ADD Support Thread II - Page 13

[Maggirayne]

Sara--I love painting. Okay, so I haven't painted anything pmajor since I was a kid, but I wish I could help!

I just don't get into doing Flylady. It makes sense, but I want to do it all right away, not slowly build up, so I never start. And I lean towards barefoot in the house, so the shoes thing annoys me.

I read Julie Morgenstern's Time Management from the Inside Out and made up a schedule and put all my hotspots on it. Made a time each area got attention and daily chores, It was for our two-bdrm apt three years ago. I should see how much tweaking it needs and try it.
I never used it tho'. :shakinghead

My baby is going to be 2 years old in a week! AHHHHH!

[jessjgh1]

The shoe thing really annoyed me, too... also it seemed like there was never any question that all these things should be done. I would have liked to have seen some sort of stepping back and encouraging people to build a support system- especially for mothers with infants.

I tried it when my son was pretty young, so much has changed in 4 years. It was a yahoo group and all the reminders would come through in emails... and there were many email testimonials (which annoyed me, but yes, sometimes they were inspirational... I totally saw why they were there, they just didn't help me, just made me feel guilty for not reading something). I just needed a fly-lady 'lite' version, or customizable, lol.

It was a little helpful to break things down, but then I'd get discouraged because I'd get all these reminders of what to do and if I wouldn't do them, I'd keep putting them on reminder to do it again... and then I'd get frustrated and delete them all, etc.
Then, I'd get annoyed about the ones that were not relevant for me. Then I got all anal and created my own routines based on flylady and others (maybe motivated mom).

The premise of doing things in 15 min intervals is great, if you can 'just do it'. But for me, I tended to get all wound up on the details and never got around to the doing.

I'd certainly say be willing to try it out if the idea strikes you positively, but be VERY willing to dismiss parts of it and aware of how you are reacting to it.

It would be amusing and interesting to see if a flylady-like ADD version exists(-:

Jessica

[jessjgh1]

I've been meaning to ask this forever, and thought, why not here.... although I've considered taking it to TAO.

What's a nicer word for 'anal' or 'ocd'? I find myself wanting to describe my 'quirks' as anal and I really don't like that descriptive. Some people have suggested ocd, but it doesn't always fit, and I really don't think it is appropriate to use it.

Jessica

[smeisnotapirate]

Perfectionist? Detail-oriented?

Yeah, the shoes thing wouldn't fly here. It's a chore for me to put them on to go out of the yard, even when it's too cold for me to be walking around in bare feet.

I'm willing to take it or leave it. I just feel like I need a kind of routine for myself.

[Maggirayne]

Originally Posted by jessjgh1

The shoe thing really annoyed me, too... also it seemed like there was never any question that all these things should be done. I would have liked to have seen some sort of stepping back and encouraging people to build a support system- especially for mothers with infants.

I tried it when my son was pretty young, so much has changed in 4 years. It was a yahoo group and all the reminders would come through in emails... and there were many email testimonials (which annoyed me, but yes, sometimes they were inspirational... I totally saw why they were there, they just didn't help me, just made me feel guilty for not reading something). I just needed a fly-lady 'lite' version, or customizable, lol.

It was a little helpful to break things down, but then I'd get discouraged because I'd get all these reminders of what to do and if I wouldn't do them, I'd keep putting them on reminder to do it again... and then I'd get frustrated and delete them all, etc.
Then, I'd get annoyed about the ones that were not relevant for me. Then I got all anal and created my own routines based on flylady and others (maybe motivated mom).

The premise of doing things in 15 min intervals is great, if you can 'just do it'. But for me, I tended to get all wound up on the details and never got around to the doing.

It would be amusing and interesting to see if a flylady-like ADD version exists(-:

Hey, we should design one!

ITU with the getting tired of the reminders. I never signed up for the daily, I'm on too many Yahoo coop groups now

Yeah, for the 15 min, I either never start or get stuck on something.

But, as for right now, my table is nearly cleared! Argh, and I always forget to do before pictures.

Originally Posted by jessjgh1

I've been meaning to ask this forever, and thought, why not here.... although I've considered taking it to TAO.

What's a nicer word for 'anal' or 'ocd'? I find myself wanting to describe my 'quirks' as anal and I really don't like that descriptive. Some people have suggested ocd, but it doesn't always fit, and I really don't think it is appropriate to use it.

Hm, I wouldn't use OCD on the premise it is a 'real' psych dx, and it just seems weird. But then, I say ADD, well not for brain slips but for real ADD characteristics, I think.
Anal sounds anal, and is kinda gross and makes me think of someone so perfectionist they are snobby.
Particular works for me. Or quirky. And I like detailed. It depends.

[jessjgh1]

I like 'detailed'

Originally Posted by Maggirayne

Hm, I wouldn't use OCD on the premise it is a 'real' psych dx,

Ah, that's what I was trying to say, but couldn't find the right words. I'm so 'new' at thinking I have ADD, it occurred to me that I might use that... but I think so many people (including me, that was how I thought of ADD) think only of the characteristic "h" so they don't really get what I'm trying to say.

Particular works for me. Or quirky. And I like detailed

I'll have to try to 'keep those in my head' (as my 5yo says). I think 'anal' has become a catchphrase, so people tend to get the idea, without a long explanation, but it's such an icky word.

Hey, we should design one!

Ah, I think that will be low on the list of priorities, lol.

Ok, I really need to write down a list of questions for my drs appointment this week- so I go and don't forget something important. Procrastinating.

Jessica

[Maggirayne]

Then I got all anal and created my own routines based on flylady and others (maybe motivated mom).

SO did yours WORJK FOR YOU? What did it look like?

[heidirk]

Originally Posted by smeisnotapirate

Heidi, I meant to ask - how do you like the FlyLady system? I feel like I need something more structured, but I never hold myself to anything.

just real fast- I don't do Flylady, who does do that>? I seem to remember someone from this thread. . . . ? Cause that's not the same as the motivated Moms is it?


I do like the Motivated moms, it gives me something to shoot for anyway.


going back to catch up on the thread now!

[heidirk]

ohhh, I like frustrated perfectionist. I like things a certain way, but it's impossible IRL, so I give up!


re Flylady- good heavens, the last thing I need is frequent emails reminding me how incompetent I am at everyday life!


I agree with Alyse, lets make our own versio. (n)


garden tomorrow, rain or shine!

[jessjgh1]

SO did yours WORJK FOR YOU? What did it look like?

No it didn't work for me. It probably would have helped b4 I had kids, and maybe it would have helped me if I had gotten in the grove of it. The one thing it missed was really taking a look at how much I'm doing, what my goals are, and prioritizing things (as well as self-care and balance). I wonder if some ADD coaches have a protocol already out there.

What I had done was I used Outlook and set reminders and tasks. I'd then set things up so AFTER I dismissed them they would repeat in an appropriate interval. I set up a list of all the things I wanted to 'do'. I think I took many from fly lady that I liked (I think she had monthly reminders for breast self exam, for example), decluttering, etc. I also went through some other sites and picked up some others that I didn't think she had. I have a certain number of rooms and tried to do areas so I could have a nice house over a week. I had this all set up in Outlook (as I mentioned) but I also had started a chart, probably like something on Flylady or MM (I had used something free on the website)

My idea for customizing such a calendar/reminder system would be that you could pick off a list of all the things and then select when you wanted the reminders... For example some people would have mow the lawn, others would have give the dog a bath, you could remind yourself to kegal, to do yoga, to be positive more often, as well as customizables. Then the program would be set up and you wouldn't have to type in all the tasks and it would remind you, then you could tweek it as you go.

The problem is that I don't work like this, and can't with a baby. And I've always done projects by immersing myself in them... I might get inspired and clean out an entire room, closet, desk, dust etc and stay up till 2 am doing it. Or clean the whole house in a 4 hour spurt (that was when we had a townhouse, so it was smaller).... but I CAN'T do that with kids now so I've lost my primary coping mechanism. I mean, sure its not so good to stay up to 2 or 3, but I didn't do it all the time, maybe once or twice a month, usually on a weekend, and I could have a nap or sleep in on occasion.
My dh does not help in this area, although, that was one thing I started to explain to him before I had the idea I might have ADD. He agrees that this is difficult for me, but since he won't watch the kids for that amount of time, I don't have any help. And I'm a little burned out because on top of it, he doesn't really support me taking time out for me. He does, in theory, but it is just so draining to make it happen, sometimes it doesn't. So the things -I- want to do cut into my sleep or 'extra' time and I have a hard time making time for things (not to mention being disorganized as it it).

Well that was a side vent... but alas....

Jessica

[heidirk]

Jess, I so know what you mean with your DH. My DH is willing to give me time for myself, atleast in theory, but somehow, it neverquite happens. Or when I do ask, he's so easily irritated that I give up. He helps out loads with day to day chores though, so I really shouldnt complain.


I prefer to immerse myself in one task until it's done too, but like you said, that's next to impossible with more than one kid. or even with one.




I am so HOT. And Milo is hot and cranky. bleh.

[smeisnotapirate]

....... and by Flylady, I meant Motivated Moms.

I swear sometimes, all my brain cells went to DS.

Heidi, tomorrow should be good with gardening if you start early. Just make sure you can do it in a day, because we're going to have rain for a few days after tomorrow.

[heidirk]

Originally Posted by smeisnotapirate

....... and by Flylady, I meant Motivated Moms.

I swear sometimes, all my brain cells went to DS.

Heidi, tomorrow should be good with gardening if you start early. Just make sure you can do it in a day, because we're going to have rain for a few days after tomorrow.

yup, me too!

can you believe. . . I GOT IT DONE!!!! : : : I actually got all of my seeds into the garden! I put in carrots, left a row for the tomato plants (theylike each other) then onions, spinach, peas, and swiss chard, and lefta row for peppers. I really shouldn';t put the tomato seedlings out yet, and I have to go get pepper plants at Root's. (market) I have a packet of lettuce mix that I'm going to put in a loooong planter I have. Last time I did lettuce in the ground, it didn't grow so well.

I do have some daffodil bulbs that need to go in, and some Gladiolus and a dahlia, too. but they spent last year in te basement, so I don't know if they'll growor not. I don't really like them , but my Gram gavethem to me, so. . ..



AND- I am still ahead of the laundry! Having gotten ahead, I resolved to do a load or two each day, and then I shouldbe able to keep on top of it. Diapers will have to be an extra load when I do them. DS2 is definately allergic to paper diapers. I got an idea to put one of my happy heiny fleece liners inside the disposable when I use them, that way, less of it touches his skin, and it has helped. . . but gee whiz!


well, I'm off to check my MM list and see what else I can accomplish today!

[Maggirayne]

Cool! I think I'm caught up on laundry, and I should fold everything and work on packing, but I watched a friend's kids and then she hung out, which was so fun and now I am so tired.

[Nelybel]

Hi there,

Sorry I disappeared for a few days. Got overwhelmed, blah, blah, blah and etc. I wanted to answer a few questions that people asked though. I'll manage to quote the first person...but the rest I'll just try to remember.

Originally Posted by heidirk

What 'diet' were you on? I had that happen too, when I was on Atkins. (no it's not all bacon.)

I was following the "Eat to Live" plan when my brain cleared up and I started experiencing 'clarity' (for lack of a better word). This is a way of eating recommended in various versions by a number of docs and scientists. I was following a book by the same title written by Dr. Fuhrman. Its mostly lots of veggies (the more green the better), fruit, beans, nuts and seeds and (in my case) no grains. I'm a vegetarian so I was basically eating a vegan version but he is not against moderate amts of certain dairy and meat protein. It was pretty severe...but really worked for me and I felt great. I lost weight and felt more energy and wasn't hungry (because it isn't really a diet per se...just a way of eating). Anyway - that only lasted 8 weeks and then I started slipping a little here and there and it gradually got away from me. The thing that is so frustrating to me is...I'm sure that diet has something to do with my ADD symptoms....but I can't get organized enough to follow the eating plan because it take *preparation*! Aighhh! Lately it seems like everything in my life comes down to my challenges with preparation.

Oh - and I also tried an Adkins-like way of eating for a while too. It was the Carb-addicts diet. It worked pretty well in some ways...but was a lot of work as well. Sigh. Same-ol/same-ol thing.

Journeymom - thanks for the advice to go slow and absorb this new way of looking at things. So many things from my past have been connecting up with my research about ADD now that it makes my head spin. And, as much as I'd like to verbally process it with someone (say - my counselor), I can't hang on to many of the thoughts and it makes me crazy. :->

Smeisnotapirate - Your job sounds fun and very busy. I'm currently the Director of Music for a Presbyterian church and teach a few voice lessons on the side. I love conducting and teaching...but I get really crazy when I pile on the obligations. And I know what you mean about music festivals. Anytime I had to plan a big concert or festival or tour I nearly lost my mind....and I definitely would lose my health. The thing is, I like doing it too. I just make myself crazy with all the things I forget that I want to do and it gets really stressful. I applied for a job as accompanist and choir director at a synagogue nearby...but I'm not really that great an accompanist so I turned it down. My current church has a long standing relationship with the synagogue down the street and we do an 'exchange' every year. The rabbi preaches at our church for a Sunday service and their choir joins ours....and then we all go over to their next Friday night service where the Presbyterian pastor preaches. It is a lot of fun and great to experience another style of worship.

Heidi - I'm trying to find the time to get my 'garden' in the ground. I only have a few small flower beds....but I try to plant veggies in any little spot I can find. I got Kale, Bok Choy, and Carrots in the ground today. I'm going to work on the tomatoes, cucumbers, peppers. squash tomorrow. I'm a little new to gardening and am learning as I go...but I really enjoy it.


OK - this afternoon I see the Psychiatrist regarding meds. I'm taking a list of questions. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I'll report back.

Nel

[journeymom]

Hooray, Heidi! That's so cool! (Sunday I finally planted my zucchini, yellow squash and cucumber plants that I bought about a month ago. I'm so proud of myself.)

Originally Posted by jessjgh1

The problem is that I don't work like this, and can't with a baby. And I've always done projects by immersing myself in them... I might get inspired and clean out an entire room, closet, desk, dust etc and stay up till 2 am doing it. Or clean the whole house in a 4 hour spurt (that was when we had a townhouse, so it was smaller).... but I CAN'T do that with kids now so I've lost my primary coping mechanism. I mean, sure its not so good to stay up to 2 or 3, but I didn't do it all the time, maybe once or twice a month, usually on a weekend, and I could have a nap or sleep in on occasion.

This is me, as well, entirely. My kids are 14 and 9 years old and I do have times when I can can immerse myself in a cleaning frenzy now. But it's been a lonnnng time.

I haven't planted veggies in SEVEN YEARS! The situation was never just right. There's always something else I should be doing rather than putting in a garden. It's partly because I enjoy gardening. If I enjoy it I don't deserve to do it, not until everything else is off my endless to-do list. So then I resolve to get the to-do list done, but everything on it is just depressing and boring. So I go into defend-and-ignore mode, get on the computer and nothing gets done, not even the fun stuff.

Well, this was a VERY depressing winter. With the therapist I see occasionally I discovered this thing about feeling like I don't deserve to do what I enjoy, I don't even deserve to be happy. So I've been challenging this assumption. I want to grow a vegetable garden, damn it, so I am. It feels so good.

I'm trying to work with myself, the way I am. Flylady simply does not work for me. I took a lot of wisdom from there, but I can't do the method.

Most people won't go for this, but I like the word 'neurotic' instead of anal or obsessive compulsive. Anal is a bit gross and is a put down. OC is too specific. Yes, neurotic is sort of a put down, too, but it's one I can laugh about. In my head it encompasses a host of mind disorders and differently wired people, and it makes it more normal. Kind of like being 'eccentric'.

[heidirk]

well, quoting is too fidly when I'm tired, so I'm wingin' it.

Journeymom- 'defend-and-ignore' mode!!! wow, this is porbably the only grou of people where you'd hear this, but I totally understand what you meant by that! Plant that garden girl, you need to have something for yoursself! :

I like neurotic too. I heard once that if a grioup ofpeople including normals, neurotics and psychotics got stranded in a lifeboat in te ocean, the neurotics would be the ones who survived! I guess when you always feel out of control, thenatural reaction is to try to control everything.





Nelybel- This is so true!
"but I can't get organized enough to follow the eating plan because it take *preparation*! Aighhh! Lately it seems like everything in my life comes down to my challenges with preparation. " So much of what we deal with looks like it's purely a behavioral issue, but it's not. I was not hungry on Atkins either. I did crave chocolate the first two weeks, but after that, I didn't want anything carby. It was such a powerful feeling to walk past the desert table at fellowship meal, and get nauseous at the thought of actually eating any of it!

your clergy/choir (sp?) exchange sounds like fun!

Many times I have thought about going back to a counsellor, but I can neverremember what I needed to talk about when I'm there, I just get lost in all the emotions talking about it brings up. Good Luck with your appointment!

Enjoy your gardening!


AAM- I think I overdid it. . . I am so exhausted. I did get so much done today, and I was so excited, and wanted to keep going.

[gabysmom617]

Hi:

Does anyone take ad/hd medication while nursing? I have two kids and was literally felt like I was drowning. I have problems finding dr.'s don't knee jerk to throwing up defenses to protect their own behinds and crack open a hale's book.

[pookel]

Got diagnosed this morning and subscribing. Have to catch up on reading now.

[pookel]

P.S. I am reading the old thread now and would like to point out that I'm maggirayne's "friend who is as messy as I am." I should have guessed it then, huh?

I'm starting a 15 mg Adderall XR prescription today. We'll see how it goes.