I really really hate Alzheimer's disease

[rcr]

My mom has had Alzheimers for a few years now, and it is starting to get bad. I miss her and she is still alive. She still remembers me, but we really can't communicate in the way that we used to. I want to call her up and tell her all of my problems and the exciting things that DS is doing. All she can really deal with is talking about the weather and stuff like that. We used to have great conversations, I miss that. She is my only family besides DH and DS. It is only going to get worse. Someday she will not even remember me.

I know I should be happy that she is still alive, but I want the old mom back. She is so different, it is like my old mom is gone already.

[Owen'nZoe]

I just want to offer hugs. My grandmother had Alzheimer's as well, so I completely understand. When she passed away, we were sad, of course, but it felt a bit like we were burying a stranger. The real grieving, we had already done over the previous decade as we were losing her.

[MamaJenese]

I know exaclty how you feel. In fact I just posted ealrier about missing my mom. Although she passed away two years ago this coming august it is this week that really hurts because it was the last time I talked to her when she was really her. It is a strange feeling to grieve the loss of someone whilst they are still living.

[Amy&4girls]

I'm so sorry.

[Susana]

rcr, I hate Alzheimers too. My dad had it, and died because of it last March. I know what you mean about only being able to talk about things that aren't very deep. I remember during the last couple of years of his life one thing I liked to do with dad was to look at the sale fliers that came in the paper together. He loved doing that and though it was nothing he would have enjoyed when he was the "old dad" it still was nice to be able to talk to him and laugh at some of the silly stuff that was in the paper. He was, quite possibly, the cutest man I have ever known.

I am so sorry about your mom. Enjoy her as she is..she needs you. I know you already know that. I just wanted to lend you some support and tell you-yep-I know what it is like to miss your parent as she was. It is very sad.

Hugs for you!!

[angie7]

[Ifluffedthree]

My biological mom died when I was 4. Friends of my parents became an integral part of my upbringing and Esther (my moms friend) became my second adoptive mom. She and her husband are 86. I was three months pregnant with my now almost 8 year old when she was retaking her vows for her 50th Anniv, happy as could be. Now she is like a two year old, can't hold a conversation or understand most things. She babbles. I am grateful she is like a happy two year old, some spin the other direction. I kiss her, I bath her, I feed her I tell her I love her. Her smile is still there, and for that I am grateful, but the rest has slipped by. It is difficult for all of us to watch.

I am sorry for your circumstances. It is a brutal condition to all.

[CanidFL]

I’m so sorry. My grandfather has Alzheimer’s and it’s hard to grieve for someone who is still living. He does not know me anymore and the last time we had a real conversation was over a year ago. It’s just……hard.

I just wanted to give you a and let you know I feel for your situation.

[rcr]

Thanks for all the kind responses. It is nice to know that there are people who understand.

[mystiquesmom]

My grandfather died from Alzheimer's disease in 2006, but the mourning process started in 1998, when his memory went and he started to change personality wise. I know that after he started to slip, it became very difficult to see him without wanting to cry afterwards.

Yes, it is an ugly disease, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy

[freespirited]

My mother began having signs of dementia in her early 50s. Now she is 58 and she has changed so much. We think she has alcohol-induced dementia. She was a heavy drinker, not anymore, but the damage was permanent. It's been extremely hard to see her change so much and for the woman we always knew to slowly slip away. All we can hope for now is for the progression to stop. I don't know if that can happen with this type of dementia, but meanwhile it's just so awful, the worst thing. I tell people it's far better to lose your parent suddenly or even to drawn-out battle with cancer than to lose them to alzheimer's or dementia. It's been very hard for my dad. He doesn't have anyone else. There are days when we see my mom again, when she cracks a funny joke or something, but most days she is just pretty quiet and a little lost even though she still knows whats going on around her. She can't take care of herself though. She can shower but not drive, cook or even clean much. She just cant organize her thoughts to do anything but the very basic functions in life.

I sympathize with you and I am glad I found this forum, sometimes you feel so alone when you have a parent with dementia.

[zonapellucida]

Hugs to you. I have my grandmother alive but gone. . . she doesn't even know who I am any more. It is an evil disease and saddens me greatly.

[riversong]

Originally Posted by rcr

I know I should be happy that she is still alive, but I want the old mom back. She is so different, it is like my old mom is gone already.

I know how you feel. My mom has had Alzheimer's for about 5 years now and my "real mom" has pretty much vanished. It is so sad.

A member on the Alzheimer's Association discussion board responded to a post of mine by writing about how she considers her mom to be gone now, but that there's someone left in her place. She cares for the old woman left in her place in honor of the mom she lost. It makes me cry every time I think about her words, but it helped me so much to let go of my guilt. I had felt so guilty about not appreciating the time I still have with my mom while she's alive. Now I realize that it's ok for me to consider my mom to be gone, but to relate to the person she is now in a new way.

If you all don't mind, I'll pm those of you dealing with Alzheimer's with a link to the discussion board. I've found it so helpful.

[papschmitty]

My grandmother wad diagnosed with AD about 10 years ago. Her progression was quick but once she lost most of who she was, she held on physically for years. I always thought of it as little pieces of her were already heading up to heaven before her body could catch up. My mom died 18 months ago after an intense 2 month battle with cancer. In a way I'm glad my grandma didn't have to suffer the loss of her oldest child the way we all did. My grandmother finally passed away in December. Losing two of the most important women in my life has been so, so hard. In a way, my grandmother's death was much easier though. I had already been grieving the loss of her true self for years her death just ended the journey. AD is an awful thing to have to endure. I'm so sorry for you and your family.

[Susana]

Originally Posted by papschmitty

I always thought of it as little pieces of her were already heading up to heaven before her body could catch up. My mom died 18 months ago after an intense 2 month battle with cancer.

papschmitty-I love what you wrote about pieces heading up to heaven. That is really beautiful.
I am so sorry about your mom and your grandma. I just lost my mom to cancer as well in November and also lost her mom/my grandma in September.
Hugs.

[Susana]

Originally Posted by riversong

She cares for the old woman left in her place in honor of the mom she lost. It makes me cry every time I think about her words, but it helped me so much to let go of my guilt. I had felt so guilty about not appreciating the time I still have with my mom while she's alive. Now I realize that it's ok for me to consider my mom to be gone, but to relate to the person she is now in a new way.

riversong, this is awesome. Good for you for making peace with yourself and for being there for your mama.

[kickchick2000]

[riversong]

Hi Mamas,

I don't know when I'm going to get around to PMing everyone, so I thought I'd post the link to the Alzheimer's Association's discussion board.

Here it is:
http://alzheimers.infopop.cc/eve

to everyone who's dealing (or was dealing) with this disease.

[riversong]

Originally Posted by Susana

riversong, this is awesome. Good for you for making peace with yourself and for being there for your mama.

Thanks.

[rcr]

Originally Posted by papschmitty

My grandmother wad diagnosed with AD about 10 years ago. Her progression was quick but once she lost most of who she was, she held on physically for years.

I am curious if there is a typical time for progression? Does anybody know? I would love to know about how long it will be until she forgets me completely... She is on Aricept (sp?), and that seems to be doing something, but it does not stop it.