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post #21 of 43
Sending you so much strength and peace... I would be having the same thoughts, I think... feel free to write anything and everything you need too here if it helps -- and try to give yourself time if you can -- even time to *not* think about it (if that is helpful).

Aw mama.
post #22 of 43
I haven't been where you are (that's the reason my husband got a vasectomy....the thought scared me too much!) but I have had a pregnancy I didn't want....and it turned into twins.

I, too, considered an abortion for that pregnancy.

They have been such an infinite blessing. I am so glad I made the choice to keep them. Not saying that is the right choice for you and your family. I just wanted to say that I had MANY of your same feelings as we had four very young children already, I was already completely maxed out time/energy/sanity-wise, financially didn't feel like we could handle TWO more children, etc. Space was OK in the house but our vehicle was too small for two more.

We make it work. There are so many days when I'm tired and at the end of patience and will but I trudge through. I got blessed with (ok, BEGGED GOD my entire pregnancy for) two really super easy, sweet, laid back babies. They've been amazing.

Sorry, I'm just rambling. I felt so much of your pain in my heart just now. I pray you are given what you need to have to make it work.
post #23 of 43
Oh, mama, I am so sorry you're going through such a difficult range of emotions right now. I can only imagine your shock at the news and how scary it must be to consider. I don't have 2 sets of twins but there are 2 or 3 mamas on here that do - hopefully they'll chime in. Homebirth doesn't have to be out. Many of us have had our twins at home. If you'd like more info on that, please ask. I wish there was a way I could help! I suppose this isn't necessarily the case for everyone but you commented about not being able to lift your (current) twins eventually - I never reached that point while pg with my twin (I was always able to pick up my almost 2.5 yo back then). Sorry, I wish I had more for you. We're here.
post #24 of 43
I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. Sending you lots of strength to get through this period. I hope you find the support you need.
post #25 of 43
BIg hugs coming your way! You were in my DDC My boys were born 12/29, so I know where you are at in terms of how much care they still need all the time. I have 2 older girls that are 21 months apart, though, and I wanted to tell you that your twins are going to chance SOOO much in the next 6 months! They will be much more independant. I got PG w/ Laina when Lacy was 12 months old, and she was a high-needs kid (still is). Laina was teh most peaceful baby! She's still really laid back! When I was first PG it was hard to think of how I would care for both of them, but by the time Laina was born Lacy had grown soooo much! Your girls will be changing a lot in the next 6-8 months. By the time you have the next set of twins, they will be playing more by themselves, able to eat by themselves, dress themselves and they will also be minding much better! Really! I'm not saying it won't be hard, but I don't think it will be as bad as you think it will You have several months here to come up w/ a good routine to get them on (we are working w/ my boys on this now, going to bed w/o nursing, just laying down in the bed w/ them), figure out the whole snack thing (they will be able to have sippys and snacks while you care for the other babies, you can teach them to do a lot of things in the next few months! You CAN do this!!!

One of the girls on my DDC on the Twins Magazine website got PG when her twins were just a few months old! They were born 1/9-08, and the new baby was due 12/29/08, but was actually born 1/9/09, so she had 3 kids within one year! All born on the same date! Another girl I know IRL had 2 older kids, then a set of b/g twins, then another set of b/b twins when the first twins were 2! It does happen (and thanks for the wake up call, we have not been using any BC b/c I have not cycled yet)
post #26 of 43
I'm not a multiples mama but I lurk here sometimes. I dream of having twins. I do *not* dream of having 2 sets of twins. I can't imagine how overwhelmed you must feel right now. I'm sorry that no one has been understanding (besides, obviously, the mamas on this board).
I couldn't read and not post.
post #27 of 43
That would have terrified me, too. I had some pretty bad PPD after my twins but never recognized it. Please realize that you are in a rough place right now - twin pg's are more tiring than singletons, first tri sucks regardless, AND you are caring for 2 littles already.
Make a plan:
Get a counselor - they are less likely o suggest mds but meds are fine if you truly can't function, they have saved may a person.
Ask for help from family and friends. Don't be shy.
Draw up a plan on where you will all sleep, etc. - like a twin mattress next to yours on the floor for your toddlers and then the new babes in your bed.
Tell DH EXACTLY what you need from him right now. Don't expect him to "see" how you feel, just tell him this is what you need him to do right now. Men have a hard time understanding big emotions like what you're feeling, so tell him if you think he can handle it - or just stick to practical stuff like "Do all the laundry" and "Make me lunch before you leave for work."
If it helps, I know a mama who had triplets, then a singleton when the trips were 17 months old. She survived, and it was hard but not as hard as she thought.
post #28 of 43
I can only imagine how you feel. My boys (19 months now) were the twins I always fantasized about. But when I got pregnant with this baby (now 21 weeks) I would wake up in a cold sweat just panicked that it was twins again.

Don't you dare feel bad about lying on the floor while they play. I've done this more times than I can count. They think it is so fun that mama is a jungle gym.

I also second the suggestion of a therapist who deals with pregnancy issues. They will allow you a 'safe' place to talk out your thoughts, fears and concerns. They can also help your DH to see what you are experiencing.
post #29 of 43
huge {{{hugs}}}
I also freaked out when I found out I was having twins, and I only had one older child.
Are your girls MZ?
I was a vegan when I conceived my twins, too. Weird, huh?

I wish I had some great advice. All I can offer is complete sympathy and {{{hugs}}}

eta: My DS1 was 14 months when I got pregnant with the twins. Seriously, don't feel bad about laying on the floor and letting them play around you--if they're happy, they're totally fine. I did a lot of that. Also I started letting him watch Signing Time DVDs once a day, just for that break, during the time of day when I had my worst morning sickness. Do whatever you need to to get through this, and your girls will be fine.
post #30 of 43
My sets of twins are not as close as yours will be, but I can feel your pain. I, too, wanted a homebirth my second time around but a midwife "couldn't" assist. It was really disappointing because I was so ready to have the homebirth (even though I birthed vaginally with the first set, I REALLY wanted less intervention the second time and I wanted my older kids to be more a part of the process). I wanted to walk around town with ONE baby, not have to worry about two babies tag-teaming me all night, I just wanted to "simplicity" of having one little baby to worry about. I love, love, love my twins but it is a hard thing. And two sets is a lot of work. If you had ppd before, and based on the way you are feeling now, I think you really need to find a therapist or someone to talk to. You do not have to go through this and carry it all alone; it's a lot to absorb and take on.

That being said, you can do it! Having two sets of twins has been so much fun. And all our kids have such special relationships, both with their twin sibling and their other siblings. It's wonderful to watch them all play together and love each other up. I still dream of the single birth experience (which is never going to happen now) but I would not give up any of the little sweeties we have.

Sorry to blabber on about myself but hopefully I've helped in some way.

Take care of yourself and focus on what YOU need and your body needs to be the healthy, loving mama you're meant to be. It has taken me a long time to realize how important it is to take care of myself but it's imperative. OK, that's all.
post #31 of 43
I couldn't read and not give some hugs. So:
, mama.

You are living my worst fear. I want to get pg again, but I am terrified that it will be twins again. I wish I had something more helpful to say, other than that your feelings are totally and completely valid. People love to say how cute twins are, but nobody who hasn't had multiples really gets just how much it takes out of you. So you do what you need to do.

Wishing you strength and clarity of mind. You are a brave, brave mama. If I lived near you, I would come over and watch your lo's for a while.
post #32 of 43
Dear Melanie. What a situation! I remember the day of panic and depression I had when I first found out I was having twins. Calculating all the logistics and how we would manage. I can only imagine what you're going through hearing that news a second time, and with your first set so young! Denial and optimism pulled me through my "twin shock", and things have been better than I expected. If you go through with this pregnancy, I hope with all my heart that things are good for you too. You'll always have our ear and our support!
post #33 of 43
I really feel for you!!! If I lived closer I would be more than willing to help out!!! I can "kind" of relate to what you are going thru.

When our twins (they were adopted) were 3 months old I found out I was 4 months pregnant. Boy did I panic!!!! I did a LOT of praying that I wasn't pregnant with twins. Thankfully god was listening because I seriously don't think I could have handled two more babies. I wasn't the slightest bit happy about being pregnant. In fact I was VERY upset I was pregnant not to mention extremely scared.

My oldest was 22 yo and living on her own and here I was with not one, not two, but THREE babies to take care of. It was overwhelming to say the least!!!

All the anger and fear disappeared the minute Caitlyn was born. The twins were were 8 months old when she was born. Things were kind of insane for a while. If it wasn't for all the help I had I would never have made it through.

Now that the youngest is almost 22 months and the twins are 30 months, life is much, much easier. I am so enjoying them right now. This has been my favorite age!!! There were many days the past 2 1/2 years where I wanted to pack my stuff and run away, but I was afraid they would just come after me
post #34 of 43
Oh Melanie, what a shock. I send you big hugs. If you live anywhere near Charlotte, feel free to PM me, and we can meet.
post #35 of 43
Thread Starter 
I want each of you to know how much I sincerely appreciate your words and encouragement. DoomaYula I live in Carrboro/Chapel Hill, but sometimes go to Charlotte because that's where my husband's family lives. I'll PM you next time we're there.

Since posting what I did in this thread I've not really been able to "revisit" my feelings. Well I HAVE in that it constantly consumes me in my thoughts, but I just couldn't go back and read responses cause it triggered the R-E-A-L-I-T-Y.

the only way I'm "coping" now is denial. I don't mean that to be cute or funny. I just have to pretend that I'm okay because what else can I do? I can't cry like a maniac in front of my children. It's almost like I jumped on a cloud that's overriding the ugly beneath and I can't see it. I REFUSE to go under because there is a responsibility at stake to my existing children.

again, you all are a GODSEND. Your words have touched me. I still don't (will never) understand why this has happened. You would think it would strengthen my faith but it's just lessened it. I know that sounds sad but maybe it's just a "bad season" of my life. One day I'll be able to make sense of all this?

funny how I have 2 living beings inside me and yet I feel so much grief like I've lost something
post #36 of 43
Hey! We're moving to CH/C next weekend, and after we get settled a little, I'd love to meet up sometime and help you in any way I can.
post #37 of 43
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by christyc View Post
Hey! We're moving to CH/C next weekend, and after we get settled a little, I'd love to meet up sometime and help you in any way I can.
WOW! Of course get yourself settled first before diving into my mess . Seriously it would be soo nice to meet you! I joined your facebook group
post #38 of 43
Thanks for the update... you often come into my thoughts and I always send good wishes your way when you do! I think you are doing exactly what you need to be doing right now to cope, survive, live, move forward (and I imagine I would be getting by with denial and basic survival as well). I hope you have a wonderful community IRL to support you as well...

Thinking of you.
post #39 of 43
Wow. I would honestly say that if I was in your shoes, I would be crying too. The first year was so hard for me, I'm still not sure how I survived it. I have no words of advice for you. All I can send you is strength, love and encouragment that things will work out in the end...
post #40 of 43
Originally Posted by PurpleMonkey View Post
I joined your facebook group
If I knew which one you were, I'd add you as a friend. Frankly, I'd add all my MDC mamas as friends if I knew which ones were which.
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