Are your friends crunchy?

[luna-belle]

I'm not sure where the best place to post this is so if this isn't the most appropriate forum, that's okay.

I'm just wondering how many of your friends share your values, interests, parenting methods etc.?

I tend to be very anti-social at this stage in my life and I'm now realizing that it's because the people who I know don't share my interests. Conversations don't flow naturally because I think we both often realize that we don't agree on most things. I know that I don't need to agree with everything my friends do or have everything in common but it would be nice to feel like I'm not a freak because I cloth diaper, bf a toddler, practice elimination communication, delay or opt out of vaccines etc. It seems my friends who have children let them cry it out, stop bfing at a young age, use sposies, send their kids to daycare on a regular basis even though mom is at home etc.

Anyone else also feel like a freak and wish they had more crunchy friends?

My midwife once put me and another mama in touch because she thought we had similar interests and we lived around the corner from one another but I feel like she thought I was wierd for trying to start a friendship.. lol.. It's a wierd way to meet somebody.

[4Blessings]

Even my sister tries to let her 4 mo old CIO at our house :

When we lived in a big city there were lots of crunchy mamas around. Now we live in a small town and I seem to be the only one


At our last Dr. appt. the Dr. mentioned how amazed her nurse was when she realized that we cloth diaper, breast feed a toddler, homeschool and the older kids are so well behaved. I guess they don't see that very often

[luna-belle]

Yes, I too live in a small small city and realize that is part of the problem. I know there are other crunchies out there but it's hard to find them and then when I do, it's not like I can say, "will you be my friend?" LOL

[columbusmomma]

I've got both types!

[betsyj]

Well I used to think I was pretty crunchy until I discovered MDC. While we co-sleep, bf, delay vax, no circ, I also use disposable diapers and send my son to daycare.

I am actually a little less crunchy then some of my friends-one couple EC's, home schools, no vax.

[tbone_kneegrabber]

Well I am an "anarchist" and have been part of an activist/anarchist/queer community for over 11 years. So most of my friends are way crunchy! Many of us now have kids all around the same age, 20mo, 19mo, 18mo, 14 mo, 7mo, 4mo etc and so I feel pretty lucky to have had all my wild and craziness/crunchiness established before having a baby and now have a bunch of friends in the same boat.

yeah I have friends from work who are more "mainstream," but I mean I have a mohawk and multiple tatoos, if you are too mainstream you probably don't want to hang out with me anyway!

[BarnMomma]

I feel honestly like I'm rejected by both groups so to speak.

We are not the most mainstream folks...we only eat local/organic food, use natural healing methods, grow our own food, we're outdoorsy, and enjoy all 4 seasons to the max. I cook everything from scratch. We drink raw milk. As for parenting we're pretty AP... co sleep, don't vax, no drugs, BF still at 19 mo with no plans to stop, no live TV for ds, natural toys, gentle discipline, and I'm considering home schooling. We have a non-chlorine pool. We don't use lawn treatments. I believe most everything can be fixed with apple cider vinegar and coconut oil.

But I use disposable diapers (7th gen), I drive a range rover (mainly becasue it can haul a horse trailer) and frankly I love my car, I like fashion, we love wine, we love gambling, horses, and I visit starbucks at least once a day for my espresso fix. And we're republicans.

We ride horses and have been dragging DS to the barn since he was 3 months old which you don't often see. We have a horse, cats, doves, quails, and a rescued legless snapping turtle that has taken over our basement.

Oh, and hubby and I have a 23 year age difference.

So finding like minded folks is next to impossible. The mainsteams reject us and think we're crazy and we're just not crunchy enough for the crunchies.

[maddycakes]

I probably have about 10-12 friends right now with kids within the 2 month - 4 year old range. With the exception of one friend, I am definitely on the crunchier end of the spectrum (and yet when I read about others on MDC I feel so mainstream! LOL!)

For example, of those friends only 2 other than myself BF for at least a year, and the others either never started or stopped within 6 months or less just because they didn't feel like they wanted to (vs. could not) anymore. With the exception of one of those friends, I am the only one who does not allow DD to watch any TV (ok, except for the 5 minutes once a week when I trim nails), who feeds probably at least 75% if not more organic foods, refuses to allow DD to have high fructose corn syrup, and does not allow her to have processed foods, and who uses the most environmentally friendly sposies available (it's mainstream brands for everyone else). I am the only one in the entire group that co-sleeps and does not to CIO. If these things are what you consider "crunchy", then yes, I am definitely in the minority among my friends.

[forthebest]

My dc are older now but I lived on the road when they were younger and this was so good for meeting and living with like-minded people. We all breastfed and it was nice to do this as a group of women together. At times we would even get our periods round the same time I've noticed this with my two dd's, we seem to be on at the same time regularly now. Women are powerful and very connected to nature imo.I miss all that and the shared feelings on our beliefs on raising dc and other stuff. Other women can be a tremendous support specially when your dc are young. I don't see many of my friends these days as I moved a distance away and I love meeting up cos its like hey I'm 'normal' again and can converse lol. I'm pretty anti-social. a single mom and I live out of the way for my sanity. It took me a while to realise that my 'anti-socialness' had a lot to do with seemingly having little in common with many of the women in my area who seem only concerned with the size of their house, car, bank-balance.Its very good to have like-minded friends, it fosters inclusion, sharing of ideas, feelings, you give and receive feedback and just general support. I have friends who are quite mainstream too but not really if you know what I mean but where dc are concerned they seem very mainstream and quite controlling at times. I know who I feel more comfortable with but I'm trying to be less judgemental. I hope Luna you find someone like-minded to hang with as its utterly invaluable with younger dc to get support, theres a lot of young women totally isolated with their dc who would gain so much from meeting up however that comes about. As for being wierd cos you bf, cloth-diaper,dont vax etc well your a girl after my own heart and there are 'others' out there, yep we're really 'aliens'.

[mistymama]

Nope, not a single one.

I find it matters less and less as ds gets older. Besides eating pretty healthy, I guess we don't even appear that crunchy anymore.

[east carolina]

A good mix. Plus, not all of our close friends have children, so who knows where they would fall on the crunchy-mainstream spectrum. I have to say, though, that I don't always discuss child-rearing practices, not everything comes up in conversation. Most of our close friends we knew before having children. But most of the families we know are very nice and treat their children with respect. I have never lost a friendship over parenting differences.

[RomanCarmelMom]

Originally Posted by BarnMomma

I feel honestly like I'm rejected by both groups so to speak.

We are not the most mainstream folks...we only eat local/organic food, use natural healing methods, grow our own food, we're outdoorsy, and enjoy all 4 seasons to the max. I cook everything from scratch. We drink raw milk. As for parenting we're pretty AP... co sleep, don't vax, no drugs, BF still at 19 mo with no plans to stop, no live TV for ds, natural toys, gentle discipline, and I'm considering home schooling. We have a non-chlorine pool. We don't use lawn treatments. I believe most everything can be fixed with apple cider vinegar and coconut oil.

But I use disposable diapers (7th gen), I drive a range rover (mainly becasue it can haul a horse trailer) and frankly I love my car, I like fashion, we love wine, we love gambling, horses, and I visit starbucks at least once a day for my espresso fix. And we're republicans.

We ride horses and have been dragging DS to the barn since he was 3 months old which you don't often see. We have a horse, cats, doves, quails, and a rescued legless snapping turtle that has taken over our basement.

Oh, and hubby and I have a 23 year age difference.

So finding like minded folks is next to impossible. The mainsteams reject us and think we're crazy and we're just not crunchy enough for the crunchies.

You and I are a lot alike. We used to cloth diaper but now use 7th Gen. We garden as much as we can on our small surburban lot. We eat organic/local when it's available, still breastfeeding at 28 months, cosleep, use gentle discipline, encourage natural toys, are considering homeschooling, use vinegar, etc. We want land, but are Dave Ramseying our way to it. We enjoy beer, wine, coffee, drive regular vehicles, are Libertarian/Republicans, strict Roman Catholics, and make liberal use of our Netflix account and computers. Both of our parents think we're weirdos, and most of our friends are mainstream. I am fortunate that there is a growing presence of crunchy conservatives in my area, and even some new mothers at our parish that are on the crunchy spectrum. I felt rejected and alone until this past year.

[Storm Bride]

Except for bff (my "best" friend from 6th grade, and still the closest friend I have, other than dh), I don't really have any friends right now. I have some local MDC moms that I'm reasonably friendly with, in that I get along with them, but we're not really friends. There's only one I'd even feel comfortable calling up for a playdate.

However, that has more to do with my social issues than anything else. I should probably make more effort with at least one of those moms, because my kids really like hers - a lot. I will say that the local tribe rallied around me in an amazing way when I lost Aaron, and I'll never forget it.

My bff is way more liberal than I am in many ways...but she's not particularly crunchy. For example, she's way more likely to drive than I am, way, way more consumerist than I am (she's always done a lot of "shopping therapy"), interested in fashion, which I've never been. We're just very different.

Other friends over the years...mostly a mix, like me. I use Kushies cloth diapers, which is pretty mainstream, but at the same time, not mainstream (ie. Kushies is a mainstream brand, but cloth diapering still isn't the norm)...and I got my first set, way back in '93, from a friend who's never had kids. She's always been kind of mainstream, but kind of not. Another old friend told me, when I lost Aaron, that there's nothing wrong with homebirth, which kind of surprised me, but not totally. (The two I just mentioned are high school friends that I don't see much, anymore - but they're each other's bff.) I have another old friend who isn't really crunchy, as such, but is far from mainstream (he's an ex-hippie, former underground comic artist, ex-acidhead, and just kind of...different).

DH is pretty mainstream in many ways, but totally onboard with not wasting resources and money, so he goes along with some things. He doesn't worry about the environmental impact of disposables, but hates spending the money, so he's onboard with cloth, yk? He doesn't have anything against processed food from a health/environmental standpoint...but thinks homemade is cheaper and better.

Basically...I don't have many (any?) friends, and I have no idea if I'd call them crunchy or not. Most of them are not mainstream.

[fruitfulmomma]

Pretty much yes. Well... dh is my best friend and I think he is more crunchy than me or at least he is always trying to make converts. Most of my friends are online anyway as we live in a tiny town and with 5 kids whose got time to drive an hour for play dates?

I think many of the people we are acquainted with irl are all somewhat crunchy, if not a full bowl of granola. Our neighbor is a sort-of libertarian hippy-type whose kids are unschooled. My niece homebirthed and bf'ed for close to 2 years. There are other homebirthers in our church and a midwife in-training who helped out at my last one.

[katiesk]

i kind of hate labels. i do enjoy having friends with similar interests, but also hearing things from those with different perspectives.

[KristyDi]

I live somewhere in the middle.

I'm a conservative Christian. I lean Libertarian. We don't eat organic all that much, though I'm moving in that direction.

I breastfeed (not planning on stopping any time soon and dd is 11 months), co-sleep, cloth diaper, delay vax.

I do random crunchy things like use cloth grocery bags, but most of my crunchy cred comes from how I parent.

The up shot of all this is that I can get along with pretty much anyone if I choose which conversations to engage in.

My close friends mostly live in the middle with me.

[kirstenb]

Most of my friends don't have kids. The few good friends that do have kids are crunchy in some ways but not in others, which is a lot like me. I'm excited for my best friend to have kids because she is already asking me about CDs and plans to breastfeed. Almost all of my friends I have had since before I had DS.

[justice'smom]

After reading this I'm not as crunchy as I thought I was. I am also more crunchy in the way I eat and parent. Anyway, yes I do wish I had more friends like me. It is nice to have friends with different opinions, but my only crunchy friends are always too busy to talk or get together. The only friends that I do get together with think I'm crazy. I'm pregnant and planning to homebirh again and one of my friends tells me how worried she is about me, everytime she can. My husband and I have honestly considered moving to Colorado because our understaning is there are more crunchies there. My husband has visited and loves it. However, I have lived in Tn all my life and I'm not sure I could deal with the cold weather. Don't get me wrong it gets cold here too, but I think it's much colder there. :

[Emmy'sMom]

justice'smom--

I would agree, it is definately crunchy here in Colorado! Of the four families in my neighborhood with young kids, three of us cloth diaper, bf, eat organic, co-sleep, and delay or don't vax. There is a definitely a mix but I meet a lot of natural parenting people out here. I would recommend living here to anyone. We actually live in one of the coldest parts of the state (western slope at 8,000 feet) and it is not so bad. The sun is often out and my dd and I spend a decent portion of each day outside.

[sahmama_12]

Originally Posted by BarnMomma

I feel honestly like I'm rejected by both groups so to speak.

We are not the most mainstream folks...we only eat local/organic food, use natural healing methods, grow our own food, we're outdoorsy, and enjoy all 4 seasons to the max. I cook everything from scratch. We drink raw milk. As for parenting we're pretty AP... co sleep, don't vax, no drugs, BF still at 19 mo with no plans to stop, no live TV for ds, natural toys, gentle discipline, and I'm considering home schooling. We have a non-chlorine pool. We don't use lawn treatments. I believe most everything can be fixed with apple cider vinegar and coconut oil.

But I use disposable diapers (7th gen), I drive a range rover (mainly becasue it can haul a horse trailer) and frankly I love my car, I like fashion, we love wine, we love gambling, horses, and I visit starbucks at least once a day for my espresso fix. And we're republicans.

We ride horses and have been dragging DS to the barn since he was 3 months old which you don't often see. We have a horse, cats, doves, quails, and a rescued legless snapping turtle that has taken over our basement.

Oh, and hubby and I have a 23 year age difference.

So finding like minded folks is next to impossible. The mainsteams reject us and think we're crazy and we're just not crunchy enough for the crunchies.

I think you sound cool. I like eclectic mixed up types.

I don't have any crunchy friends and I don't want to say that I can't get along with mainstream types but I find because my kids are so young and always with me (no local family and DH out of town Mon to Fri, I don't leave my kids with just anyone) so the talk always turns to parenting and I really can't contribute. I'm the only cd-er, long term bfer, APer etc. so all my comments either shut down the conversation or result in the "Really? Your ideas are interesting." and then the conversation shuts down.

We are kind of eclectic when it comes right down to it too tho. We're liberal minded, we vote New Democrat, we are Catholic and attend church regularly. We grow our own food and plan to add livestock when we get our own place (currently renting), we want to live in a shack in the middle of the bush, with solar/wind/geo thermal/water power. We cloth diaper, part-time EC, unschool (yes my kids are young but I believe unschooling is life long), don't vax, don't circ, don't believe in punishments, eat organic (when we can afford it northern ontario $$$$), eat locally sourced, make our own food from scratch, avoid HFCS, avoid soy, and plan to allow this latest and all future nurslings decide when to wean. So we're kinda weird and where we live pretty much guaranteed to offend absolutely everyone with some portion of our lifestyle. So I'm kinda lonely thank God for you MDC mamas your my lifeline.