4 days away from a nursing toddler?

[Tofu the Geek]

I've got the opportunity to go an amazing city for work. I have a nursing toddler and I figured I'd get DH and the kids to come along, extend our stay there and make it a vacation. The main issues with this is, the flights are costly, more nights in a hotel, car rental cost, etc. and DH would have to take vacation days (whereas mine would be work days) which means he is short that for our summer vacation. He would just like to stay home with the kids. I think our toddler will be absolutely miserable without milk for 4 days.

The trip is 4 months away, and she'll be 3 months shy of 3 years old at the time. So, heck, it's possible by then she'll have weaned herself (I'm doubting it though!). Right now, she nurses when she wakes up in the a.m., when I pick her up after work, once in the evening, before falling asleep (or to fall asleep), and sometimes during the night (but not often anymore). I really can't see her cutting down that many sessions in the next 4 months.

I'm really just thinking out loud I guess, I'm not even sure what my questions are! Would you consider going away and leaving your nursing toddler for 4 days? I don't think I'm actually considering it, but I guess I just want to know that I've thought about it and dismissed it rather than dismissing it without thinking about it.

[Tofu the Geek]

(removed, I posted the reply in the wrong thread!)

[pbjmama]

I am planning to leave my ds for a couple day 2 weeks before his 3rd bday. He will be with his dad. I guess the difference is 1) I'm leaving for recreation and 2) if needed I could get back to him.

[Pirogi]

I feel your pain, except my DD is only 18 months. I am a military mom right now, and I am dreading getting notice that I have to go to some stupid exercise or on temporary duty for several days where it is cost prohibitive for my DD and husband to come along. I am something of a freak anyway as an extended nurser in the military. I don't know what I will do if/when the time comes for me to be away.

[ErikaB]

Your instinct to bring the whole fam along is going with your gut. If it can't be done then your gut is telling you don't go. You're providing comfort for your bee bee right now and your gut is telling you not to take that away just yet. Summer vacation is probably less important than being there for your child and providing comfort. I think you're thoughts are in the right place. Make it a family thing or stay home. I'm not an expert about milk supply (I'm a mom to a 4 month old) but would your supply dwindle after 4 days of being away? Good luck!

[sarahr]

I've gone away twice without my nursing toddler. The first time, when she was just a little over 2, I was gone three nights (4 bedtimes) and she stayed with my parents. The second time, last weekend, I was away 2 nights (3 bedtimes) and she stayed home with DH.

Both times she was just fine. The first morning when she woke up to just DH, she cried for me for a few moments, and then went about her day. She was maybe a little hungrier at breakfast, that's all.

So, do what you want and feels is best, but don't be afraid to take the trip by yourself.

ETA: The first time I pumped each morning. This last time, I didn't pump at all. I was a little uncomfortable, but not too bad. DD hasn't complained about any milk supply problems.

[Tofu the Geek]

Well it ends up that everyone was excited to go, so everyone is coming! Although it's expensive, at least I don't have to worry about an unhappy toddler! Flights are booked and we just need to find a hotel now.

[alexisyael]

Not that it applies to the OP anymore, but I appreciated the responses to this thread, because I am leaving on a 3 day (3 night) semi-business trip away from my nursing toddler this weekend. (He's staying with daddy. I'm officiating at the elopement-weddng of my best friend and her wife-to-be )

I think it is the right decision for my family, but boy, was it a hard one to make!

[Tofu the Geek]

Originally Posted by alexisyael

Not that it applies to the OP anymore, but I appreciated the responses to this thread, because I am leaving on a 3 day (3 night) semi-business trip away from my nursing toddler this weekend. (He's staying with daddy. I'm officiating at the elopement-weddng of my best friend and her wife-to-be )

I think it is the right decision for my family, but boy, was it a hard one to make!

Have fun! and please update us with how it went!

[Lunaloca]

Glad to see the OP has figured out what to do I also appreciate the responses because I am contemplating a 3-4 day trip without my nursing babe who will then be 14 months. I am doing a triathlon and need to fly there. I could take babe, BUT it would be really tricky and she would probably have a lot more fun being at home with Nana & Opa

I'm really torn and don't want to jeopardize our BFing relationship. Right now she only takes a bit of breastmilk from a sippy here and there, so I'm not sure she would even be ready to take more at that point....we'll see. It's just nice to hear that others have done it.

[kaybee]

I know the OP has worked her trip out, but for the rest of you pondering trips...

I've taken several business trips away from my nursing toddler, and he's just fine and happily nursing away. He just turned 2. Although he misses me when I'm gone, he usually settles down to snuggle with Daddy just fine. He mostly just nurses at night (to bed, 1-2 times in night, and upon waking in morning). I think the longest I've been gone so far is 4 nights.

I used to bring him with me when he was younger (including one trip where I ended up hauling him through a river in my field site in a sling), but now that he's a little older, I find I am much more productive on business trips if the boys just stay home with Daddy.

[Tjej]

I was going to post a thread about this to look for ideas for preparing for a trip - I'll be gone 5 days and my DS will be 18 months at the time. It was a really hard decision for me to make, but DH and I really think it is a good opportunity for me.

So... any tips for preparing for this?

I suppose I should be getting him used to spending some days without me - my DH will be working 2-3 of the days I'm gone, but his mom will be with the kids during the day, and they like and know her well.

Should I be going away for a day before this happens? I imagine it will be very hard for me. I haven't been away for DD more than 1 night at a time (and only a few times), and DS and I have only spent up to a workday or so apart. Would going away before help? Anyone else do this?

DS nurses about 4-5x a day right now. We have 3 months to prepare, and I have a sneaking suspicion that with his personality and mine he will be fine and I will be the basket case!

[txgal]

Just wanted to post my own experience, Dh took Ds on a trip when he was 2, they were gone for 4 days and he was fine the whole time. As soon as they got home he went right back to nursing as usual and continued for another year. I had an infant at home with me, so didn't have to worry about pumping.

[~pi]

OP, glad you figured it out!

For others, I have taken a handful of trips ranging from one to four nights away from my nursing toddler. The first one was just before he turned two; he is now a couple of months past 2.5. He is a fairly frequent nurser (on weekends, it's at least 6 times a day.) We cosleep and he nurses at night most nights. All of the trips have been fine, and he picked right back up with nursing upon my return.

The first trip was quite unexpected (I found out two days beforehand that what I thought was a day trip was actually overnight) so there was no time for preparation. I just went, we hoped for the best, and it was fine. According to DH, DS wanted to do a house tour in the middle of the night to verify that I really wasn't there, but otherwise it was pretty unremarkable.

Things that I found that helped:

- I talked to DS about it beforehand and told him exactly what was going to happen. ("Maman will be away at work for three nights, you're going to stay here with Daddy, and then Maman will come home and we'll all be together again!")

- I made little videos for him and posted them on his blog, a new one each day. They were just 60 seconds or so of me talking to him, telling him what was happening, showing him where I was staying, etc.

- I counted down in the videos ("I'm going to be home in three more nights -- 3, 2, 1, and then I will see you!") This seemed to help him understand the temporary nature of the situation.

- I took a small breastpump and pumped and dumped for comfort. Usually that meant once in the morning and once at night. The last time we were apart, I misplaced the pump, so it was a good thing I didn't really need it. I expressed a little in the shower and I was a little engorged when we were reunited, but it was not a big deal.

The first trip was the hardest for me emotionally. Once I got over that hurdle and realized that it was really OK -- he was fine with short absences -- it got so much easier.

[alexisyael]

Sorry, I just realized I forgot to update about how my trip went

It was fine. I worried a lot (and it turns out my DH did, too, he just didn't want to tell me he was worried) but they had a fun time without me and I had fun officiating at my friend's wedding! (And being in California again... ah, my real true home! Sigh.)

He's still nursing, but I did decide to start the process of night-weaning, which went well! (He still has sleep issues, but he's not even asking to nurse anymore.)

I probably should have hand expressed a bit more than I did, but that ended up fine, too (although I had a bit of discomfort the last day and the day after I got back home).

I would do it again, if the occasion was right (I'm thinking about going to a dance weekend of workshops next fall that my friend is hosting).

[AkRotts]

Thank you for the update.

My job is sending me to Vegas on Sunday and I will be back Friday night/Sat morning. My little one turns two today and still nurses frequently. I have been really concerned about leaving her.

It helps to know that it went well for you

[FraggleLover]

Thank you for the tips ~pi. I will definitely try them.

I may have to leave my 19 month DS with DH for 5 days and I feel uncomfortable about it as he nurses in bed (wakes a couple times each night) and on the weekend.

Also he does not have enough words for me to be sure that he understands I will come back.

The one night we left him with a sitter he did search the house for us and did not go back to sleep till we came home.

Originally Posted by ~pi

OP, glad you figured it out!

For others, I have taken a handful of trips ranging from one to four nights away from my nursing toddler. The first one was just before he turned two; he is now a couple of months past 2.5. He is a fairly frequent nurser (on weekends, it's at least 6 times a day.) We cosleep and he nurses at night most nights. All of the trips have been fine, and he picked right back up with nursing upon my return.

The first trip was quite unexpected (I found out two days beforehand that what I thought was a day trip was actually overnight) so there was no time for preparation. I just went, we hoped for the best, and it was fine. According to DH, DS wanted to do a house tour in the middle of the night to verify that I really wasn't there, but otherwise it was pretty unremarkable.

Things that I found that helped:

- I talked to DS about it beforehand and told him exactly what was going to happen. ("Maman will be away at work for three nights, you're going to stay here with Daddy, and then Maman will come home and we'll all be together again!")

- I made little videos for him and posted them on his blog, a new one each day. They were just 60 seconds or so of me talking to him, telling him what was happening, showing him where I was staying, etc.

- I counted down in the videos ("I'm going to be home in three more nights -- 3, 2, 1, and then I will see you!") This seemed to help him understand the temporary nature of the situation.