do CIO now.

I was one of those moms, long ago. Didn't know anyone IRL who was AP. Felt like society and the more experienced parents I knew were telling me I was spoiling and permanently damaging my baby by holding him all the time. Someone even said that outright to me. I ignored him, but it still added to the load of guilt I was carrying.

[zoebird]

if the person is asking for advice, i would speak up.

as a PP mentioned, i would talk about sleep training being for older babies if that's something that she wants to do, and that you can't spoil an infant.

my 5 month old still prefers to be held when sleeping.

[chipper26]

Thanks, all good points. I'll take some time to respond today.