Remind me why GD is so important again

[goodheartedmama]

I need a pep talk, and help to get back on the right path.

I have 2 extremely hard toddlers and I feel like we're always butting heads and I am NOT being the mom I want to be.

[*jacksmama*]

Originally Posted by goodheartedmama

I need a pep talk, and help to get back on the right path.

I have 2 extremely hard toddlers and I feel like we're always butting heads and I am NOT being the mom I want to be.

I could have written this post! I'll be back to see what others share.

[LynnS6]

Because you want them to LEARN how to behave so that when they're 10, they'll do it because it's right, not because they're afraid of getting caught.

Because you want your children to be able to think about whether the rules ARE right and not just go with the crowd because it's easier/what they've been told to do.

Because how you treat them now will affect your relationship when they're teenagers and older.

Because you want your 7 year old to say (well, OK scream) "TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF ME" rather than punching his 4 year old sister.

Because you want your 4 year old to say "That really hurts my feelings when you say that" rather than pushing her friend over.

Because you want your children to treat all people with respect, and you're modeling that for them.

Because you want your children to raise their children this way. We had a balloon that became the family 'baby' (Sarah) for a few weeks. As we were leaving one day, ds put the balloon at the top of the stairs so it wouldn't get stepped on. He said 'stay there Sarah.' As we opened the door, a gust of wind made 'Sarah' come down the stairs. I said "Sarah's not listening very well." Ds replied "She's JUST a baby mom!"

[flower01]

for me, it's basically because I want to give my kid's the opposite of what I had growing up.

I want them to know that they will be heard and their feelings will be respected.

That they are loved unconditionally - no matter how bad their mistakes.

That their value as a person is not based on things they do, but who theyare.

Because in order to love, you have to be loved. And in order to forgive you have to have been shown forgiveness.

[mamaduck]

1) Because in order to maintain your own sense of dignity, you must respect the dignity of the people around you, children included.

2) Because your children will learn how to behave toward others from the way you behave toward them.

3) Because their sense of self worth is rooted in your acceptance and unconditional love.

[ChetMC]

All That And ...

Everything everybody else said... and also because, when you're in a airport with three kids and it's 1am, and you've been in transit for 32 hours, and there's a snow storm and you don't stand a chance of getting a cab for at least two hours, and everybody's tired, your kids aren't numb to bribery and so it works. And because in those rare situations when you need to yell, your kids will know that the situation really is dire.

We're very GD, and I believe strongly in all of the principles behind it. It's how we naturally parent, and to a large extent, it's how DH and I were raised. However, in moments of desperation, when we've got no cards left, bribes work because our kids aren't all bribed out. And when the kids are doing something genuinely dangerous, or there is a real emergency, a raised voice actually means something because our kids aren't yelled at all day about every little thing.

[nd_deadhead]

My relationship with my children (twin boys, now 14 years old), is based on respect and trust. I respect their feelings, their needs, and their frustrations. They trust that I will act fairly and consistently, and even if I make a mistake now and again, we'll talk about what *I* did wrong, and what I can do better next time.

When your children trust you, they talk to you. They tell you when they are being bullied in school. They tell you their fears. They tell you when they have thoughts of suicide. If you respect their feelings, they get the opportunity to tell you those things.

A teenager without that level of trust isn't going to tell you everything. I can't say that my children will tell me everything, but the above examples are from the last month of my life. I can't imagine where my son would be today if he didn't trust me enough to tell me the one thing that no parent wants to hear.

And that level of trust starts early - when you consistently do what you say you are going to do. Oh, and the unconditional love thing too - that helps.

[sahmama_12]

Subbing. Great support thread.

I love the teenager trusting you thing... maybe if I trusted my parents I could have disclosed my depression and maybe gotten help and it wouldn't have gone so far. Food for thought.

[Multimomma]

s

That's why I lurk here ALL the time. i feel like I'm doing such a poor job, but I keep reading and doing better with them all the time.

[phathui5]

I don't want them to hit their own children.

I want them to be patient and kind to each other, whch means I have to model it for them.

[jazminflower]

thank you so much for this.

I made a pretty printout of all these reasons and will be posting it on the fridge to remind us why we started this journey many years ago.

I have seen the benefits of this with my daughter.

need to work towards the goals with my son.