ADD Support Thread II - Page 9

[heidirk]

Jess, I have bought many many books using the Librabry Layaway system!

I have actually had to pay someone else's fine on an overdue book at a library I don't frequent!




I WILL finish this class if it kills me.

[Maggirayne]

Aww, I wish I lived close enough to come play with the boys so you could work on it.
Praying for you!

[mamabohl]

Back online and catching up on this thread now.

Moving went pretty well, we didn't get everything out all in one day like we'd hoped. The old house is completely empty and we hired someone to clean it for the inspection (base housing, lovely)...so now we just have to go to the inspection tomorrow morning and then we'll be done with it for good! Yay!

Moving in is going well too...I love unpacking (have to say i enjoyed packing too...just not the kitchen). I have gotten rid of SO much stuff. The boys have already made friends in the neighborhood, and the wierd bedroom arrangment is working surprisingly well. (the master is upstairs and the other two bedrooms are downstairs) I was just sure the kids (or at least ds1) would be scared and want to sleep with us forever, but we got the bunk bed put together and light put up on Saturday so they started sleeping downstairs that night and have been doing pretty well. Ds1 came in our room at around 5:30 the first morning and 1:30ish this morning, ds2 slept the whole night in their room the first night and came into our room around 5:45 this morning. That's pretty comparable to the way it was in the old house when we were all on the same floor.

Dh always gets really cranky when we move and has unreal expectations about how fast we should be done unpacking, so he's been annoying. luckily he went back to work today so i don't have to deal with his mood swings during the day now. Now that we don't have apointments all the time unpacking should go faster.

Maggirayne - sorry about the bill.

back to catching up now....

[mamabohl]

Originally Posted by BennyPai

Maggirayne - I just started a thread in my DDC looking for other pregnant ADD mothers to interact with. I have found a couple. So, you are due in early June - how many weeks are you? I am 36 weeks, and I my first 2 babies were born at 41 & 42+ weeks.

My big pregnancy-related ADD issue right now is: my deadline/time-crunch anxiety was activated when I realized my due date is closing in & I wrote my to-do list - and I DON'T want this anxiety to invade the final weeks of my last pregnancy. I want to relax, enjoy - even savor these weeks.

Anyone - ideas??? I'm thinking I should put a positive spin on my tasks and try to turn them more into birth-prep rituals than work.

I'm preggo too! Due July 15th. I'm at around 24 weeks right now.

[mamabohl]

Originally Posted by Kelso

I have that problem at the library too!!

I had a dream last night about having late fees at the library! It was really wierd....

Heidi sorry about your mastitis, hope it's feeling better now.

[Maggirayne]

preggo-dreams! I dreamed I let a biker I didn't know babysit my DD and a friend's LO, and drove around without the babies in carseats.

Yeah, the bill was supposed to be up for the vote today, but we got 13 inches of snow since 5 pm last night, and they couldn't get a quorum. I am hoping it doesn't get passed as the second version. I updated the thread in Lactivism. Thanks for your all's thoughts and prayers. It has been really disappointing.

Woohoo! DH just called, his office is closing, so he's coming home for the afternoon. Which is fantastic esp. since I could.not.sleep from 1:30 to about 5 am. :P

[smeisnotapirate]

Excited about a pre-conception appointment I have next week. Hoping that I've found the midwife who will do my VBAC at home, and that she'll say I'm in good shape from the c-section.

Now, of course, I'm freaking out about moving and packing. Found a friend who just moved with lots of boxes, so at least we won't have to buy those, but SHEESH - selling this house is going to be a nightmare. And of course, I'm terrified about showing the house while living in it. None of our furniture matches and it's not like we have an extra house to store stuff in or money to go and get matching stuff.

[Maggirayne]

Yay! Let us know about the midwife!

hitting grocery stores and the bar for boxes is good too. And I would highly recommend getting a tape gun. I love mine.

Eh, as long as the house is straight, furniture doesn't have to match.

I hope you've got a good realtor who doesn't think he can say, "I've got someone who wants to see your house in an hour." Our realtor likes to give people 24 hours. We're looking, kinda.

Hmm, we have free online classifieds that you can find all sorts of stuff cheap. And sell stuff.

[heidirk]

Thanks everyone for thinking of me while I had mastitis! My boob seems all better now, and I have two medicines I can use on itif it gets sore again. And Henry(DS1) is all better too, that fever kicked his BUTT! It's week six of class, and now Milo(baby) is sick with the same thing Henry had! He has had so much snot running down the back of his throat that he gagged himself and threw up twice last night! Of course that was after I had tried to give him some ibuprophen for his fever, so I ended up giving him a feverall suppository, even though I hate giving acetominaphen(tylenol). He cried. So I was up for a long time last night. I didn't get him tosleep until around midnight, and then he was awake and very hot around2:30. I couldn't get him calmed down, and so I took him downstairs, and he was only in his diaper, andsuggledhim on my chest. I figured skin to skin would do him worlds of good. I did get some motrin into him, and he nursed and didn't throw up, andthen he fell asleep finally around 4:00 am. He started to sweat all over me, and so I took him up to bed, where he slept almost 4 hours.

He's sleeping now, and hasn't thrown up so far.


Oh, and here's the real reason for my post- My computer is about to die, I'm prett sure, so I may lose internet accessany minute. So if I haven't posted,I haven't dropped off the face of the planet, I'm just pc-less!

Mamabohl- good luck unpacking, it takes me YEARS to unpack, literally.

Smeisnotapirate- good luck packing andshowing the house! I know it'll be stressfull but hopefully thinking about TTC will take your mind off it!

maggirayne- do you have massive snow/floods where you are? how are things?

[Maggirayne]

Heidi, ugh, poor sick boys! Do you ever do cool baths or a rag for fevers? I remember when Elisabeth was 9 mos and just lethargic, but she did not unlatch except to let me to the bathroom, well, she wasn't happy.

There is flooding along the river. We live up on the hill and so are unaffected, I didn't go out last week from Sunday night until Thursday. I've had friends who were evacuated, but as far as I know are all back in their homes.

I'm embarrassed at how out of the loop I've been--so preoccupied with this BF bill stuff and being pg and tired and E's teeth and I need to see a chiro so I can actually sleep all night without waking up to it spasming.

And trying not to nurse b/c it hurts so much and then dealing with no naps and me getting more tired. And the begging to nurse. I feel so bad, but I just can't. But the begging/whining drives me up the wall!

[heidirk]

Awww, Alyse, It'll get better! E may just surprise you and start napping again when your LO arrives! I am sorry about the nursing, it hurt too bad for me too, but with sensory issues to start with, it was making me crazy.



Well, with Henry, I had to keep meds in him, I ended up alternating tylenol and ibuprophen, because each dose was only lasting 4 hours, and then it would go WAY up right away.

And I have for Milo, the little Fevers cooling cloths, which he hates, and BoogieWipes, which he also hates.I've been alternating between the feverall and infant motrin. His fever is not as high as Henry's was, for which I am profoundly greatful.

[smeisnotapirate]

Heidi! I got banned yesterday for trying to ban you! That was a cute April Fool's joke.

to your little ones, sweetie. Hope you're all feeling better soon.

[jessjgh1]

Originally Posted by smeisnotapirate

Heidi! I got banned yesterday for trying to ban you! That was a cute April Fool's joke.

to your little ones, sweetie. Hope you're all feeling better soon.

I was wondering how that would work, lol! (I chickened out and didn't ban anyone(-
Jessica

[Maggirayne]

Aww, they didn't leave the bans up?

I need a senior title.
Trying to decide if I want something meaningful or silly. :P

[smeisnotapirate]

Yeah, me too, Maggirayne.

[Joyfulmom4]

Help me talk to boss (asap pls!)

Help me talk to boss

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi. I am jumping in here. I haven't introduced myself yet, but have checked out this tribe a few times. I'm not real active on the boards so my apologies for just barging in and begging for help, but I really need some advice.

Unfortunately, I need it very quickly, so I don't know if anyone will read this soon enough to help. But here goes...

I need help talking with my supervisior and administrator about my ADD and my job performance.

Background. I work in healthcare. I have a great job which is quite flexible and quite interesting. But with the flexibility comes a lot of change, in schedule and routine, etc. Which I struggle a bit to keep up with, but it's good b/c it keeps me interested.

But I have a really, really hard time with punctuality. I always have been time-challenged. I struggled to be on time every single day. And I am late more often than not. Most of the time it's 5 or 10 min. But sometimes it's longer. And I'm not just late getting to work in the morning, I have trouble with lunch and dinner breaks, etc. It's been a problme my whole life and I still fight it.

I don't need any advice on what to do to be on time. (Well, I might, but that's not the reason I'm posting.) I try lots of stuff and it helps for awhile, but eventually I get distracted or the new cues/alarms/reminders/whatever become too familiar and cease to motivate me. When I'm focusing really hard on it, I do fairly well. But as soon as I let my guard down even a little, I start to slide.

The same thing goes for other attention-based elements of work. I can lose track of time at work too. Or get absorbed in something and not hear what someone is saying. Or if I hear it, it just "goes right in one ear and out the other". Or I hear and start to do the task and then something pulls me away and I don't get back on task. And this is the same as the tardy thing. With great effort, I can compensate. But as soon as I'm not focusing on those efforts, I am back at square one.

And that's the problem. I do great awhile. Then I start to slip. Then people start getting annoyed. Then eventually they're annoyed enough that my supervisor talks to me. Then I focus super hard and pull it all together for awhile, but I can't keep up the superhuman effort forever. I have a dh working full-time and four kids and some assorted life stresses that demand my attention too. When I have to focus so much energy on work, I can't focus as much in other places. And eventually those other parts of my life start to get crazy and disorganized enough that I can no longer maintain the intensive focus at work.

And you can see where this is going right? It's around and around the same old tired track. So now my supervisor is frustrated. Why can't she just talk to me once and have it stay "fixed". She is frustrated (and everyone else) that I do fine for awhile and then she has to talk to me again.

I understand. I really do. I feel frustrated too. But I *know* there's no FIX for me. I just have to keep plugging along and doing the best I can and trying not to overextend myself so there's enough of me to perform well in all areas, etc. And I'm totally NOT trying to make excuses. I'm not saying "this is the way I am so take it or leave it". But I know that I will always struggle. And so I don't know how to respond to this. I don't know what to say.

My supervisor asked what she could do to help. I said that I thought I would benefit from more frequent reminders or feedback, so that if my performance started to slip noticeably, then I would be given a reminder *sooner* so people wouldn't get so frustrated and I could maybe focus back in faster. But she just says, "but I talk to you and it changes only a little while and then it's back to the same thing". And that's where she doesn't understand. She thinks I should just change *permanently* as a result of being talked to. But I can't. I'm trying. But I would need complete rewiring. Yet, I am trying. The evidence of that is that I *do* respond to feedback. If I can't make permanent change, then is it possible that *ongoing* feedback might be a reasonable solution?

Any other ideas?

For the record, my job record is otherwise great. Patients and staff like me. I'm perceived as a hard worker, patient, cheerful, energetic, approachable, sensitive, smart, etc. All good reports in everthing else. Just no sense of time and very distractable so I get off-task or forget stuff.

How do I talk to them w/o sounding like I'm just making excuses for bad behavior or laziness? How do I let them know I care a lot, but I struggle really hard to achieve this? Can anyone think of ways I can work better with my employer/staff/peers in this regard?

[heidirk]

Joyfulmom4- I have not had any success talking to bosses. I absolutely identify with you on the being late part- sometimes, it is just out of my control. I can leave ten minutes early, and still be late.

If you are going to talk to your boss, I suggest you have your formal diagnosis in hand when you do. This is one of the reasons I am a SAHM.

I'm sorry I don't have any better advice for you, but I have never had success in that partucular talk, even with my Pastor! Nothing like bawling in the middle of a restaurant, 7 mos preggo, and trying to explain your ADD to a man who doesn't believe it exists!

[Maggirayne]

Originally Posted by smeisnotapirate

Originally Posted by Maggirayne

I need a senior title.
Trying to decide if I want something meaningful or silly. :P

Yeah, me too, Maggirayne.

Your location amuses me!

Originally Posted by Joyfulmom4

Help me talk to boss
I need help talking with my supervisior and administrator about my ADD and my job performance.

Background. I work in healthcare. I have a great job which is quite flexible and quite interesting. But with the flexibility comes a lot of change, in schedule and routine, etc. Which I struggle a bit to keep up with, but it's good b/c it keeps me interested.

Hmm, maybe you can find a way to make this flexibility work for you.

Originally Posted by Joyfulmom4

But I have a really, really hard time with punctuality. I always have been time-challenged. I struggled to be on time every single day. And I am late more often than not. Most of the time it's 5 or 10 min. But sometimes it's longer. And I'm not just late getting to work in the morning, I have trouble with lunch and dinner breaks, etc. It's been a problme my whole life and I still fight it.

I don't need any advice on what to do to be on time. (Well, I might, but that's not the reason I'm posting.) I try lots of stuff and it helps for awhile, but eventually I get distracted or the new cues/alarms/reminders/whatever become too familiar and cease to motivate me. When I'm focusing really hard on it, I do fairly well. But as soon as I let my guard down even a little, I start to slide.

Okay, so what area is most crucial? I wouldn't tackle all of this at once. I'd work on building habits to 'fix' one area at a time. Then you don't feel like it's all falling to pieces because you're trying to fix too much at once, YKWIM?

Originally Posted by Joyfulmom4

The same thing goes for other attention-based elements of work. I can lose track of time at work too. Or get absorbed in something and not hear what someone is saying. Or if I hear it, it just "goes right in one ear and out the other". Or I hear and start to do the task and then something pulls me away and I don't get back on task. And this is the same as the tardy thing. With great effort, I can compensate. But as soon as I'm not focusing on those efforts, I am back at square one.

Are you a visual person? Can you ask people to write stuff down if they want you to do it, and have a special category for other jobs?

I know I have to prioritize my list in the morning or I get little unimportant jobs that aren't my main goals.

Originally Posted by Joyfulmom4

And you can see where this is going right? It's around and around the same old tired track. So now my supervisor is frustrated. Why can't she just talk to me once and have it stay "fixed". She is frustrated (and everyone else) that I do fine for awhile and then she has to talk to me again.

I suggest make a plan, and say to your supervisor, "This is what I need. I need and appreciate your help." Express mutual purpose, "This will accomplish what we need to get done for the betterment of our dept. etc." Have it clearly laid out what her role is, expectations, etc.

It might look like this:
Every morning, you and she have a plan for this specific day what must be done and when, and she stops by at lunch and checks your status.

iF YOU HAve, egh, toddler helping, ongoing projects, you might meet with her weekly to assess progress, make a plan for the next big project.

Originally Posted by Joyfulmom4

I understand. I really do. I feel frustrated too. But I *know* there's no FIX for me. I just have to keep plugging along and doing the best I can and trying not to overextend myself so there's enough of me to perform well in all areas, etc. And I'm totally NOT trying to make excuses. I'm not saying "this is the way I am so take it or leave it". But I know that I will always struggle. And so I don't know how to respond to this. I don't know what to say.

Have you tried meds? I see your kids are older, so you don't have to worry about it messing up BFing. Or does it just not work? I'm trying to look at all possibilities. I know some people have mentioned feeling 'dampened' by meds. I've never had any, but if I were teaching, I don't know how I'd do it unless I had a good network to keep me on track.

Originally Posted by Joyfulmom4

My supervisor asked what she could do to help. I said that I thought I would benefit from more frequent reminders or feedback, so that if my performance started to slip noticeably, then I would be given a reminder *sooner* so people wouldn't get so frustrated and I could maybe focus back in faster. But she just says, "but I talk to you and it changes only a little while and then it's back to the same thing". And that's where she doesn't understand. She thinks I should just change *permanently* as a result of being talked to. But I can't. I'm trying. But I would need complete rewiring. Yet, I am trying. The evidence of that is that I *do* respond to feedback. If I can't make permanent change, then is it possible that *ongoing* feedback might be a reasonable solution?

Absolutely. The only way I managed to graduate college was a prof taking me aside and saying you can do excellent work, but you need accountability. We set up a system (I've shared it several times, but because it worked so amazingly well for me.) This will work better if you have projects with deadlines, btw. I wrote the due ate down for everything, then counted back 3 weeks and wrote a start date. I wrote a complete assignment date a week before the due date.

Originally Posted by Joyfulmom4

How do I talk to them w/o sounding like I'm just making excuses for bad behavior or laziness? How do I let them know I care a lot, but I struggle really hard to achieve this? Can anyone think of ways I can work better with my employer/staff/peers in this regard?

First, for communicating effectively with boss/coworkers/anyone where the stakes are high, I highly highly suggest Crucial Conversations. It is written for the workplace, but the principles can be applied to any relationship.

I would stress to your supervisor that you need accountability, not 'talking to' or 'reminders'. But regular meetings perhaps, just five minutes a week, to review and see if you're keeping up on projects, etc.

Sorry it got so long, I hope that helps. Perhaps, you can buy some time by saying, "I am working on a plan, I will have it ready by the end of this week." It sounds like you're on a crunch here.

But I love helping brainstorm, I think that's one of our talents--and seeing things from a different angle, from outside the box and coming up with unique solutions, so give us specifics scenarios, and we can help.

[heidirk]

I missed the whole April 1st thing! Three times now I've missed all the fun.

Anyhow, class is over, by the grace of the professor I got an A. Did not deserve it. but it's done. now I'm sick, and so that should be the last illnesses for a while. : ANyway, I'm having fun with my kids, and DH is home a lot this week (which is good and bad) so we got lots of cleaning done. DH said yesterday, 'everything looks so nice, the living room looks so BARE!' : oh well. call it spring cleaning I guess. The downstairs is done, now I have to tackle the upstairs.

Here's m MAJOR to do list:

*sort clothes/sizes and get rid of stuff we aren't going to wear.
*strip and recaulk the tub.
*get the garden in.

I am not going to take another class right away again. I need some recovery time. What a huge lesson in humility that class was!

[Maggirayne]

Your class is done already? Was it really short?

Sara, what are you doing for Seder?

And everyone else for Easter?